1. In math class, the teacher gave a proof of a theorem and wrote a whole blackboard. I don't know where the card is and I can't prove it, so I just stood there and stared. The class was quiet for ten minutes. Suddenly, a boy said, Who pressed the pause? 2. In junior high school, there was a very powerful male classmate and a female deskmate. He plays Wenxing under the table in class, and the woman also watches him play on the table. The result was seen by the class teacher at the back door. Call them to the office after class and ask, what are you two doing? That wonderful thing actually said,' My pants zipper is broken, and I'm repairing it. I don't know what she is looking at ... 3. A student reports to the school. @ 中中中中: "Parents' names?" Student: "Li Dameng. "Teacher:" The relationship with you? "Student:" Not so good, he often hits me! " " 4。 In the physics exam, the teacher took more than a dozen graded papers and said, "See how you answered this question? Huh? Q: Why do you feel cold when you go ashore after swimming? Water evaporates and absorbs heat! How many times have I told you who wrote the answer? ! A: Is there wind on the shore? ! "5. Today, I saw the inspirational slogan" If you can't learn, you will learn to die "on the students' desks ... which inspired me a lot! When I came back, I changed my weight-loss slogan to "As long as I am hungry, I will starve to death" … I still don't believe it! 6. I just woke up, hiding in bed and texting my roommate. Do you want to ask him if the teacher called the roll? A few seconds later, a weak voice came from the opposite bed: "Are you sure you are asking me?" 7. A pair of twins came to my son's kindergarten. When I saw my children off this morning, the kindergarten teacher told me that my son has been bullying new classmates recently and likes to pat twins on the head. Asked about the reason, the son replied weakly: Are they watching continuously? I've been away for three days, and the swelling hasn't gone away ... 8. It's not good to ask others after the exam when I say lz Band 6! But the following conversation made me pee. "How was the exam?" I don't know! ""hmm? That must be good! " "I really don't know. Tm is too busy scribbling cards to read the questions! "9. When I was a freshman, I went to the canteen to pack my luggage, and there was something wrong with the punch card machine. I rowed it down 150 yuan. My brother, who sells steamed stuffed buns, couldn't add it back for a long time and said piteously, "Nothing, I remember you. I will come here often in the future until I run out of extra money. "I have to agree. Poor me, I ate steamed buns for a semester, and Brother Steamed Bun still owes me 2.3 yuan ... The most exasperating thing is that I haven't found a girlfriend after four years in college! ! ! Until graduation, one day I was walking on the campus tree-lined road, listening to a group of girls pointing behind me and whispering, "Yes, that's him! ! Don't find such a boyfriend in the future, and go to the second canteen to eat steamed buns every day without paying! ! 10. One day, the math teacher was giving a lecture, and suddenly he waved and said, "That person, go over there and bring that to me." The audience was in an uproar, only to see the class representative immediately bounce out of the classroom and move a stack of math papers. . . From then on, everyone praised him as a gray lackey of the math teacher. . . 1 1. When I was a freshman, students of Grade One and Grade Two studied at night and slept on my desk. The chemistry teacher is coming, wake him up! I see a physics book on this desk! The teacher said indifferently, what class is this? Here comes GC! This just calmly looked at the teacher and took out a geography book. The chemistry teacher can't calm down at this moment! Crying hysterically: it's been three months since the fucking school started. You don't know what I teach? 12. Just now, I received a short message on my mobile phone: The college entrance examination is over, and the school sent the answer and assessed the score with my classmates. A classmate came to chemistry and suddenly shouted: haha! I made all the right chemical choices! Next to theory: Look, big brother, the answer is physics 13. There is an exam in our school. A boy sat in the last row and received an answer from a classmate. He was very excited and immediately began to copy. He is preparing to copy it. He looked up and saw the invigilator coming towards him with a smile. Obviously, he saw it This is my friend's later behavior, which has become a classic of our whole grade: he straightened up and looked directly at the teacher, then put the answer sheet on his nose and punched hard, and then threw a parabola-the garbage basket behind the entrance. The teacher glared at him several times, but finally he didn't have the courage to pick up the evidence. 14. One day, when I was in middle school, it happened to be my favorite physics class. I was bored. I found an interesting thing and whispered it to my deskmate. Unexpectedly, a chalk head hit me on the forehead. "Stand up! Tell her what you just told her ten times! " Facing the angry face of the teacher, I muttered in a low voice: "..." "Louder! Let the whole class hear it! " Then he made up his mind: "the teacher's zipper is not pulled!" The teacher's zipper is not zipped! The teacher's zipper is not zipped! Teacher's zipper ... "15. When I was in high school, a buddy in my class, 198 1, was born and was very old ... Here's what happened when he took the bus: in his sophomore year, this buddy took the bus to school because it was a long way and he was next door when he was bored. This guy may have been treated like this many times, and he is not very surprised. His answer was quite calm: "Three Middle Schools". The man's second sentence: "Oh, went to see the children?" It is difficult for children to go to school ... "The buddy's face twitched and he didn't say a word. The third sentence: "eldest brother, what grade is your child?" That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence: "Senior one". At this time, the classics appeared. The man stared at his buddy in surprise for ten seconds, and then said, "Brother, you got married very late! ""16. When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "What's more, the examiner sighed and said," Confucius' student. "Buying washing powder Once upon a time, a foreigner went to the supermarket to buy washing powder. Because his Chinese is not good, he said (hello, do you have a wife here? The salesman looked at him in surprise and thought he was joking. He said (smelly rascal) that the foreigner thought it was the price of washing powder and replied (what, 60 points? I also buy 60 cents. The clerk is very angry (somebody help me tie him up). The foreigner asked to help her pack washing powder and said (no, I have a pocket here) I hope I can help you. This is what I said in college. This is a heroine, and I met a woman on the road today. Her face was expressionless, and she had just been lovelorn. She crossed the road without looking at the traffic lights and was almost hit by a car. The driver roared: Do you want to die? The woman shouted back: I know I still brake! Lz is extremely messy, look at its chic back. Others use animals to compare the advantages of their girlfriends, and I also made up a paragraph for my wife: bear's waist, tiger's back; Unicorn arms, elephant legs. After listening to this, my wife turned me into a leopard-skin panda eye.