The biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mom is that stay-at-home mom is a very enviable job in Japan, but in China, I'm afraid many girls will be willing to be stay-at-home moms. After all, not everyone can stand the pain hidden behind housewives. Let me give you a brief understanding of the biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers.
The biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mothers is 1. In China, it seems that few people really take taking care of children, the elderly and housework at home as a decent job.
This is not just a husband's problem, it should be everyone's problem in the family, parents-in-law, husband and wife, and even children.
It's just that there are not many full-time fathers at home, and full-time mothers are the mainstream.
When you can't go out to earn money and become a full-time mother, you may lose not only the right to speak economically, but also the basic dignity of life, which leads to anxiety and hostility.
A stay-at-home mother once said, "Even if I told my family that my house was well organized and my family served me well, I still felt that the whole world was bullying me."
What is the "sadness" of stay-at-home mothers?
Don't!
Maybe ten or twenty years later, you will find that this is just the beginning, because the most "pathetic" stay-at-home mothers we have ever met have turned their children into their "allies". After the "alliance relationship" is over, they will be greeted by the "crit" injury of the hard-raised children.
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Few people can understand the pain of stay-at-home mothers, so they are eager to get the understanding of their children.
In most ordinary families in China, after having children, most couples are not "outside" fathers or "inside" mothers, but children who know nothing.
At home, everything is child-centered, and it is normal to think of children first.
So that in many unhappy marriages, people who stubbornly and unilaterally want to provide a complete family for their children always exist on a large scale, even though they know that doing so will not really benefit their children.
From a psychological point of view, this should be an instinct, a kind of self-comfort and emotional transfer.
People in anxiety and pain are unwilling to face the other half, let alone solve the other half's problems, so they subconsciously focus on their children.
They know that no one can understand their pain, and they don't expect their partners to suddenly "understand".
But children are born by themselves, so they have a lot of time to get along with them and enough time to let them know themselves.
As a result, children became their allies when they were very young. It was too easy!
However, people have an instinct to subconsciously let their children experience the pain they have experienced again. Only in this way can children "empathize".
This is the problem!
Self-blame of a post-90 s girl: I have been distressed by my mother for decades, but now she makes me feel "disgusting"
The following is a private prosecution of an "older woman" born in 1990s.
As far as I can remember, before 2 1 years old, I particularly hated my father.
I feel sick to see his untidy appearance.
He likes to smoke inferior cigarettes and find someone to play fifty cents. He is always dumb and not as honest as a man.
I grew up in the "chicken flying dog jumping". After my brother and I were born, my mother became a full-time mother with a bad temper. As for how bad your temper is, you just need to know that our neighbors don't deal with us.
My father always obeys Nuo Nuo in front of my mother. My mother boils down to "Dad can't make money".
My mother was very beautiful when she was young, so she often said in quarrels, "I was blind, how could I marry you!" "
My father should know himself, so he never makes excuses. After being scolded, he also squatted outside and smoked silently.
My father is a taxi driver, and his income is not high, only enough to maintain normal expenses. My mother said that if he didn't get the job of repairing highways, my brother and I would have problems going to college.
Father is "incompetent", so there is almost no peace at home. There is little laughter in my family. Sometimes playing crazy with my brother will be criticized by my mother, giving me a feeling that "your father doesn't earn enough money, and our family is not qualified to be happy."
My brother and I both know my mother very well, and we all think it's because my father is incompetent.
Therefore, we have been our mother's "strong backing" and "loyal ally" since childhood, and we often help our mother criticize our father.
At that moment, I began to understand my father.
I went to an aunt's house with worse conditions than me that day. They have three children, the youngest is a son.
I remember my cousin who just went to junior high school that day clamoring for a pair of sneakers. My uncle probably couldn't afford much money then. He brought back a pair of ordinary sports shoes. Cousin naturally doesn't want to. He not only cried and made a scene, but also slapped his father.
I clearly saw the expressions of my aunt and uncle. Because I am an outsider, they are a little embarrassed. They just coaxed my cousin into buying it for him in a few days.
Afterwards, in the kitchen, I saw my aunt who was secretly wiping her tears and my uncle who was squatting on the ground to help me choose vegetables. They didn't quarrel, they just forced a smile and said they didn't want my help.
