Clear responsibilities and responsibilities
Raising children is our obligation, responsibility and right as parents, not grandparents. Defining our responsibilities and responsibilities is the quality that we should have as adults with our children. Old people have no obligation to take care of our children. Whether it is to help us share the pressure of life or enjoy the fun of getting along with children, we should be grateful to those who help us all day. When we complain about the problem of the elderly helping me with my children, we actually ignore a more fundamental problem, that is, we parents have not fulfilled our responsibilities, kept our borders and defended our rights.
Clear boundaries and master the leading power
I often hear some young parents complain that the old people and children have such problems, saying that the old people are too stubborn and too strong to help. In fact, it is just shirking its responsibility. We are all adults, and we can't even bring up our own children. Can you say that you are a responsible person? When we talk about respecting and caring for the elderly, we don't mean absolutely obeying them. We obey because what the old man said makes sense, and what we follow makes sense; If we don't do what the old people say, it's not betraying our parents, but disagreeing with what they say. When we complain that the elderly are stubborn and strong, we are actually saying that we have no principles and boundaries and can't be the masters of our own lives. In this sense, there is a problem not only in educating children, but also in the whole life.
Accept the imperfection of life.
When it comes to accepting children unconditionally, many mothers can do it or at least try their best. Then why are we so mean and harsh to the elderly? Should we consider ourselves perfect even if we don't consider our parents' old age? Do you have fewer problems with your children? In fact, many of the problems we complain about are not caused by the elderly, but the physical and mental development characteristics of children at a certain stage. However, due to our ignorance and prejudice, we blame these problems on the elderly. Everyone feels and understands others by feeling and understanding themselves. Our relationship with children or the elderly is essentially a projection of our relationship with ourselves. Therefore, truly accepting the elderly is the embodiment that we can accept ourselves, and if we can't accept the elderly, it is impossible to give our children unconditional acceptance and love.
Relationships are more important than academic qualifications, including academic qualifications.
A harmonious family environment not only lays a good foundation for educating children, but also is an education in itself. Many parents are eager to send their young children to various classes and early education classes, or instill the truth of being a man all day. As we all know, how we treat our parents and partners, the way we do things, the tone of communication and so on. The influence on children is greater and more important than all kinds of lessons and principles! This will affect or even determine the attitude of children to know the world and face their own life in the future. How we treat our parents, children will see it in their eyes and will treat us like this in the future. If we don't accept and respect our parents, how can our children respect the elderly and us?
Educate yourself, not ask others.
Another important reason why the younger generation of parents complain that the elderly bring many problems to their children is their lack of self-confidence. I can't control myself, I can't tell the boundaries between myself and my children, and I blindly set rules for my children. I don't spoil them, and I don't fight or scold them. Sadly, I don't know it myself, so there is a strange phenomenon: some parents turn a blind eye to many problems of their children who have been raised for 5-6 years, but after the children have lived in their grandparents' homes for several months, they blame all the problems of their children on the improper education methods of the elderly. Ask yourself, be objective? In my eyes, education should never be to blame the old and punish the children, but to manage yourself. If parents really do it, even if you just spend time with your children every night and weekend, as long as this kind of companionship is of quality, the strength and guidance that children can feel from you are powerful, and the bad influence of the elderly on children is really not as great as you think.
Accept differences, don't complain, and don't force changes.
Whether we agree with the elderly or not, we must accept them. Not accepting, but respecting the old people's ideas, temperament and habits. We have no right to ask the elderly to make changes to adapt to us and raise children with our ideas and methods. If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have great differences on the education of their children, they will try their best to let the father of their children do the work of the elderly, which is also the unshirkable responsibility of the husband and son. I think it is a big principle that I will communicate with my parents, but this is only a point. I won't force the old man to do what I want. According to my observation and understanding, the appearance of intergenerational education is the difference in concepts and methods of raising children, but the essence is the difference in values, temperament and habits between the two generations. Ask yourself, can these be easily changed? We can't change the ideas and habits formed in 30 or 40 years. Is it realistic for an old man in his sixties and seventies to exchange them? If we really want to change on our own, to say the least, it will be us, not the elderly. So I may stick to my own practice, but I won't complain that the old man's practice is improper and forced to change.
With the help of experts
This is my usual way of persuading my parents. No matter how old people are, they will think that their children are children, but they will care more about experts and scholars. When there are some big differences, I will show my parents some expert talk shows or relevant reports in newspapers and magazines. Although they rarely admit their mistakes, I find that similar problems will be improved in the future.
The two things that can't wait in life are the education of children and the care of the elderly. There's not much time to come. Missed is missed. Irrevocable. Fortunately, if we have enough love and wisdom, these two things can become one. Parents' daily care is a good education for children, and giving children a good education is also the inheritance and transmission of parents' love. This kind of care and education is the best gift for parents and parents of all children.