A positive joke. In real life, we can watch more positive jokes, which can adjust our lives and make us happier. Next, I will take you to learn more about positive jokes.
Positive jokes 1
1, local tyrant, every time he goes out, he is worried that his home will be stolen. He wants to buy a German shepherd dog and tie it to the front yard, but he doesn't want to hire someone to feed the dog and waste money.
After thinking hard for a long time, I finally got a solution: change wifi to no password before going out every time, and then go out with confidence.
Every time I come back, I can see more than a dozen people squatting at the door with their mobile phones, and I have no worries since then.
Nursing homes do not necessarily buy dogs. In the Internet age, traditional thinking should be broken everywhere.
2. Someone broke into the house, just entered the house, and the hostess came back. He was hiding under the bed, but he was still found. Then he broke out and escaped by force and was arrested. This situation should be classified as burglary according to law, and the sentence should be at least ten years.
Later, I found a law student and told him the conviction and sentencing of theft, robbery and forced rape respectively. As a result, he changed his confession and said that he wanted to forcibly rape. Finally, because the rapist had nothing to do with the home invasion, he tried for three years.
Later, the boy found a doctor of criminal law, and the doctor told him that you should say so. When you want to forcibly rape, you find that the woman is extremely ugly and runs away. Finally, it can be concluded that you stopped forced rape, because it did not cause harmful consequences, and you can be exempted from criminal punishment.
Later, he found a postdoctoral fellow in criminal law, and the postdoctoral fellow taught him to say this: He took a fancy to the female host and wanted to bully him, but she came back first. Because the criminal law does not stipulate that raping a man is a crime, the boy was acquitted in the second instance.
Knowledge changes fate-hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have culture!
3, really angry! Just now, I joined a doctoral group by mistake.
Someone asked: A drop of water falls freely from a very high place. Will hitting people hurt people? Or killed?
The group immediately became lively, and all kinds of formulas, assumptions, calculations of resistance, gravity and acceleration were fully discussed for nearly an hour.
At this time, I silently asked: Have you never been caught in the rain? There was a sudden silence in the crowd ... and then, and then I was kicked out of the group.
Culture is terrible!
Knowledge can bring you more ways of thinking, but experience can help you solve problems faster.
In the year of college entrance examination, I got 200 points, and my mother's friend's children got 680 points. My child has gone to a key university, and I want to work.
Nine years later, the mother showed off to me and my mother that her son had applied for a project manager with a monthly salary of over 10,000 yuan. ...
On the other hand, I am thinking: Should I hire him? -Dedicated to all the children with poor grades.
You don't have to go to college! But you, you must not fight!
A wife wants her husband to go home early, so she stipulates that she should lock the door when she comes home later than 1 1.
The first week I went to work, the second week my husband came home late, my wife locked the door according to the system, and my husband simply didn't go home.
My wife was depressed, and after the expert's advice, she revised the rules: don't go home before 23 o'clock, and sleep with the door open. The husband was frightened and went home on time.
It can be seen that the essence of the system lies not in coercion, but in stimulating the interests of the executed person.
6. The old monk asked the young monk, "What if you step forward and die?"
The young monk said without hesitation, "I'll go to the side."
Think about it from another angle when you are in trouble. Maybe you will understand that there is another road beside the road.
7. A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by. "This is nonsense. The architect of 1 replied, "Let me see. "After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by.
Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"
The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "
Some words are true, but they sound false; Some words are false, but there is no doubt.
8. An English gentleman and a French lady share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. After she took off her clothes and lay down, she complained that she was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.
"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay. "When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."
"Young lady, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "
A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.
9. In the restaurant, an extremely humble man timidly touched another customer wearing a coat.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?" "No, I'm not." The man replied.
"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I'm not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. "
It proved not easy. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people, heroes are like cattle.
10 A Scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend by the way, but he forgot the address, so he sent a telegram to my father, "Do you know Thomas' address? On the day of the quick report, he received an urgent call back: "I know."
When we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless.
Joke 2 1. On the bus, the son asked his father, Dad, when will we get to the park? Dad said: the car will arrive when it stops! The son asked again: When does the bus stop? Dad looked at the driver and replied, "When we arrived at the park, the car stopped."
2. Part One: I am diligent in worrying about people and things, and I wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I am working. Bottom line: I really work the night shift for you every day and always want to get off work every day. Horizontal criticism: the exhausted old man has lost all his hair.
3. Traveling. There is a temple in the scenic spot, so I will stop by and play in it. When you buy a ticket, ask if you have a student ticket. The result of the conductor's answer is super classic. He said: all beings are equal before the Buddha, and there is no student ticket!
4. I fell in love with dice when playing cards, cups when drinking, quilts when sleeping, socks when wearing shoes, and became a prince when I was complacent. When I miss you, I think of your boys and old friends. How have you been recently? I wish you happiness!
The rabbit sneered when he saw the tortoise, no matter how hard he climbed, he couldn't climb fast. In front of me, you will always be a supporting role. The tortoise said slowly, no matter how you run, you are just an animal. Can you be Liu Xiang?
6. Going to dinner with friends, the female colleague ordered a cup of papaya milk, and the waiter said with a straight face that it was gone. The female colleague glanced at her magnificent chest, and the waiter also glanced at her flat chest and said coldly, I didn't drink it all.
7. Have you eaten? I'll treat you to a big meal: steamed good luck, spicy good luck, Muslim peace, healthy vinegar, happy skewers, a plate of pistachios, a bottle of Wahaha and a cup of Coca-Cola. May you eat well and be happy every day.
8. Gray grabbed Meiyangyang too hard and got pregnant with Meiyangyang. Hongtaro was very angry when he learned about it. He slapped the ash with a pan. "Wife, in fact, I just want you to eat one more lamb."
9. Dad accompanied his son to the exam by bus, and walked slowly because of traffic jam. My son said anxiously, when we have money, we will buy three planes, one for work, one for school and one for the toilet. Dad is sweating: there is a toilet on the plane!
10 One day, the swan said to the toad, If I grew up like you, I would have died long ago. Toad said: The pig is still alive and well. The pig on the side said angrily, I'm reading the short message. I've provoked whoever I recruited.
Joke 3 1. When I was a child, I watched Huang Feihong and wondered why a doctor was so good at kung fu. Now I find this has profound practical significance.
There is a person in our village who likes playing mahjong. The rise of one-day play. Suddenly, his wife barged in. Pointing at my nose, I scolded, "I don't cook, I don't feed pigs, I only know how to play mahjong all day." Then came a scolding. . . The man backed away in despair. Watching her husband leave. His wife sat down and asked, "Whose house is this?"
3. I have been carrying the car for more than a year. Go to the traffic police team to check the violation record today. I saw the service staff gave me a faint look and said, Brother, you can go to Tsinghua this minute! I was a mess.
My friend and I walked to the fork in the road, and we said goodbye with a song: "I'll send you away, thousands of miles away." As a result, "thousands of miles away" went away.
Sister Chang 'e was eating when suddenly there was a flash outside. Chang 'e was surprised and went out to watch. Come back and breathe a sigh of relief; Yang Liwei