[Author: Yu Qing Release date: April 2, 200515:12: 38 Reading:]

In the dark, we groped for the door to heaven. Once, we all thought it was far away. When one falls, two stumbles and three bumps, confidence is easy to despair in helplessness, collapse in despair and slack off in collapse. However, one day, we finally saw what heaven looked like. Looking back at the starting point, it is only one meter away.

In July 2002, I entered senior three ahead of schedule.

Although the summer vacation of senior two has just begun, the school regrets our two holidays in Dan, so we live up to expectations and skillfully shuttle through the overwhelming cram schools. I officially handed over the post of deputy editor-in-chief of the school magazine, sitting in the classroom and watching the formulas tossed and turned on the blackboard. The smell of sweat mixed with electric fans and cones expanded uncontrollably. Looking out of the window, a group of children who are one year younger than us are busy putting up posters to recruit novices, and their postures are serious. I smiled gently. This time last year, I was doing the same thing in the same position. The leap of time makes everything fleeting. After lamenting the ruthlessness of time, my deskmate and I continued to look at the chalk in a daze, and then took a nap happily. The college entrance examination was far away, and the blackboard behind the classroom seemed to have a sense of advancement. It likes to use hours to calculate the time from the college entrance examination. As a result, we thought that the college entrance examination was hundreds of years later, and that huge number made us feel at ease. Tutoring and attending classes are like a kind of psychological comfort for us. We sit here reading, sleeping and chatting on time every day with the title of senior three. Go online after returning to China; Rent DVDs, watch TV shows, make phone calls, and make parents hate Bell. Life is so easy that we forget our identity and when we changed from short sleeves to long sleeves. We have ushered in a noisy, real senior three.

The school officially opened in September 2002.

There seems to be a pride complex in the classroom. Every year, when we upgrade to a higher level, it will climb to a higher level. The school seems to want us to realize our identity when climbing the stairs. But it's no use. At the beginning of school, everyone's only complaint is that climbing stairs every day makes their feet weak, while doing leg work, which not only does not increase their sense of contempt, but curses heaven and earth. So lazy people have lazy ways. Except for earthquakes and fires, we will never go downstairs easily. However, there are also exciting things. As big brothers and sisters in school, we have the privilege of not wearing school uniforms. For a time, the classroom was full of colors, and the topic of chatting with classmates was more premeditated about what to wear tomorrow.

The first half of the year was undoubtedly easy. All the geographical creatures that have caused us headaches and troubles have disappeared. People who study literature don't have to worry about physical chemistry any more, and all the science teachers who are so happy are arrogant. Those who study science thoroughly say goodbye to history. Although politics can't escape, the atmosphere of the course is so relaxed that they simply regard the political teacher as an invisible person and change it into a self-taught course. As we all know, under the premise of the college entrance examination, teachers will definitely give you enough face in these minor courses. And I am compatible with the joy of learning arts and sciences, because I take the political exam, so I can speak freely in the platform class. What makes me more comfortable is that there is very little homework for political majors. Every day when I close my textbook, it means that everythihg is over. The heavy academic burden of senior one and senior two suddenly disappeared at the beginning of senior three. This really makes me a little too happy to believe. Although I still convince myself to do extra-curricular exercises consciously and recite ancient Chinese and political views in advance, my mind is completely out of it. Sit at your desk for four or five hours every night, and then deceive yourself with the voice of "1 1".

