In the first scene, Xianyang, the capital of Qin State [Fan, Gu and Yu left from the right and stood still]
Wang Tianxing [running out from the left] (Li Keran excitedly comes in to tell): Your Majesty, your Majesty!
Fan Wenhao (appreciated by Yang Yifei) Wow, Ai Qing in the Bird's Nest, your hairstyle is so novel! ! !
Thank you Wang Tianhang (Li Keran). Did you just hold the Olympic Games? It's easier to get through security. By the way, your majesty, 200,000 brothers have prepared kitchen knives. Shall we go to Zhao State to grab territory today? [Microphone to Zhong Nan]
Fan Wenhao (patting the priest on the shoulder) (Yang Yifei): How many times have I told you that we are civilized people now, civilized people understand? Don't grab territory and territory at every turn. We should unite the people of all ethnic groups throughout the country, focus on economic construction, adhere to the Four Cardinal Principles and hold high the great banner of socialism. So, we have to face everyone like this! Take a deep breath] Ah ~ ~ ~ A soldier is black, with a kitchen knife in his hand. Butcher, butcher, it must be right/wrong/killing/pig ~ [opening the fan] ~ Good poem, good poem! ! [Fan keeps a low profile when doing actions]
(After being quiet)
Minister ABC (must hold his head): (Yu Zhongnan collapses) Help ~! ! Reading poetry ~ ~ [microphone pointed at Xu Chuqiao]
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei imposing manner): I will personally review the army.
(Running to Fan from behind) (Xu Chuqiao) Report to Your Majesty that there are 200,000 people in our army. [Microphone to Li Keran]
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei) Really? ~ ~ 200,000 people are quite a lot, ~ (as far as you can see) you can't see the edge at a glance ~ I'll check to see if anyone hasn't arrived. [Pointing at the mountain] One, two, three, four ... @ @ @ @ ... One hundred and one, one hundred and two (sniffling) Hmm ~ ~ Where did you count just now? Do you remember? Do you remember? Forget it, forget it ~ ~ start over! One, two, three, four ... [microphone to Zhong Nan]
[The minister's discussion is getting louder and louder]
Wang Tianxing (Li Keran Nanjing dialect): What did you eat this morning? [Microphone to Xu Chuqiao]
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan Nanjing dialect): I had a cup of Starbucks coffee this morning.
Lu Heyu (Xu Chuqiao's Nanjing dialect): I heard that McDonald's has a new product recently, which seems to be called Wu Fang, a tender cow.
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan, Nanjing dialect): No, it seems that Wunen Niu belongs to KFC. [Microphone to Yang Yifei]
Lu Heyu (Xu Chuqiao's Nanjing dialect): Nonsense, haven't you heard the advertisement of McDonald's? With KFC, life will be better. (singing)
(King Qin coughs twice, Yu Zhongnan: Everybody stop talking, (whispering))
Fan Wenhao (stretching) (Yang Yifei slowly): Ah, the roll call is over. I'm exhausted! Ok, let's attack Zhao now [gestures], (looks up) huh? How did the moon come out? Isn't it morning before roll call? Oh, forget it. It is getting late. Dismissed Let's go home for dinner. [Microphone to Zhou Xintong]
Everyone stepped back from the right, except Gu, who stood still.
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan yawns): Where are you? Everyone's gone. Yeah, Kentucky Fried Duck, loser, I'm coming ~ ~ [Step back to the right and give the microphone to JOE]
The end of the first act
Narrator: Just when everyone wondered whether Qin Wang was taught math by an English teacher or a political teacher, the military parade ended. On the other side, Handan, the capital of Zhao State, Wang Zhao, Lin Xiangru and others were sitting at their desks, with dignified faces and trembling hands. What are they doing? Oh, here they come. . . [Microphone to Zhang Tianjiao]
[Chen Tian and Xie are sitting at the table, and Li Hehe is standing behind]
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong's voice and movements should be consistent): Six! [Microphone to High Core]
Xie Lingfeng (thrown by Zhang Tianjiao): Ai Qing, what a card! Haha, I'm burnt!
Li (Gao Xin): Your Majesty, someone is asking for an audience outside the door!
Xie Lingfeng (): Xuan.
Li (Gao Xin): Xuan Yu Xiao Bing! [Microphone to Xu Chuqiao]
Yu Zhongnan [wearing headphones] (sung by Xu Chuqiao) just listen to me on my site ~
Xie Lingfeng (stands up) (Zhang Tianjiao falls): Who do you listen to? !
