1, relationship between husband and wife
Since 2005, her ex-husband has been addicted to playing slot machines in Internet cafes, lost all his family's money and borrowed a lot of foreign debts. Divorced in 2008, took care of the children alone, and got together with her husband at 20 1 1. The couple love each other and appreciate each other.
2. Parent-child relationship and children's situation
? My son is talented, independent and capable. He has loved reading all kinds of books since he was a child and has a wide range of knowledge. But in those years, the family owed a lot of debts. I never buy anything except necessary daily necessities, including books that children like. When my child was 8 years old, he came back crying because he took books from the bookstore. I apologized with guilt and bought books that children liked. The child was very happy that day. I still remember his bright smiling face. Children love to laugh since childhood, and everyone is very happy.
? Child 10 went to work in Inner Mongolia when he was 0 years old. When my child needed me most, I had to leave him for a living. Because of the great damage caused by divorce, my child has become introverted. When I was in junior high school, I was admitted to the key class of Changsha Mingde Huaxing Middle School for boarding. I only go back to Changsha to see the children once every two months. My son is extremely lacking in love and security. When I was a child, my family was heavily in debt, which caused a huge psychological shadow to my children. When I was boarding at school, he lost his living expenses and was afraid to tell me. He only used 15 yuan to eat free soup at school for a week. He is worried about his father's poor health and often saves my living expenses for his father. On New Year's Eve in 2065, at 438+00, his father tried his best to get married with me. The child cried and said to me, mom, can you stop looking for someone else and let us live together so that dad won't scold us like that? The child lay in bed and cried for a long time until he fainted in bed. That has always been an eternal pain in my heart.
When my son was in the second day of junior high school, I transferred back to my original unit from Inner Mongolia and went to Changsha to see him every weekend. His grades have always been in front of the whole school 100, and mathematics has always been among the best. Physics also won the second prize in Changsha, and the paper on Diaoyu Island also won the first prize in Changsha. Once, he went to participate in the National Chinese Mathematics Competition, and I checked it for him. There was something wrong with the bus route, and he only brought 100. Then walk all the way to ask questions. From 6 am, 10 finally arrived at the competition examination room at 9 am. That exam won the third prize in the National Chinese Mathematics Competition. He is the only student in their whole school, even the training school, who has won this award.
? My son didn't finish his homework when he started school in the third grade. I made him kneel on the ground and even threatened to coax him back to Lengshuijiang from Changsha to study. It was this stupid decision that I haven't forgiven myself so far. My son was admitted to a key class of a local key high school, and his performance was once ranked in the top 20 of the whole school. Because of my consistent strong education method, my adolescent son rebelled, playing more and more games and reading novels, which led to a decline in his grades and was eliminated from ordinary classes. At that time, I didn't care about my son's psychological changes, nor did I understand his psychological state. I hate playing games with children. What hurts him most is the use of language violence, which makes him kneel on the ground to admit his mistakes, parents and children. ?
On the evening of September 27th, 20 16, the child didn't go home all night and didn't go to school the next day. I found his home the next afternoon, and he said he didn't adapt to the school environment and wanted to study at home by himself. From that day on, he never touched a book except watching his mobile phone and playing games every day. Since my son dropped out of school, I have been seeking the help of psychological counseling institutions, looking for school counselors and psychologists. In short, I have thought of all the ways I can think of to help my children go to school. Later, at the end of 10, I attended a tutoring institution in Shenzhen. After I came back, I tried to change myself. I used to accept and condone all children's behaviors, and the parent-child relationship has also improved to a certain extent. However, children have no rules and bottom lines at all, playing games and watching mobile phones in black and white.
Second, the detailed process of finding the "happiness train"
(1) When I first met you, love was boundless.
? On the evening of April 17, 18, my sister Zhu Rong, who has been paying attention to me, told me that the situation of her sister Qin Yu's daughter, who was studying with her in a tutor institution, was complicated. She dropped out of school for more than two years and never came out until she met Teacher Ju. Now the change of her child is amazing. She went to see the daughter herself. When I heard the news, I was very happy. I immediately got in touch with Sister Qin Yu and Sister Samui. I firmly believe without hesitation that Mr. Ju is the one who can help my son and me. On April 20th, with the help of my elder sister and Su Mei's elder sister, I successfully signed up for one-on-one tutoring with Teacher Ju. Ju said: doing things in the right way is much more important than doing things themselves. From that moment on, I adjusted my direction and walked in the right direction. Happiness is getting closer and closer to me!
