It is to learn to listen carefully to each other's speeches, restrain your desire to interrupt, and not judge each other's narratives by personal values. In addition, in the process of listening, we should learn to be silent, pay attention, put ourselves in the speaker's inner feelings, and feel the same from the heart. Moreover, we should avoid the state of inattention and mechanical listening, synchronize our thinking with the rhythm of the other party's speech, think positively and ask questions actively, so that communication can be effective and sustained.

(2) Learn to pay attention to:

It is to listen attentively to each other's speeches, carefully observe the subtle changes in their emotions and attitudes, and make a positive response. Guan Zhu also requires the effective use of words and body language to express the attention and understanding of the speaker, so that he can feel that every word he says and every emotion he shows is valued. Among them, verbal expressions include "hmm", "oh", "yes" and "I get it", and body language expressions include nodding, staring, facial expression changes and certain silence to deepen the other party's trust in themselves. We should avoid the phenomenon of "being self-centered, and I will be myself when others say what others say", neither respecting others nor observing each other effectively, which will reduce the efficiency of communication.

(3) learn to be silent:

It is to pay attention to giving each other an opportunity for emotional solitude and reflection in communication. The use of silence usually requires the cooperation of body language, such as nodding and staring at the changes of expression. Improper use of silence will turn into antagonistic silence, which will make the other party lack trust in their own expression and have a negative reaction to communication. In this regard, it is necessary to distinguish and respond flexibly. Avoid being impatient with silence, rushing to find a topic when there is silence, giving advice to others, or looking embarrassed and not knowing how to communicate.

(4) Learn to empathize:

It is to accurately grasp the speaker's emotional experience, help the other person to talk about the emotional troubles accumulated for a long time, and thus bring great spiritual relief to the other person. "Emotional Focus" requires people to actively capture the speaker's emotional expression in verbal communication and say, "How do you feel?" "You must feel very angry (happy)" and so on, so that the other party can express their feelings. Avoid rushing to comfort each other when venting emotions, as many people often say, "All right, all right, stop crying", or just make rational analysis and have no sympathy for other people's emotions. Such communication is difficult to understand.

(5) Learn to give feedback:

It is to ask questions actively and think positively in the dialogue, so that the other party can fully feel your concentration and input, and also ensure that you can accurately understand the other party's speech. So "timely feedback" will push you to keep asking questions in the dialogue and make clear the meaning of the other party through different statements. In addition, when giving feedback, we should try to use the tone of discussion, not the tone of instructions and suggestions, and do not impose personal beliefs and values, so that the other party can fully enjoy the right to think and self-determination. At ordinary times, we should cultivate our own expressive ability, express our ideas correctly, and avoid the phenomenon that we understand but can't express clearly.

(6) Learn to summarize:

It is to make a summary constantly in the dialogue to clarify the main points and summarize the center, so that people feel that the communication between them is fruitful. "Constantly summarizing" will push you to review what you said in the conversation, so as to effectively adjust the content of communication between the two sides and ensure that both sides fully understand what the other side is saying. Moreover, continuous summing-up can avoid the phenomenon that listening to lectures is random, often digressing, ineffective and wasting time.

(7) learn to criticize less:

Is to get rid of the "savior complex" in the dialogue. When some people are talking, it is easy to preach to each other as soon as they come up. Doing that will often make the other party feel annoyed and disappointed, because you are eager to teach the other party, without giving the other party a chance to speak, without understanding his troubles and difficulties, and it is easy to fall into the communication trap of subjective judgment and learning from the teacher. Therefore, in communication, we should pay attention to empathy, speak with compassion, and don't feel too good about yourself and make people feel disgusted.

(eight) learn to open dialogue:

It means "three more and three less" in the dialogue, more discussion, less suggestions, more questions, less comments, more inspiration and less criticism. It asks people to say, "How do you feel?" "What do you think?" Open-ended questions like this, say less "You must be very upset?" "What makes you think so? ! "Such closed words make the whole dialogue on an equal basis.

(9) Give full face:

That is to say, when speaking, we should avoid using sarcastic and sarcastic language, and speak from the starting point of caring for and respecting each other to avoid creating embarrassment or making it last. You don't have to be eager to show your talents all the time. Sometimes playing dumb is creating steps for others. Usually, others will respect you. Of course, the premise is that under normal circumstances. If you meet someone who deliberately makes things difficult for you, there is no need to give him face, but don't try to embarrass others, lest the loss outweigh the gain.

(10) Empathy:

It is to put yourself in the other person's shoes as much as possible in communication, and to "concentrate on thinking and integrate emotions" with the other person as much as possible. This requires both parties to communicate to be "willing to listen to what they say". When one party is listening to the other party's narrative, he will devote himself wholeheartedly and give feedback in time, so as to achieve spiritual harmony and let the other party fully feel respect and understanding for him.