I saw a story that shocked me a few days ago on an official WeChat account!
A little girl was suspected of stealing a classmate's watch at school and was asked to pay compensation to 40 yuan. The little girl was so scared that she wandered downstairs after school and was afraid to go home. An old man nearby saw it and came over to ask the child what was going on. The child told him. The old man said to the child, "Come home with me and I will give you 40 yuan money."
The child followed, and what happened behind was unimaginable. Although the little girl got the money from 40 yuan, she was sexually assaulted. Later, I learned that she was pregnant and was expelled from school.
Because of 40 yuan, the child's future life has gone to the abyss.
Why do children face difficulties? Her first reaction was not to ask her parents for help, but to be afraid to let them know?
Maybe she had a similar emotional experience, asking her parents for help and understanding, but in exchange for accusations and reprimands!
What parents don't love their children? But why did such a sad thing happen?
Maybe some parents don't know that raising a girl is different from raising a boy. Girls are more precocious, sensitive and vulnerable. Especially in this commercial society, temptation is everywhere, which makes the situation of girls more dangerous!
Therefore, for girls, the education of parents from childhood is particularly important.
So how do parents raise girls?
The answer is yes. The book "Raising Girls" introduced today is a parenting guide for parents with daughters, which is suitable for all parents with daughters to read. This book comprehensively introduces the growth characteristics of girls, so that parents can know what key stages girls will go through from birth to 18 years old, what dangers they may encounter in the process of growth, and what parents can do to raise girls.
The author of this book is Steve Biddulph, who is a world-famous family therapist and family expert. Since its publication, this book has been sold well all over the world, translated into many languages, and sold more than 4 million copies. It has become a personal manual for parents in various countries to raise girls. In view of his outstanding contribution to the growth of teenagers, Bidulf was awarded a medal by the Queen of England.
I will introduce this book from three parts: 1. The growth law of girls from birth to 18 years old. 2. The dangers that girls will encounter when they grow up. 3. How should mom and dad raise girls respectively?
The first part, the growth law of girls from birth to 18 years old.
Studies have proved that girls' brains develop and mature much earlier than boys'.
Based on this different physiological difference between men and women, the author divides the focus of raising girls into five stages before they reach adulthood at the age of 18. Parents must find out what the core needs of girls are at each stage in order to know what to do.
Let's take a look at these five stages and the core requirements of each stage:
Stage 1: 0-2 years old, the core demand of this stage is security.
At this stage, children will cry when they don't see their parents. When their parents came to comfort her, they said, "honey, mom is here." She will stop crying at once.
In the early education center, those insecure children will be attached to their mothers. If their mother leaves for a while, they will keep crying for them. It is impossible to settle down and play with their friends.
Therefore, at this stage, parents should not only let her eat and wear warm clothes, but also give her gentle care, sing to her, tell her stories, play games with her, make her happy, and let the girl get a timely response when she needs it physically and emotionally, so that she will feel safe and know that she is loved.
The second stage: 2 -5 years old, the core demand of this stage is exploration.
At this time, the girl has learned to walk and has the ability to act independently. She will have a strong interest in everything around her and a strong curiosity about everything around her. If the adults around her have always kept close relationship with her, she can relax and explore the world around her: touch the east and see the west, play with dirt, stones and leaves.
At this time, under the premise of ensuring safety, adults should not disturb her and actively create opportunities for her to explore the world.
Parents can prepare cardboard, pigments and crayons for her, so that she can create boldly and express her ideas with colors; You can often take her to parks and fields to watch insects crawling and birds flying ... let her be a child close to nature and explore and learn in nature.
Through this series of wonderful and unknown explorations, she will gain confidence and happiness, her creativity will be developed, and her brain will be permanently transferred to the learning gear. She will find that the world is not only safe but also interesting.
Stage 3: 5 years old-10 years old. At this stage, the core demand of girls is socialization.
Girls at this stage, friends are simply their oxygen. But getting along with friends is not always that easy.
Because they have not learned the skills of getting along with friends, girls will have conflicts from time to time. After being injured, they will run home crying and say, "Mom, I don't have any friends, and they don't play with me."
At this time, as parents, we must help her analyze what went wrong, and demonstrate in person, be her good example, and help her master some basic social skills, such as learning to share, having empathy, respecting and attaching importance to others, controlling aggression, and learning to apologize.
The best way for girls to learn to socialize is for their parents to set an example. If a girl's parents will take the initiative to talk to people in social situations and have a harmonious interpersonal relationship, then the girl will know how to interact with people and will always enjoy the pleasure brought by social interaction.
Stage 4: 10- 14 years old. At this stage, the core demand of girls is to find themselves.
At this stage, with the arrival of adolescence, girls begin to have a strong sense of self, feel the great changes in their bodies, and make them feel that they are rapidly approaching adulthood. They will pay special attention to their inner world and start thinking: "What kind of woman will I become in the future?"
This stage is very important. Parents should care more, accompany more, listen more to girls, and let her participate in some meaningful activities. Find the spark of the child in the activity and help the girl ignite her inner "spark".
The so-called "inner spark" can be a skill or talent, such as painting, writing, sports and music; It can also be to undertake a task, such as taking part in a public welfare activity to protect nature. Doing good deeds can make people's hearts full of strength and let girls realize their own values and life direction.
Stage 5: 14- 18 years old. At this stage, the core demand of girls is to learn to control their own lives.
At this stage, girls are about to enter adulthood and must be prepared for entering the adult world.
Parents can help their children prepare some skills, such as learning how to manage money and how to dress; It can also help children change their mentality, such as holding an adult ceremony for her, thanking her for bidding farewell to childhood and celebrating the girl's growth into a great woman.
