? Teacher Jiang is a national second-class psychological counselor, a positive psychological certification tutor in Tsinghua University, and has won many personal advanced awards. 15 years of experience in psychological education.
First, family education has a far-reaching impact on children.
If a child's growth is like a tree, its roots are in parents, its stems are in family education, its branches are in school education, and its leaves are in social education, and its fruits are in children's achievements.
? Many parents think that their careers are busy, and it is ok to send their children to training classes with teachers. Actually, it's all wet. Children's initial cognition comes from their parents' language, which is fundamental. If the foundation is not firmly laid, children can acquire skills in other ways in the future, but their emotional intelligence may be low, insecure and unhappy.
Case 1: A classmate of Hefei No.1 Middle School International Class was dismissed twice by the school because his child was depressed and suicidal. Children have strong learning ability, but they have great psychological problems.
Case 2; Li Tianyi: At the age of 4, he was elected as the ambassador of China children's Olympic bid; He studied piano at the age of 4 and studied under Han Jianming, a famous piano professor at the Central Conservatory of Music. At the age of 8, he studied calligraphy and studied under Tsinghua University Fang Wenzhi; Won numerous piano and calligraphy awards; /kloc-joined the China junior ice hockey team at the age of 0/0; Attend the high school attached to the National People's Congress and study in the United States; Later, his future was ruined by crime.
? Tracing back to the source, his parents had a great influence on his education. His mother dreamed of sending a BMW to her underage son, which led to being beaten later. We all know that/kloc-can't learn a driver's license until he is 0/8 years old, but her mother knows that she can't, but she did it anyway.
Case 3: Xixi is a student. When he first entered school, he showed unusual performances: for example, he liked to climb, he liked to run around, and he didn't sit on a stool. He likes to rob other people's toys. He likes to hit people when others rob him of his own things. Parents, on the other hand, think that children just have ADHD and can't control it. The teacher undressed a child in the toilet and found that there were many marks of being beaten on the child's PP. The teacher asked, "Who is this?" Xixi said, "This is made of wire by dad in the bathroom." . Later, after communicating with Xixi's parents, the teacher found that Xixi's father often abused his children, while his mother had two treasures and Dabao was negligent. His mother likes to play with her mobile phone and doesn't play with her children much. On the other hand, grandma likes her children very much and gives them whatever they want. Later, the teacher stopped his father's violent behavior, and asked his mother to spend at least 30 minutes-1 hour with her children every day, and not to play with her mobile phone. She also asked her grandmother not to spoil her children. After a month, Xixi's situation improved, and later Xixi became very good. Whether you have ADHD depends on the medical results. You can't sentence a child to death without evidence. If everyone thinks that they have ADHD, it will be very unfavorable for their children's future growth.
The above cases can show that the education of a family is very important for children. If parents and children, husband and wife are also very close and harmonious, children will be infected, full of love and being loved, and will establish a sense of security before the age of 3.
Second, the importance of parents' language
? Children can fully secrete stress hormone (cortisol for short) in infancy (too much cortisol can easily lead to physical illness and depression). The interaction between parents and children determines how much cortisol the child can fully secrete. Parents smile and are gentle, and children's cortisol can also be secreted. If parents are grumpy and often scold their children, it is negative and will have an impact on their cognitive behavior, learning ability, self and emotional ability.
Children have a learning gap when they are 9 months old, and the level of reading and writing at the age of 3 determines what university they will go to in the future. This statement is also proved by experiments. (This experiment and the text are taken from The Language of Parents)
Doctors implanted cochlear implants in the same two hearing-impaired children. Three years later, two children were followed up and found that one of them was no different from normal people, and the other went to a school for the disabled. The doctor is confused. I gave them two cochlear implants, both of which are identical. They listened, and there was no problem. As a result, the doctor visited their home and found out. The 1 th child, his parents, grandfather, grandmother, brother and sister kept talking to this child, making his hearing basically the same as that of normal people. Well, another child, his family seldom talks to him, and everyone is very busy. Busy with his livelihood left him helpless.
First look at a set of data: 13-36 months old children hear the following average sentences:
Family members of mental workers: 480 sentences/hour
Workers' families 30 1 sentence/hour
Families receiving welfare are 176/ hour.
The experimental results of 3-year-old children's vocabulary accumulation are as follows:
Family members of mental workers: about 45 million words
Families receiving welfare: about130,000 bills.
The gap is: 32 million words (the words here are calculated according to the vocabulary of English words)
The experimental results of vocabulary that 3-year-old children can master are as follows:
Mental workers 1 1 16 words. The number of families receiving relief is only 525 words, a difference of 59 1 word.
Parents, grandparents, family members and children speak many languages every day, which can stimulate children's neurons.
Neurons, also known as neurons or nerve cells, are the basic units that constitute the structure and function of the nervous system. Neurons are cells with long processes, which are composed of cell bodies and cell processes. The establishment of neuronal links can improve children's intelligence, creativity and imagination, and promote children's language development.
? There are many ways to promote children's neuronal connection, such as sound stimulation, such as using music to stimulate hearing, color cards, telling stories, touching objects with hands and so on. )
Third, the 4T principle of parent language.
