Not all children trust their parents, especially at all stages of growth, their parents' mentality changes. Because we have high hopes for our children, sometimes we will unconsciously discipline them severely, but the children are disgusted! We must communicate well with children and constantly change roles, like friends and brothers and sisters, in order to win their trust for a long time!
If children trust their parents, they will listen to their parents' teachings, and they will take fewer detours in their later lives! A child who doesn't listen to his parents rarely has a smooth life! Of course, when you grow up, choosing a job is another matter for parents with low education! Children's trust in their parents will reduce family conflicts. Family and wealth are the cultural essence handed down from China for thousands of years!
On the other hand, if children don't listen, don't trust their parents and do the opposite, their studies will generally be destroyed! The future will usually be destroyed! The so-called champion, that is to say, hungry! But how many criminals start from family discord and don't listen to their parents, and then go to the society to do whatever they want! Therefore, trying to gain the trust of children is believed to be a fact that every parent has worked hard, and the result is not always satisfactory! In the words of Buddhists: children were enemies in previous lives, and they came to collect debts in this life! Therefore, all parents in the world are children! However, nowadays, abnormal criminal accidents such as unfilial and even killing parents occur frequently!
Don't force everything on the road of life! Try our best to treat children with patience, love, responsibility and obligation! Don't be reluctant, respect the children's opinions! When birds fly, will they remember the way home? This is not eternal for every child! I wish your family happiness and health!
We often see and hear articles and lectures about parenting, which mention giving children trust. Why give children trust?
When children face challenges, we should first give them a chance to try and say to them, "Dad (Mom) believes that you can solve the problem (achieve the goal) through hard work." This sentence can empower children to have "I can do it, I can do it" and have the courage to try and challenge!
In the process of exploration, children's ability to think and solve problems will be improved, and children will learn how to face setbacks and failures. Who can grow up smoothly without experiencing failure? Failure is not terrible. What is terrible is that children can't accept failure and don't know how to learn from it, so they can never recover. Our trust can make children feel safe. Children with a good sense of security will not easily doubt and deny themselves, but dare to try boldly.
If we don't trust our children to do a good job, they will become dependent on their parents and become helpless when they are adults. This is equivalent to cutting off a child's wings, but blaming the child for not flying.
Giving children more care and trust is conducive to their growth!
Trust is the best interpersonal relationship. Trust eliminates barriers and obstacles, and communication is smoother, just like running water flowing slowly, giving people a feeling of moistening things quietly. Only when trust is established can parents and children interact positively and the parent-child relationship will be more harmonious. Harmonious relationship is the foundation of everything.
Parents fully trust their children, which will stimulate their unlimited potential. The more you trust their children, their potential will be aroused. Because the power of trust is infinite, trust can put down thinking and practice, and only practice has infinite possibilities.
Fully trust the child, treat him as an independent person, a person who thinks independently and acts independently, and give the child enough free space to fly freely and fly high!
This topic is very heavy and realistic. When it comes to trust, people usually think of adolescent children. In fact, trust runs through the needs of children of different ages.
Trust in childhood helps children develop a confident character in the process of growing up. When interacting with others, they will be more fluent and comfortable in showing themselves, which is very important for the formation of character.
Adolescence is the most critical period for children to grow up. Almost every teenager is confused. They are faced with physical changes, emotional anxiety, temptation and incomprehension of the new world, academic pressure and lack of self-worth and self-awareness, which is a very contradictory integration.
We all know the hardships of breaking a cocoon into a butterfly. In fact, so do adolescent children. This is a cocoon breaking for them to become adults.
To this end, they need trust more. Encourage through trust and persist through trust, so this stage is a test for children and parents.
The growth of children is not his task, but the responsibility of the family. Let's help the child grow up and help him break the cocoon into a butterfly as soon as possible.
Trust is needed not only between friends, business partners and husband and wife, but also between parents and children in the family, because this is the premise of respecting children. From the psychological point of view, gaining the trust of parents is a positive attitude of children, and it is also the internal driving force for children to continuously improve and realize their self-worth, which greatly promotes the formation of children's self-restraint ability.
