The disadvantages of educating children by the elderly
Security aspect
If the home is in the countryside, then the elderly may be unable to take care of their children because of too much housework. In cities, some old people like playing mahjong or dancing. For these reasons, the safety of children is naturally not guaranteed.
Nutrition and health
With the improvement of living standards, modern people have begun to pay attention to nutritional collocation in their diet. However, many elderly people don't know the knowledge of nutrition, so the matching food is very simple and can't meet the nutritional needs of children themselves. In addition, some old people have the habit of chewing food before spitting it out for their children, but this practice will lead to the spread of bacteria in the mouth to children. Of course, some old people are afraid that their grandchildren will be hungry and will chase after their children with bowls, which will make children develop bad eating habits, and the final result will affect their health. Some old people even often buy snacks for their children, which will lead children to develop irregular eating habits and have a very significant impact on their growth and development.
Education aspect
The disadvantages in this respect are particularly obvious, mainly reflected in these places: in terms of intellectual development, the elderly do not know the ways and means, so the children's intelligence can not be developed reasonably; Spoil children too much materially, and buy them whatever they want; Old people are more casual in front of children. They lose their temper when they are angry and quarrel when they are excited, which has a great influence on the cultivation of children's character. Old people have limited cultural knowledge, and there is no way to supervise their children to finish their homework. Over time, children will develop bad habits of being playful and tired of learning. Old people generally don't let their children do anything, so they easily become lazy.
Mistakes in the education of children by the elderly
When our baby is beaten for doing something wrong, the old man always says? What does he know about such a small child? After a long time, our baby will not take the initiative to admit his mistake even if he does something wrong.
When our baby doesn't eat well, the elderly will educate the children by threatening, and gradually let our baby threaten others to achieve their goals.
In order to make the baby eat quickly, the old man will say? Take you to the supermarket to buy delicious food after dinner. "When our baby has finished eating, the old man doesn't keep his promise, which will make the baby lose trust in adults.
As parents, we don't want our baby to eat junk food. For the sake of children's health, old people always secretly buy snacks for their baby when we go out.
Old people take their children out, and children will buy candy when they arrive at the supermarket. The old man always says to our baby: don't tell mom, he won't let you eat. ? This is formed in the child's mind? Mom is not nice to me. Grandma is very kind to me! Psychology.
When we take our children to the supermarket with the elderly, the baby can't help but take the snacks when he sees them. He doesn't understand that these things don't belong to us without paying. We will stop the children and ask them to pay to take them away. At this time, the old man will say? It's okay. Take one to eat! ? Of course, our baby will think that just take less.
Sometimes in order to exercise the baby's self-reliance ability, such as letting the baby dress himself, then the old man will say: how to dress at such a young age, how to help the baby dress. Over time, our babies depend on adults for whatever they do.
Suggestions for the elderly to educate their children
1, establish the first responsible person, preferably the mother is the first responsible person.
Determine the first responsible person for child support, and this responsible person is stable. This can avoid the inconsistency of parenting concepts. I suggest that the first responsible person in this family should be the mother or the father, not grandparents or grandparents.
Why? First, mom's growth, dad's growth is definitely much higher than our grandparents'. Second, only mothers in this world can unconditionally make any changes for their children.
In the face of intergenerational parenting conflicts, in many cases, only mothers can make this change. Grievance? Sometimes it is really a grievance. I have also heard that my mother often cries when she communicates with me. However, what I want to tell my mother is that if you want this family to be stable and harmonious and let the children grow up healthily, you must bravely come out and be the first responsible person. Why don't I let my father do it? Because dad's growth is far less than mom's.
How will our father grow up? I have also talked about this topic in my recent quiet parenting. There will be more involved next. Please also pay attention.
In order to support my parents, I will organize offline salons in the city one after another. Similarly, the consultation on the WeChat platform continues. On the one hand, I hope I can help you solve the problem. More often, the presence of the audience may be more important to you.
2. Respect the elderly and their wisdom.
Respect between people is mutual. I once shared a short period of my intergenerational education experience on WeChat.
