Occupational characteristics
Three scientists went to Scotland from London to attend a conference. Soon after crossing the border, they found a black sheep.
"This is very interesting," said the astronomer. "All sheep in Scotland are black."
"This inference is unreliable," replied the physicist. "We can only conclude that some sheep in Scotland are black."
The mathematician immediately went on to say, "In Scotland, at least one sheep looks black on at least half of its side, at least one and a half places are black, and it is also black in some people's eyes."
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Number of life and death
The English poet Jannison wrote a poem, several lines of which read: "Every minute, a person is dying, and every minute, a person is born ..."
After reading it, a mathematician wrote to question it. The letter said: "dear sir, reading famous books makes people feel fast, but there are a few illogical lines, which is really difficult to agree." According to your algorithm, the number of life and death per minute is balanced, and the number of people on the earth is eternal. But you know, in fact, the population on the earth is growing. To be exact, 1.6749 people are born every minute, which is quite different from the number you provided in your poem. For the sake of practicality, if you don't object, I suggest you use a score of 7/6, that is, change the poem to: "Every minute, one person dies, and another one-sixth person is born ..."
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Mathematicians fall in love
Mathematicians and their girlfriends are walking in the park. His girlfriend asked him, "Do you really mind my freckles?"
The mathematician replied softly, "Absolutely not! I was born to like dealing with decimal points. "
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Who is the meanest?
"You say, who is the meanest person in the world?"
"Mathematicians, of course."
"Why?"
"They fight for every ounce!"
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Statisticians
A statistician who has never taken care of his children reluctantly agreed to take care of four young and active children when his wife went shopping on Saturday afternoon. When his wife came home, he handed her a note that read:
"Wipe tears 1 1 time; Tie shoelaces 15 times; Blow toy balloons for each child five times, and the average life of each balloon is 10 second; Warning children not to cross the road 26 times; The child insisted on crossing the road 26 times; I want to do it again on Saturday. "
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Drunk words
Guo Wen is a great man, but he is as sour as life, and every time he drinks, the whole bottle is unhappy. One day, he was half drunk again. His wife complained that he drank the whole bottle of wine.
Hearing this, Guo opened his eyes slightly, picked up the empty bottle in one hand and shook his head. "Pessimists think half a bottle of wine is half empty, optimists think half a bottle of wine is full." Whether pessimistic or optimistic, it will always be-1/2 full bottle of wine = 1/2 empty bottle of wine. However, there are clouds in the laws of algebra. Both sides of the equation are multiplied by the same constant, and its value remains the same. Then, multiply 2 to get-1 full bottle of wine = 1 empty bottle of wine. So didn't you say I just drank a full bottle of wine and didn't drink it at all? 」
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calculate
On the first day of the senior high school entrance examination, all the questions were multiple-choice questions, so classmate A took a dice and classmate B sat next to him. The following is the exam: A student lost the dice A: 3.1.1.3.4.2.4.2.1. Then a student finished writing, and soon after he started to sleep, another student got up and started to roll the dice.
What are you doing?
A: Check!
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subtraction
In math class, the teacher said to a student, "How come you can't even subtract?" ? For example, there are ten apples in your house, and you ate four. What is the result? "
The student said gloomily, "I hit ten as a result!" " "
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500 ducks
A male teacher said to two noisy female students, "The voices of two women are like the cries of a thousand ducks."
After a while, the teacher's wife came to visit him. One of the female students came to report it. "Teacher, there are 500 ducks outside the door to see you."
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half past eleven
In the fourth class in the morning, A is hungry and doesn't want to attend class. He sat in his seat, thinking about beef and bread.
The math teacher found him absent-minded and asked him, "What would happen if the decimal number 1. 130 moved one place to the right?"