Yu Zhongnan [wearing headphones] (sung by Xu Chuqiao) just listen to me on my site ~
Xie Lingfeng (standing in front of him) (Zhang Tianjiao): Say it again!
Yu Zhongnan [wearing headphones] (Xu Chuqiao said) Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. . .
Xie Lingfeng (waving his hands) (Zhang Tianjiao) chop! ! !
Yu Zhongnan [takes off headphones] (Xu Chuqiao says in surprise) What? Jay Chou's new album is called "Cut? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! "
Xie Lingfeng flew to the left of the stage. . . (with a scream)
Cao Ting (Xu Chuqiao panting) Report-Report-Report-
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Report what? Have you finished reporting?
Cao Ting (Xu Chuqiao): No, there is a letter from a flying chicken!
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Is there any?
Cao Ting (Xu Chuqiao): Yes!
(Pass the chicken to retreat to Zhao Wang)
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao) (after watching for a long time, touching his chin and suddenly looking at Xiao Bing): Why aren't you dressed?
Cao Ting (Xu Chuqiao): Oh, I forgot to bring it.
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): No organization and discipline, decapitation!
Cao Ting (pointing to the minister) (Xu Chuqiao): Why can't they wear them?
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): I am a minister, and my treatment is different. What nonsense.
Xie Lingfeng flew to the left of the stage. . . (with a scream) [microphone to Gao Xin]
[Minister will wave his hand very hard]
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Ladies and gentlemen, the King of Qin wrote that he likes my jade very much and wants to exchange it for this city. Ministers, please raise your hand if you have any ideas.
He Linyou [raised his hand]
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Say it!
He (Zheng): I thought the king of Qin just wanted to cheat him about the stone wall, so we wouldn't go and pretended not to know.
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): I can't. If the king of Qin knew, he would definitely use this as an excuse to send troops to invade Zhao immediately. What should we do?
(Li raises his hand)
Li (): For example, the pigeon had an accident halfway, fell into a second-class disability, was being treated in our country, and lost its letter.
Wang Zhao: What! Will the king of Qin believe it? Don't let people make excuses to throw atomic bombs and hydrogen bombs at Zhao. You say, what should I do?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong is natural): If we don't take the treasure, Qin will attack us. Do you think your life is more important or your baby is more important?
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): I think so. Then I'll send someone to take jade to Qin. Which Ai Qing can undertake the heavy responsibility of this transaction? Han aiqing ~ you ~
He (Zheng): (Fei laughs) Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Suddenly want to take a vacation ... ..
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): You have used up your annual leave!
He (Zheng): Ah, I had a heart attack. I want to go to the Red River 19 12. (running and laughing)
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Then you. . . (pointing to Li)
Li (): Ah, my mother called and said that our wild boar gave birth to a pork chop burger. I must go home and have a look. (escape)
(Lin Xiangru is sneaking around. . . )
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Ai Qing, you. . .
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong is natural): Me. Me. Me. . .
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): There will be a reward for coming back from this mission. I send you a villa with sea view, QQ and a sun.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong is natural): Really?
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Really!
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong's "Nature is Nature"): In this case, responsibility is something that a person should do, and it is also something that a person should not do. However, we live in a society, and because of our different identities, we have different responsibilities. I want to run a factory and do my part to build a beautiful and harmonious society. Therefore, I am willing to share my worries and die for the king.
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao) (touching Lin Xiangru): Ai Qing is really a pillar of the country. Now she has a strong sense of social responsibility like Ai Qing, regardless of the cost and return. . . . . There are fewer and fewer people who are brave and fearless, love and respect their posts, and do not embezzle and misappropriate public funds. But, brother, what if Qin doesn't give us the city?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong is narcissistic): Don't worry, boss. Don't say anything, just let me, a genius who combines beauty and wisdom, consult with Qin. Shake your hair and pose in a position that you think is super handsome. )]
Wang Zhao: Good! Then don't be wordy. Here are gifts: bulletproof vest, leather gloves, cotton-padded clothes and trousers, leaving tomorrow! Remember! You may be the (slow, 1, 2, 3, 4) 250th person to die there.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong was born naturally): (Heroically) If I don't join the State of Qin, who will? The wind is rustling in Shui Han, and the strong men are gone and back! (windy) Did Big Brother turn off the hair dryer over there? The head can be broken, but the hair can't be messy! (To Wang Zhao) But, Wang Zhao, I ... . . ?
