I hear vulgar scolding every morning. Beating children, scolding wives, grabbing toilet water, and noisy neighbors. People don't care about dignity and dignity. These noble adjectives are not worth mentioning in Xiangyang Lane. A bachelor in the left room, an old gambler for decades, lost everything and hid out of my old house.
A young couple lives on the right. The man is a plasterer, and the woman washes her hair in a hair salon. The man often doubts whether the woman has had sexual relations with the guests, and every time she gets drunk, she is beaten black and blue. There, there is a single mother with her seven-year-old child.
When a woman has finished the hardships of love and life, she will vent her anger on her children. I often hear her hoarse voice shouting at the child, "You are a debt collector, why don't you die?"
I hate it here. Nobody likes it here. It is very cheap. The rent of tens of dollars a month is an irresistible temptation. That year, my father fell off the scaffold, causing a slight disability in his right leg. A family of three lives entirely on their mothers. When three meals are hard to maintain, nothing else matters, right?
I spent my whole childhood arguing and abusing. Neighbors abuse each other, and parents are no exception. After the leg injury, my father fell into inexplicable irritability and blamed the accident on his mother: "If you hadn't made a sound, I wouldn't be here today!" " "
Sitting on a stool, kicking his legs, jumping up and down, his neck is full of tendons. Walking is not smooth, and dad can't afford to sell his strength. An old villager introduced him to a job-guarding a timber warehouse halfway up the mountain, with a monthly fee of 1600 yuan, eating and living in Lazar in a small house.
It is sunny in winter and exposed in summer. But thank God, this family is alive again. My father lives in the mountains all the year round, and my mother works harder. She has to take care of me and live by setting up a stall. In those years, my most familiar picture was that my mother was sitting on a stall, lying on the bed with her head up, crying quietly. Just after the old one was wiped off, the new one fell off.
I can't fully explain her inner pain. I'm afraid of being a mother. So I study hard. My mother told me one thing since I was a child-if you want to move out of Xiangyang Lane, you have to study hard.
I got excellent grades, and almost all my courses got full marks. The teachers praised my efforts, but how can the children in Xiangyang Lane really understand? There is no other choice but to know in advance.
I never ask my parents for toys, never ask for snacks, never look at beautiful skirts, even if I like them again, I dare not let my eyes stay on them. I'm afraid my mother will be sad when she sees me.
All this is to let you know how hard it is for me to get everything today. I entered a key university in 2006. This is the beginning of my fate change. I always remember that on the day of school, my mother sent me home with tears. She told me to study hard and said that I was embarrassed at home and nothing was ready.
She is full of regret and guilt, but she doesn't know my heart. She is just eager to leave home. It's almost the city, and I will soon be thoroughly remoulded and wash away all the memories about Xiangyang Lane! In the student union, I go to the library, take part-time jobs in all my spare time, and study hard day and night. Nobody understands. Jiang, a student in dormitory 506, why do you want to go to senior three in college?
They don't understand that they have never lived in Xiangyang Lane. I got excellent grades and even won a national scholarship. I haven't asked my family for a penny since my sophomore year. There is a glimmer of hope in life, and the joy that fate is about to turn over has excited me for countless nights, trouble sleeping.
But fate played a trick on me again. In the winter of 2008, my father died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage. It was in the dark and damp warehouse halfway up the mountain that he fell in love with drinking.
Night after night, he was as drunk as a fiddler, and the pungent smell of cheap white wine emanated from him. Finally, on a cold winter night, he fell headlong to the ground. When he was discovered, he had missed the best rescue time.
The house suddenly collapsed. I stood at the open door, looking forward to it. At dawn, a pair of big hands slammed the iron gate.
I fell into deeper darkness. I got depression, and the school psychological teacher told me that this may be the direct cause of my father's death that I have been worried about for years. Rome was not built in a day. You have to get out of the shadows by yourself. At that time, I often lost sleep, finally fell asleep, and always had nightmares.
I dreamed that my father fell from the guillotine, he put his hand around my mother's neck, the man in the next room beat the woman, and the child in Xiangyang Lane cried and screamed … I experienced a lot of pain. I thought that fate would eventually change my fate, but I didn't know that fate would only take a nap when I woke up and be fooled by applause again.
At that time, I met Hao Yang, my later husband. As a member of the school psychological counseling center, I am responsible for receiving students who come to consult. I often make appointments in the consultation center, and after a while, I became friends with him.
Contrary to me, Hao Yang is a child who doesn't like suffering. Between the eyebrows and eyes, he is the kind of frankness like a rich boy. He likes to laugh, tell jokes and help others.
He told me that he came to the psychological counseling center to help more students with difficulties. Can you understand that feeling? In Haoyang, there is everything I envy. That innocence, that perseverance, that faint childlike innocence, because I didn't know the sufferings of the world, conquered me like a demon.