A student replied without thinking, "there will be lunch!" " "
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Probability; possibility
I visited the weather station and saw many latest weather forecasting instruments. After the visit, I asked the stationmaster, "You said there was a 75% chance of rain. How did you work it out?" ? 」
Without much thought, the stationmaster replied, "That is to say, there are four people here, and three of them think it will rain. 」
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figure
"Numbers don't lie," said the teacher. "If a house takes one person twelve days to build, twelve people only need one day. One hour is enough for 288 people. 」
A student went on to say, "Seventeen thousand two hundred and eighty people only need one minute, and 1,036,800 people only need one second. In addition, if it takes six days for one ship to cross the Atlantic, it takes six ships a day. Four cups of water at 25 degrees Celsius add up to boiling water! Numbers don't lie! 」
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Sleep in class
A student was sleeping in class and was found by the teacher.
Teacher: Why do you sleep in class?
Student: I didn't sleep!
Teacher: Then why do you close your eyes?
A student: I'm meditating!
Teacher: Then why do you nod?
Student: What you just said is very reasonable!
Teacher: Then why are you drooling?
A student: Teacher, you speak with relish!
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professor
On the playground of a university, professors of political science, philosophy and linguistics surround a flagpole. The math professor came up and asked, "What are the gentlemen up to?"
"We need the height of this flagpole and are discussing how to get it," said the political science professor.
"Look at me!" As the math professor said, he bent down and hugged the flagpole and pulled hard. After pulling it out, he fell to the ground, took out a tape measure and measured it. "It's exactly five meters five." Then he put the flagpole back in place and left.
"This man!" The linguistics professor looked at the back of his departure and said contemptuously, "We asked for height, but he gave us length and added chaos!" " "
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How many times?
The teacher asked in class, "How many wars took place in Spain in the fifteenth century?"
"Six times." A student answered quickly.
"Which six times?" The teacher asked again.
"The first time, the second time, the third time, the fourth time, the fifth time and the sixth time."
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certificate
It is proved that all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime numbers, and different professionals have given different proofs: Mathematicians: 3 is prime number, 5 is prime number, and 7 is prime number. According to mathematical induction, all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime numbers.
Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 1 1 is prime, ......
Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 1 1 is prime, ......
Computer programmer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, ......
Statistician: Let's try several random numbers: 17 is a prime number, 23 is a prime number, and 1 1 is a prime number. ......
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mathematician
There are two kinds of mathematicians in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who believe and those who don't.
There are two kinds of people in the world: one can be classified as one and the other can't.
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What is pi?
Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of circumference to diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Computer programmer: Double precision pi is 3. 14 159549.
Nutritionist: You die-hard math minds, pie is a delicious and healthy dessert!
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right angle
Teacher: "You haven't proved this geometry problem, how can you conclude that this angle is a right angle?"
Student: "I measured it with a protractor."
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oral examination
In class, the teacher asked the students to judge right and wrong on the spot.
Teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge."
Kobayashi: "I think the answer should be' wrong'."
Teacher: "Why?"
Kobayashi: "Because Xiaoyan answered correctly earlier, but you didn't let her sit down."
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Questions and answers
Teacher: "I give my classmates two questions." Whoever answers the first question will not be asked to answer the second question. " Now I ask the first question: Who knows how many hairs they have? "
Xiaoli: "I know, I have 99,999 hairs."
Teacher: "How do you know?"
Xiaoli: "Teacher, this is the second question. You can't ask me to answer. "
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Paradox problem
I am discussing a paradox with my classmates: the only barber in the village has to cut the hair of those who don't, and ask who the barber is. It's really hard! Barbers cut their own hair, so they cut their own hair. A barber won't cut his own hair unless he cuts his own. How profound! The discussion was fruitless for a long time.
Qianmou, a classmate in the back row, inserted a sentence: "This is not simple, the barber is bald!"
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Who's going to Ya Palace?
Isaac Barrow (1630— 1677) is a famous British mathematician. He is a professor of mathematics at Cambridge University and has made great achievements in geometry. He was also a famous priest and wrote a lot of famous sermons. He was modest and amiable, but he had an indissoluble enmity with Count Rochester, the favorite of the King of charles ii at that time. As long as we meet together, there will inevitably be a war of words.