(A) * * * Concerns about return
When telling children stories, children sometimes pay attention to other things, such as touching other toys and sheets. At this time, most parents will say, "Why don't you listen to my story? I won't talk if you don't listen. " . Look here, don't play anything else, or I won't tell you next time you sleep. The correct way should be: don't scold children. When children pay attention to other things, they should pay attention to their emotions with their eyes, help her explain and tell their emotional feelings: "Come on, touch this, this is a sheet, this toy is not cute, we will play with you after we finish the story."
* * * There are many ways to pay attention to love, such as staring at children when communicating. Passing overlapping words (drink Niu Niu, hold it), he feels rhythmic and easy to remember.
(2) Keep Talk? more
For example, a child says, "Dad". At this time, you can say, "Do you want a hug from your father?" "Do you want Dad to play with you?" Similar group sentences. In this way, children will learn to make sentences with the word dad. This is to talk to children more in the way of language expansion.
For example, if you take your child to play together and see a tree, you can say to him, "This is a big tree, and its English name is Tree.
This is grass. The name of grass is grass. Baby, look at the flowers over there. You can touch them. We can't pick flowers. It will hurt. We should protect the environment, right? "When talking to a child, let him see with his eyes, listen with his ears and touch with his hands.
When feeding the children, take out some and count them. The first one is for dad, the second one is for mom, the third one is for grandpa, the fourth one is for grandma and the fifth one is for the baby. .....
In this way, children will learn other contents from their parents' constant telling: rich vocabulary, mathematics, English, ancient poems and so on.
(c) Take turns to speak.
Parents should not use closed and imperative language when talking to their children. But learn to use causality.
Like "Don't touch the scissors". Children will stop exploring, and brain neurons can't connect. The correct way: "Because if you touch scissors, it is easy to cut your finger, so bleeding will hurt." Let the children know the cause and effect.
? Don't use the command: "Don't cry" ......
(4) turn it? Turn it off? (Turn off the cell phone and TV)
Many parents don't play with their children, throw them a pad directly, or play TV or mobile phone directly. Why do you want to turn off the TV, mobile phone and pad electronic products? Because they violate the above three principles (mobile phones and televisions can't care and comfort children, can't communicate well with children, let alone establish a full dialogue).
There is a saying: "Children who grow up in front of the TV have low emotional intelligence." The information language that children receive is transmitted through TV, but parents give little. Someone on TV is beaten, touched and cried twice, and the child can't feel the pain. So many children fighting at school have little to do with watching TV and parents' attention.
? Fourth, children need to grow up and parents need to study more.
(A) early childhood communication in a language that children can understand.
? When children grow up, they will be curious about the surrounding environment and the world, so they always like to ask why.
At this time, parents need to pay attention to their attitude and language. They should not talk to children in the way of adults' thinking, but should be converted into a language that children can understand. Don't kill your child's exploration directly because you don't explain your attitude.
? For example, when a mother takes her child for a walk and sees the leaves fall from a big tree, the child will ask, "Why did the leaves fall from this big tree, Mom?" There will be n answers:
1, science student: "Because the earth has gravity". ? -children don't understand, what is gravity? Still don't understand.
2. liberal arts students: "if winter comes, can spring be far behind?"
"Because leaves are old, they will fall off, so new leaves will grow."
4. Straight man: "If you fall, you fall, so much nonsense." You say that because of your parents' attitude. Let's think about why the leaves fall. "
5. "Because you see if the earth is yellow, the leaves miss Mother Earth. She is dressed in yellow." . This is expressed in a language that children can understand.
? (2) Adolescence should learn to communicate in written language.
When children reach puberty, it is easy to have a good impression on the opposite sex. It is forbidden to say to children, "Don't fall in love, it will affect your study and you won't even get into college." . This way, the child will be disgusted.
? Adolescence itself is very sensitive, and sometimes it just needs a click. At this time, parents can communicate in written language.
For example, "there are mountains outside the mountains, there are days outside, and there are people outside."
? Life is long. When the goal is high, some people are destined to stay with you for a while.
(3) When communicating, we should pay attention to using less forbidden words and more active words.
With the consent of 55 families, the doctor gave them some bugs: different families speak different languages to their children. Middle-class families say that positive morphemes are far more than negative words, while those families who are busy with their livelihood often have more negative words than positive words.
? This will affect children's IQ, reasons, the speed of language processing, and their learning ability, success ability and potential.
? Mental workers heard 166000 positive words, 26000 taboo words, 62000 taboo words and 36000 families receiving welfare, 26000 positive words and 57000 positive words.
? By the age of 4, the positive words that children hear are workers' families, the taboo words are 660000, 104000, the children of welfare families are 104000, and the taboo words are 228000. It is these words that gradually shape the differences between children.
(3) man in the mirror
95% of children's language comes from their parents, and children are their parents' photocopiers. If parents and children talk rudely (fuck off, I don't want you, let the police arrest you, I don't like you, I'll kill you if you cry again, and so on. ), children will become withdrawn, lack of love and security, prone to mental illness or depression after a long time, and children will also have verbal violence in the future.
If parents talk softly to their children and have a gentle attitude, their children will become gentle and more confident in the future.
Children can best reflect the upbringing of their parents. If children become unruly and rebellious, find reasons from themselves and change their methods.
? Usually when children are rebellious and disobedient, I often read some educational books and learn from them. I may have always thought that I would cultivate my children into habits to cultivate excellent children in the future. Now it seems that my cognition is wrong. No matter how many training courses and early education are not as good as parents' education, language is the key to let children open the gap between the starting lines.
Small pen name, (Wu Na)