When I was tidying up the dishes in the kitchen that day, I ran happily to tell me that my mother had worked hard! I know, this is actually a recognition of my happy grandparents. In this case, because the old man said, you can learn if you are happy. Therefore, the conflict in intergenerational education is not insoluble, we just need methods.
Actually, my mother-in-law didn't accept me at first. Why? She will complain that I am not a good wife.
Later, when I learned about her growth history, I understood why she was like this.
She was a village flower when she was young. She is very beautiful and won the first place in all labor skills. I have a sense of accomplishment and vanity. After marriage? She began to get sick. She has been ill for 20 years. During her illness, her husband, my father-in-law, took care of her, which is one of the reasons why I chose her son.
When the children grow up, get married and have children, she hopes to make up for the lack of children when she was young. So I intervened in my son's family and made unconditional compensation. In her eyes, there is only her son. However, she found someone fighting for her son, and that person was me. So, a battle began.
This is the instinct of any mother.
I want to know how many mothers have sons on my WeChat? You are all mothers-in-law in the future. In the future, I must also experience this feeling: suddenly a person comes out and asks you to give me half of your son's love.
What should I do in this case? It is useless to talk and reason. From then on, I took care of my mother-in-law and father-in-law, thinking of them in everything and buying them delicious food. I also tell them some problems at work from time to time and ask them to give me some advice.
People also need your affirmation and achievements. And my mother-in-law used to be an excellent strong woman. So I often ask my mother-in-law: Mom, do you think I did the right thing?
That's right. It doesn't matter if she doesn't understand, but you need to make her feel respected.
When I made a series of changes, the family atmosphere was also changing.
Now whenever my husband is angry with me, my mother-in-law will scold him. Mother-in-law will say: Ronaldinho is not easy enough, don't be angry with others. So our relationship began to change slowly.
3. Parents and the elderly should communicate, but try to communicate with less negative emotions.
As we all know, once emotions come out, it is impossible to talk well. So, similarly, when you have emotions, don't communicate with the elderly, and the elderly will also have emotions.
You can suppress your emotions first, and then say to the old man, Mom, I don't think this is good for you. It would be better for us to say it in another way, and the specific way should be carefully discussed with the elderly.
Many times, the closer people are, the less they pay attention to communication, and they feel that it is ok to say it directly. But in fact, the closer you are, the more you care about whether you respect and pay attention to him enough.
Two generations can argue, but it's better not to argue.
The argument is to let children see all aspects of information. Children will think: mom and dad think so, so do grandparents. The more he sees and hears, the more he knows that things can have many opinions. In this way, children will have a more comprehensive view of things and broaden their thinking.
If children always live in one voice and only know one possibility of life and grow up in a single channel, for example, we only use grades as a measure of children's quality now, and children will definitely have problems.
On the contrary, let the children know that I can do this or that. In another way, I can still do well, then the children will feel strong and awesome. That is, we often say confidence and self-esteem. What is self-esteem? I think I'm fine. What is confidence? I think I can. Right? The child thinks he is good, so he thinks I can do it. If you say he is willing to do something else, he will definitely do it as long as he is interested.
However, if we quarrel, it will lead to a tense family atmosphere and undermine children's sense of security and family stability. Family tension will definitely be projected on children. This is what I mentioned: somatization reaction.
5. Study with the elderly and make proper use of the support of authority.
Sometimes, grandparents just don't realize, or don't know what to do, so he makes some mistakes.
Therefore, young parents can take the elderly to experience and contact more, so that they have more awareness of early education and get more support. Many grandparents who have listened to my lecture will discuss with us for a long time after the lecture, and finally say that children should be raised like this.
In addition, you can rely on authority, because parents tell the elderly directly, and the elderly may not necessarily listen. What's more, many times, our communication methods are inherently problematic. But with the help of authority, it is different. You can take more old people to class. In fact, I can also download the talk show about parenting and watch it with the old people when they are resting. Because these talk shows are based on the common problems that children are most likely to encounter when they grow up, and put forward some practical suggestions.
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