Although the rite of passage is only a ceremony, it can also be a powerful psychological hint, telling the girl that she is no longer a child, but an adult who is responsible for herself. This hint is very powerful and will help girls develop a sense of responsibility.
Above, we analyzed the five stages of girls' growth process and the corresponding core needs.
Next, let's look at the second part: the dangers that girls may encounter during their growth.
It mainly includes five parts: premature sexiness and sex, bad girls, excessive attention to weight, alcohol and drugs, and internet addiction.
1, premature sexiness and sex.
The ubiquitous beauty advertisements make girls pay attention to their appearance too early, dress sexy and participate in ignorant sex life too early, which are the root causes of girls' injuries.
In order to attract more attention, TV programs have become more and more emphasis on violence, rudeness and sex, in which all the characters are radiant and irritable. In particular, some reality shows make children feel that if you are not beautiful enough or sexy enough, you will not be selected.
So we often see teenage girls wearing suspenders and navel dresses in the street. Doesn't this exposure attract sexual harassment?
So we see that abortion is getting more and more popular, and more and more young girls have abortions. ...
Therefore, parents must manage their own media so that their daughters are not brainwashed prematurely; And choose good books and magazines to help girls establish correct aesthetics and values, and correctly distinguish love, like and desire.
2. Prevent bad girls and avoid bullying.
The news often reports all kinds of bullying, especially school bullying, which hurts many girls.
A typical example in school bullying is that bad girls will collectively besiege a girl, strip her naked, make a video and spread it maliciously on the Internet.
In the face of this kind of bullying, we can't be silent. Victims should say "no" loudly and ask for help. Onlookers should dare to stand up and stop bullying. Parents should teach girls how to deal with bullying.
3, the misunderstanding of weight loss.
Because the advertisements in the weight-loss industry mislead girls' aesthetics, all girls regard thinness as beauty, which leads to anorexia and overeating becoming a problem faced by girls all over the world.
Some girls, who are obviously thin, feel that they are less than Yingying's waist, so they start a hunger strike and abuse laxatives and diet pills. As a result, they got anorexia and lost their health when they lost weight.
So parents should tell their children to pay attention to their health, not their weight. As long as you eat a healthy diet and find your favorite sports, you can promote your health.
4. Stay away from alcohol and drugs.
The study confirmed: "Even if teenagers drink a little wine, it will have an impact on their brains." Moreover, girls who drink alcohol are more vulnerable because of promiscuity!
Don't touch ecstasy, marijuana and other psychedelic drugs, otherwise you will not be able to get rid of their control and go to the abyss completely.
This requires parents to set an example and keep girls away from alcohol and nightclubs! Tell the girl to go home at the appointed time at night to ensure that the girl is not hurt by alcohol and drugs.
5. Internet addiction.
With the development of Internet, virtual social interaction has replaced the real interpersonal communication of teenagers. They are addicted to the internet and pay close attention to online news.
Children are becoming more and more homesick, watching Friends online, but not talking to their neighbors across the street.
They spend their time and energy on the internet, and also expose all their privacy on the internet. And these privacy have been used by criminals! Therefore, girls put themselves in danger.
Some criminals use the curiosity of teenagers to link pornographic content, which leads to an increase in the proportion of juvenile sexual crimes and girls become the ultimate victims.
Therefore, parents should educate girls to distinguish between reality and reality, try to stay away from the internet and participate in meaningful social activities. Girls should surf the Internet and don't reveal any real information to strangers online. Parents should try to monitor girls' online records and block bad web pages.
Completed the second part of Five Dangerous Areas for Girls' Growth.
Let's talk about the last point: how should parents raise girls?
1, what does mom do?
If we are mothers, we should realize that we are the most influential roles in children's lives and the best role models for girls.
So mothers should set an example. For example, we can show our children how to deal with other people's relationships, especially how to deal with their husbands.
A warm mother will create a relaxed and happy atmosphere at home. Whenever night falls, the family will have dinner around the steaming table, which will make girls feel the warmth of home.
An educational proverb says well: "What kind of person do you want your children to be? You should be such a person first. " Raising girls also helps mothers become their best selves.
2. What does Dad do?
The study found that girls with more educated fathers will feel safer, more confident, have better grades, and have fewer problems such as teenage pregnancy, alcoholism and drug abuse.
The girl likes playing with her father very much. They said, "I always feel safe with my father."
Therefore, even if the intimacy between the father and the child is not as good as that of the mother, the father must be more involved in the child-rearing process. For example, you can sit on the floor and play with your daughter and let them ride when you are in Malaysia; You can accompany them to go fishing, surfing, flying kites and catching bugs ... This scene not only warms the girl's heart, but also means that the girl will have a wonderful life.
It can be seen that the father's company is extremely important for the daughter's growth: it can bring a great sense of security to the girl, and she will become more confident and dare to try and take risks.
At this point, the content of this book is basically over. Let's comb the main points shared today from the beginning.
Firstly, it introduces the five stages that girls will go through from birth to 18 years old, and the core needs of girls in each stage, namely, security, exploring the world, socializing, finding themselves and learning to control life.
Secondly, it introduces five dangerous areas that girls may encounter during their growth. They are: premature sexiness and sex, bad girls, excessive attention to weight, alcohol and drugs, and internet addiction.
Finally, we talked about what role parents can play in the growth of girls. Mothers play the role of role models, and fathers bring a sense of security, which makes girls more confident and brave to try and take risks.
Reading the book "Raising Girls" today, I hope it will inspire you, help you to be a good guide for your children and illuminate their way forward! May your daughter be wise and elegant, with a strong heart and a happy and sweet life.