At this time, F4 was born in the air, which filled the emptiness and contradiction in countless people's hearts in time, and meteor garden entered our world without warning. I forgot which girl in my class started this trend first. In short, it is as unstoppable as an infectious disease. No matter after class, the names of the four flower girl always jump around in front of our eyes and our mouths. At first, I insisted on never watching the 20-episode idealism series. I wrote in my diary that "senior three should naturally be like senior three", and "crazy watching CDs" should never be the work of a senior three student in my opinion. However, this is only the beginning. After nearly two-thirds of the girls in the class saw Meteor Garden, their "persistence" was shaken. Some enthusiastic girls even threatened that "life without seeing the meteor garden is incomplete!" "Those who haven't seen the meteor garden are all' flow blind'", so under their vigorous accomplishment, I couldn't help taking the heavy VCD box and running home to turn on the TV. Children can't resist temptation. But my parents are all adults, and I never have the courage to charm them with four "flower people", so I can only turn on the computer quietly at night and turn off the screen in a hurry when there is noise. My nerves are highly nervous, and the result after tension is doomed to be weakness, and the result after weakness is doomed to be drowsiness. The alarm clock at 5: 30 in the morning can wake up the dead, but I am "dead" crazily, so I have to ask my mother to help me lift the quilt. They don't know what I did at night. They think I'm trying to the end, so their eyes are full of love. They often say, "It's still early for the college entrance examination, so don't fight so hard now." I nodded, naturally feeling guilty. In fact, every time I turn off my cell phone after watching a disc, I always regret it, but I still can't help myself. But I'm definitely not crazy. At the end of the story of Meteor Garden, I almost forgot the magic of these four playboys. However, this class was soon divided into two factions, and the supporters of Tyrannosaurus Rex and Zaizai often fought fiercely. A dialogue, a look, can make girls aftertaste for a long time; Poster photos reached their peak with the help of vendors. We squeezed into a group of children in Grade One and Grade Two to grab photos and forgot our identities. A "F4" in math class is powerful enough to make atomic bomb scientists feel ashamed.

Boys are always like the clutches of the ball, and they get excited when they touch basketball. On Friday afternoon, when we were discussing where to wander, they were gearing up to lift the roof of the Internet cafe, wondering whose head to blow off this time.

At that time, we couldn't smell the smoke, and the bright afternoon sunshine filled the classroom on the roof of the school. We were so detached that it was incredible to talk about it later. However, parents and teachers failed to keep up with our "progress" and kept talking about the "College Entrance Examination" to warn our souls. When we were complaining about the "singing and sighing" of our elders, time slipped away quietly.

I still can't remember when the nervousness started. It was premeditated, but it was a silent invasion. With too much homework, too much practice and too many exams, we always feel as if the teacher had just finished the exam and strolled into the classroom with a stack of papers. Thick counseling books seem to be distributed free of charge. Every time we receive one, we will sigh and swear that we will never finish reading this book, and then smile and sign our names on the cover, saying that we will take them to sprint the college entrance examination. However, we never imagined that they were just the beginning, and their life span was so short that they were quickly solved by us and then piled up on one side to accumulate dust.

I finished the exam in the first half of the third year of high school, and the final exam was not outrageous in my half-year waste. I squeezed into the top 100, which means you can enter the first-class prestigious schools in our key high schools. But my parents are not satisfied with this ranking. They can't understand that I can still come back with my fourth grade when I was a freshman and sophomore, and I often wander around in my twenties and thirties. How should I regress into this when I was in senior three? My explanation is that everyone has made efforts, but the power of sweetness is too small to fight. In fact, my heart is quite comforting, because I know that I didn't fight wholeheartedly in the first half of the year, so I have enough reason to strengthen my confidence. During the Chinese New Year, a primary school girl from Grade One and Grade Two called me to ask me if it was hard to go to school. I bit a bunch of candied haws on the other end of the phone and mumbled that she was fine, alive and with sound limbs. They can't help laughing there, but I am extremely optimistic here, and I firmly believe in my future. When I pay a New Year call, I smile and respond to all the inquiries from my relatives and friends. I wrote in my diary that if I work hard in the second half of the year and rely on the foundation of senior one and senior two, I will be able to get close to my ideal. This is not just what I thought. Everyone, including teachers, friends and parents, said, "Qingqing, can we have a birthday party and a celebration party together in September?" I look forward to that day.

During the holiday, I got the qualification of Fudan extra points test with the comprehensive ranking of senior one and senior two. My father carefully asked for leave to accompany me personally, and couldn't help laughing all the way. I can guess his thoughts, because when I saw the door, my heart was in a mess.

