Student: "Teacher, what is Battle of Red Cliffs?" Teacher: "Bare arms are bare arms. Battle of Red Cliffs is naturally a war with bare hands. "

Historical story

Xiaoming is always pestering his father to tell him historical stories. One day, Xiao Ming said, "Dad, tell people a historical story!" " ! Dad: OK ~ ~ Once upon a time, there was a frog. Xiaoming: Alas! People want to hear historical stories! ! Dad: OK ~ ~ In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog. 』

Martial arts lovers

In the history exam of senior two, there is a topic: the first Arabic pharmaceutical masterpiece is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ....

History test questions

In the final exam of history, there is a filling question: "There are bears in the capital of Huangdi; There are bears in the capital of Jian Yao; There are tigers in the capital of Shunjian; " As a result, a student actually wrote the following answer: the Yellow Emperor has bears; There are lions in Jian Yao; There are tigers along the sword.

Have the right to remain silent

On the first day of American history, the professor assigned his students to read five chapters on civil rights. The next day, he asked a classmate to name ten civil rights, but the classmate didn't respond. The professor said, "OK, let's make five items." The students are still silent. The professor had no choice but to say, "Just talk about one of your rights as a citizen." The student replied, "I have the right to remain silent." Four great inventions "

The teacher asked Wheat China what were the four great inventions? Wheat thought for a moment and replied, "porridge, flour, noodles, rice." "The teacher also thought about it and said," Alas ... you are right. 」

Computers will rewrite history.

A university held a basketball game, and the last champion history team and the runner-up computer team entered the finals. Before the game, the two teams posted posters to cheer. The poster posted by the History Department is: "History proves that history has amazing similarities!" The poster posted by the computer department is: "It is universally acknowledged that computers will rewrite history!"

history

Aunt: "How did Jimmy do in the history exam this time?" Mother: "sorry, it's not good at all." But it's not his fault. They all asked about the poor child before he was born. "

I don't know whether to cry or laugh.

Once, my brother was in a history class, and the teacher asked him, "Who is Louis XIV?" He replied, "Isn't Louis XIV Louis X and Louis IV?" The teacher almost exploded with anger at this. He said angrily, "Why don't you say Louis VII times Louis II?" I realized that my brother said without thinking, "Teacher, mathematically speaking, Louis seven times Louis two should be Louis square fourteen, so you are wrong." The teacher was tongue-tied and in distress situation.

Mother of success

One day, a history teacher was having a class. The teacher asked his classmates, "Who can tell who Zheng Chenggong is in history?" A student stood up and said, "I don't know who Zheng Chenggong is, but I know who his mother is!" " "The teacher said," how do you know his mother? "The student said," Yes, his mother's name is "failure"! Isn't the teacher always saying, "Failure is the mother of success?"

Become history

History teacher: Why did you leave early? Barry: I have an important appointment. History teacher: Is history more important or girlfriend more important? Barry: If I'm late again, she'll be history! ! ! History teacher: @ # # $%%

Napoleon's chair

A group of pupils visited the museum. Xiao Weiming felt very tired after visiting everywhere and sat in a chair. The teacher was surprised to see it from behind the interpreter in the museum, but fortunately the interpreter didn't see it yet. The teacher whispered angrily to Weiming, get up quickly! Are you out of your mind? That's Napoleon's chair! Ah, teacher, but my feet really hurt! If he comes, I'll get up at once to make room for him! Wei Ming said.

rebroadcast

"Teacher, how was my son's history exam? I didn't like this course when I was at school. " "What's your score in history class?" "I failed the exam." "I think history is repeating itself."

How many times?

The teacher asked in class, "How many wars took place in Spain in the fifteenth century?" "Six times." A student answered quickly. "Which six times?" The teacher asked again. "The first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time, the fifth time and the sixth time."

Dude, I- ...

The founding father said: the five-power constitution was created by my brother. When I tested the Three People's Principles ... Q: The five-power constitution was originally created (). A student answered (brother me) …

This is not correct.

My classmate found that he had completely forgotten a question in a history exam, so he wrote "Long live Mao Zedong" ... As a result, when he handed out the exam paper, he found a cross next to it and erased it, adding a comment that "it is incorrect here". ......

In the history class of a famous university, the professor asked students from all over the world: "To be or not to be, who said this famous saying?"

After a long silence, Gutian stood up and said, "Shakespeare."

"Very well, then who said' by the people, by the people and for the people'?"

"1863, abraham lincoln said."

"Exactly, classmate. It was a Japanese student who answered the question just now, but as a student from a European country, he couldn't answer it. It's a pity. " The professor said regretfully.

"Fuck Japan!" Suddenly there was a cry.

"Who? ! Who said that? " The professor's angry voice trembled.