Rochester is said to have ridiculed Reverend Barrow as "a musty seminary".
One day, Barrow prayed for the king and met Rochester.
Rochester bowed deeply to Barrow and said sarcastically, "Doctor, please help me tie my shoelaces."
Barrow replied, "I ask you to lie on the ground, sir."
"Doctor, I invite you to the center of hell."
"Sir, please stand opposite me."
"Doctor, I invite you to the deepest part of hell."
"No, sir, such an elegant palace should be reserved for people of your status!" Say that finish, barrow shrugged and walked away.
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check tickets
The old professor travels by train. When the conductor came to check the ticket, he couldn't find it. The old professor was sweating with anxiety. The conductor said, forget it, just make up a ticket.
Old Professor: How did this happen? I don't know where I'm going until I find that ticket!
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The mystery of the inscription
Diao Fandu, a famous mathematician in Alexandria, ancient Greece, is only known as a man in the 3rd century A.D., but his age and life history books are not clearly recorded. However, we can still learn a thing or two from his tombstone, which tells people all the year round that he is 84 years old.
The complicated tombstone is like this:
Diao Fan sleeps here. If you understand the mystery of the inscription, it will tell you the whole life span of the carving fan. The gods gave him 1/6 of life as his childhood. After112 of life, he grew a beard, and then Diao Fan got married, but he had no children, so he spent 1/7 of life. Five years later, he had his first son, but his beloved son died young.
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Not a bathhouse.
Amy Nord, a German mathematician, got a doctorate, but she is not qualified to teach because she needs to write another paper before the professor will discuss whether to grant her the qualification as a lecturer.
Hilbert, a famous mathematician at that time, appreciated Amy's talent very much. He ran around asking for permission to be the first female lecturer at the University of G? ttingen, but there was still controversy at the professor meeting.
A professor said excitedly, "How can a woman be a lecturer?" If she is allowed to be a lecturer, she will become a professor in the future and even enter the university Council. Can women be allowed to enter the highest academic institutions of universities? "
Another professor said, "How do our soldiers feel when they come back from the battlefield and find themselves prostrating themselves at the feet of women?"
Hilbert stood up and firmly refuted: "gentlemen, the gender of the candidate should never be an argument against her becoming a lecturer." After all, the university Council is not a bathing hall! "
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Can only be single for life.
When alexander humboldt, an outstanding German naturalist, visited Lobachevsky, the founder of Russian non-Euclidean geometry in Kazan, he asked the mathematician, "Why do you only study mathematics? It is said that you have a deep understanding of mineralogy and are proficient in botany. "
What, you only study math? It is said that you have a deep understanding of mineralogy and are also proficient in botany. "
"Yes, I like botany very much," Lobachevsky replied. "When I get married in the future, I will definitely build a greenhouse ..."
"Then get married quickly."
"But contrary to my wish, my interest in botany and mineralogy has made me a bachelor all my life."
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Interesting job search
Chen Liyan went to apply for a job. The manager asked him, "How much salary do you ask for a year? 」
"With my working ability, I should be able to earn an annual salary of 18,000 yuan," Chen Liyan said.
The manager stared at him for a while, and then said, "Is it worth a year 18000 yuan?" Is it clear? There are only 365 days in a year. If you sleep eight hours a day, a year is 122 days. 365 days minus 12 1 day. Furthermore, you have eight hours of rest and entertainment besides going to work in the mountains every day, which means 122 days a year. Then subtract 12 1 day from 243 days, leaving only 12 1 day. But there are 52 weeks in a week, and there is no work on Sundays, so 12 1 day subtracts 52 days to leave 69 days. At the same time, every Saturday afternoon is a holiday, so there are 26 days in a year, so 69 days MINUS 26 days leaves 43 days. Minus the two-week annual leave given by the company, there are only 29 days left. Don't forget to have an hour's lunch every day, which means 15 days a year. 29 MINUS 15, leaving 14 days. Excluding public holidays such as the new calendar year, the old calendar year, Mid-Autumn Festival, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas *** 10, that is to say, I only work four days a year. Do you think it's worth 18 thousand yuan? 」
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The professor said ....