A girl said, "Mom never believed me. Once I studied hard and did well in the exam, but my mother doubted the authenticity of my score, which made me very sad. Since then, I have not worked hard. "
Like her, many primary and middle school students have had memories of being wronged by their parents, teachers or classmates. Although it's no big deal, when something goes wrong, adults no longer trust them and only believe what they think is right, which makes children very sad.
As a result, the children began to indulge themselves like this little girl, "not as hard as before."
In order not to let your beloved child "indulge" himself because of your distrust, let's trust and respect the child. Let's start with the following actions.
(1) firmly believe that children can do it.
Parents should not help their children do what they can, but let them try to do it themselves.
Parents can also deliberately arrange their children to do some challenging things, constantly give their children trust and support, and let them play their great potential.
Cheryl is the lifeblood of mom, dad and grandma. When she was 8 years old, she never had a chance to go out to play alone. Because mom and dad are afraid that their children are in danger of crossing the road and that their children will be bullied by others. Every time Cheryl tries to get rid of her mother's hand and go out by herself, her mother will stop her.
One day, Cheryl said to her mother, "Mom, I have an appointment with my friends to go out to play today. Please let me go. " In the face of the child's pleading, the mother made an exception and agreed. As a result, after the child came back, he was very happy to tell his mother the interesting things in the process of playing. Seeing the child's unprecedented happiness, his mother decided to give the child more trust in the future.
(2) Correctly treat children's mistakes
Don't scold the child with extreme words when he makes a mistake. Instead, we should be persuasive and rational, analyze the ins and outs of the incident with our children, and point out the causes and causes of their mistakes.
Harm, and then, help children correct their mistakes.
There are no people who don't make mistakes in life, especially children whose outlook on life and morality are forming, and they are more likely to have shortcomings and mistakes. Parents should fully understand them, trust them, guide them to treat their mistakes correctly and correct their wrong practices.
(3) Provide opportunities for children to display their talents.
In daily life, don't be enthusiastic and indifferent to anything about children.
Parents support their children to do whatever they can, as long as it is beneficial. It is normal that children lack experience and skills and sometimes fail or make any mistakes. When children encounter setbacks and failures, parents should give more comfort and encouragement to help them find out the reasons and fully protect their self-confidence.
(3) Don't deny children at will.
Boris is a very sensible child. Under normal circumstances, he seldom lets his mother push him away.
On this day, he helped his mother clean at home and accidentally broke her favorite vase. He was afraid that her mother would be angry and told her that the kitten at home had knocked her down. Boris's eyes are a little evasive. The mother knew that the child was lying, but she didn't expose him.
A few days later, Boris took the initiative to talk to his mother: "Mom, I lied to you last time, and now I feel very uncomfortable."
You have been teaching me to be an honest boy, and I have let you down. I accidentally broke that vase. This is my pocket money. Please take it and buy a new one. "Mother looked at the child's honest eyes and smiled happily.
Parents should learn to trust their children. They can't assume that children will lie all the time just because they have lied once, otherwise they are likely to "break the jar" and do more things.
Parents' trust in their children will have unexpected power to help children complete self-discipline and self-supervision.
I think trusting children is the premise of establishing a good parent-child relationship, the embodiment of respecting children, and a good way to help children build self-confidence.
Family is a child's first school, and parents are a child's first teacher. Everything parents say and do has a subtle influence on their children. The relationship between parents and children largely determines the success or failure of family education. Judging from the growth process of children, most children can grow up healthily and happily in a family with good parent-child relationship. Parent-child relationship is two-way and needs constant cultivation. Only when parents fully trust and respect their children can they get their response and build a spiritual bridge for parent-child relationship communication.
Parents give their children trust from an early age, that is, they give them affirmation and respect. Trusting children is to let children feel from the heart that parents and themselves are equal and close friends and partnerships, instead of treating their children as their own accessories and private property, or condescending, conniving and arranging everything instead of their children, as some parents do; Either high above, bossing children around, more rigid and less warmth, hurting children's self-esteem. When children are affirmed and respected, they will have happy psychological feelings and be able to open their hearts with their parents and communicate easily, harmoniously and without obstacles. Parents can learn more about their children's inner world, guide and educate their children in a targeted manner, and easily educate them in their hearts.
