? -those ideas and skills in parenting mode.

"Even if this business-conscious, data-driven and technology-filled information age has arrived, do we still have to ignore this new era and train our children for a world that no longer exists?"

? This question comes from the beginning of the book "Parenting Mode". Probably every young parent who opens this book and sees this problem will re-recognize their parenting goals, sort out their parenting experiences and rethink their parenting ideas and methods. After all, this is a good question worth pondering.

? The author of this book, Laura Garner, is a pediatrician, a mother of three children, a long-term director of a nursery education center, a spokesperson of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the founder of Clinical Parenting Information Agency, and the author of two parenting books and three children's books. She has more than 20 years of experience in pediatrics and parenting.

? In the book "Parenting Model", she put forward seven core competencies to make children competent for the future, which are called Qi skills, namely:

"I"

"we"

"why"

"Internal drive"

"Swing"

"Elasticity"

"If"

These seven skills are called "keys" by the author, which is a key to open the door to the future.

? This book is divided into two parts. In the first part, the author expounds the responsibilities of parents in the new era, saying that "being a good parent is a compulsory course in life". In the introduction, the author said that we should establish a vital relationship with our children. What we need now is a "blueprint" for parenting, not a "map".

? Every parent holds the whole world of their children in their hands. Parents are the most important jobs in the world. In this era of rapid development, it is not easy to bring good influence to children in all directions. The author says that "a child's life potential is determined before he is five years old". The rapid development of children's brain is in the first few years of life, and most of the time before the age of 5 is in the family. Parents are the most critical factors in children's growth.

? The author wrote in the book: "From the perspective of paying attention to children's growth and how to best promote their growth, it is never too early to start early training for children." "Healthy and caring parent-child relationship and rich and exciting experiences are the best food for children's brain development". These views coincide with those of many children's education experts. The rise of many early education centers also fully shows that contemporary parents attach importance to children's early education, but simply throwing children into early education centers is another kind of irresponsibility. If children want to overcome the future better, parents must first have more excellent qualities. Therefore, the seven core competencies put forward by the author in the second part of this book are not only what children should have, but also what parents should learn.

"I"-is the ability of self-management, including self-cognition, self-regulation and self-regulation. The author first expounds the importance of self-management ability: people who are good at self-management-people who can concentrate on the work at hand, are not disturbed by foreign things, and can complete tasks quickly and creatively-have important value. Then, the author gives ten ways to cultivate children's "I" skills:

1, set a good example;

2. Establish routine;

3. Add words to express emotions;

4. Encourage emotional expression;

5. Use "isolation" instead of "closing the little black room";

6. Play conversion games;

7. Help children play a good role;

8. Be alert to the background sound of TV;

9. Take a deep breath;

10, have a rest.

? "We"-the ability to get along with others. In the early stage of children's development, "we" skills can be decomposed into the ability to communicate, listen and understand the emotions of others. It is undeniable that every parent wants his children to stand out from the crowd and live in harmony with the people around him, which everyone agrees with. For children, the ability to have "love" can also bring them a lot of convenience and benefits. The basic responsibility of helping our children have compassion and empathy comes from our families and parents, because children have social consciousness at about two years old, but often don't know how to express their love and anger to others. So from "me" to "us", there are about eleven ways to help our children:

1, help them with small ears;

2. Encourage children to actively listen;

3. Use the vocabulary you have mastered;

4. Learn to be kind to others;

5, empathy (you can do more pretend games);

6. Understand and respond to body language;

7. Learn baby sign language;

8. Turn helping others into a habit;

9. Ask your child, "What do you think?"

10, read aloud with emotion;

1 1, come on, sing a song!

? "Why"-the ability of being curious, questioning and exploring. In the context of China, cramming education, children's curiosity has become particularly scarce and rare. When our parents meet their children's questions, sometimes they can't give a good answer, but also stop them from asking questions because of their lack of knowledge. So over time, children's curiosity was exhausted and passively accepted. The author just proposed to "regard the world as a big question mark." When a child asks "why", one of the most useful attitudes we can take is: "It is the child's job to ask and question the rules, and it is also our job to make the rules. Realizing that it is your responsibility to make rules means that the rules you make and the answers you give should be well thought out, not simply suppressed by authority. "