One day, a professor suddenly stopped teaching and seriously said to everyone:
If the classmate sitting in the middle chatting can be as quiet as the classmate sitting in the back playing cards, then the classmate sleeping in front will not be disturbed.
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Physicists, biologists and mathematicians
A mathematician, biologist and physicist sat on the open-air coffee table and looked at the people coming and going in the shop across the street leisurely.
First, they saw two people walk into the shop. After a while, they found three people coming out. Three friends expressed their views on their major:
Physicist: This proves the uncertainty principle.
Biologists: These people reproduce themselves.
Mathematician: If one more person enters this shop now, there will be no one inside.
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count
My son is three years old. He already knows how to count from one to ten, and he also knows that five is bigger than one. I also look for opportunities to teach him at any time and ask him which is bigger, the dog or the kitten.
Once, I took a chocolate in my left hand and two chocolates in my right hand and asked him, "Which side is more?" "。
My son didn't answer, so I continued to ask patiently. The son burst into tears and said, "There are few faces!" " "
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The application of logic
A student asked Einstein what was the use of logic.
Einstein asked him, "Two people climbed out of the chimney. One had soot on his face and the other was clean. Which one do you think should take a bath? "
"The dirty one, of course." The student said.
"No .. the dirty side sees the other side clean and thinks it won't be dirty. Where will he take a bath? "
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Mathematicians' humor
A statistician met a mathematician, and the statistician made fun of the mathematician and said:
Not that if x = y and y = z, then x = z! Then I think if you like a girl, then you will also like the boy that the girl likes! ? "
The mathematician thought for a moment and asked.
Then you put your left hand in a pot of 100 degree boiling water, and your right hand in a pot of 0 degree ice water, and you'll be fine! Because they are only 50 degrees on average! "
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polygraph
Dad has a polygraph. He asked his son, "How was your math today?"
The son replied, "90 points." The polygraph rang.
The son changed his mouth and said, "70 points." The polygraph is still ringing.
Dad shouted angrily, "I used to get more than 90 points." At this time, the polygraph fell down without sound.
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like
The professor is a kind and humorous old man, and there is a tall and strong PE student in his class. Every time the professor's voice rings in class, the PE students start to sleep until they wake up on time after class.
One day, the sports student was late, and the professor kindly said to him, "Jack, please don't be late in the future, it will affect your normal sleep."
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Empirical equation
The physics professor walked across the campus and met the math professor.
The physics professor is conducting an experiment. He summed up an empirical equation, which seems to be consistent with the experimental data. He asked the math professor to look at the equation.
A week later, they met, and the math professor said the equation was invalid. But at that time, the physics professor had predicted the further experimental results with his equation, and the effect was quite good, so he asked the math professor to review the equation again.
Another week later, they met again. The professor of mathematics told the professor of physics that this equation really holds, "but it only applies to the simple case of positive real numbers." "
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Knock in a nail
Engineers, physicists and mathematicians received a task at the same time: nailing the wall.
The engineer built a universal nailing machine, that is, a machine that can nail any possible nail into any possible wall.
Physicists have done a series of tests on the strength of hammers, nails and walls, and then developed a revolutionary technology-ultra-low-temperature ultrasonic nailing technology.
Mathematicians extend the problem to N-dimensional space, and consider the problem that a kinked 1 dimensional nail penetrates the N- 1 dimensional super wall. Many basic theorems have been proved ... Of course, the depth of this topic makes the existence of simple solutions far from obvious.
