People often praise their children's cleverness, some praise their predecessors, some praise them in front of their children or not, and even praise their children's cleverness as a reward. Perhaps it is because most people regard "cleverness" as an important advantage of adults, and even many people stubbornly believe that "cleverness" is a gift given by God to children, which is different from other children's "otherness".

"Cleverness" is really the unique "heterogeneity" of some people. Is it something to be proud of? Does the world naively give some people "intelligence" different from ordinary people?

We often praise our children for their cleverness, because he can do math problems faster than others. Although his composition may be the worst in the class;

We often praise our child for his cleverness, because his piano is upgraded faster than other children. Although he never handed in his painting homework;

We often praise our children for being clever and good in front of us. Little did he know that he had just spoken ill of his neighbor. ...

"Then our children are indeed better than other children in some ways. Can't we praise him for his cleverness? " Praise is appropriate, and praise and affirmation are one of the best ways to educate children. The key is that their strengths are not obtained because his brain is different from others' intelligence. Why do you have to praise him for his cleverness?

You don't think he is good at math because he is more interested in math and does more math problems than other children; His piano upgrade is fast, probably mainly because he spends more time on the piano than other children; Is it really because he is smart that he will be liked at a young age? I'm afraid it's because we have exposed too many ways of being worldly and seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages in front of children, and children just follow suit.

A great man once said: Success equals 99% diligence and 1% talent. People often regard this one percent talent as cleverness. Is talent just cleverness?

Einstein is of course a very talented person, otherwise he could not be the greatest scientist. But when he was in primary school, he was a child who didn't like learning and had poor grades. When he was a child, no one ever praised him for his cleverness.

When Edison was a child, he was often called stupid by the antonym of "smart", and the teacher even wondered if his brain was rusty. But he invented one amazing and incredible thing after another in a "stupid" way.

/kloc-Before the age of 0/9, Jack London was a punk who wandered the streets after only a few years of primary school. Almost every child aged 19 who went to middle school can be said to be smarter and more talented than him in learning or literature. But when he 19 years old, a book called Robinson Crusoe inspired the young man's enthusiasm or talent for literature. Since then, he has made great literary achievements in his limited short life of 20 years and has become one of the few people who can stand at the peak of world literature.

These great men who have passed away seem a little far away from us. Let's talk about a little closer to us: two brothers started to learn Go at the same time, and they went to learn with a teacher under the same conditions, but the older brother, who is two years older, never beat his younger brother, who always won the first place in every game. Weiqi is a game that tests people's intelligence and cleverness. Who is smarter, the brothers? Obviously it is clear at a glance. It's just that my younger brother prefers to go, and every time he loses to his younger brother, he will haunt him for the next game. Sometimes my brother wants to deliberately lose a game and let him finish early. Only later, my brother, whether he graduated from high school and was unemployed at home or jumped the queue as an educated youth in the countryside, never gave up Weiqi, studied tirelessly and consulted Weiqi players everywhere, and eventually became an epoch-making figure in the Weiqi field in China, and was awarded the title of "Chess Saint" by the state. He is Nie Weiping. His younger brother stopped learning chess long ago, but he is only an amateur chess player so far. Which of the two brothers has more talent for Go?

Rather, talent is just a special hobby given to people by God in some ways. Some people like literature, others like martial arts, which makes people happy to concentrate on one aspect. Even so, God didn't give this person a stronger ability or "cleverness" than others even in his favorite aspect. Only those who give full play to their hobbies with 99% diligence and efforts can truly make him achieve extraordinary achievements. If your talent is not watered diligently, it's just your hobby.

We call a person who discovers his talent early and makes good use of it, and finally achieves something, but we can't say who is smarter than who. Maybe it has nothing to do with cleverness.

People often ask those who succeed: What makes you successful? Nobody said it was because they were smart. They never even think they are smarter than ordinary people. However, we can often hear some mediocre people around us bragging about how smart they are in front of others. It turns out that "intelligence" has never been an essential trait or advantage of a successful person, but "intelligence" is often used as a "fig leaf" by mediocre people to cover up their inaction and achievements, because nothing can attract people's attention except intelligence.

Are you really willing to wrap your child in this fig leaf?

"I think the word smart sounds nice. What's wrong with using it to praise my children? "

Sure, but you should be careful. Praising your child with "cleverness" can easily make him a "smart-ass" person. This kind of person often has several characteristics:

Most people who think they are smart are arrogant. Even if I haven't done anything yet, I always feel superior to other "stupid" people because I am "smart", which is easy to produce superiority. People who feel this way naturally don't know what modesty is, and it is impossible to learn anything without modesty. The ancients said: "The vessel is empty but not real, and the thing is constant and unchangeable." A "smart" person is not easy to make progress because he thinks he is already smart.

Most people who think they are smart are lazy. A "smart man" is a small thing that he disdains to do as a "stupid man", such as cleaning the house. He can even use his "cleverness" to let others clean the house that he should have cleaned himself, and he can be happy without doing it himself. But "how can you sweep the world without sweeping a house", so people who are too lazy to do small things can't do big things naturally.

Most people who think they are smart are timid. Because he is "smarter" than others, he can "predict" the terrible consequences of possible failure (while "stupid people" can't predict), so in the face of anything risky, most of them take the attitude of avoiding and giving up. How do "smart people" do things that may fail? ! But failure and success are always twin brothers. When they choose to give up failure, they also choose to give up success.

The quickest and most effective way to make an innocent and normal child a "smart person" is to praise him for being smart.

I'm really ashamed and scared. I've done this before.

So he praised the child's efforts, so he studied well.