Grapefruit suddenly sent me a message last night. I was going to sleep, but I replied "Yes" and then I watched her send a string of messages spontaneously.

"Seventh, she sometimes sends me messages, and I don't know if I want them back."

"Seven, I sometimes feel that I shouldn't treat her like that, but I can't help it. She is dispensable to me, but I don't want her to bother me, do you understand? "

She is her mother in grapefruit's mouth.

Her mother disappeared again when she was seventeen. This time, she didn't feel anything. She thought it was only during the Chinese New Year that someone was missing. Anyway, her mother doesn't often go home for the New Year, and it seems nothing.

That day, she sent me a message. She said that she put an unimportant person on the blacklist, but she thought it would take up space, so she took him out of the blacklist.

And I, with a blank face, asked her to answer, but I didn't reply to her.

Then one day, she told me that the woman who everyone could not find actually took the initiative to find her, sent her a message, explained everything, and then kept apologizing. I thought she was asking me if I should forgive her. Just as I was about to go back, she sent another message: "I'm tired of watching a bunch of crying voices, so I deleted her."

........

Later I learned that this "she" is grapefruit's mother.

I used to think grapefruit was a heartless person. She can never talk to her parents, and she doesn't like being in the same room with her parents, and she doesn't like having physical contact with people. Sometimes I lose my temper for no reason.

I think she is not only heartless, but also strange.

But she will be sad to see old people and animals wandering in the corner of the street. She cried when she thought of putting out the child's flame when she was a child, because the child lost his father when he was a child, and she felt sorry for bullying him. ......

I can't understand such a person for a long time. Maybe it's because people around her don't understand. The only person who spoke her mind was me.

The mobile phone kept shaking, and the screen lit in the dark flashed one message after another. Grapefruit kept talking to itself as if possessed.

Suddenly I remembered a sentence she said to me a long time ago: "I often send wrong messages." I was going to send it to a small size, but I sent it to you. Just ignore it and don't bother. "

I smiled, and then I began to feel a little sorry for her. Such a quiet girl usually laughs, but she is also most afraid of disturbing others.

two

Grapefruit has lived in the countryside since childhood. When he was a child, he was a difficult advocate and had a bad temper. Because she often rebelled against her family, grandma spoke ill of her everywhere and made up all kinds of things she didn't have, so she had a bad reputation and no friends, because adults would say, "Don't play with grapefruit, she will lead you astray."

Grapefruit said that in her impression, during the days when she was with her parents, their parents never stopped quarreling, whether she was present or not.

Her mother is a proud person, unwilling to be arranged by her family, unwilling to marry someone she doesn't like, her husband is timid, and her family is still so poor.

One morning when she was six or seven years old, she woke up in her grandmother's bed with a blank face. Grandma told her, "mom left, and you and your brother will live with us in the future."

Grapefruit didn't speak. He got dressed and woke up his brother. They ran all over the village, but couldn't find their mother. Dad also went out to work and went to find his mother.

A few years later, my mother came back. Grapefruit suddenly saw her mother and didn't know her. Looking at the tall woman in front, she was afraid to go forward.

Gathering is always short-lived. After staying at home for more than ten days, grapefruit's mother left again, but this time she knew where she worked.

At that time, grapefruit still had feelings for parents, and there was PHS at home. She secretly wrote down her parents' mobile phone numbers and sent messages from time to time to tell her parents that she missed them very much. And her grandparents beat her again, and she was very sad.

Grapefruit says grandma often beats her or takes it out on her head because of small things. Grapefruit will be beaten by leftovers at home because it only eats a bowl of rice. Chopsticks will fall on your shoulders and break in a few strokes. It will also be found because of secretly throwing a piece of fat, and it will be asked to pick it up and roll around in the trash can, and the fat covered with dirty things will be eaten in the stomach.

One day, it rained heavily and she was beaten, so she hid in the corner of the door and cried. It thundered in the sky. At that time, she was dragging a bottle of pesticide in her hand and had no time to open it.

Another time, I forgot what my mistake was. Grandpa chased the whole village and beat her. She ran to a lake and cried to her grandfather, "If you hit me again, I will jump." Grandpa said, "If you want to jump, jump quickly ..." (I forgot, grapefruit told me a long time ago. )

Grapefruit sent all these to her father who worked in other places, but when she came back from the New Year, she read the materials one by one in front of her grandparents. After that, she never trusted her father again.

Grapefruit said that she had never told her mother about it, because her mother didn't like her and her mother didn't like this family. She said that her mother had never been immersed in her own pain and had never seen her sadness, so she would not bother her mother.

At first, I thought grapefruit might have amplified his pain, but at that time, any pain he suffered would be regarded as pain. Of course, I didn't tell her this. Gradually understand that the child's heart is fragile and sincere. If you hurt her, the wound will be difficult to heal.

