My hyacinthus orientalis is dead. After the stamens were smashed by the rain, the style also festered, and only the leaves were still sullen. Think about it, I don't have to feel sorry for it, at least it has been in full bloom all its life. I should be happy about it, even if possible, I should cry about it. But I won't cry any more. Crying is only the right of childhood. When he grew up, unknown so just cried a lot and stopped crying.

I cried at night and my body collapsed. In the morning, walking in the street, my body floats without weight. Although I often tell myself not to shed tears easily, I tell myself that tears should always flow, as long as I hide in the dark and not be seen. My heart is sour, tears are rolling in my eyes, and when the southwest wind blows, I cough all night, and my whole body overflows with a sickly breath, so I can't sleep. At that moment, tears will not flow in vain, it has temperature, and a cold heart can be warmed. As always, those who warm themselves with tears are somewhat weak, and they are not allowed to spy on others, nor are they allowed to fall into the dilemma of shivering alone. But one thing is good, you can be reckless, you can not die, it is real pain, so there is no happiness at all. Happiness is a very ethereal thing, but sadness can be heavy and sink into the deep sea.

Night, with a glimmer, is the halo of mosquito repellent lamp. Because the eyes have astigmatism, through tears, the halo becomes a flower, without the shape of the flower, only the outline of the flower. I know, I miss you very much, but I can't say "I miss you" anymore. I changed it to a more refined expression, "Sing it to me, will you?" I know everyone will fall asleep at night, and I know you won't sing any more. But what does it matter? I know that even if you sing, you can't teach me to halve my tears. People, sometimes, will teach themselves to be so sad that they don't know why. I don't want to sleep. Just then, someone was humming upstairs. Although the singing is not good, it is timely. At such a sudden moment, tears poured out. In the final analysis, this is a long-planned outbreak. But it is dumb and there is no sound, so be careful when snickering. At least at this point, I learned how to embarrass myself better. I don't pity me for crying in the dark, and sometimes I even hate it, but it is with a slight gentle disgust, because I don't allow myself to be sad for too long. After all, I just miss thinking. I just feel wronged. I just don't want to talk. I just can't laugh. I just need to cry. It's not enough to mourn. I didn't mourn until love withered. In order to avoid mourning, I stay away from love. I am pregnant with the appearance of porcelain. If you are copper, iron or something too hard, I will break it, but it will break like it can't be stitched again. I know that after I am broken, you may not cry for me, so I look at you from root to flower. Wait and see. Imagine you are a blue hyacinthus orientalis. Every time I see you, I feel very happy and happy.

Before going to bed, she touched my head as if to appease an injured child. My hair touched her palm, and I understood her awkward words, as if to say: Don't be unhappy, in fact, the scenery is very good. But she doesn't know that all the people I miss are scenery, and she doesn't know whether those scenery are good or not. She doesn't even know that I cried in the middle of the night because of a sentence that came out when she was sleepy. When I woke up, I almost fainted in the crowded subway because I cried. I just suddenly found out that she didn't understand me, but I don't blame her. I'm just so sad that I can't make a sound. So I curled up in the dark with tears in my eyes, and she didn't find me. I am such a puzzling person. If the wind passing through the door has a palm, please slap me and let it cure the pain with pain. I know that pain can never be cured without taking medicine, so tears fall down again and again. I can't do anything about tears. The way I treat myself is almost stupid. I'm always Lacrimosa. After crying, the body collapses, and the fatigue caused by the disease makes the cough become willful and reckless. Therefore, I hate myself when I am sick. Every time I cough, I feel more guilty. In this way, it has become an incurable disaster. It's really cute to think of those people who used to hate me for this. If you love, you love. If you don't love, you stay away. And hate is really the biggest profligacy. If you are not too weak to extricate yourself, you can't boldly hate someone. At least, in my opinion, you don't have to look at me.

At 3: 021p.m., I'm still in the library, and it's past my meal. I didn't forget the food and medicine I wanted to eat at noon, but I didn't want to eat it and ignored it. I drank a bowl of rice porridge this morning, and now I feel dizzy. I don't know if it's because I'm dizzy from hunger or because I shed tears at night or because I'm sick. Anyway, I don't want to explore. Backed against the wall, the phone is still plugged with a charging treasure, and there are four books stacked on the leg. Before editing the diary, I read Lu Lu badminton's "May I be as naive as before, May you be as kind as yesterday", and when I saw the page 102, my thoughts slowly slowed down. The title of the log is a sentence intercepted from the book, which reminds me of you.

I am steadfast in my heart and will not lose you.

Before I go out, I take my green notebook to write letters, but I never send it out. This is another diary besides the diary. The difference between it and a diary is that at the beginning of each article, someone says where I started writing, so it gets more courtesy than a diary. But when I pulled out some books from the rows of shelves, I sat in the corner and read quietly, and I couldn't pick up the pen anymore. I was so dizzy that I almost fainted. I turned over page after page, trying to ease my bad mood. I can't even make a sound or smile at others. My head hurts, and I need to express it urgently in order to live a peaceful life. Only when my heart calms down can I hear the sound of others turning pages. I'm thinking, maybe that voice can break this deadpan deadlock. Although I don't like or even get used to this deadlock, it naturally exists and will not disappear for a while.

Now, I feel much better. I won't be in a bad mood or in a good mood, but I'm always in a good mood. I don't want to be good all the time, as long as I am good. Life is based on a state, and mood is often based on a modality. So, sometimes, I feel sad and lose my voice. I don't expect you to understand me, and I don't like to explain myself to you outside my life, because it belongs to ungodly. I want to miss you silently. There is no sound or noise. If I want to cry, I am lucky to stay away from each other and not be seen by you, so you won't laugh at me. If you laugh at me, I think I will cry. At this time, even if you say more "touching your head", it is useless. It's good to want to come to the big ice, and I invented the warm word "touching my head". But please don't abuse it If there is a crack in your heart, it is too child's play to talk to it.

Don't be unhappy, the scenery is actually very good.

I will never miss you like this again, and I will never cry like this again. Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? "Enthusiasm" is what Mr. Mu Xin said according to literature. I have always kept this word with temperature in mind, whether it is based on literature or life. I came to this world with the most primitive defects, which is an unchangeable proposition. I will feel sad about it, but I won't despair. As Kafka said, I came into this world with a beautiful wound, which is my only dowry. This is the same reason, what I want to do is to get along with myself at this stage!

You said, no matter what the final result will be, at least you are glad to meet me.

I'm not looking for a result.

I'm not looking for a result.

I'm not looking for a result.

On the back of the book is Xiao Quan's recommendation: "You take pictures and I'll write." I don't know how to answer, because that's what San Mao once said to me. After reading it, I picked up Lu Lu badminton's book. I know nothing about the author, just because there is Sanmao's name on the back of the book. So, I turned page by page, and the words didn't disappoint me, but every word reminded me of you. You sing zebra for me in the far north. When I heard Dong Ye. Only with the soundtrack of S did I know that it was the only song that made me cry. If sensibility is wrong, then pray that reason is not too right. I will forget all your affectionate words, just like forgetting that April is the season of oleander in full bloom. I like things that walk slowly, slowly and slowly, so that people will not be caught off guard, and there is no need to regret the one I always take half a beat slowly.

I am steadfast in my heart and will not lose you.

I am steadfast in my heart and will not lose you.

My heart is at ease. I won't lose you.