(2) Meeting a teacher for the first time
2065438+June 1 2007, I met the legendary teacher Ju in Changsha and felt his powerful aura and unique personality charm. Children especially respect and love him, because every child can feel respect, understanding and care. Teacher ju infected and inspired people around him with his own actions, which made me look forward to inviting teachers to my home to tutor my son.
(3) The son returned to school smoothly.
? On August 3, 2065438, after his son successfully resumed school, his learning enthusiasm was very high. He arrives home at 10 20 every night, then goes to bed by himself 1 1: 30, and gets up at 6: 30 in the morning to exercise before going to school. I don't need to make any rules with him at all. My son is very self-disciplined. His personality is similar to mine. I believe Chen Zi must be an excellent child! Let's use time to prove it! I can't believe that a month ago, those children who were playing games and watching mobile phones upside down made me very happy!
(4) High demands, high pressures and high expectations make children fall again.
? After my son resumed school, I began to demand high standards again. One month after the resumption of classes, my son began to feel obviously bored, could not stand criticism and did not study at night. 10 On June 24th, he went home because he was wronged at school and didn't get my forgiveness. The child suddenly didn't come home. Later, his uncle called the child and didn't come home until midnight. At that time, I reported the situation to Mr. Ju, who said that he would come to my house in half a month. Results Because of the serious situation of some families in the north, Mr. Ju had to adjust his itinerary, first going north and then going south, until the exam date appeared on165438+1October 8, which completely made me at a loss. Anxiety, fear and worry swept through my mind. I have been urging Mr. Ju to come to my house, regardless of whether Mr. Ju is tired or not.
Third, the teacher's counseling went smoothly.
65438+February 7, an ordinary and special day, is also a day I have been looking forward to for a long time. This morning, my son met a problem. When he got up in the morning, his schoolbag was gone. He insisted that he had left it at home. We looked everywhere, but we couldn't find it. I asked my son to look for it at school. My son ran back to school and didn't want to go to school. Later, he went to school. My husband found the head teacher, Mr. Xie. The teacher said that the schoolbag was in the classroom last night, and he didn't get it back at all. The schoolbag is placed at the back of the classroom. My husband thought he had the textbook and went home. About 10 minutes, I got a call from my son and said, "Teachers and classmates all said that he didn't bring his schoolbag home, so we don't trust him. His own life is a mess. Do we think he is crazy? " I hung up the phone angrily and didn't go to class. My husband found him on the school playground. He walked alone on the playground and walked with him several times. He said he had his own solution to the problem, so we didn't have to worry at all. He went home and said that he had bought a book, changed his clothes and left school. My husband told me to stay away from him. I can't. I ran to school and took my schoolbag home. I got a call from my cousin and saw my son enter the Internet cafe. At this time, my husband and I disagreed. What should my husband tell Mr. Ju to do? Teacher Ju said: Tell my son that his schoolbag was found at school. You don't need to make any judgment. Just tell his son the truth, and then take the child home to play and wait for his arrival.
? After my husband and I found our son in the Internet cafe, we didn't scold him. I hope he can come home with us first. My son refused to go home with us and wanted to be alone. My husband said that one of the most capable and respectable guests came to my house today to guide us on how to live a happier life. The son said it had nothing to do with him, and he resisted. After running, my husband grabbed him and asked, How has Uncle Tang treated you these years? Son: Good! The husband said, "Did I ask you to do anything?" ? A: No, my husband said, "Uncle Tang asked for a face today. Anyway, come home with us and wait for this distinguished guest." My son reluctantly walked out of the internet cafe with us. On the way, he said he was going to run. The husband asked his son to agree on the time to come back, saying that he believed that his son would keep his promise and go home on time. 1 1: 30 My son came home for dinner on time, which was the most comfortable meal in a month. In the afternoon, our whole family quietly waited for the arrival of Mr. Ju and his party, and our son accompanied her husband to make preparations, especially the cleaning of tea sets. Before dinner, my son ate something by himself and went to the school dormitory, saying that he would prepare some refreshments for us.
Seven, psychological counseling.
1, I met for the first time with my eyes half open and agreed to have oatmeal for breakfast.