"1945, President Truman said." John stood up.

"What do you think you are doing?" The professor said angrily.

"Madonna said it." Jack also stood up.

"This is really disgusting, and it is simply lawless." The professor trembled with anger.

"At 199 1, when Bush met with the Japanese Prime Minister, he said," Stephen couldn't sit still either.

The professor was too angry to speak. He strode to the door: "I'll be back."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger said." Bob finally cut in.

Gutian was very wronged: "I didn't do anything bad, why did this happen?"

"Leslie Cheung said Lee Hyo Ri a face of worship to answer.

Wright sighed: "Today will be a very meaningful day."

Bin laden said that. "Chris replied.

At this moment, the headmaster and the professor came in together. His face was livid: "You have to pay for this!" "

"Stalin said." The whole class answered with one voice.

Once upon a time, there was a private school gentleman who was very, very lazy. One day, he saw a freshman come in with his back to the door in class. It was strange, but he was too lazy to ask, so he had to endure ... Then one day, he finally couldn't help it. He asked the student: Why do you come in backwards every day? As a result, the students' answers made Mr. Xue ashamed. The student said, sir, I came in backwards, so I don't have to look back after school!

An elderly headmaster is giving a speech to his classmates. A few hours later, the headmaster said like a dream, "I feel very strange." Why do I hear two waves of applause every time I say a meaning? " Later, after careful observation, I finally understood that it was the applause of the people who listened attentively and awakened the dozing people, which caused the second wave of applause. Students, have I observed correctly? "

As soon as the headmaster's voice fell, the audience burst into laughter, and there were two waves of applause.

At this time, the headmaster also gave a burst of laughter. His laughter drew a third round of applause.

Students majoring in mechanical engineering, electrical engineering and computer science were traveling by car when their car suddenly broke down and three people got off to check.

Mechanical student: There seems to be something wrong with the engine.

Electrician major: There is still electricity leakage.

They both looked at the computer majors at the same time: What do you think?

Computer major: minor problem, crash, restart!

In a history class in a British school, the teacher asked a student, "Can you tell me what happened in England in 13 12?"

Student: "The Prince of Wales was born."

Teacher: "That's right. What happened to 13 17? "

Student: "The prince is five years old."

Xiaoming didn't get up until eight. He didn't wash his face and ran to school with his schoolbag on his back.

Out of breath, he ran into the classroom, shouted "report", sat in his seat and listened to the geography teacher.

"Xiao Ming, stand up and answer my question," the teacher pointed at the map with a pointer. "What is the equator?"

Xiao Ming blushed and replied, "classes start at eight o'clock and don't enter the classroom until after eight o'clock. This is called being late!" " "

In the history class, the teacher asked a student, "What were the four major families in China during the Republic of China?"

Students play online games every day, and in class, they answer in a daze: "orcs, terrans, night elves, undead."

In geometry class, after the teacher finished drawing, he drew a P point in the circle and told us loudly, "Look, I drew a P in the circle!" " "

A lovely girl caught a cold and ran out of paper in the library, so she sent a short message to her roommate, saying that you would bring two packs of paper when you came over.

After a while, my roommate came over with two steamed buns in his hand. . .

Teacher: Everyone should learn from Mingming, remember the teacher's lessons well, and go home to review at night.

Mingming: No, I haven't been able to sleep recently. I fell asleep as soon as I listened to your class.

In the math class of senior three, the teacher wrote on the blackboard, and the bottom was in a mess.

The teacher couldn't bear it: "Students, keep your voice down!"

A buddy said, "Teacher, you will get used to it!" " "

The teacher just finished punishing a student who was not disciplined, and then earnestly educated us: "You have to understand that punishment is not an end ..."

There is a sentence in the back corner: "It's a means!"

One day I parked my car in front of the teaching building and hurried to class.

After class, I hurried to get the car, grabbed the key and started poking. Suddenly found out it wasn't his own. What is embarrassing is that the host has come. I want to explain. What should I do if the lock is opened?

On a very cold morning, a buddy and a friend went to ATM to withdraw money, and happened to meet an armored car to add money.

In desperation, the two of them had to stand by and wait. At this time, the friend asked the buddy: Are your hands frozen?

The buddy replied coldly: frozen hands!

As a result, four guns were aimed at them instantly. . .

One day a young man went out and there was a beggar in Lu Yu.

The beggar stopped the young man: please give me some, sir.

Youth: What? Can I give it to you? You need another fifty cents by car! How about you give me fifty cents?

The beggar took out fifty cents from his begging bowl and handed it to the young man: here you are! ! !

Youth: "... @% *! #￥￥%

Just as the wedding was about to begin, a young man suddenly rushed in.

