Everyone is not only a group performance on the world stage, but also the protagonist of his own life.

We try to set a halo for this protagonist, which may be wealth, power, reputation, knowledge, beauty, or a certificate, a glorious past, a love-hate interwoven; These have created us now, but they cannot represent "me at this moment."

Every moment of life is a farewell to the past. While we yearn for "not thinking about the past and not fearing the future", we are entangled in the fact that every achievement is hard-won and difficult to give up.

The appearance of the book "Breaking Up" has caused a wave of young people breaking up. We were pleasantly surprised to find that although the material was streamlined, we were full of spirit and had subtle changes.

Eiko Yamashita of Japan is the author of Separation. Since 2000, she began to hold lectures on separation in various parts of Japan, and then attracted Japanese media to compete for interviews. Her lectures on separation have also become a hot topic in society, setting off a nationwide wave of separation.

What kind of magic does it have that makes people so keen? Next, let's have a deeper understanding of parting and experience the wonderful changes that parting brings to life.

0 1

Freedom is more than acquisition.

There are also choices and letting go.

Why do we always feel not free? Why can't I be happy after buying a lot of things? Why does throwing things make us feel tangled and distressed? The author points out three reasons for "not letting go": escaping from reality, clinging to the past and worrying about the future. People who can't let go have a common feature-"the sense of time is relatively weak."

When we face an item, we often think that it can still be used, not that I need it now; It may be useful later, not that I need it now.

We often look at the value of items from the perspective of whether they can be used or not, but ignore the value of items to us on the time axis of the whole life.

Even though we have a lot of things, we still feel distressed when we choose, use and put them down. It can be seen that freedom is not only reflected in the freedom to obtain material, but also in the freedom to choose and let go.

Separation can make us really understand the difference between "giving up" and "abandoning". "Abandoning" means abandoning; And "giving up" is a kind of regression, which gives us a chance to face our hearts again. Disengagement is essentially a kind of wisdom of "giving up", rather than throwing things away at will.

Camus said: "Freedom should be an opportunity to make yourself better." The core of "giving up" in parting is to give us a chance to face our hearts and let us regain our freedom.

Eiko Yamashita tells a case in the book: Ms. Feng divorced for seven years and lived alone. There are so many sundries in her house that she can't put them down and won't clean them up. Besides, there is a secret in her heart-she hid the news of her divorce from her family and friends. Because for a traditional conservative family, divorce is a taboo.

But after breaking up, Ms. Feng gradually found the reason. She didn't want to lose her furniture and sundries, but she didn't want to admit that she had a failed marriage. In the end, Ms. Feng made up her mind to clean up the furniture and sundries used when she lived with her ex-husband. After cleaning up, she ushered in a brand-new self, and even got up the courage to tell her family and friends about the divorce. From then on, I began to really enjoy my single life.

This is a typical case of giving up, facing the inner choice, letting go and finally regaining freedom.

The author tells us that when making a choice, we should look at things from a historical perspective, pick out the things with quality, compress the items to "the amount that can establish and maintain a certain social relationship", and then try our best to cherish the fate of a person meeting an item. Only in this way can we truly return to ourselves, see our hearts clearly, and then cherish things and love life.

02

Breaking up is not throwing things.

It's a change in thinking.

Separation is not simply "throwing things", but a change in people's thinking when they look at things, from stubborn "material axis" thinking to "space axis" thinking, bringing a simple and simple life.

The core of "material axis" thinking is "material", and the angle of consideration is "effectiveness", but "necessity" is often ignored, which makes it difficult for us to make a choice when facing people or things.

The core of "space axis" thinking is "space". The premise of "limited space" makes us need to think about the relationship between matter and ourselves in a limited space and streamline things, which not only reduces the burden of material life, but also reduces the burden of spiritual space.

When we think differently, it will be much easier to look at this matter at home. The author summarizes three standards of household goods storage: necessity, suitability and pleasure. As soon as these three principles come out, we can find that their core is around the feeling of "I".

Someone said, "Every time I clean up, it's not long before my house is full of things. What can I do? " How to keep it clean all the time? The author puts forward a method of "1 out 1 in".