I suddenly began to understand my father, because even I wanted to slap this ignorant cousin, because if this happened in my house, my mother would definitely take the opportunity to scold my father and even drive him out of the house and refuse to eat.
Since then, my dad's eyes have been a little different. It seems that only such a timid and honest father is with us, can we be stress-free and unscrupulous.
Look at my mother again, I'm getting bored. She has done almost nothing commendable except complaining.
Her mantra is: I am not happy, and none of you want to be happy!
The relationship between relatives and friends is not good because there is no money, and the relationship between husband and wife is not good because there is no money, but why didn't you think about earning it yourself?
What do you mean you're dragged down by us? Are the clothes you spend a lot of time washing by hand really cleaner than the washing machine?
The "justice" once told with her even became a joke that made her feel ashamed.
Emotional and moral kidnapping from our mother makes us hate her and want to stay away from her, because no one wants to admit that they are "heartless" and no one wants to admit that they are "traitors".
I have felt sorry for my mother for decades, but now she makes me feel "disgusting".
Write it at the end
This lady's example may be extreme, but her mother's "hostility" is actually similar to that of many of our stay-at-home mothers.
Because almost all stay-at-home mothers with low happiness think they are innocent, who is born an "dissatisfied wife" and is not forced?
Some people think that this is all caused by poor economic conditions, and they want to prove their ability with twice the result with half the effort and make themselves economically independent.
However, at a certain level, she will find that she thinks this way is as ridiculous and ignorant as men think that money can solve all problems.
Some people will feel lost because the children they have been guarding are closer to their fathers who don't have much time to accompany them, and feel that they have been "betrayed". Sometimes, they even explain that they love their children more by saying bad things about their other half, so as to stop their children from loving their other half.
Entering such a family can really be said to be a woman's sorrow, but for a mother, the separation of an adult child from herself is really a "disaster".
The biggest sorrow of stay-at-home mom 2 Being a stay-at-home mom for a while, I found that the most terrible thing is not that I have no social and social status, but that I have no family status. One day, my mother-in-law went home to see the children. While cooking in the kitchen, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her son, "Look, grandma bought it for you. You should listen to your father. My father earned all the money at home, and my mother ate at home. "
I have mixed feelings when I hear this, because I am too timid to say anything.
"Dad earned all the money. Why don't you give me money?" Mother felt a twinge of heartache.
Until one day I took my son shopping, he clamored for a new toy, just like the one at home. I naturally turned him down. The child opened his mouth and said, "Dad earned all the money. Why not give me money to buy toys? " In public, my 6-year-old son made me feel suffocated instantly, followed by heartache.
When did my son become so sensitive to money? My first reaction was to be instilled by my grandmother. My heartache is that my child thinks that only by earning money can he be considered "capable" and have the right to speak, and he is not idle. My heart hurts even more because he didn't immediately refute her mother-in-law and correct her children's values.
With this in mind, I told my child gently and firmly: "Yes, my father is responsible for making money at home, and the money for buying toys for my baby is really earned by my father." But making money alone can't make us live a good life. Someone needs to help dad make money. For example, someone has to do housework. If you don't do it, you need me to do it. "
"Mom does housework and dad works to earn money. This is the division of labor in our family. There are other families, where mom earns money and dad does housework, you know? Mom and dad are a team. Some people earn money, others take care of their families. As a child, you need to grow up slowly. "
"In the process of growing up, you still have a long way to go, and there are many toys that you want to buy more in the future. There is an identical toy at home, and there are many similar toys. If you insist on this toy, mom will buy it for you, but the number of toys I will buy for you next time will be reduced by one. "
My son nodded puzzled and took my hand and walked out. "Mom, I actually have a toy that I want more. Can you buy it for me next time? " We reached an agreement happily.
It's really hard to be a full-time mother. First-and second-line full-time mothers have been taking their babies to classes everywhere since early education. Kindergarten children have five or six interest classes and foreign language classes. After primary school, children learn what their mothers learn. I have met a stay-at-home mother who is proficient in piano, violin and skating. Who says stay-at-home moms are idle?