Some basic methods and activities that help to develop children's early "why" skills and strike a balance between setting boundaries and encouraging curiosity are:

1, starting with answering questions that have not been asked;

2. Ask yourself questions;

3. Praise the question, not the answer;

4. Gradually improve your Q/A ratio (Q represents the number of questions raised by one person and A represents the number of answers given by one person. ); 5. Teach children how to ask questions;

6. Be careful not to dampen the enthusiasm of children to ask questions;

7. Open the book.

"Internal drive"-self-motivation. The author tells us through Harlow's "Rhesus Monkey Experiment" that "the joy of completing the task is itself a reward". Intrinsic motivation is the key driving force of behavior, so we need to stimulate children's intrinsic motivation to do things, rather than just using external rewards to stimulate children to do things. This kind of external reward or punishment will not last long.

Important strategies to improve and support children's "internal drive" skills are:

1. Avoid entering "If you ……" (using some supportive words will help children realize their excellent performance and be proud of it, which will cultivate their "internal drive" skills, far exceeding all external rewards);

2. Show self-driven behavior (adults promote children's self-motivation by motivating themselves. );

3. Refuse to do everything for you (internal drive includes self-drive and the spirit of sticking to the end);

4. Be psychologically prepared for conflicts caused by internal drive;

5. Perseverance is preferred (please advocate and praise children's persistent determination and perseverance in challenging tasks);

6. Give them puzzles;

7. Don't worry, take your time;

8. Encourage more practice;

9. Help them set goals;

10, ignite passion.

? ? "Swing"-the ability to exercise and maintain vitality. Children are always full of energy and passion and enjoy playing every day. It is in these nonstop games that children learn a lot about the world. Many parents are exhausted when taking care of their children. I hope that even if the children can sit quietly for five minutes to let us catch our breath, it is their nature and instinct to swing, so we should be prepared to meet their bloodshot energy and cultivate them. "

1, appreciate the child's swing behavior;

2. Please wrap your child carefully;

3. Pay attention to "prone time";

4. Create a lot of "swing" space;

5. Let children take the initiative to read;

6. Beware of suppressing "swing";

7. Run freely;

8. Explore the wonderful outdoors;

9. Beware of the temptation of safety seats;

10, change your view of kindergarten;

1 1, apply "swing" to practice.

Resilience-the ability to learn from failure. Making mistakes is not the opposite of success. Learning from mistakes will eventually pave the way for success. Nowadays children are always overprotected, which makes many children unable to face failure. Our parents should teach their children how to stand up from failure and learn from experience to continue on the road, instead of being affected by a temporary failure, leading to irreparable consequences or collapse. This is what the author wants to express. We need to cultivate some flexibility in children's personality so that they can better adapt to the world.

? How to cultivate children's "flexibility" skills? The author gives the following answers:

1, creating an environment for children to experience failure;

2. Allow children to fail as early as possible and often;

3. Find a balance between danger and "danger";

4. Celebrate mistakes and failures.

? "If"-imagination and creativity. "Should we train children who only know how to learn existing knowledge, or should we try to shape creative and innovative minds and let them explore the unknown all their lives?" (jean piaget) This issue deserves serious consideration by every parent and even educators. It is particularly important to cultivate children's creativity and imagination. Children are born with creativity and imagination. We just need to take care of them. The author said: "Reading to children can enhance their creativity." "Pretending to play games can enhance children's creativity."

So how to cultivate children's "if" skills? The author gives the following answers:

1, read more;

2. Collect open toys;

3. organize toys;

4. Appreciate children's ideas;

5. play with children;

6. Ask questions that inspire thinking;

7. Tell stories;

8. Reduce addiction to electronic products;

9. Find another way;

10, dare to question the established rules;

1 1, allowing children to paint colors outside the border;

12, give children boring free time.

? At this point, the seven core competencies of this book have all been outlined, and some more important concepts have also been quoted one by one. Practical methods that I think are very useful have also been refined. This book has inspired us some specific parenting methods, and more importantly, it has brought us a brand-new perspective on parenting. The questions raised by the author are also worthy of our deep thinking. Finally, a passage in the book is used as the end of the full text.

? "I hope that we can be high-spirited and help our children lay a solid foundation for lifelong success as soon as possible, instead of succumbing to the competitive mentality between parents and just thinking about giving the best to their children."