I still can't tell whether I love him or the dream man. I really want to have the happiness of Hao Yang. Even if I'm not so lucky, I'll stay a little longer in this warm aura.
To this day, I am still thanking Hao Yang. In my life, he accompanied me through the most painful and difficult moments. He showed me a world that I had never been to. The seasons here are like spring, flowers are in full bloom, and love and warmth are everywhere.
It was the national day holiday, and he invited me to travel: "Jiang, will you give me a chance?" There is no way to refuse. He kissed me in the west street where people come and go in Yangshuo.
I really felt inferior at that time. What can I do to fall in love with him? In this broken and poor family, my little home, and the midnight dream that I can't get rid of like a nightmare.
Hao Yang and I are originally from two different worlds. Why should I be with him? But Hao Yang said that he didn't care about anything, just as I liked his sunshine, and he also liked my innate melancholy. He wants to be with me, shelter me from the wind and rain, and disperse the dark clouds for me.
You see, I told you earlier that Hao Yang was a bit childish, wasn't he? Maybe this is also the foreshadowing for our ending.
However, at that moment, even if I had to choose 10 thousand times again, I would still choose to be with him. I am so eager for warmth that Hao Yang is like ten suns.
That year, I got out of the shadow of depression and got an offer from a Fortune 500 company. I remember how happy my mother was when she came home.
She nagged me about how difficult it was to go to school before, how much pain my father had caused her, and said that I was very sensible since I was a child. I won everything today by my own efforts.
My mother began to cry again. I know she remembered everything in Xiangyang Lane again. Those dirty and dirty memories haunt not only me, but also my mother.
After my father died, my mother no longer lived there, but we all know that the past, no matter how long, will be engraved in our bones and blood. When my mother saw Hao Yang's photo, she was both gratified and worried: "Can such a good family at home dislike us?"
Hao Yang didn't. Rich kids have a special thing. They don't know the value of money.
According to Hao Yang, money is not enough, and people are not old, so why care about their families? And I have a decent job, and the salary is even higher than him. What is there to doubt?
It takes me home. Obviously, my later mother-in-law, Hao Yang's mother, was not satisfied with my family, but this kind woman accepted me without saying anything. Look, their family are all good people.
In other words, I really feel inferior in my bones. Today, I often think of Hao Yang's words. I have long since got rid of the poverty of my family, and my salary is even higher than his. Why do I always habitually regard his love as a condescension and a gift?
The girls in Xiangyang Lane, how poor, how poor! But anyway, ten years with Hao Yang was the best time of my life.
It's like being cured. All the love and respect that my husband can give his wife are given to me. I have the best wedding, the most unforgettable honeymoon, a warm day and the whole year.
Hao Yang loves me just as his father loves his mother. He is gentle, considerate and careful. Besides the prosperous business, we also have a lovely daughter.
Xiangyang lane has given me hard work and is of great help to my work. Everyone calls me "Desperate San Niang", and my colleagues can't solve technical problems. I can always find a way to deal with them. Gradual promotion and salary increase, and finally become the middle-level leader of the company at the end of 20 18.
In the secular world, I got all the happiness. I hardly ever dreamed of Xiangyang Lane again. Everything is blank. It feels good to be loved. It feels good not to be short of money.
I compensated my daughter with everything I lacked when I was a child. Buy her a beautiful skirt, the latest doll, keep a dog at home and give her all the love and companionship I can think of.
But I didn't think that I couldn't give her a complete home. Hao Yang cheated on her. In fact, there were some signs from the beginning. At that time, Hao Yang chatted with his mobile phone all day, like a fool. If it was the woman next to him, she might have noticed it. But I'm not.
I just want a job and a daughter. I didn't agree until one day, when Hao Yang told me that he was going to travel far away. The big man, one meter eight, stood at the door. Suddenly, his eyes were red. "Won't you miss me?" He secretly unwilling.
"I miss you very much, but aren't you going to work?" I didn't think much about it either. Hao Yang is a little depressed. He pushed open the door and tried to go, but before he left, he turned around and hugged me hard.
Later, I learned that Hao Yang spent a lot of time with other women. He explained that I was so busy at work that I almost always worked overtime. Even when I get home, I only care about my daughter and don't think about it at all. He is also a flesh-and-blood person who needs feelings.
I am a person with great personality, unlike women outside, gentle, sensible and coquettish. I saw the photo of that woman on WeChat. I don't know why, but I have an illusion in my trance. She is like Hao Yang when she was young-cheerful, naive and without feelings.
Well, here we are at last. After ten years of hard work, Hao Yang finally found out that he and I don't belong to the same world.
He sat on the sofa and cried, "I don't know how to love you." Over the years, I have given you everything I can, but I always feel that you are too far away from me to understand …
Don't refute, let alone accuse him of betrayal. Many things can't be explained by words at all. How can I tell Hao Yang that I am too afraid of being knocked down by fate again, and I have tried my best to be more reliable and safe.