Aravaou
Original 2022-10-0815: 51
watch out for
Recently, a group of parents in the circle of friends are very active. Every day after work until the afternoon 1 1, these parents, especially mothers, almost give up their rest time, either uploading a video or taking a photo. In this similar way, they record their children's daily punching and learning. The contents of punching cards are basically the same, and the general contents are as follows:
I'm XXX, and I'm taking part in an activity of punching in for X days.
I read aloud, and I am very happy.
Punch-in date 10
So, what exactly is punching in?
Nowadays, the popular punching in the circle of friends is mostly to make children stick to certain habits. Parents publish trends in a relatively open and formal way, almost every day, and most of them are to let children develop the habit of literacy, learning English and reading. For example, "so-and-so studies for 20 days", "so-and-so studies for 70 days" and "so-and-so exercises 10 days". At present, this kind of behavior mainly focuses on
However, if traced back to the source, "punching in" was not originally used for parents to urge their children to study, but mainly for corporate attendance. In order to avoid employees coming late and leaving early, we should brush the attendance card on the machine between morning and after work, and brush it again in front of the machine before leaving work in the afternoon to record the exact time for each employee to go to work. These attendance records will eventually be applied to employee assessment, such as Man Qin Prize, salary deduction and dismissal.
The birth of punch card system is to restrain people and form a kind of "heteronomy", not a habit. Therefore, punching in has a deep meaning-since you can't restrain yourself, let the machine remind you, in other words, you don't trust people, so that people who participate in punching in can feel passive acceptance from the heart.
Parents are complacent when punching in, but their children are miserable.
Children who participate in punching cards are often entangled in their hearts, but parents are still complacent, thinking that they have paid enough time and energy, and the children have won at the starting line. As everyone knows, the ritual "punching in" is really an out-and-out negative suggestion activity-I can relax as long as I finish the task, which does not mean that I can form a good habit soon.
When primary and middle school students take part in the study of punching in, they often read, read and learn English by punching in according to the plan made by training institutions or parents, and then follow the trend to perform the tasks in adults' minds. Children are also "obedient" when completing these "tasks". Once completed, they will put these learning tasks aside and won't even look at them again.
Imagine that a child is used to studying and living under the "supervision" of his parents from primary school. Once children leave their parents' sight and enter middle schools and universities, under the long-term repression, the reverse result will multiply, and children will be as eager for freedom as runaway wild horses. Once they are gone, it is difficult to return to the track of self-discipline. So, where do you talk about excellent grades and the future?
Many parents are insisting on "punching in", and it is really difficult to make their children better. As a result, they developed in the opposite direction. These parents are ruining their children's future in a seemingly effective way. Therefore, in order to really cultivate children's self-discipline habits, we must recognize the characteristics of habit formation itself.
Three key points of habit formation
1. Habit is a long-term lifestyle. What is a habit? A more official explanation is a long-term lifestyle. There is no definite statement about the length of this "long" time. Therefore, if you want to develop a habit, you must have a strong inner will to drive it. Over time, you will feel uncomfortable in the end. This is a habit.
There is a highly recognized 2 1 day habit formation method circulating on the internet, and punching in seems to be a concrete action to practice this view. Punch in the circle of friends every day to record your study, and let others be invigilators to supervise and supervise your study. Influenced by the habit formation method of 2 1 day, they think that they can stop doing this form as long as it passes 2 1 day, and once they leave this open supervision, the situation of fishing for three days and drying the net for two days will be exposed. Moreover, it is not realistic to form a habit in 2 1 day, which is applicable to some extremely individual things or activities at most. So far, there is no reliable scientific basis for the habit formation method of 2 1 day.
2. Habit originates from self-discipline rather than heteronomy. Different from self-discipline, heteronomy often involuntarily accepts the supervision and restraint of others. Punching in is the main character. Even if self-discipline is cultivated, the so-called "self-discipline" will be greatly reduced after losing heteronomy. When doing things, it is still passive, and it is difficult to feel the pleasure of completing things from the heart. After completing the task, it is just a relief. But if it is a habit formed under the condition of self-discipline, children will be more active, more conscious in planning, and always full of passion in the process of doing things. Even if they encounter difficulties and setbacks, they can overcome them on their own and complete their "upgrading and transformation" on this basis.
Punching in is against the original intention of habit formation. Many parents have been puzzled about how to make their children use their mobile phones more effectively without being addicted to them. However, I have been using my mobile phone to encourage my children to develop various punching habits. This will not only keep children away from electronic devices such as mobile phones, but will make them full of doubts-why do you still use your mobile phone to punch in? This kind of behavior often makes children take the first step of indulging in mobile phones, and progress consumes the self-discipline that children have lost.
Don't let ceremonial punches ruin your child's future.
To put it bluntly, the current punching method is destroying children, ruining the time for parents and children to get along better, and making children only temporarily succumb to the so-called "self-discipline." Once a gap is released, the "freedom" in the child's heart is completely released, and finally all the punching work is in vain. By this time, parents will also fall into deep remorse, and still can't figure out that the biggest mistake behind this matter is actually caused by themselves. They even blame their children for not continuing to use "punching cards" and for relaxing their requirements.
If you want your child to develop the habit of self-discipline and concentrate on learning one thing, the key is to help him find its internal driving force and cultivate his strong inner will to accomplish one thing. Only in this way, when a child encounters something and works hard for it, can he make a better plan and resolutely implement it, and the final result must be predictable "good".