.
The delegation came to Russia. After staying in the hotel, everyone watched a wonderful adult performance, and the head of the delegation felt jumping.
The Russian lady dancing is very beautiful. Give her 100 yuan. Miss Russia took a look at the colonel and said, who do you think I am? The head of the team also took out 100 yuan. Miss Russia: I am your man tonight. The head of the team took out 100 yuan again. Miss Russia smiled and said, I want to give birth to someone for you. The head of the team took out 100 yuan again. Russia watched nervously and whispered to the colonel: How many people are there in your group?
Being a zombie won't eat you.
I had a dream one night, and everyone around me turned into zombies. I sent a message to my husband this morning for comfort. Wooden, replied:
Even if I become a zombie, I will not eat you. Don't be afraid. I'm so touched! Excited reply: it can be controlled.
Will you eat me? Then happily wait for the next sweet, and receive a reply in ten seconds: too oily, don't want to eat.
I-I-I really want to hit someone!
Childhood shadow
When I was a child, I went to my neighbor's house to play. My neighbor's aunt played a modest joke on me: Does your mother like you?
I said without hesitation: I like it! Aunt: I don't think so! She likes your sister! Do not believe, you go back and ask, your mother 2.
Ten thousand can be sold to you! I'm serious. Go back and ask my mother. Who knows that my mother shocked me with one sentence: no, 200.
Do it.
Never seen a pig run.
On the way to the Western Heaven, Wukong went to alms. Tang Priest looked at Pig and said, "Wuneng, can you run a few laps for the teacher?
Bajie wondered, but ran away. Then he asked, "Master, why do you want me to run?" Tang Priest said that he was a teacher since childhood.
Living in a temple, never eating pork, never seeing a pig run?
Are you an angel?
I am in a hurry to pee. I can't hold it any longer. When I find the toilet in an emergency, I feel wrong when I pee, but
If you think about it carefully, I don't think there is anything wrong. It's strange to pee, but I can't hold it any longer. Then the alarm clock rang!
The child who dreamed this dream was particularly like an angel with broken wings in his last life.
Dude, you didn't find that hero girl.
While friends were eating, a handsome guy raised a glass to a girl. The buddy asked, "What's your name?" The girl said, "Fuck!" The buddy drank the wine in one breath and asked, "What's your name?" The girl said, "Fuck!" The buddy said, "This beautiful woman is really bold!" I heard the girl say slowly, "My name is Gan."
Egg pain and lactic acid
Today, I asked my husband, you men can say that eggs hurt, so what can we women say? Husband said it was mean.
You can say lactic acid (lactic acid). Holy shit. Who made you so immoral? . . .
A cruel way to treat lovelorn.
My sisters are lovelorn and come to my house crying that they can't live any longer! I say I'll give you a hard one after you finish this big bottle of mineral water!
She wanted to go to the bathroom after drinking, and I saidno. Half an hour later, she convulsed and howled and rushed to the bathroom. I
Hold her down and say, "Are you still thinking about your lovelorn affair? Still think this is a big event that the sky is falling? " She said
Fuck you! I just want to go to the bathroom! Nothing else is a matter!
I am a super spare tire
The girl I like texted that she wanted to see a movie and asked me to buy two movie tickets. In the afternoon, she was so ecstatic that she quickly bought a ticket. Half an hour earlier in the afternoon, she was waiting at the gate of the cinema. She dragged her boyfriend to me for a ticket. The two of them went in talking and laughing.
The interesting thing about smoking when I was a child is that.
In junior high school, my playmates and I secretly learned to smoke near our home. Just two breaths, the classmate exclaimed: "Your dad!" . I was so scared that I threw away my cigarette and felt the whole world was dark. Then my dad pointed at me angrily and scolded me: "Go easy on me! Have you been throwing away cigarettes for that long? ! "
Play landlords with dad.
Dad often plays qq to fight landlords, but his skills are limited. I went to college in other places. Yesterday, I applied for a new number to accompany the old man secretly, and deliberately gave him some beans to make the old man happy. I became a landlord in one hand, and my cards were good, but my dad ran out of beans at first sight, so I deliberately lost. Here comes the point. Dad sent two words, SB. So I suffered internal injuries.