The holiday is not over yet, but we still sit in the classroom in advance. Being in senior three, I can better understand the good intentions of teachers and schools. Obviously, everyone is not as careless as when they make up lessons in summer. Not only did they come on time obediently, but they rarely saw anyone dating Duke Zhou at the desk in class. The head teacher praised us for being senior three. Of course, there are less than four months, and now we have more or less realized the ruthlessness of time, and no one wants to bet on his future.

In mid-February, 2003, the third year of high school started again.

The day before the start of school, I wrote my motto on N times and posted it everywhere-"If the sky is to be a great task for the Sri Lankan people, you must first suffer their brains, their bones and muscles and starve their skin." I always believe that as long as you work hard now, even if it is very bitter, as long as you get through it, then the future will be brilliant. This idea is not only mine, but also every senior three student's. We are all well aware of what it means to enter a prestigious school in today's society and what it means to fall behind. What shoulders us is not only our own destiny, but also the whole family. I have been taught this truth since I was a child, so I know I must work hard.

Virgo's unique perfectionism flows in her blood, so primary school goes straight to junior high school, and junior high school goes straight to high school. I walked so smoothly that I got carried away, and the result of getting carried away was undoubtedly that I accumulated countless hopes and concerns in my body. Burnout is natural, and I have been carefully covering it up. But at this specific time of senior three, this kind of burnout is like a time bomb, which is in danger of exploding at any time when touched lightly.

Teachers generally believe that only exams can truly reflect our existing learning level, so exams are more and more difficult. When I broke the 90 mark (full mark 150) in mathematics several times in a row, I began to feel the beginning of the nightmare. Math has never been my strong suit. Compared with my other subjects, it can even be said that it is a little worse, never reaching the top level, and the scores often jump up and down, which is enough to scare people to death. When I decided to choose liberal arts, more than one experienced teacher once taught me, "If you choose liberal arts, you must be good at mathematics, because there is always a gap in liberal arts, and only one mathematics can hold your ground." However, I didn't care about such persuasion at that time. I was the only one in my class who got full marks in mathematics and physics in the final exam of senior two. This kind of record makes me dizzy, and I firmly believe in my mathematical strength. However, at this moment, faced with the test paper full of red crosses, I almost despair and don't want to see the numbers again. The class teacher comforted that it didn't matter. These exams are very difficult, and many people failed. But what I care about is not how many people got low marks in the exam. What I see is that there are still outstanding students with grades of 120 and 130. This comparison scares me. I can't imagine how I can knock on the door of my ideal if I haven't broken the passing line in math.

At this time, the results of Fudan's extra points arrived, and my relatives and friends thought that I was confident enough to be admitted to this university. However, I can't be confident in the face of terrible math scores. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I repeatedly asked myself: Where was the confident "I" a few months ago? I think I may have lost her. In those days, I frantically looked for someone to find a math tutor everywhere. I went to class with two cars backwards, and then I walked alone through the long street without street lights in the dark night. It is difficult for me to tell my friends that I am a math tutor, and they will make a fuss and say, "Are you still making up math?" So what should we do? "Everyone's standards and ideals are different. Because of my personality, I demand perfection excessively. What I hope is that the one I brought in the college entrance examination is excellent. I'm afraid that a mistake will make me completely rolling in the deep.

At this time, the United States finally opened fire on Iraq, which was unwilling to be lonely. After more than two months of silence, our hearts became active again under the stimulation of "blood" and "iron". When the head teacher went to the office, we turned on the TV in the classroom and were excited about the live war movie. We are looking forward to seeing if the "world police" will stumble, but there is no miracle. A month later, Bush Pisa Dane got a little better, but the Iraqi leader was nowhere to be found. I thought there would be more adjustments in my life, but I didn't expect more political material. "Hegemony, power politics, national sovereignty and foreign policy" are all in the dark, so my friends directly complain that Bush can't go to war after three months. I said that in three months, the United States will be familiar with the army. Everyone comforted each other in self-mockery, and then continued to study hard.