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Say what you have! While I'm still alive, broken arrow, Fei Xue and Wu Ming are all dead, and I can't give them if I want to.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): (with grave look and serious expression) This is my last request (please pay attention). . . . . . I want to eat steamed bread! (Everyone fainted)
Xie Lingfeng (Zhang Tianjiao): Remember, taking responsibility often comes with the right to be rewarded. As long as you come back, you can have it. [Step back from the right]
Narrator: One day, there were white clouds floating in the sunny and cloudy sky. The celery in the bedroom of the king of Qin is extremely lush. . .
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Oh, forget it, forget it. Smile. I like celery best. Although it tastes bitter and astringent, it is more natural! Good poem, good poem! ! (intoxicated) [Fan keeps a low profile when doing actions]
(After being quiet)
Minister ABC (must hold his head): (Yu Zhongnan collapses) Help ~! ! Read poetry ~ ~ ~
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan): Your Majesty, the envoy of Zhao has come to see you.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): What about Zhao Guoren?
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan): Outside.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Is it cold outside?
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan): Cold.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): If he feels cold, let him put on more clothes. If it is still cold, add a sweater. If he is hot, let him wear less clothes, if it is still hot. . . Then it got hot. If I didn't hear you clearly, I would say it again. . .
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan): If I don't let him in, I will freeze to death! ! !
(Yang Yifei): All right, Xuan.
Gu Yuxuan (Yu Zhongnan): The envoy of Xuan Zhao went to the temple.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong's narcissism) (I adjusted my suit and put on a POSS): I'm Lin Xiangru, handsome, pure and lovely. I have passed Grade 2 in computer and Grade 4 in English. Jianghu people call him Haitang Pear, nicknamed Jade-faced Little White Dragon.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Don't say it's useless. Where are the things?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): (whispering) Kiss his ass first! (loudly) Your Majesty! My admiration for you is like a surging river, running endlessly, and like the Yellow River flooding out of control. Let me express my admiration for you by singing. . .
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Stop talking nonsense. Where are the things?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): (singing) You are like a fire in that winter. The blazing flame lit me up. Your big eyes are bright and shining, like the brightest star in the sky. You're like that.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Shut up, where is what I want! ! ! ! !
Wang Tianxing (Li Keran): Your Majesty, you should call yourself a widow!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): How could I forget? . . . Widowed. Widowed. . What does the widow want?
Wang Tianxing (Li Keran): Your Majesty, it's me!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): A talkative widow knows! ! !
Wang Tianxing (Li Keran): Your Majesty, it's me!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): I hate it. You walked away. (To Chen) Where is the jade?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): (Take it out and shake it in front of the king of Qin)
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei) (stroking jade and sticking it on his face): That's it. . . . . . . Xiao Qiang, Xiao Qiang, I finally found you ~ ~ (Music! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Release, myth)
Lin Xiangru+Minister ABC: (horrified): Xiao Qiang ~ ~ ~
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei) untied me and waited mysteriously. The stars fell and the wind blew. Finally, I could see Choi, who was shaking in front of my eyes. Believe me, unchangeable sincerity, I promised to wait for a thousand years, and Choi is the only beautiful myth that remains unchanged, and jade and Choi will last forever. The wall handed down from ancient times, and jade, good poem! ! (intoxicated)
(intoxicated) [Fan keeps a low profile when doing actions]
(After being quiet)
Minister ABC (must hold his head): (Yu Zhongnan collapses) Help ~! ! Read poetry ~ ~ ~
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): To tell you the truth, I accidentally lost this jade when I was a child. It grew up with me, just like my brother Can you give it back to me? I am willing to pay any price.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong) (moved to tears): Your experience is so touching. Since you are so sincere, I will ask you a question, and I will give it back to you as long as you guess correctly.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Well, let's ask the hero a question.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Guess how many crystals are in my pocket? As long as you get it right, I'll give you all five in my pocket!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): (Thinking for a long time) On such a bright line at the foot of my bed, the waterfall hangs in front, and the white dew is frost. The so-called Iraqis are on the water side. 3. 14 15926 I=U/R The angle of the circle is equal to half of the central angle. People have two treasures, hands and brains. Hands can work and brains can think. I think, think, think, think ... Oh! I see, it's seven o'clock! !