It is indeed a foreign product.
Yesterday, someone sent me a dress, and I found that the label said that it was made in Italia and it was indeed a foreign product. Can't you do something big? I chatted with an idiot colleague until I went home by car. He said that the car was too slow. I wish I had a plane. I said the plane is slow, too I hope you can move in an instant. He replied, if I can teleport, who will work here? I asked him: What are you going to do? I didn't expect the goods to say: I will send a courier to someone! In an instant, a thunderbolt just hit my eyebrows, making my thunder soft! You can move in an instant. Can you do great things? It is really pure diaosi.
You can use this trick if you don't want to go shopping in the future.
My cousin's family of three went shopping, while my sister-in-law and children went shopping in front. Cousin really didn't want to go shopping, so she stood at the roadside stall behind.
I threw a dozen dollars to buy a fake gold chain, and quickly went to my sister-in-law and took the chain in my hand, revealing a little.
Point, whispered quickly tidy up, three mouth hurried home.
Whether you buy it or not, it is polite to enter the door!
When I was shopping today, I saw a sign posted on the glass door of a clothing store: whether you buy it or not, you are polite when you enter the door! I thought to myself, this family
The facade of the clothing store is not so good either. Why is it so awesome? So I decided to go in and have a look When I stepped into the front door, it was next to me.
A beautiful service sister bent her knees and said, welcome, little girl, this room is polite.
Life is at its best.
The most glorious time in my life is before the college entrance examination: at that time, I knew the operation principle of celestial bodies, and I knew the organic and inorganic reactions.
Elliptic hyperbola, followed by a hybrid biosphere, outside can speak English, inside can learn ancient Chinese, you can get a series, you can say horses.
Philosopher, tracing back to China for 5,000 years, extended the land and sea of Chizhou to one million. He knows both music and art, computers and martial arts.
Folk vices ... agree!
You should be reasonable, monks don't fight and kill.
An old joke. Today, a monk entertained him, and the city manager told him to leave, but the monk ignored him. The chengguan tried to smash the monk's things,
But afraid of his kung fu! /kloc-urban management above 0/0 can only say with a stick, are you going or not? The monk said I wouldn't be afraid of you if I didn't leave.
Many people! Then he let out a cry and smashed the brick directly with his hand. When the city manager saw it, he said, you should be reasonable, and monks should not fight and kill. Everyone at the scene laughed. ..
What happened at school.
There are two kinds of animals in the world who like to lie on the window. One is a gecko, and the other is a class teacher. . . . . Agree with the top, disagree with the step.
The feeling of happiness
The radio DJ got a call from a listener. The audience said: I found a wallet with two thousand dollars in it. DJ said: Thank you very much for this enthusiastic listener, so what can I do to help? Help you find the owner? The audience said: no, no, no, I just want to order a song to express my mood now.
It's so happy to have such a boyfriend.
It is said that the train was delayed twice and the passengers were very excited. The little couple standing next to my sister was also very excited and guessed him.
The children have been standing and waiting for nearly an hour. Suddenly, the handsome boy finally broke out, shout at top of voice:
I checked in. So a large crowd stood up and crowded into the ticket office. Then the young man calmly told his girlfriend a
Word: Sit down.
Mother's tattoo
~~
Xiao Ming's mother stared at Xiao Ming kindly and said, son, I want to tattoo four words on your back so that you will never forget your mother.
Are you afraid of pain? Don't be afraid, just stab me. Then Xiaoming took off his coat, and Xiaoming's mother burst into tears.
Didi tattooed four big characters on Xiao Ming's back: what a pity! Later, Xiao Ming bled out and died.
1. A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.
2. When I was a child, my family was poor and I had no money to buy a bike. I had to take a taxi to school every day. When I was in junior high school, because my grades were too outstanding, the school leaders made me study for two more years. After graduating from junior high school, the high school principal thought I had a future and overcharged me by 30 thousand. In the third year of senior high school, the class teacher thought I had the ability to survive independently and dropped out of school.
3. Advertisement of a flower shop: Today, the price of roses in our shop is the lowest. You can even buy some roses for your wife.
The only difference between Superman and me is that I wear underwear underneath!