The beautiful bride immediately said loudly, "I have seen the joke, and I am ready!" " Come on, are you here to rob the groom, bride, best man or maid of honor? "

The young man looks scared. "I, I am a master of ceremonies. Sorry I'm late. "

In history class, the teacher asked us to recite the text by ourselves. I have been reading for ten minutes. I'm really bored. I want to chat with the girls in the back row.

I secretly looked around and found that the teacher was not in the classroom, so I boldly turned my head and said, "The teacher is out, let's talk for a while."

Then I found the history teacher sitting behind me, looking at me with a strange look.

Later I learned that the girl in the back row didn't come at all that day!

In a history class, the teacher asked the students, "Do you know why officers always stood at the bow of warships in ancient times?"

A student replied, "If he sits down, he must row a boat."

In junior high school, a math teacher once taught us the definition of section. After explaining it twice, he still saw a few puzzled expressions in the class and said, "Take a knife and chop off your fingers. The bleeding place is the cross section! "

After that, no one in the class said that they didn't know what a cross section was.

One day, I was in the lab discussing interesting places in the school with a girl. The girl said, "I like the school wetland very much."

The next day, the girl received a note that said, "Sister, I have actually liked you for a long time." Signature: "Your brother."

There is a confused MM on the upper berth of my dormitory.

The last time she had dinner with her boyfriend in the canteen, she suddenly said, "I hate sleeping!" " "

Her boyfriend froze on the spot, but she didn't feel anything. Staring at her big round eyes, she said plausibly, "going to bed is the most troublesome thing, and you have to climb up and down with a ladder!" "

Boyfriend collapsed: "please, is that called' upper berth'?"

In high school, everyone has a badge. Before a physical examination, the monitor ran into the classroom and shouted, "Please put on your bras and check them …" The audience was speechless.

When I was in college, one day I received a phone call, and my classmate handed it to me and said, "Your mother called." I answered the phone and asked, "A man or a woman?"

I just woke up and hid under the covers to send a short message to my roommate. Do you want to ask him if the teacher called the roll? A few seconds later, a weak voice came from the opposite bed: Are you sure you are asking me?

In history class, a student dozed off openly in class, so the teacher woke him up and asked him to answer questions.

"Who is the author of The Art of War by Sun Tzu?"

The student said dismally, "Only the grandson knows."

"Who is the author of Tao Te Ching?"

The student's old-fashioned answer: "I don't know."

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven.

The classmate asked Xiao Ming, "Do you know music?"

Xiao Ming: "Of course."

Classmate: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaoming: "Piano."

In junior high school chemistry class, when talking about a metal called chromium, the teacher asked, "Does anyone know this word?"

Everyone shook their heads. Teacher: "Nobody knows? Tell you, it says' every three to five'! "

We: "Oh ..."

Teacher: "No one really knows?"

We: "Didn't we already say what to read?"

Teacher: "actually, I don't know what it says ... every time I ask if anyone knows how to read it, no one knows, so I say the word' Luo' year after year." Until the last session, some people claimed to know this word, so everyone read' separated' in the last session! "

The first class in the afternoon is history class, and the teacher speaks enthusiastically in class. A classmate nicknamed "San Mao" fell asleep at his desk. The teacher was very angry and called Sanmao up. The teacher asked, "What do you think Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common?"

Sanmao blurted out, "They are all from the Song Dynasty."

The teacher then asked, "Tell me, what do they have in common with Emperor Taizong and Zhuge Liang?"

San Mao paused and replied, "They are all ancient people."

There was a burst of laughter in class, and the teacher made mistakes and just played them as games, which also enlivened the classroom atmosphere.

So he asked, "Do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun?"

San Mao thought for a moment and said, "All men."

The teacher then asked, "What if you add Li Qingzhao and Cixi?"

San Mao was anxious: "They are all from China."

The teacher smiled and asked, "Tell me again, what do Napoleon and Caesar have in common?"

"They are all emperors."

"What do they have in common with Darwin and Hitler?"

Sanmao replied that he had mastered the trick. He proudly replied, "All foreigners."

The teacher asked again, "What do they have in common with these people I mentioned earlier?"

Three burrs in the end: "all people."

The teacher asked again, "As far as I know, Zhuge Liang keeps chickens, and Cixi and Caesar also keep dogs. Count all these animals. Do they have anything in common? "

When the teacher asked, Sanmao's head began to sweat: "This ... this ... they and they are all dead."

"Well, they are all dead." The teacher nodded his head.

San Mao sat down with a soft leg and thought, is this the end of the problem?

Unexpectedly, the teacher said, "You stand up, and there is one last question-if they are still alive, can you find the similarities?"

Sanmao was dumbfounded. He thought for five minutes before he said sadly, "If the time difference is not counted, they should have had lunch with them."