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong) (with a look of regret): It's a pity that your answer is wrong. The correct answer is 4. You can't take this jade.
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei) (pause for three seconds): Close the door and catch him! Give me the jade! ! !
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Ho ho ha ha hey, if you are unkind to me, don't blame me for being unjust to you (drawing the sword).
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Wait a minute ~ ~ Ha, this is the legendary cucumber sword! This sword is as sharp as mud and has no trace. This is a good sword!
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Good sword!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Of course it's a good sword!
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): I'm not talking about the sword. . . . It is you!
Chen Tianyi drew his sword and cut down the cucumber.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): It's really a good sword.
(Lin Xiangru wields a sword to chase the king of Qin)
(accompaniment! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! )
Xu: CCTV.
Dong: CCTV
Welcome to Lin Xiangru's assassination of the King of Qin every night!
Dong: I am.
X: I'm Huang Jianxiang.
Dong: Now we can see that the King of Qin and Lin Xiangru are playing a very fierce game of grabbing the bench! Who do you think will win? We can see that the audience here is very enthusiastic. what did you say ? Speak louder! I can't hear you! ! Oh, they are calling Ying Zheng and Ying Zheng. They are sure to win.
X: The audience here is very enthusiastic. what did you say ? Speak louder! Oh, they are talking about Aru, Aru, it can be done! You must be infected by this warm atmosphere. Send 200 to 50 quickly! We send ten bundles of celery every day!
Fan Wenhao (Yang Yifei): Wait a minute, I'll take a call. Zhao Gao, you need one, wait for me at once!
(Lin Xiangru: I stabbed, I stabbed, I was stabbed)
Zhao Gao, I'm leaving. . . . . . .
Let's replay the wonderful scene just now! ]
I hung up. . . (Narrator: The King of Qin fell gracefully)
[The king of Qin fell to the ground in pain. Minister A and Minister C caressed the body and cried. Minister B looked it up in the dictionary. ]
Gu Yuxuan: Your Majesty, you died miserably!
Wang Tianxing: Wow, you are so loyal ~
Gu Yuxuan: Of course, my marriage certificate, student ID card, divorce certificate, real estate license and temporary residence permit of Jiacang are all here. . . Lu Heyu: (I suddenly found something in the dictionary): Wait a minute ~ ~ ~
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): What are you waiting for?
Lu Heyu: Hero, your name is Lin Xiangru, right?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Does anyone else have such a handsome name besides me?
Lu Heyu: But I just looked it up in the dictionary. [Show the book to Lin Xiangru] It seems that Jing Ke did it. You seem to have come to see He Shibi off, right? Friend, you have come to the wrong place. . . . . . .
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Er ~ ~ Is that right? (after a little thought), it seems so! ! Misunderstanding, misunderstanding! ! ! Start over ~ ~ ~
Qin Wang (gets up from the ground and sits back): What a waste of my expression! !
Gu Yuxuan: There are too many people who spoof now! ! ! (Sichuan dialect)
Qin: Lin Xiangru, what are you doing here?
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Your Majesty, I'm here to handle the transaction with Shi Bi.
Qin Wang: Show me He Shibi.
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Of course, look at the transparent luster, the white material and the smooth feel, just like steamed bread! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! However, there is a BUG when using this kind of jade! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Qin Wang: Perfection is not beautiful!
(Lu Heyu shouts: Stop reading poetry, I can't stand it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)
Qin Wang: Beauty is not perfect!
(Wang Tianxing cries: Stop reading poetry, I can't stand it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)
Qin Wang: Beauty is deformity, deformity is beauty!
Gu Yuxuan cries: The world has suffered from Qin for a long time! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Suicide with a sword)
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): What a great poem!
Qin Wang: Do you like it too? !
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): Very much. My brother also improvised a poem: There is wind in urban and rural areas, but the scenery in Qiu Lai is different. Dream back to camp corner, sunset, pear blossoms, behind the Qingming, the days are long and light.
Qin Wang: bosom friend, bosom friend!
Chen Tianyi (Zhou Xintong): A bosom friend!
Qin Wang: Because you and I are bosom friends, I don't want this jade. Take it home! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
end
In this way, Lin Xiangru returned to Zhao, so there was such a well-known story.
Return safely to Zhao 1! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !