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I study in Xiushui complete primary school. This is the best primary school in town, although there are only two primary schools in town. Schools are for children with urban hukou. Another school is for children with rural hukou. That school is called Qishan Primary School.

Yang Xiangchun is not my classmate. She only transferred from Qishan Primary School when she was in the second grade. It seems that her mother remarried to the street, so the account moved out.

When Xiang Chun was introduced, the teacher's expression was a little scary. Although she didn't actually make any ferocious expression, it still made me uncomfortable to lose her usual kind smile. Xiangchun's classmates also have no expression. It seems to be written on my face: let me step down quickly.

Xiang Chun is arranged to sit in the corner of the last row (she is very tall). Because there is a broom beside the desk, there is no room for another person, so Xiangchun sits alone. The introduction of the new couple ended with Xiang Chun's seat. Everyone opened their books and started class, as if nothing had happened. This is completely different from the situation that Wang Ting (there are two Wang Ting in our class) transferred to our class that day. I remember that we talked for more than half of the class that day. Wang Ting is sitting next to me now. She is the daughter of my mother's factory director and transferred from spiritual experimental primary school. I turned and looked at Xiangchun again. She looks like my sister and feels much older than me.

Xiang Chun didn't talk to us much in her first month here, especially with boys. Although she looks like our sister and is very mature, her expression is often dull. It took her half a day to react when talking to her. Gradually, some naughty boys began to take pleasure in teasing her. As the study committee member in the class, I will come forward to stop the boys' behavior between classes, but after school, she is often bullied by those boys. This was later told to Chun himself and me. I live near my classmate Xiang Chun's house, so sometimes I invite her to come home with me. And I'm getting familiar with it. Xiangchun finally learned to let go of formality and began to chat with me more freely. Later, everyone in the class said that Xiang Chun had two good friends in the class, one was a boy and the other was a girl. The boy is me and the girl is Wu Lizhen. Wu Lizhen is the only girl in the class who is almost as tall as Xiang Chun. When the two of them walked together, the boys who besieged them looked like children. I feel that as long as they push hard, they can knock all the gangsters down. But in fact, they are often embarrassed and at a loss by these gangsters, and sometimes they seem to cry.

As for me, even I didn't know I was a "good friend" of Xiangchun's classmates. I just think that as a class committee, I should protect all my classmates. Although it makes me feel awkward to protect this girl who is half a head taller than me.

But once Xiang Chun really cried, crying very sadly, and the whole building could hear her voice. It was also when I heard this voice that I ran back to the classroom from the teacher's office. In the classroom, two or three boys are running around with a bag of paper. As they ran, they waved the bag of "trophies" and all showed cold smiles. Look back at Yang Xiangchun. She has been lying on the desk, unwilling to look up and let out a big sob. Qier's short hair hung untidily over her head. Half of my face was leaking between my arms and my hair, and my face was flushed. The schoolbag fell at the foot and the zipper was greatly unzipped. It looks like a big mouth with a dark hole.

When those boys ran past me, I heard them shouting, "Yang Xiangchun, you actually started using sanitary napkins. hahaha. Shameless! " I'm going to beat those boys. But when I heard those three words, my whole body tightened. Although I gradually learned something from TV and people around me, I never really listened to people around me. After being in a daze for three minutes, I turned and ran back to the office and told the class teacher, Miss Liu. Teacher Liu Ran came to the classroom and snapped at the three boys. It was the first time that I went directly to the teacher to solve the contradiction between my classmates without doing anything. I feel horrible.

After that incident. Xiangchun's words are even less. Sometimes when she comes home with me, she wants to say something to me, but when she sees my nervous expression, she swallows it. Actually, I have no choice. After that, every time I talked to Xiang Chun, I felt my face flushed and my heart beat. Gradually, we have nothing to say and no longer go home together.

Another month has passed. It's my turn to be on duty. When I went to the cleaning corner to get the broom, I found that the table next to the broom was empty. I ran to the office and asked Teacher Liu, "Didn't Yang Xiangchun come to class today?" The teacher said that she transferred to another school a week ago. Huh? I transferred a week ago, I don't know? Not only I but also my classmates should know. Everyone seems to have forgotten the existence of this person, as if she had never been here. Even the boys who often played tricks on her and made the classroom messy didn't feel that she had left.

On my way home, I deliberately passed Xiangchun's home. I saw a lock on the door of their house, and the sign of "sublet" was hung on the nail next to the door. I heard what her mother said to me when I first met her: "Liu Fei, take good care of our Toona sinensis in the future. She is timid. " Thinking of this, I suddenly bowed my head sadly and left tears.

02

Although I didn't do well in the junior high school exam, I was admitted to Yucai No.1 Middle School, the best middle school in our district, with the third place in the whole school. Due to the strong faculty and bright data of further education, Yucai No.1 Middle School has attracted many outstanding students from the city to study. Li is one of them. And I, a child from a local town, gradually became inferior. There is no almost arrogant self-confidence of student cadres in primary school.

My academic performance is also affected a little, but I try to keep myself in the top ten. Achievement is the lifeline of school life. It is because of my good grades that my interpersonal relationship is not bad enough to be excluded or even violent on campus. The other two students are as autistic as me, but they are not so lucky with poor academic performance.

Li's grades are also quite good, and she is very independent and full of verve, so no one dares to mess with her. In other words, everyone is in awe of her. So naturally, she became the monitor of our class. In the speech of running for monitor, Li said that she had been a monitor in primary school for six years, and she wanted to continue this tradition until she graduated from college. When she said these words, her language was powerful, her mouth was as bald as a machine gun, but her eyes were not free, and her whole person was shining. I have never seen such a confident person except on TV.

And my lack of confidence comes from English first. Students in the city begin to learn English in the third grade of primary school and have a good foundation in junior high school. Children in our town, however, always feel backward when they first come into contact with English in their freshman year. The more I think about it, the more I dare not say it. The more you dare not speak, the more you will not learn. I got more than 60 points in the first English exam, which made me almost collapse and wanted to give up.

One night after class, Li ran from behind, patted my left shoulder, then leaned out from my right shoulder and said with a smile, "Hello. Today, when I was giving a presentation in English class, why was it awkward for me to listen to your English pronunciation? Do you want me to correct it for you? " I was shocked to hear that, because for people with zero sense of existence, I never thought anyone would notice my speech. Then I began to feel embarrassed and didn't know how to respond. I struggled for a long time before I squeezed out two words: OK. "That's settled!" She still ran away with that smile, as if everything had been planned long ago, and the result was not unexpected.

Chinese is really a subject that you can learn better and better if you put down your self-esteem (of course, the premise is that you have talent, haha). My English has made rapid progress, but Li's math has gradually fallen behind. In the third grade, her partiality in mathematics became particularly serious. I applied to the head teacher to transfer Li to my side so that I could help her with her math. At that time, the teacher was considering the "one-on-one" plan before the middle school entrance examination, so he approved my application without hesitation. After our group started, there were several help groups in the class. At that time, there was a biased saying that girls would get worse and worse in science from the second day of junior high school, while boys were just the opposite. So when the tutorial encounters a bottleneck and even Li starts to frown, I will tease her and say, "How stupid!" " . None of these. Sure enough, girls will become more and more stupid. Hearing this, Li immediately pulled himself out of the topic, defended his pride, pointed a pen at me and said, "Besides, I'll hit you." "Wow, I don't appreciate helping you with your lessons and hitting me? Where is justice? " "You don't know is love to beat and scold? Hahahaha. " "Then I will try to hit you? "

The militarized management of our school is well-known in the whole region. The daily study begins at 6: 30 in the morning and ends at 1 1 half past one in the evening. The school is worried that students can't keep up with their physical strength, and will arrange the school canteen to push some snacks to the teaching building at 9: 00 p.m. after the second evening self-study. Most students in the class will buy something to fill their stomachs. On the one hand, I don't like to join in the fun, on the other hand, my family conditions are not very good, so I won't buy it. But since Li helped me with my English in the second day of junior high school, she has always bought me vegetarian spring rolls at the booth. Among school snacks, I like vegetarian spring rolls best, but I don't know how Li knows. Every time I ask her, she says nothing but smiles mysteriously. At first, I was determined not to eat, but Li would "force" me to eat. Autistic and self-abased students often have an annoying self-esteem. Later, we gradually understood. I gradually accepted her spring rolls, and then slowly, it seems to have become a living habit of both of us.

"I have no money tonight, so I won't buy you spring rolls?"

"Don't worry, I will buy it for you. I have to pay the manuscript fee. "

"I lied to you. hahaha. I want to see if you are good to me. It looks good. Ha ha ha. "

The week before the middle school entrance examination is review. On the last day of review, there was a power failure in the evening self-study class. First, there was a hiss. As a result, I waited for 20 minutes and the electricity didn't come. Everyone simply set up a dragon gate array in the dark classroom, hoping to cherish this last and rare opportunity to open their hearts before parting ways. Then Lee Liuhui slipped me a note. Seems a little tacit, I didn't speak, under the desk, it reads:

Seriously, Liu Fei. What if we are still in the same school after graduation?

I'm scared again. How can I be so easily frightened? I feel like a child in grade three, just like when I was in primary school. There seems to be no such thing as who likes who in this life. Only classmates, teachers and relatives are around. The few friends in the whole grade, in my opinion, are people from another world. Although I read it, I always feel that it has nothing to do with myself.

I think so. The electricity is coming. I put the note away. As usual, I began to study at night. Was it just a dream?

The senior high school entrance examination ended successfully. I was admitted to the senior middle school of Yucai No.1 Middle School. I lost contact with all my classmates in the summer vacation, because I am not a person who actively contacts others, and others will never think of actively contacting me. But I remembered Lee. I didn't know I was admitted to Yucai No.1 Middle School until I called the class teacher, but she gave up. Because she is going to Guangzhou with her father. Her father went to sea.

I suddenly lost all expectations for the arrival of a new high school life.