? On the first night, we met for the first time: Mr. Ju and my third brother exchanged views with us when they arrived at the hotel, and got a preliminary judgment: "How can an impenetrable maternal love make my son happy?" . 18: 50, let's go to eat. /kloc-around 0/9: 40, my son called to urge us to go back early, saying that we had made tea at home and bought some refreshments. After returning home, Brother Ju said, "Chen Zi, I'm sorry that we were a few minutes late and didn't come back for tea on time. It's all my fault. " . Everyone began to drink tea, and Mr. Ju chatted with his son and told him that "we are all men, nothing special, not so mysterious, haha", and suddenly the relationship became closer. At first, my son's eyes were basically closed or half-open. When I told my son that I would definitely say no, I told him that A would definitely say B, so the teacher guided me in time with a straight face. His son began to talk with his eyes half open, and occasionally talked about food. At about 22: 30, I agreed to have breakfast at 9: 00 the next morning. My son said only to eat oatmeal. Brother Ju said to listen to his son and let's eat oatmeal together. Brother Ju and his party will return to the hotel. Brother Ju only needs her husband to accompany him back to the hotel, but her son said he would go for a walk and accompany him to see Mr. Ju come back. After sending Mr. Ju back to the hotel, my husband and son continued to walk around the community for several times. The son told her husband, "What impressed me the most today is that sentence. We are all men."
2, keep your promise, the teacher drinks oatmeal.
? The next day, I cooked white rice porridge. My son was a little angry and said that he had agreed to make oatmeal last night. Teacher ju criticized me for not keeping my word. Everyone said they wanted to drink oatmeal made by their son. My son will finish it soon. Yu Lian's mother watched and asked her son what to do. My son added milk, nuts, kiwi slices and apples to oatmeal. It's really delicious. Everyone praised him, and his son was very happy. At this point, the son's heart has been close to Ju Da, his uncle and Yu Lian's mother. After a little communication in the morning, Mr. Ju asked us to complete a parent-child relationship test paper.
3. Obey the arrangement and visit Hongriling collectively.
? In the afternoon, my son invited everyone to climb the Red Sun Ridge. On the way, my son walked happily and took a photo with Yu Lian's mother. This scene is more like a mother and son than my own mother. My son generously took a group photo with us, showing a long-lost sunshine and warm smile. When we all climbed the Red Sun Tower, but we didn't see Mr. Ju, our son took the initiative to run down to pick him up. This evening, according to my son's suggestion, we went to a steamed banquet to eat steamed vegetables. My son felt unprecedented respect, understanding and care. He always has a warm smile on his face, which is especially warm.
When the teacher waved, I parted the clouds and smiled.
? On the third day, Mr. Ju presided over the family meeting. He analyzed my husband and I's comments and opinions on our son one by one. He first affirmed that my husband is a good man worthy of respect and responsibility, and made extremely pertinent suggestions to his husband. I just need to do a good job of logistics and be happy. If there is nothing, don't guess, just express it. Speaking of the most uncomfortable thing I let go of, my son was forced to go back to Leng Jiang from Changsha to study in the second day of junior high school, kneeling on the ground and beating and cursing. My son's answer surprised everyone present. He said he would like to thank him for coming back to Leng Jiang to study, otherwise he will always be a reading machine. More importantly, he would like to thank that experience for his friendship. Teacher Ju affirmed my son in time and told me to put it down and be a real and natural mother that my son needed.
? My son's subtle movements, seemingly plain language, and a casual look can always find a particularly subtle bright spot, and then expand infinitely, making people feel real and not exaggerated. But the son's shortcomings seem to be an understatement, which is actually very meaningful and makes his son accept it very calmly.
The son took the initiative to urge his younger brother to see his father.
? At noon on the third day, my husband wanted his son Song Lin to meet Mr. Ju in the evening, but the telephone invitation was invalid. The son understands her husband's thoughts and he takes the initiative to take responsibility. He waited for him at the school gate after school in the afternoon and got through to Song Lin's job. In the evening, her husband easily took him to an activity, and Lin Song also felt the respect, understanding and care of Teacher Ju. Similarly, the title of "Juda" is also very smooth and satisfactory.
6, the teacher's personality charm-there is great love in the heart, there will be strong strength and strong will, taking saving people and treating diseases as their own responsibility; Only when there is great love in the heart can there be artistic language. It is our duty to move people's hearts and achieve a harmonious society.
? In just four days, many impossible things have become possible. I really feel the powerful and magical power of the teacher, which has narrowed the distance between my husband and me and opened my son's heart. All my son's smiles in these years are not as many as these days. My son always has a big smile on his face. It's hard to believe that this would happen to me if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. On the fourth day at lunch, Mr. Ju told my son that this man reminded him of his stepfather, and his kindness in raising him was greater than heaven. My son blurted out "Dad" under the guidance of Mr. Ju, which shocked my husband and me. I sat there stupidly, and my husband hurried forward to hold his son in his arms and burst into tears. Over the years, my husband treated his son as his own son, but he never thought that one day his son would call him dad. At this time, I was shocked.