The first mock exam, I ushered in a depressed state. The result is naturally not good. According to the ranking in the district, I can only enter China politics. This prediction made me extremely disappointed. I am not demanding that I must enter a famous university, but Fudan has always occupied a very important position in my heart since childhood. It is my dream, my ideal and my pursuit. One day when I found this dream, this ideal, this pursuit, I was not sure to grasp it. It seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me, and that kind of heartache was unbearable in life.

After the mock exam, all kinds of extra-point exams in universities poured in. My father took me to take the "Hua Zheng" exam. He said it was to leave a way out, but what I value more is my extra points in Fudan. I told myself to believe in myself first, otherwise it's really hopeless. Call me a senior admitted to Fudan University. She said that the college entrance examination is actually just a hurdle. When you walk past, you will find that this is all. However, I now feel that this hurdle is so long and rugged.

In April, a superstar traveled from being a butterfly on the 16 floor. An April Fool's joke turned into a month-long depression. I grew up watching his movies and listening to his songs. I never thought that such an easy jump in the world would make me feel the impermanence of life and add despair to my heart. I spent a week with an equally sad friend watching his 50 old works, which magnified the sadness infinitely. I was even going to put up a poster of his portrait in my bedroom, but my parents scolded me. They were afraid that suicide would be contagious and insisted that I absolutely isolate his audio-visual products.

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During this period, the whole world suddenly began to pay attention to mental health, and "depression" was widely put into the media. A friend said, in fact, we are the people who should be most concerned about psychology, and the suicide rate after the college entrance examination is the most horrible. But nobody cares about us. The teacher said that our main task now is reading. Whether you die or not is a question in the future.

A month later, my mind almost returned to study. People are forgetful animals, not to mention that the college entrance examination is, after all, their own life direction, and the one that passed away has nothing to do with enlightening themselves.

I have been busy making friends with numbers for months. Every day, no matter how much homework I have on that day and how late I finish it, I strictly demand how many pages I have to complete to study the topic paper. There is an old saying in China that "Diligence makes up for mistakes". I firmly believe this, so I put my schedule under the table. If I am lazy and don't finish writing, I will write a cross on the paper in scarlet. This method is very effective, because when I do my homework on the desk the next day, those forks will look good. I also posted my horrible math papers all over the room. Those shameful grades can effectively motivate me, but every time my parents come in, they feel uncomfortable. They said, "People always put awards on the wall, and you pour out such an ugly paper." I said they are not ugly now, and they will never look good in the future.

I don't know if the training in recent months has worked, or if the teacher made the questions easier to give us face. Anyway, in the subsequent exam, the score gradually became beautiful and began to change the shortcomings of jumping up and down, which made me very happy. But according to the class teacher, my mind is getting better and better, which leads to stable grades. I don't know what "mentality" really means, but self-confidence is indeed an indispensable thing. Later, when I went to college and looked at this road, I felt that sometimes people's self-confidence was supported by some very small things. A few failed exams can almost destroy a person, but similarly, several successes can also rebuild confidence, but this kind of "success" is the most difficult to start with, depending on how hard you try to get up from the ground. I tried my best to conquer mathematics in those months, but now I think it may not be so effective psychologically, because I have made great efforts to conquer it, so I have absolute reason to believe that I can see the gains after my efforts. The spiritual strength endowed by this "absolute rationality" is enormous.

I did well in the second model and the quasi-exam in the city. In the liberal arts class, I climbed to the first place. Last year, in the college entrance examination, two seniors in our school went to Peking University. The teacher even encouraged me to get the volunteer form of Peking University. My mind is still thinking about stepping into the ideal door I have been longing for, but this "encouragement" has strengthened my confidence in my ability to some extent. When many friends around me were worried about volunteer service, I did not hesitate to volunteer for the first time.