03

Maybe I am more familiar with the environment in No.1 Middle School. After entering high school, I seem to have found a little shadow of primary school. I learned to open my closed self, and the continuous improvement of my grades made me regain my long-lost self-confidence. The teacher likes me as always, and I became a study committee member in my class. Different from primary schools, the study committee of senior high schools has an important task, which is to manage the representatives of all subjects in the class.

Among them is Huang Dandan. She is the representative of Chinese class.

In my eyes, class cadres can get along well with their classmates. This is why when I was in junior high school, I was autistic and didn't run for the class Committee. But Huang Dandan is different. She was excluded.

"Aunt Pig" is the nickname given to Huang Dandan by the boys in the class. Because she is fat and has a small mouth. When I see her at ordinary times, I feel that she has been pouting. This nickname is quite hurtful. But in class, even girls follow suit. This has puzzled me for a long time. I have always thought that there is only such a thing as scale in the hearts of boys who have not grown up. Not in elementary school, nor in high school. Because they haven't grown up.

I fell in love with writing when I was in high school and was crazy about it. I frequently contribute to the competition, and I will be happy for a long time if I publish it occasionally or win the prize. Now it seems that that kind of love is not pure, but mixed with vanity. Adolescents always want to show off their uniqueness. Students from good families dress up and show off, while I want to write. But that kind of love seems pure. I just want to find a way to say what I want to say. I have a lot to say, but I don't know who to talk to.

I don't know who to talk to, because when I write, my mind is wild and unconstrained. I think I am so different from my classmates around me. Finally, I stumbled upon the "bud". Everyone inside seems to be like me, always saying strange things. Unfortunately, in those days, the bud didn't even spread to a small place like our town. I asked around and found that I could subscribe from the post office, so I did not hesitate to subscribe to the "Germination" for one year with the payment I had received before.

One day at noon, I found that Huang Dandan was also watching Germination. This makes me feel novel and curious.

"Huang Dandan, do you also watch Germination?"

"Er ... right." Huang Dandan was obviously startled when he heard my words. Usually rejected by boys and girls, she often goes it alone, feeling that no one will take the initiative to talk to her.

"Where did you buy it?"

"It's downstairs in our house."

I just remembered that Huang Dandan is a student from this city. I'm sure you can buy it in the city.

At noon that day, Huang Dandan and I talked a lot about budding. Especially when it comes to several articles we like together, I feel that there are endless words.

From then on, I will chat with Danny Huang every month when I receive Germination. We analyze which article makes people shine at the moment and what the author wants to express; Which article is boring, but it is inexplicably covered. Such discussions often last for two or three hours, because Huang Dandan has a strong understanding of articles. Her speech in Kan Kan also inspired many unique ideas.

It is not always a good thing to have such ability. Another reason why Huang Dandan is rejected by her classmates is that she always "shows" herself at the right time. In Chinese class, Huang Dandan is always the first and only person to raise his hand when analyzing the main idea of an article. Her speech is wonderful and meaningful, which often makes Chinese teachers exclaim and even applaud. Strangely, although the students thought her speech was wonderful, they were not happy for her, but were even more disgusted and indifferent to her. And I, it seems, began to admire her erudition after I got to know her better.

In school life, people who are excluded are often timid and gradually lose self-confidence and true self. Huang Dandan is an exception.

I think "Germination" is about finding a home and faith, even if you yearn for it, you dare not contribute rashly. I always feel that I am too far away from the people above. On the other hand, Huang Dandan handed me a stack of manuscript paper on the first day of her second year of high school, saying that she had participated in the works of "new concept". I never thought that one day, people around me would really participate in the "new concept". I am trapped in the town where I have lived for more than ten years.

Huang Dandan's article was not selected in the end.

Senior three is nervous about reviewing. Huang Dandan's seat was vacant for a while. She told me that she had an art test interview for Chinese opera. She wants to learn Peking Opera as a screenwriter. Screenplay major? This is not my dream, but I labeled it "extravagant hope" and scribbled the words "English major" on the volunteer application form.

Then it was a few months of repetitive life. We seem to have taken out the daily study schedule from the copier. The goal of everything is the college entrance examination.

The college entrance examination seems to flash by. After the college entrance examination, all the students will disappear out of thin air. We are located in towns, districts, cities and even other provinces, and we don't get together to have a "farewell dinner" like our classmates in other schools. We gradually forgot each other. I often wonder whether Huang Dandan is really fascinated by China opera and whether he is writing a story that belongs to our time.

postscript

Many years later, I learned more or less about the later lives of the three girls from different channels.

Yang Xiangchun dropped out of school early and got married. At the age of nineteen, she became a mother and lived a standard rural housewife life. Huang Dandan is not interested in China's operas. She studied English in Southeast University, and now she is a famous teacher in a well-known English training institution, leading students to learn English in a passionate style. It is said that Li was forced to "stumble" in Guangzhou because of his family's decline. Hearing this, my heart suddenly burst into cramps and my mind went blank.

-Chapter 6 of 90-day Challenge Training Camp in University Hall