When we buy an item, we must buy an item accordingly. According to this simple principle, we can get comfortable and comfortable space, and we are no longer often tired of clutter and arrangement.

Ms Zhihua is a typical housewife. In the past, saving money in her cognition was the standard of a good housewife. Moreover, she has been firmly practicing thrift, in order to achieve a goal: to buy a house of her own. Therefore, her previous consumption concept was to buy discounted goods, hoard things that might be used in rainy days, buy a large number of items at one time to make up for the reduction and discount, and be keen on exchanging points for gifts.

It was not until she met Duan Sheli that her concept of goods changed. After that, the decision to buy a product is no longer because of discounts and points, but whether it is needed now and whether it can bring fun to life. As a result, she lost her scorecard and began to pay attention to the value of items to herself and the taste of food itself, realizing that life doesn't need too many items. As a result, the daily expenses have dropped, which is better than the previous thrift. In the end, Ms Zhihua also realized her dream and owned her own house.

It can be seen that parting brings not only a simple result, but also a lightness and freedom of mind. This result appears because breaking up has fundamentally changed our way of thinking.

03

Re-examine people and things

Relationship with space and time

Separation is not only reflected in the arrangement of goods, but also in the concept of separation. Disengagement, let us rethink the relationship between man and matter from the two axes of space and time.

Help us recognize the present situation from time, and think about the interaction frequency between people and matter from the time axis, which will bring the density of value. From the space, it helps us to see the limitations clearly, think about the relevance between people and things from the limited space, and enhance the value intensity.

When the relationship between our hearts and things changes, we begin to really understand our inner needs and begin to accept and like ourselves.

At first, it may be difficult to learn to accept your heart and make a farewell. The author pointed out a "shortcut" for us: start from a small place where we can make achievements and constantly accumulate confidence and courage.

For example, start with such small things as cleaning the computer desktop or cleaning the drawers, and feel the changes that parting brings to your heart and life. Furthermore, it will be more leisurely to clean up books, clothes and other items that occupy a large space that most people are entangled in.

The story of throwing away "a pair of chopsticks" in the book gives us profound enlightenment. This beautiful woman has two physically disabled children. The children are weak and sick, and the husband often works overtime until late at night, so he has no time to take care of his family. In addition, his relatives and friends are not around, and he often takes his children in and out of the hospital, which makes this beautiful lady often feel "unfortunate" and even have the idea of dying.

Under pressure, her house is often in a mess. Until Miss Beauty came into contact with her, the first "homework" she received was to throw away a pair of chopsticks. The beauty thought, "It's that simple? I can, too! " So she hurried to the kitchen, tied the defective chopsticks together and threw them away. It was these chopsticks that opened the first step for a beautiful woman to break up. The arrangement of housework brings a clean and tidy home environment, and also gives beautiful women enough courage to face their own destiny.

04

Overlooking force

Bring about the improvement of work efficiency.

The book points out:

"In the process of deep separation, the accuracy of our choices and decisions will be improved and the speed of action will be improved."

This has a direct impact on our work, that is, improving efficiency.

By sorting out household items, we have changed our way of thinking, taking people as the main body and taking time and space as two coordinate axes to examine our relationship with things, which is the "overlooking" thinking advocated by the author. When our thinking becomes sharp and light, we have enough insight, decisive and accurate determination and quick action.

In the book "McKinsey Work Law: 39 Work Habits of McKinsey Elite", such "ignoring power" is also mentioned.

When we encounter problems at work, the thinking mode we often use is to look for problems and solutions from our own perspective or the customer's perspective. "In our subconscious, we are all bound by our own opinions or self-evaluation benchmarks, that is, we are all bound by the rules we create"; I rarely think from the perspective of a third party, that is, I lack "overlooking power".

Disengagement can help us get rid of the shackles of self-creation and gain "overlooking power", that is, the "overall view" in our work. When our perspective on problems changes, our judgments and actions will become more courageous and accurate.