? These days, the great love living in the teacher is constantly infecting, warming and wrapping our whole family. On the third night, after the activity, I went to a teacher and asked Song Lin, did your parents and your parents eat there? Song Lin said frankly, how is this possible? Then stop fighting. The child's casual words made Mr. Ju feel very distressed. How can children be happy if they live in the gap between their biological mothers' resentment against us? Teacher Ju said that the next time I have the opportunity to meet my child's biological mother and stepfather, I must resolve this hatred and make my child happy. Teacher ju's words made me feel ashamed. After Chen Zi appeared, I asked Song Lin to go back to my birth mother's house. Once I met him in the community, and he avoided me without saying hello. I told my husband angrily that I would never take him again. I took Song Lin wholeheartedly for so many years, and he didn't even say hello when he saw me. It's not worth it. I never think that teenagers bear too much resentment, too much pain, too much grievances and too many difficulties. I was in tears, sorry for my husband, and even more sorry for Song Lin. My husband hugged me and said it wasn't my fault. He also cried, because he didn't give Song Lin more love and a better living environment. In recent years, no matter how hard life is, my husband seldom shed tears, but these days, my husband shed tears several times, including tears of joy when Chen Zi called his father, tears of heartache for Song Lin's current situation, and tears touched by the teacher's great love. I looked at my husband. He has too many responsibilities and burdens. The double pressures of work and life never let him compromise. He has always lived an optimistic and positive life, always saying that any difficulty is no big deal, and there is no hurdle to cross. Have confidence. He is my biggest spiritual pillar. My husband assured me that he would have a good talk with his ex-wife's husband, try to resolve all hatred, let the children return to a peaceful life, and also talk with my ex-husband. My husband saw a man's responsibility and great love here in Mr. Ju. He said that the giant teacher respected him too much and made him feel sad. He is worried about so many children and families, so he can't be too tired. We tried our best not to burden Mr. Ju. My husband asked me to wait for the children to go out, to help more children and families who need help like Yu Lian's mother, and to inherit the teacher's spirit of great love. I have to answer.
? On the afternoon of the fourth day, my son asked Song Lin to go with us to see Mr. Ju, his uncle and Yu Lian's mother off. When the bus was leaving, my eyes filled with tears, and I felt a lot of sadness and gratitude. My son came to me and said, mom, don't cry. We will meet again. Yes, my son promised to go to Yancheng's home for the New Year, and he will also go to Yu Lian's mother, Changchun Ji 'an. This is something I didn't even think about before.
7, the change of the status quo, self-reflection, feelings, the gratitude of the whole family.
? My son started formal classes on Monday. According to the family rules, he turned in his mobile phone, got up at 6: 20 in the morning, took a lunch break for about 20 minutes at noon, had dinner with me at night, and went to bed on time before 1 1: 30 in the evening. Every morning before going to work, I go to hug my son, and my son gives me a warm hug and wishes each other a happy day! My son's mood has become stable, peaceful and happy, and everything is developing in a good direction!
? Ju said: everything has a cause and effect. Enjoying the gentleness, calmness and orderliness that Mr. Ju brought to our family, let me deeply reflect on what I have done in recent years. Once, I always thought I was smart, capable and had many friends, so I always strictly demanded my son according to my own ideas and code of conduct, in order to make him work harder and be more promising. But I didn't know that my son was old and had thinking ability and code of conduct. I ignored his feelings, ignored his thoughts, didn't respect or understand him, and just regarded him as a reading robot, which in itself violated the laws of nature. At the same time, I also think it is necessary for me as a mother to take a step back, because it is easier for her son to worry about this and that under her long-term concern. Seeing her son's slight deviation, she can't help but "honk at the back", which is really annoying. Men are psychologically generous and have strength at the same time. Only under the impetus of male inclusive power can a son grow up to be more responsible, have more room for struggle and fly higher.
? Feelings: everything should be operated according to family principles, and parents' privileges should be locked in cages; Love his son, respect him, understand him, and let him show his sincerity. I believe that he will be happy and confident in this atmosphere, and he will definitely walk out of his own sunshine avenue.
Thank you again for all the encounters in your life! I thank my teachers, my loved ones, and my relatives who gave me care, warmth and help in my suffering. Many times, we persist not because we see hope, but because we persist and see hope; Many times, the beauty of life is not because you see the beauty, but because you believe in the beauty, you will see the beauty! At the same time, I also thank myself for my persistence and belief. I waited for eight months and never gave up. I firmly believe that Mr. Ju is a life mentor who brings light to our family and ultimately makes it happy. Teacher ju is like a bright lamp, guiding the direction of our home. All the words of gratitude, gratitude and gratitude in the world are pale and powerless, which is not enough to express our gratitude in case. At this moment, our hearts are full of emotion and love to welcome new life!