"Parents' Language" is a parenting guide published in September 20 17, which guides parents how to "shape" their children's brains in dialogue with their children. How to create a good language environment for children? The answer lies in this book.
The author of this book, Dr. Dana Suskind, is the director of the children's cochlear implant project and the founder of the "30 million vocabulary initiative" of the University of Chicago Medical College. He is committed to studying whether the number of languages that developing children are exposed to in their early years will have a very different impact on their brain structure and development, thus directly affecting children's learning ability and character building. This book is the fruit of her 30 years of complex research.
I used to think that children's learning and education began at school. After seeing many parents send their children under 4 years old to school, I simply thought, what can such a small child understand? I think this behavior is a waste of money and an abuse of children. After reading this book, I found that real education begins from the first day of a child's birth, and school is not the starting point of education. To some extent, children's performance in school is a test of parents' early education.
Next, I will explain my parents' language from three aspects: language environment and learning level, 4T principle and praise.
The traditional ideology holds that "the dragon gives birth to the dragon and the phoenix gives birth to the phoenix", attaching the potential of children to the social and economic status of parents. They stubbornly believe that the quality of a person's study is directly proportional to whether his brain is smart enough.
The author of this book tells us that the language used by parents and children is the most critical factor affecting their academic performance. Children feel that the more languages their parents master, the better their language skills will be. The quantity and quality of words they accept before the age of three directly affect their final academic performance.
In communication with children, parents can do this:
① Reduce the appearance of mandatory vocabulary: The more conversations between parents and children, the faster the children's vocabulary grows, and the higher their IQ after the age of three. Vocabulary is really important for children, but if children are forced or forbidden to accept vocabulary, their language learning ability will be stifled.
No, stop. It can't wait.
2 Dialogue with children with different kinds of words: The number of words parents say to their children directly determines the richness of their vocabulary after they are three years old.
Chatting with the whole family: It is difficult for a pair of parents who are not good at words to raise a talkative child, because if parents talk more at home, the child will have more reactions, while if parents talk less, the child's reactions may be reduced accordingly.
④ Encourage more and deny less: Language is the most beautiful love story and the most hurtful weapon.
I remember my favorite thing to do when I was happy as a child was to open my throat and hum a few words of my favorite lyrics, but my mother gave me an evaluation: your broken gong voice is the same as mine, and your songs are not good to listen to. From then on, until now, I have a kind of awe in singing, and that casual evaluation has become an indelible shadow in my heart, even though I know that my mother loves me very much.
No child is born smart: their intelligence comes from their communicative parents.
A good language environment can not only develop children's intelligence, but also improve parent-child relationship! Let the bond between parents and children be closer.
To create a good language environment, parents don't need to spend a lot of time on it. No matter how busy they are, the 3T principle can be integrated into our lives. Through the addition of vocabulary, parents or guardians will find that daily activities such as making beds, peeling apples and sweeping the floor can develop children's brains.
The first test: * * * attention
In the 4T principle, "emotional care" is the foundation, which requires parents to consciously observe what their children are paying attention to. When the time is ripe, parents will talk to their children about it.
The core purpose of "emotional care" is parents' response. If parents and children participate in activities together, the effectiveness of "emotional care" can be strengthened.
Parents' response is essentially "emotional concern" and can be summarized as the following three steps: 1. Observe; 2. understanding; 3. Action.
The second test: full communication
The second principle requires parents to communicate with their children more. Communication cannot be just sporadic words. The purpose of communication is to let children master all kinds of words and learn how to use them. Communication is two-way. Two-way communication plays an important role in the cultivation of parent-child relationship and the development of children's brain
In terms of full communication, the book gives the following communication skills for parents' reference:
1 Tell: Tell a good way to immerse children in the language environment. Telling can not only expand children's vocabulary, but also let children clearly know the connection between vocabulary pronunciation and meaning. In addition, narration can also familiarize children with the operation steps of daily activities.
② Parallel talk: The focus of parallel talk falls on children.
3 Use pronouns less: If parents tell their children pronouns, they will feel very confused.
4 avoid using long and difficult sentences and avoid repeating the same questions to children.
The third T: Take turns talking.
The third principle is called "taking turns to talk", which requires parents and children to take turns to participate in the conversation when communicating. It is not only the golden rule of parent-child communication, but also the most important part of the 4T principle, which plays a decisive role in children's brain development.
Whether the interaction initiated by parents or the interaction initiated by parents in response to children, the key to success lies in parents' patience in waiting for children's response, which is a crucial step in "taking turns to speak".
What should parents and children say in turn? The author thinks that "open questions" can perfectly realize "taking turns to speak". Asking children "why" and "how to do it" to expand the content of communication is enough for them to be unconstrained in the world of thinking, and also for children to start thinking independently. Instead of asking children to do multiple-choice questions and answer "yes" or "no", they interrupt "taking turns to say".
The fourth t: turn it off.
Electronic devices can never "* * * care" about children's needs, but only attract children's attention at most, but it is of no benefit in language communication. Face-to-face interaction between people is more conducive to developing children's brains.
Children are not born smart, but the communication between parents and other caregivers makes them smart. The 4T principle is the core method to enrich children's early language environment.
If you want to fully tap children's own potential, stability, productivity and compassion, you also hope that they can persevere in the face of difficulties and not give up easily. The key factor of this result is praise.
Children are eager for their parents' affirmation and support. They want their parents to pay attention to what they have done and get praise. But what kind of praise can achieve the expected effect of the parents above?
Research shows that if children hear more praise based on process, they will not give up easily in the face of challenges, but will insist on doing better in study and life.
So how do parents integrate process-based praise into daily parent-child interaction?
Find the right time for the child to change, pay attention to what the child is doing now, seize the opportunity to praise the child as much as possible, and don't let the opportunity go in vain. This will also strengthen their "good" consciousness.
The author of this book tells us that the more detailed and frequent praise parents give their children, the easier it is for them to understand. More importantly, they will understand what good performance is.
The children who "win at the starting line" are not wealthy, nor are they enrolled in many extracurricular classes, but they can be edified in a language-rich and positive environment at birth. Children's initial language environment determines their learning trajectory. The most precious language in the world is the language of parents.
In the process of raising children, we are walking on thin ice all the way, carefully. I hope everyone can find a suitable parenting model on the way to parenting, and I also hope that every little angel can have a good language environment and grow up healthily and happily.