Parents give their children trust from an early age, which means giving them encouragement and confidence. Trusting children is an encouragement and appreciation for children to do "I can do it". When this positive encouragement and appreciation behavior continues to accumulate and strengthen, children will continue to experience the joy of success and gradually form a positive, optimistic and confident attitude. The more confident a child is, the more successful he will be. Self-confidence can give children the courage to get up from where they fall; Self-confidence can make children maintain high morale in the face of difficulties and setbacks, and have the determination and will to never give up.
Einstein didn't like to talk when he was a child, and he often played silently for half a day. People around him mistakenly think that he is not as clever as children of his age. But little Einstein's mother always insisted on believing in the child's own strength. She has always held hope for her child, believing that he can grow into an excellent person on his own. Reality also proves that Einstein's achievements not only benefit from his intelligence and hard work, but also his mother's consistent trust in him is a powerful driving force. This is the power of trust. Imagine if Einstein's mother, like most mothers around us now, always compares other people's children with Einstein and imposes her anxiety on Einstein. Can he still be an excellent scientist? Under the pressure of parents' anxiety, it is a blessing for ordinary children to grow up healthily.
It is natural for parents to love their children, and China's parents love their children even more. It has been reported in the news that mothers in China buy milk powder all over the world, which shows the strong maternal love of Chinese mothers and fully reflects the anxiety behind their maternal love. The Chinese nation has attached importance to the influence of family education on people since ancient times. Disciples' Rules, Letters from Zeng Guofan, Letters from Fu Lei and other works all reflect the importance that China people attach to family education. We can also see that the Chinese nation attaches great importance to family education from the words such as "family and everything", "father's kindness and filial piety" and "Meng Mu's three moves". However, there are reasonable limits to loving children and attaching importance to education. Overindulgence will hinder the growth of children, and distrust of children is a manifestation of overindulgence.
First, the main manifestations of distrust of children in family education
1, distrust children's autonomous learning ability
From the fetus to adulthood, parents have also made great efforts for their children's learning, from prenatal education to early education, to interest education in early childhood, and then to various remedial classes and interest classes of school age. Parents try their best to understand what their children learn and master every day, and even accompany them all the time. There is even news that parents have a cerebral infarction in tutoring homework, and there are incidents in which parents read through all the courses of their children while accompanying them. Children's curriculum choice and learning style are decided by parents, and children obey. Children can't make their own decisions about what their real interests are and how they like to study. How many of these learning choices are needed by anxious parents and how many are really needed by children?
I don't believe that children can acquire interpersonal skills.
The companionship and care of parents in infancy is very necessary. However, as children grow up, they begin to develop interpersonal skills at the age of two or three. When interacting with peers, children need to deal with social interpersonal relationships that are more complicated than family relationships. In the family, everything is centered on the needs of children, and the resources in the family give priority to meeting children, giving priority to taking care of children emotionally and taking children as the center. However, when children leave home and go to society, they need to learn the ability to empathize and coordinate with others when they need to deal with complex interpersonal relationships. This socialization process will make up for the lack of children's social communication ability in the family, and also lay the foundation for the establishment of intimate relations between children in the future. But in reality, many parents don't trust their children's ability to handle interpersonal relationships independently. When their children encounter interpersonal conflicts or contradictions, they overprotect or interfere and are eager to guide or deal with them. They don't trust their children to develop their interpersonal skills. Indeed, children will face difficulties when facing interpersonal conflicts for the first time. We need to guide children to learn how to solve interpersonal conflicts step by step. But in reality, many children have grown up, and there are still many parents who are unwilling to let go and interfere too much with their children's feelings or marriage, so that their children can never grow up. The most typical example is the variety show My Boy. zhuyuchen's mother took care of and interfered with all aspects of zhuyuchen's life, which led him to be single and unable to find a suitable partner. This result not only reflects the mother's excessive control, but also shows the mother's extreme distrust of her son. She doesn't believe that an adult son can take care of his own life, nor does she believe that he has the ability to choose a partner.