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zone
A farmer invited engineers, physicists and mathematicians to enclose the largest area with the least fences.
The engineer fenced a circle and declared that it was the best design.
The physicist stretched the fence into a long straight line. Assuming that the fence is infinitely long, they think it is big enough to surround half the world.
The mathematician gave them a big laugh.
He surrounded himself with several fences and then said, "I'm outside now."
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catch fire
Engineers, chemists and mathematicians live in three adjacent rooms of an old inn. At first, the engineer's coffee machine caught fire that night. He woke up smelling the smoke, unplugged the coffee machine, threw it out of the window, and then went to sleep.
After a while, the chemist woke up and smelled smoke. He found that cigarette butts lit the trash can. He said to himself, "How to put out the fire? We should lower the fuel temperature below the ignition point and isolate the combustion products from oxygen. Watering can do both at the same time. " So he dragged the trash can into the bathroom, turned on the tap to put out the fire and went back to sleep.
The mathematician saw all this outside the window, so after a while, when he found his ashes burning the sheets, he was not worried at all. He said, "Hey, the solution exists!" "I went back to sleep.
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fire fighting
One day, the mathematician felt that he had had enough of mathematics and ran to the fire brigade to announce that he wanted to be a fireman. The fire chief said, "You look good, but I have to give you a test first."
The fire chief took the mathematician to the backyard alley of the fire brigade. There is a warehouse, a fire hydrant and a hose in the alley. The fire chief asked, "Suppose the warehouse was on fire, what would you do?" The mathematician replied, "I connected the fire hydrant to the water pipe, opened the water pipe and put out the fire."
The fire chief said, "Exactly! Last question: suppose you walk into an alley and the warehouse is not on fire, what would you do? " The mathematician pondered for a long time in doubt and finally replied, "I will set fire to the warehouse." The fire chief shouted, "What? That's terrible! Why did you set fire to the warehouse? " The mathematician replied, "In this way, I will simplify the problem into a problem that I have solved."
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The feeling of home
Mathematicians believe that mathematics consists of 50% formula, 50% proof and 50% imagination.
Topologists can't tell coffee cups from bagels.
The head of the statistician will say, "It feels good on average."
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equation
Engineers think their equations are very close to reality.
Physicists think that reality is very close to their own equations.
Mathematicians don't care.
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fact
Editors of newspapers and periodicals often go to extremes and tell readers irrelevant facts and statistics to show that the reports are true and vivid. A year later, a new workers' republic was founded in Africa. The editor of a famous magazine instructed the reporter to write a report about the luxurious presidential palace. The article arrived and began: "Hundreds of steps lead to a high wall, and inside the wall is the presidential palace." The editor read this sentence and decided not to publish it. He telegraphed the reporter and ordered him to find out the exact number of steps and the height of the fence.
The reporter immediately set about obtaining these important facts. After a long time, the magazine will be published and the editor is impatient. He sent two urgent messages to the reporter, but he didn't get an answer. The editor managed to publish the article as originally written. A week later, the editor finally got a call back from the reporter. It turned out that the unfortunate reporter was not only arrested, but also put in prison. After pleading, he sent a telegram and reported to the editor. He was arrested when he counted to the 884th step leading to the wall of the presidential palace.
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cheat
The teacher announced the results:
"Xiaohua 30 minutes, Xiaoming 20 minutes ..."
Piglet: I got an O!
Dog: What should I do? Me too ...
Piglet: We both got the same score in the exam. Will the teacher think we cheated?
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Love circle
A young man and a young woman are sitting on the beach. The young man drew a circle on the ground and said, "My love for you, like this circle, will never end."
The young woman also drew a circle on the ground with her finger and said, "My love for you will never begin".
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abstract
A friend of my friend drank too much at one time in the restaurant. It's almost an hour before business hours.
The waiter came to remind you that you can leave. At that time, the Great Xia said a very shocking sentence.
He said this: "Don't mess with me, or I'll beat you in the abstract."