Later, grapefruit told me that once people give in, it is hard to resist. I know what she means.

At that time, she felt that no one cared about her, and it was useless for her to resist. I guess that's why she is more than 1000 kilometers away from home in college.

Even when she grows up, time has healed her wounds and shook hands with her grandparents, she still wants to leave that place.

three

Mr. Lu Xun said: "The joys and sorrows of human beings are not connected."

Although I think grapefruit may be fragile and sensitive, I can't extricate myself from the mire, but I can still listen carefully to a sincere girl. I seldom give her the chicken soup that I usually say the most, but wait for her to finish it silently, and then clumsily fill the hole in her heart.

She is eccentric, but she is kind. The most important thing is that she is sincere and trusts me.

Grapefruit said that she really didn't trust anyone except me. I am very touched, because in this world, it is really difficult to find a person who trusts wholeheartedly, and it is also difficult to be trusted wholeheartedly.

I'm glad she chose me.

She said that although I couldn't give her a good solution, she was happy to hear a lot of nonsense, and she didn't bother or laugh.

Grapefruit once left me a message: "I've been waiting for the person who listened to me. Fortunately, you came."

I know this girl's stubbornness.

Now I see that she is beginning to soften, and the once invincible heart is beginning to hurt again, which is a little uncomfortable.

Grapefruit said: "One day she sent me a message saying that the things sold in the Taobao special edition were very cheap, and she bought a lot of things on it. She also taught me how to use it and how to find out the daily necessities that a dime can buy ... "

Grapefruit said, "I almost cried when I saw the message she sent." She also gave me a red envelope, saying it was the money saved for me and my brother, asking me to accept it, and sent me many previous photos. Do you think she is funny or not? "

I looked at the chat interface, and the text in the edit box jumped back and forth, and finally it was deleted and nothing was sent.

I know, grapefruit must be crying.

But I can't help it, I can only let her think.

After a long time, she asked me if I was disturbing my sleep. I said nothing, I was reading a novel.

She knows I have a habit. I usually go to bed after nine o'clock, and I sleep late when reading novels, at least after twelve o'clock. I once solemnly said that it was a kind of spirit, and she laughed at me.

Grapefruit hasn't sent a message for a long time, and I almost fell asleep. Suddenly, the mobile phone vibrates. Grapefruit said: "She said that the epidemic situation at home was serious and told us not to go out. She saves money for my brother and me and buys clothes for us when we can go out. It's very wordy. Why wear a mask, drink plenty of water and go to bed early ... It's very interesting, as if I don't know. "

I asked, "Did you reply to her?"

She said, "No, I came back from sleep?"

Then there was a silence.

At 1 20 in the morning, I finally couldn't hold on. I finished the last sentence: "I fell asleep and have class tomorrow."

Then I flew my phone and threw it away. I'm so sleepy.

When I got up this morning, I opened WeChat and saw the last message sent by grapefruit: "I told her:' I'm fine, take care'", and the display time was 1 53 am.

spend freely

I'm fine. Take care of yourself.

Grapefruit is still soft-hearted, no matter how wanton and tenacious, she is still soft.

I remember that sunny afternoon a few years ago, she lay on the lawn and told me about her mother's strength and ambition. "She is the only one of my mother's four children who didn't go to school. She has to go to school with her younger brother and sister on her back and work and cook for her family. An old man in the village said that she was very clever and was delayed by her family. She has always wanted to break through the cage and change her destiny. You don't know, neither she nor my aunt went to school. My aunt is illiterate, unlike my mother. She learned to type with radicals in a few months, learned a lot of words, and later learned pinyin. One year she came back and asked me to teach her English. "

I looked at her, lying in the sun, as if I had been baptized by the sun, which was a pilgrimage in her heart.

This was several years ago. Today, I picked it up bit by bit and gradually got a clue. I am not very good at writing. I am pieced together bit by bit. I haven't remembered many things for the time being, but I can't tell clearly by looking through the chat records. Let it be buried by time!

Now grapefruit has a good relationship with grandparents. I have been to her home several times, and the old man is very happy and enthusiastic. Grapefruit said that she looked at her elderly grandparents and suddenly stopped hating them.

Maybe the night before I went to college, I saw the tears of two old people. The first time I saw my grandfather crying at such an age, I couldn't bear to part with my granddaughter, and my grandmother was sincere at that time.

Grapefruit says she has many problems. When she was a child, she was inevitably too stubborn and unreasonable. Let bygones be bygones.

"I only hope that they are well, safe and happy, and I will try my best to create a good life for them. I hope it's too late. "

This eccentric little girl sometimes has deep eyes, but she is always smiling and loves all beautiful things.

I opened my old notebook and left an excerpt in the margin of her message:

"I am a man with a small pattern. I often focus on the immediate troubles and happiness, three meals a day and the health of my family. But I also hope that the world is gentle, and some excellent people should not be wronged. "