5. The effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a "person".
6. I am not a casual person! But whatever, it is not a person!
7. Even though you have teeth! Don't feel sorry for yourself, just have teeth! You can dig sweet potatoes, cover your chin when it rains, separate the tea residue when you drink tea, and use it as a knife and fork when you have a picnic. Do you think you are the best?
8. The family is harmonious, the life is Kangxi, the personality is Yongzheng, the career is prosperous, everything is celebrated, the future is bright, the wealth is Xianfeng, and both inside and outside are in charge, Qian Qiu Guangxu, make public!
9. I am an onion, standing in the wind and rain, who dares to touch me with soy sauce, X his ancestors! Walk through the south ~ break through the north ~ drink water behind the toilet, run over my leg on the train track and kiss a fool. I've climbed mountains and fought tigers ~ I've practiced martial arts in Shaolin Temple. I often treat Clinton as 250 yuan and feed Sakyamuni to the tiger! There was a dance on the pyramid, and Jesus beat drums on his head.
10. I am in the Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in the Jianghu!
1 1. About thong: I used to take off my underwear to look at my ass; Now, take out your ass and look at your underwear. ...
12. Take other people's road and let others have no way out!
13. I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.
14. Huns are down and out in rivers and lakes, and they can't tell the difference between east, west, north and south. Hit the corner and count the stars on the ground!
15. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked 19 years too many chefs!
16. The brothers in the dormitory decided to punish their roommates as follows: let them hold the telephone poles covered with advertisements of old Chinese medicine and cry with tears: My illness has finally been saved!
17. It's a manhole plug and a manhole socket!
18. Go through the ladies' room three times and don't go in!
19. Rats never waste time at night, but we humans waste one-third of our time every day.
20. "What is an optimist?" "This ... is like a teapot, my ass is burning red, and I am in the mood to whistle!"
2 1. I'd rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!
22. The most "damaging" sentence now is: "You are so fucking *"
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry!
24, men * live, sows can climb trees.
25. When the university came down from me, she held her pants and said, You can go, but your youth must stay. At this moment, I suddenly realized that it was not that I went to college, but that college fucked me!
26. His works are immortal for five hundred years, and his people are immortal for one thousand years. 1000 years later, everything will rot at the end of the world.
27. I was challenged to say, bring it on. I didn't answer, I just rushed over and then Monday morning quarterback knocked him down.
28. You will know what it is when you grow up. When I grow up, I deliberately say I don't know.
29. Work should be "promoted by food" rather than "waiting for food". This is the only way to get through.
30. It is wise men and aesthetes who know people behind their backs, and treacherous people who know people behind their backs.
3 1, the timid hypocrite is gray; The bold hypocrite described black as gray. The most successful way to reverse black and white is not to reverse black and white, but to lose black and white.
32. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.
What is terrible about stupid people is not that they are stupid, but that they are smart. 、
34, forget to zip up after urinating, you are middle-aged; You forgot to zip up after you got on the small ship. You are an old man.
35. Bathing is a blessing to the ass and a pain to the head; Watching movies is a blessing on the head and a pain on the ass, but listening to you is a pain on the head and a pain on the ass.
36. Since ancient times, there have been no charming mothers on the Internet. There are several pairs of mandarin ducks and perverted pheasants.
37. How to keep fit? Gluttony.
38. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man is that he speaks during the day.
39.look at you! Look at the back, there are thousands of troops; Turn around and scare away millions of heroes.
40. Poke your eyes, pull out your hair, splash a face of sulfuric acid, knock out your teeth, cut off your tongue, and beat people with sticks, including MM.
4 1. If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint.
42. I would rather let China have no virgins than Japanese virgins.
43. What's the use of being handsome? Can I swipe my card with my face at the bank?
You will never attract wolves by singing, really-you will only scare them away.
45. If you hate a man, turn his woman into Chris Lee, so that he can't enjoy the upper body happiness. If you beat a woman, beat her man into Chris Lee, so that she can't enjoy the happiness of the lower body.
46. His knife is cold, his sword is cold, his heart is cold and his blood is cold. *, this man is not dead?
47. I really don't want to do it anymore-because the pestle has been ground into an embroidery needle.
48, the east wind blows, the drums beat, the beauty is drunk, I hope you will return, the good news will fly, and the strong man will return.