We observe the elites in the workplace and find that they often have one thing in common: they like to make lists. And a list can not only help them sort out the work priorities of each workshop, but also give birth to the action force of real-time feedback, and often check whether the results of actions are consistent with the goals on the original list. Therefore, breaking up can also be said to be an efficiency revolution at work.

05

Grasp the density of "space"

Make interpersonal communication more harmonious

Breaking up is not only reflected in storing things, but also in dealing with interpersonal relationships. In interpersonal relationships, if we can grasp the appropriate "space", communication and getting along will become more harmonious.

As the author tells a story in the book, a woman has been troubled by atopic dermatitis since she was a child. She received all kinds of treatments and never changed. Over the years, her parents have also spent considerable time, energy and financial resources on her dermatitis. However, since she left her parents and entered the university, something unexpected happened and her skin inflammation was cured.

This story gives us an important revelation:

Just like in the TV series "Hidden Corner" recently discussed, Zhang Chaoyang was urged by his mother to drink milk, which reminded many people of childhood memories-the oppressive feeling of being urged by his mother to drink milk, eat fruit and drink water when he was a child. This kind of emotional control often exists in the most intimate relationships, such as parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship.

When we grow up, we gradually find that there is a "sense of suffocation" hidden in those painful relationships, and it is difficult for both sides to get happiness in the relationship because there is no breathing space. The reason is that the less people care about themselves, the easier it is to fall into the dependence or even control of intimate relationships.

For parents, from the birth of a child, parents should understand that this is a gradual process. Children should learn to be independent, and parents should learn to let go.

Intimacy makes us trapped by emotion and bound by reason, while parting advocates a kind of "relaxed and moderate" spatial consciousness, which helps us to return to reason, pull away from emotion, "overlook" the relationship with others from a height, and then establish a "spatial density" suitable for ourselves with others.

Therefore, the process of parting is also the creation of "space", which is not only a space, a speech space, but also a communication space, which can help us establish a proper, comfortable and comfortable interpersonal relationship.

06

Start a subjective lifestyle

Meet a brand-new self

Because of obsession, many people can't let go of many things, causing constant troubles and pains. The author tells us that breaking up can temper our obsession. Because after parting, the people, things and things we keep are very precious and loving to us. This process has enabled us to discover a brand-new self and to open a "subjective lifestyle".

What is a "subjective lifestyle"?

When you understand the hard work of giving up, you also know how to be cautious about what you get; Carefully consider every choice and consciously start with items that are more relevant to you; Compress the number of articles to an appropriate level, don't get tired of articles, and pursue a relaxed and comfortable life with stretching space. And this stretching space ensures the uniqueness of each of us.

Savoring the wisdom of parting reminds us of the thought of "the road is simple, it is difficult to know and easy to do" in the ancient classic Tao Te Ching. How similar the author's wisdom is, it can be said that it is an ideological collision that spans thousands of years.

If "breathing" means that the body is unconsciously adjusting to ensure continuity, then "parting" means living in conscious adjustment to obtain a comfortable life.

One day, we will face the ultimate choice of life-aging and death, and parting is to help us practice letting go in our daily life and learn to let go.

At the end of this book, the author even sublimates parting into an aesthetic of "leaving"-an aesthetic that makes "me at the moment" glow with life gradually through the simplification of matter, space and even mind.

Each of us is like a canvas, all our life experiences will eventually be summarized into a unique picture, and parting is the brush in our hands, writing our own aesthetics of life.

Conclusion:

Break the obsession, no longer be troubled by material, and re-examine the value of material in letting go and choosing;

Give up impetuous, return to inner care, ignore your own pain and troubles, and usher in a clean and comfortable life;

Leave the past, meet yourself at this moment, live in the steaming moment, and embark on a light and comfortable life.

If you break your obsession, you can learn to let go; You can only find yourself if you are willing to be flashy; Only by letting go of the past can we win the future.

Breaking up is not so much a trend of the times that people can catch up with, but rather a spiritual homecoming, waiting for you and me to start. The simplification of matter only provides a beginning. The transformation of consciousness and way of thinking is a process, and our destination is every unique life illuminated by our true self.

So, don't look back, let's start the journey of parting at once and feel the wonderful changes it brings to life.