People are living individuals, and so are children. He has his own vitality. Early in life, children need the help of their parents. In the future, after leaving our care, he will rely on his own vitality and continue to run vigorously and endlessly. According to the main ideas in teacher Fan Deng's book, I drew this flow chart of the simplest parenting rules. Let's simplify the complicated things, make the goals clear, and stick to the rest. All complex systems are driven by simple rules.

(1) When the child does the right thing and succeeds, give a second feedback: praise and tell the reason. At this time, the child's sense of value will increase.

(2) When the child fails to do something wrong, give the child unconditional love, and then the child's sense of belonging will increase.

(3) Whether the child succeeds or fails and does something right or wrong, parents should cultivate growth-oriented thinking or lifelong growth mentality for the child afterwards, which is the perpetual motion machine for the child's self-growth, and also the "virtue behind virtue" as Fan Deng said.

What can also be seen in this picture is that parents don't bother and give their children enough freedom. The choice lies with the children, and parents just help them. Self-selection and commitment can help children develop a flow experience and get happiness more easily, thus helping them find their own way and stick to it.

In addition, parents themselves need to grow up and think, and don't dwell on their children's temporary mistakes, so as to better give their children unconditional love. By actively trying to solve problems with children, we can also better show children what growth thinking is.

Adler, a famous Austrian psychologist, once mentioned in Inferiority and Transcendence that the two most important things a person pursues in his life are a sense of belonging and a sense of value. When children have enough sense of belonging and value, parents can quit their children's lives, children can start their own life exploration, and parents can rest assured.