49. My hand is broken, my foot is broken and my head is rotten.
50. Chatting is valuable and the internet fee is higher. If you are sleeping, you can throw them both.
5 1, don't chat online, be angry but not immortal.
52. This man is dead and has something to burn.
53. Tianma Meteor Boxing-Lushan Ascending to Heaven-Phoenix Wings Tian Xiang-Diamond Stardust-Nebula Chain-Please leave a message if you are still alive.
54. The master is organizing a special meeting to study whether to stew Bai Gujing or braise in soy sauce.
55. Tear in the wind and pee on your back.
56. People are old and have nothing to do.
57. Mother teaches children to urinate, one zipper, two out, three back, four to urinate, five to push forward, six to put back and seven zippers. The little boy has grown up! One day, her mother heard him shout "three, five; Three, five ".
58. Life can't be like cooking. All the ingredients are ready before cooking.
59. Fear makes you a prisoner. I hope to set you free.
60. It is women's love for shopping malls that makes them more and more exciting. Women are the saviors of shopping malls, and the biggest word should be left at the entrance of every shopping mall: thank you, woman.
6 1, bow your head with courage, raise your head with spirit.
62, not afraid of being used, I am afraid that you are useless.
63. Good temper is the best clothes a person can wear in social activities.
Sometimes, we are grateful for the kindness of others, but turn a blind eye to the kindness of our loved ones for a lifetime.
65. People who only know justice are bound to be broken; Only a soft-hearted person will eventually be a coward.
Although I am not beautiful, I will treat you as a bandit, although I am not fat, I will treat you as a wooden stick.
I don't care if you have money, I only care if you have a future.
68. Beautiful women are no different from ordinary people when they are constipated. Although the text is a little damaged, it is also the voice of others.
69. The perfect figure is also a teasing material in the eyes of people who don't love her.
70. Small trees can't be used without pruning, and children can't make things.
7 1, accumulated over time, may lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.
72. Be respectful to superiors, bossing around subordinates, and hiding from peers.
73. No matter how difficult it is, consider yourself 250. No matter how difficult it is, think of yourself as a two-faced person.
74. You said you were behind a head, wearing a forward hat.
75. The bombarded head will also sort out lightning strikes.
76. I can't talk I stutter when I see a lot of people, like a sheep shitting. Please forgive me if it's not to your taste.
77. Learn astronomy, geography, pediatrics, yin and yang, gossip, planning and decision-making thousands of miles away.
78. Before the skull, after Xuanwu, Zuo Qinglong, right white tiger.
79. Interpretation is cover-up, and cover-up is making up stories. 、
80. Look at the mountains and green waters from a distance, and look at the stupid fracturing nozzle from a distance.
8 1, unconsciously time flies by, and life often lives in regret.
82. Candles drain the wick every night. If I become the soil of spring, I will be more colorful.
83. Today I am not a British dog fighter, and tomorrow I will become a gossip refugee.
84. It's really true that you don't practice vacation.
85. Know how to use misjudged cases to prove your innocence of pornography.
86, men are not drunk, how can women have tips; How can a man have a chance if a woman is not drunk? Women and men are not drunk, and no one sleeps in the hotel.
87. Very male chauvinism. "Big" is tailored to one of my organs.
88. Businessmen don't hate their country, and prostitutes don't know about extramarital affairs.
89. In fact, many people say that I look like Tony Leung Chiu Wai, but I don't want to admit it, because I think it is necessary to be a distinctive person. I still feel more like Kimura Takuya.
90. I am a monk, and my task is to give love to all beings.
9 1, you took my anchor, and the bottom of the sea was out of balance, so we had to emigrate ashore.
92. When I reached the top of the mountain, I found that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away.
93. Can I catch my breath without steaming steamed bread?
94. I eat more salt than you eat rice? That's your mouth weight; I have crossed more bridges than you have. That's your laziness.
95, endure a calm, can't take a step back.
96. I'm fine. Thirteen Pacific Insurance Golden Bell Hoods, practicing ass.
97. Since ancient times, no one has died and no paper has been used to shit.
98. This will make you comfortable. Take off your pants that you often pull.
99. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.
100, angry is someone else's fault to punish yourself.