Parents don't trust their children, which is also reflected in other aspects of their lives. For example, I don't believe that children have the ability to choose their own clothes. There is a kind of coldness that makes mothers feel that you are cold. Some don't believe that children have the ability to choose their own careers, and parents completely ignore their children's choices and ask their children to report to the so-called hot majors; After graduation, regardless of children's professional interests, children are required to take an examination of civil servants and other jobs. Other parents don't believe that their children can find the right partner, constantly urging their children to date, and even blind date for their children; They don't believe that children can handle intimate relationships well and get too involved in their children's marriage life after marriage. Parents should "help" from food, clothing, housing and transportation to raising the next generation. Some parents want to guide their children's lives, but they don't believe that their children can manage their own lives.
Second, the negative influence of parents' distrust of their children.
Parents' distrust of their children is often reflected in their worries about their children, who are always worried that their children will make mistakes, take detours and suffer losses. However, children who do not make mistakes in practice cannot grow up at all. The distrust of parents is tantamount to depriving children of the opportunity to grow up independently. When children enter the society as adults, they are at a loss in the face of difficulties and setbacks because they have no trial and error exercise. Children can only rely on the care of their parents, and it is even more difficult to be independent from their parents. Parents do not trust their children. In order to fulfill their parents, subconsciously, in order to cooperate with their parents, it is increasingly difficult for them to be independent, and it is increasingly difficult for parents to leave their children. This has evolved into a "double dance" with distorted parent-child relationship.
Hitler discovered his talent for painting when he was a child. He dreamed of becoming an "artist", but his father insisted that his son become a civil servant like him. If my father had trusted Hitler and let him choose his own career, there would probably be no Hitler, the culprit of World War II.
If parents excessively interfere with children's study, life and emotions for a long time, children's subjective initiative will not be mobilized, which will lead to children's lack of independent consciousness, slow thinking, lack of ability, depressed personality and loss of vitality.
Third, the trust of parents is the strength of children's growth.
Fromm said in The Art of Love: A mother should believe in life, not be afraid and pass on her feelings to her children. She should want her children to be independent and eventually get rid of herself. Fatherly love should make children more and more confident in their own strength and ability, and finally let them become their own masters, so as to get rid of their father's authority.
In the process of raising children, we should believe in the power of trust, and in the process of children's growth, parents should completely believe in their children. We should believe that children, as a life noumenon, will have their own unique growth system, instead of repeating the path of parents or others. Children can develop their own growth process and rhythm in the process of growth. Believe in children's feelings, support children's feelings, let children experience it personally, and believe that children will grow into a healthy and unique individual. Each of us has our own place, and we believe in the power of natural selection and trust.
Trust is not laissez-faire In the process of children's growth, we can't ignore children and be completely separated from them in the name of trust. We should guide and accompany them in their lives.
1, the growth of parents
You must be what you want your children to be. Parents should lead by example and let their children do it. Parents don't impose their lives on their children, but let themselves be role models for their children and give them a positive and powerful guidance and demonstration.
When parents' personality is not sound enough and mature enough, no amount of parenting knowledge can be more than knowledge, not ability. In Love and Freedom, Sun Ruixue said: If parents are psychologically mature, he can naturally express his love for their children. On the contrary, his parents are still in childhood, and everything he does only starts from himself. He may think more from his own point of view than from the point of view of the child. Imagine if parents live in anxiety all day, only complaining about their children, but not trusting them, how can children grow up healthily? Parents should guide their children, first of all, let them grow up and become an independent and mature person. Only when parents have a sound personality can they treat their children as an independent person and an equal person, rather than their own personal belongings, and can they meet their psychological needs. Only when parents have a sound personality and are confident and independent enough can they trust their children and believe that their children can be confident and independent.
2. Parents' company
In the process of children's growth, it is very important for parents to accompany them with high quality. In fact, children don't need education, what they need is high-quality companionship that they devote themselves to. The theory of subject-object relationship holds that everyone needs to be seen and exists because of seeing. We need to participate in children's life course, see their feelings and experiences, and see their existence. Children, accompanied by their parents' patience and gentleness, and with their parents' appreciative eyes, gradually develop self-confidence and develop their own unique personality. Children will make mistakes and take detours when they grow up. At this time, we should trust our children, follow their rhythm, give them room for independent development, and give them a chance to try and make mistakes. Some people's abilities can only be cultivated through trial and error. If children are given enough trust and believe in the power of trust, children can grow up healthily and confidently and become their own unique appearance. Therefore, parents, please put down your anxiety, manage your life well, and be your child's guide and companion, and your child will have his own unique life.
