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There are boys at home, how can we cultivate a real man?

A mother asked me about the troubles of raising children. She has a two-and-a-half-year-old son who is very shy. Be sure to stay in mom's arms when you go out. His mother often deliberately "disappears" to create opportunities for his son's independence, but his son becomes more timid. She is worried that her son will become a man who only belongs to Nuo Nuo when he grows up.

She asked: How can I make my son happy, confident and brave? How can we train him to be a tough and responsible person?

Obviously, the mother is eager for her son to grow into a man, but it is wrong to do so. A two-and-a-half-year-old boy needs his mother to give him a full sense of security. Disappearing for no reason will only be counterproductive.

Whether the little boy can grow into a man with a sense of responsibility and mature charm is not a matter of time. It all depends on whether his parents themselves are firm and friendly guides during the ten years he has lived with them.

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The first stage: 0-6 years old, the key point of parenting, needs the mother's "sex"!

It is clearly mentioned in the world's best-selling parenting classic "Raising Boys" that boys are more prone to separation anxiety than girls, and their brain development speed is slower than girls.

Adolescence is two years later than girls, and even learning to write is more than half a year later than girls.

Therefore, at this stage, boys need the whole-hearted love and protection of their parents. Generally speaking, the first choice for establishing intimate relationship with boys is of course mom!

In short, boys aged 0-6 need their mothers to have sex at will.

Mothers should not be strict just because their children are boys. In his infancy, put him in the most important position, hug him, kiss him, don't leave any sweet words, and help him build a sense of security in life.

Mothers should also learn to give boys the greatest freedom within a safe range. Boys are naturally energetic and mischievous.

Outdoor sports are like a little eye inflammation, and climbing tables and lifting cabinets at home is as crazy as a little wild cat. At this time, mothers need stronger love to tolerate and even encourage the boy's "naughty".

Scientific research has proved that boys rely on exercise and climbing to develop their brains healthily and develop various sensory comprehensive experiences. The more lively and naughty boys are, the more prominent their development indicators are.

Of course, "wayward love" should also have boundaries. Mother should make rules for boys at this stage and implement them firmly.

From the boy 1.5 years old, according to the family and children's situation, formulate rules suitable for him, such as "watching TV for no more than 15 minutes every day" and "parents must be around when doing mountain climbing and other sports". Making and communicating by mother can effectively promote his acceptance, and getting used to "obeying the rules" from an early age is of great help to the boy's independent personality and group integration.

This stage will form all the sense of security of the boy's life!

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The second stage: 6- 14 years old is the focus of parenting, and mothers need to "moderately give in"!

"Raising Boys" suggests that boys aged 6- 14 will prefer to be with their fathers or other men and learn to imitate them, in order to learn to be a man, which is a critical period for fathers to influence their children.

If the boy's father ignores this point at this stage, then the son will make trouble from time to time in order to attract his father's attention. Therefore, mothers at this stage need to learn to "moderately make way for their fathers".

Mothers should create more opportunities for father and son to be alone, so that boys and fathers can learn to be human together.

Wai-Yung Lee, a master of structured family therapy, said: Parents and children are not as good as distant children! This statement comes from her decades of family therapy experience: mothers and sons are too "sticky", and families without fathers are most likely to raise problematic children.

Therefore, the mother should protect the boy's worship and love to imitate the special needs of men at this stage, assist the father to establish authority, promote the intimate relationship between father and son, and of course, push the father to discipline his son.

Studies have proved that boys who have no father's discipline are more likely to hit a wall in adolescence, and even their frustration will never fully recover.

In addition, mother should be a "lazy mother" moderately.

Leave enough opportunities for children to make their own decisions and let them participate in housework from an early age. The research of Harvard University proves that children who grow up in a democratic and self-reliant environment will greatly improve their sense of responsibility and initiative; The ratio of children who love housework to children who don't like housework in adulthood is 15 1.

As for "moderate abdication", it is because the role of mother is still very important at this stage. Mothers should be the strong backing of children with the inherent gentleness of women, so that boys can understand that no matter what happens, they can rely on their mothers and don't need to hide their fragile feelings.

Children who grow up with their mothers' constant tolerance are more capable of dispelling negative emotions and truly understand that "it is not a crime for men to cry."

At this stage, if boys can keep close relationship with their parents, they can develop in the healthiest direction for men.

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Grasp the critical period of 0- 14 years old, and the boy will grow into a tough and responsible man!

There is an old saying in China: "Three years old means seven years old, and seven years old means a lifetime."

This three-year-old and seven-year-old refers to a boy's character developed through his life under the guidance of his parents in two important growth stages: 0~6 years old and 6~ 14 years old:

He established a strong sense of security and order in his mother's "gentle love" and "firm rules", which lasted all his life; Learn to deal with gender relations in the good parent-child relationship with parents, build a mature social system, and gradually form a positive and optimistic attitude towards life and a stable and mature way of dealing with people.

/kloc-after the age of 0/4, boys, like men, are changing physically and psychologically, and their life patterns are basically formed. What parents need to do is "