May should have been the last sprint time, but after stretching for half a year, everyone began to get tired at this time, and at this time, a veritable "uninvited guest"-"SARS" came to China, which made our life even more shocking. The masks on the street are frightening, and the epidemic report in Beijing seems to be coming to the end of the world. Body temperature has become the most important thing in the world. Stars, games and wars are all sidelined. Rumors are flying all over the sky, the pets in the community have disappeared without a trace, vitamin C has become a lifeline, and the rumors of the postponement of the college entrance examination have also been made up gracefully. We were really excited to hear this for a long time, but the solemn statement of the Ministry of Education made us fall from the sky to the bottom. In this confusion, we were told by the teacher not to forget to study hard, make progress every day, check the thermometer when we have time, and wrap ourselves up in crowded places. Shanghai is still calm, but the atmosphere is still extremely tense, which makes people like us who have never experienced major events feel a little excited and the boring study is swept away. We tried our best to find all kinds of beautiful masks from the stalls and wear them to show off in school. We also have a good reason not to drink boiled water, but to go to the canteen to snap up the "fresh orange duo" rich in vitamin C.

But this happiness didn't last long, because the school soon gave us a big holiday and let us go home to review. When I got home, I suddenly felt at a loss. The next day, I slept until two o'clock in the afternoon, and then I wandered around alone for two days. Then I remembered that the teacher repeatedly told us to be nervous when we left. So I blame myself. In order to stop my behavior, I took off the test paper on the wall and put on a look that "heaven and hell are only one step away, and success and failure are only a stone's throw away". The horizontal criticism is "killing Fudan". I pasted this scribbled couplet all over the room to warn myself. But it made my parents think that my decision was to go to hell if I didn't go to heaven, so I cried and tried to tear it up. But this time I said no in a clear manner. People sometimes use some kind of oppression to force themselves. As for what to do after failing the college entrance examination, that is another matter. However, if you give yourself a too relaxed future from the beginning and leave too many ways to retreat, then inevitably, you will never be able to exert your full potential in the exam, which is why Xiang Yu "burned his bridges". I said to myself in my diary: the world is a one-way trip, and it is impossible to go back after going. The college entrance examination can't stand the "carelessness", otherwise I will leave another life track.

Many friends said that reviewing at home for the last time was a process of rising excitement, but now is the most difficult time for me to recall, because to be honest, there was nothing to review at that time. In fact, the overall situation has been set, and the power to turn the tide has long been lost in these short decades. But I have to convince myself of inertia in my body, sit at my desk and read books and do exercises in strict accordance with the exam schedule of the college entrance examination. I have a feeling that every day is like a year, but subconsciously I hope that this "year" is as slow as possible. During that time, I often couldn't sleep at midnight. The joy after success and the pain after failure flashed alternately in my mind. After comparing the two, I can clearly hear my heartbeat and nervousness, and then I have to turn on the light to convince myself of my confidence in coming back to life and to sleep peacefully. In the last few days, I felt like I was going crazy. Mom said I value my grades too much, and she said it doesn't matter if I don't get into Fudan. But to be honest, I don't believe what she said. I know what they sent me. I know I must work hard and succeed. Pressure can give me the motivation I want.

On June 7, 2003, the college entrance examination officially began.

I can't remember the exact three days now, but the first day after taking the math exam is the most impressive and unforgettable. Mathematics is very difficult this year. Many of my friends left the examination room in despair after taking the math exam, and then brought this despair to the next four exams, infinitely doubling. In fact, I did badly in the exam, too. I dare not think about it now, which is very different from my original hope. On the way home, I was so cold that I almost lost my temperature. But I keep telling myself that there is only one bad thing, and I have no reason to let go. "Looking forward" is the best way, otherwise I will regret bringing depression to the later exam subjects.

Later, my grades came out, and my math was really as bad as I thought, but the other five subjects were normal, and several subjects were extraordinary. So the total score is not too ugly, and later I received the coveted admission notice.

Today, when I was sitting in front of the computer, I saw Bai Ji reappearing on the screen in the past year with the tap of my finger. That feeling is very complicated. The college entrance examination will really make people grow up, and there are many feelings that can never be expressed in words. Only when you really walk through this road can you appreciate the taste. That year, we often complained bitterly that there was such a strange thing as "one exam determines a lifetime" However, when we relive those days, we will be slightly grateful. In this year, we have tasted the ups and downs, cried and laughed, and matured in that tempering.

Looking back, it's really just a paradise one meter away. After that, you can embrace heaven and earth.