The reason why children value their parents' trust in themselves so much is because their parents are their closest relatives, so when their closest relatives don't believe in themselves, children really can't find anyone else who can really believe in themselves. Therefore, trust is very important for children, and because girls are sensitive and slender, if they are always in a state of distrust, they will be in a very bad state of existence. In fact, there is a deep desire in human nature, and that is to gain the trust of others. Appreciation is the "reward" that children get after doing something, and trust is the encouragement that children get before doing something: I believe you can do it, I believe you can do it well, and I believe you are the best. Therefore, children can not only do it, but also do it well and do it best. Moreover, the window of their hearts will be open to you without reservation.
Therefore, I think we should educate our children to trust and appreciate. The so-called trust education is to constantly give children full trust and establish their confidence in "wanting to do things" and "doing things successfully".
Trust in children is conducive to the healthy development of children, to the establishment of good relations between children and their parents, and to the promotion of children to share secrets with themselves. Many things are based on trust, so please be sure to keep trust in your children.
Hello, I'm glad to answer your question. I will answer your question from my point of view, based on my own understanding and experience.
Giving children trust, or building trust with children, is very important for their growth and future development.
Building trust is very important for children's mental health, study and life planning. What you see now is that many problems and generation gaps between parents and children are mainly due to the lack of trust between parents and children and the lack of stable mutual trust.
If you have established a good mutual trust and deep trust with your child, then when the child grows up, when she encounters some problems that she can't handle and some psychological problems, he will take the initiative to ask you for help.
This is very conducive to solving the problem and will not have some adverse effects on the future development of children. When a very good mutual trust is established with children, children will not have great pressure in learning, and they will set a learning goal correctly and will not regard learning as their parents' learning. Correct learning goals will make children's learning very effective.
If you and your child have established good mutual trust and deep trust, then your child will tell you frankly when making his own life plan, which is beneficial to parents. According to your own experience and suggestions, who will give some reasonable and appropriate guidance?
I hope my answer can help you.
I wish my children a bright future in Wan Li and my parents and friends all the best.
Welfare time
In the family, parents and children need trust, because this is the premise of respecting children. It is a positive attitude for children to gain the trust of their parents, and it is also the internal motivation for children to make progress and realize their self-worth, which greatly promotes the formation of children's self-discipline ability.
In order not to let your beloved child "indulge" himself because of your distrust, let's trust and respect the child. Let's start with the following actions.
(1) firmly believe that children can do it.
Parents should not help their children do what they can, but let them try to do it themselves. Parents can also deliberately arrange their children to do some challenging things, and constantly give their children trust and support, and their children will play their great potential.
(2) Correctly treat children's mistakes
When a child makes a mistake, don't scold him with extreme words. Instead, we should be persuasive and rational, analyze the ins and outs of the incident with our children, point out the causes and harm of their mistakes, and then help them correct their mistakes. There are no people who don't make mistakes in life, especially children whose outlook on life and morality are forming, and they are more likely to have shortcomings and mistakes. Parents should fully understand them, trust them, guide them to treat their mistakes correctly and correct their wrong practices.
(3) Provide opportunities for children to display their talents.
In daily life, don't be enthusiastic and indifferent to anything about children. Parents support their children to do whatever they can, as long as it is beneficial. It is normal that children lack experience and skills and sometimes fail or make any mistakes. When children encounter setbacks and failures, parents should give more comfort and encouragement to help them find out the reasons and fully protect their self-confidence.
(4) Don't deny children at will.
Parents should learn to trust their children. They can't assume that children will lie all the time just because they have lied once, otherwise they are likely to "break the jar" and do more things. Parents' trust in their children will have unexpected power to help children complete self-discipline and self-supervision.
Believe in children, he/she will establish correct values, and then he/she can really be full-fledged. After going through ups and downs, he/she will know the responsibility and responsibility.