I said that my children finish their homework almost every day. She listened with envy and asked me what method I used. I said I was a "lazy" mother and let the children arrange everything by themselves. I never interfere.
Then I asked her a sexual question: Have you found any room for imagination when you get along with your children? Even when children can't, we have to help. As a result, the child is not only ungrateful, but also anxious, and sometimes even stomps hard. She said on the other end that she felt the same way.
I told her; This is what children tell us through their actions. They want to do their own thing without our help. This is the innate instinct of people, who like to explore new things, but what about us adults? Often when children try to do it for the first time, they are very diligent to help them because they are worried that they can't do it. I don't know that this kind of diligence makes the children lose a chance to experience it for themselves. After a long time, children will get used to our service. Then it also stifled the child's attempt in the cradle, so that he later became dependent on us, unwilling to think and try, and even made the child lose his mind.
Then I talked to her about "Ma Baonan" who is often talked about in real life and asked her if she was discussing something with her husband at home. Her husband replied, what would you think if she asked her mother? I think anyone will be angry when they hear this sentence.
Think that no matter what children do, we always interfere and never let them do it themselves. Children don't have their own opinions and ideas. After a long time, children get used to this way. When they grow up, no matter what happens, their first reaction is to ask their mother first.
We hate "Ma Baonan", but we can face our boys, because we have too many restrictions and controls on them, and unconsciously cultivate our children into people we hate, but we don't know it, and sometimes even complain about why our boys are like this.
Wu Zhihong said in Why Home Hurts People: "I love you so much that I hurt you." Many children's problems are often caused by their mothers' diligence. On the contrary, a mother's laziness is a child's fulfillment.
Speaking of "lazy" mother, she is not the kind of person who does nothing but eat or is lazy in our life. But a mother who knows how to show weakness in front of her children, gives them absolute trust and freedom, lets them do things freely, and gives them appropriate help and guidance when they need it. Give them autonomy, knowing that people's sense of accomplishment and self-confidence are reflected in constant challenges.
Therefore, whether a mother's diligence is good or bad for her children can be seen as follows:
Just like I take my children to play outside, I am willing to wash them no matter how many sets of clothes I change, and I never stop them from playing. Just make sure he is safe and give help when appropriate; Also, when it comes to children's food, I never slack off. I think this is the need to ensure the physical growth of children. Children need nanny mothers when they can't take care of themselves.
However, the nanny mother has a time limit. But since I became a parent, I don't feel enough love when I look at my child's lovely face. So I carry the burden of love, regardless of whether I can do it or not, and do it in front of my child, because I am always worried that he will not. If I neglect my child a little, I will feel guilty.
What will happen to such a diligent mother?
First, there is no sense of responsibility.
Some time ago, I watched a short film about Tik Tok. That's the director of an education bureau. After picking up the children from school, he must do housework first. He said that the first task is to take on family responsibilities. We talk about loving the motherland and the people. If we don't love and care about our parents, then he won't know how to care about his parents with actions when he grows up. Let children bear it from an early age and know how to care for their parents. When they grow up, they will naturally care about the people, the collective and the country.
Secondly, there is no happiness.
Happiness comes from caring for others and doing things.
I remember when my son first learned to eat, grandma watched the child eat very hard and spilled it all over the floor, anxious to death. I picked up the spoon and prepared to feed it. I stopped at once and said to my grandmother, "I can't eat, I can teach." Take your time, the child will learn. How can you learn if you don't teach him? Who will feed him when he goes to kindergarten? Who will help him when he grows up and encounters difficulties and we are not around him? " Grandma listened to what I said, quietly watching her son eat, let him toss, grab it with a spoon or hand, as long as it is fed to his mouth.
ungrateful
A person who doesn't appreciate the hardships of labor can't appreciate the hardships of others. A simple truth is that if we help others once, others will thank us, but if we do more, others will take it for granted. Then it is the same in front of children, and everything is taken care of in every possible way. The child thinks that what we do for him is right. If we don't do it, the child will lose his temper.
On the left of the word "lazy" is a "heart" Everything depends on our hearts. What can a caring mother bring to her children if she is lazy?
The first is to let children learn to be independent.
When it comes to independence, I am deeply impressed that my son took classes in an early education center when he was young. The director of the early education center always said that she was a "lazy" mother. Indeed, as she said, she once chatted that her son would cook fried rice with eggs in the first grade, and she enjoyed the fruits of his labor. I was envious when I heard that. She said that she is a "lazy" mother, because laziness makes children's independent personality.
Give children confidence.
Take myself for example. Every time I read my manuscript, I feel confident. Similarly, when a child can do many things in front of his peers, then he shows confidence. In fact, a child's self-confidence is gradually accumulated by constantly completing a small thing.
Promote the healthy development of children's personality
When a child can do many things, he will think about problems in the process of doing it and how to solve them in the process of doing it. This is also a process of reshaping the child's character. Because when doing something, he goes through this process, and he can realize that it is not easy to do things.
Laziness is also a kind of life wisdom. The so-called life is education, so how can a mother "be lazy" in life and give her children correct guidance? We can start from these aspects:
First, learn to show weakness.
When doing things with children, even if the mother can do it herself in front of the children, she should deliberately say that she can't do it and needs the help of the children. This is a sign of weakness. When a child hears that he needs help, he will feel a sense of responsibility and mission, and he will try his best to do it well.
Second, learn to observe.
Be a bystander and watch while the child is doing it. Even if the child is not doing well, don't do it for him. Pass on your trust to the child and believe that he will do well.
Third, learn to shut up.
When a child is doing something without asking how to do it, then don't say it or tell him how to do it. As I have a deep understanding today, my son went to sweep the stairs and I told him what to do. He replied impatiently, "Yes!" I can hear from my son's tone that he is bored with me.
Fourth, learn to praise.
Good words are willing to be cattle and horses. No matter how well the child does, as long as he does it, give him a praise. This is an encouragement and affirmation to them.
Being a caring "lazy" mother, being a wise "lazy" mother, transforming our laziness into love for children, cultivating our children and letting them experience love in our laziness are the best fulfillment for them.
(Photo: From the network text: Reiko Kobayakawa)
If you are also a content creator, you are welcome to contribute.