Eight misunderstandings in educating children 1 The first misunderstanding: "As long as children study hard, nothing else matters".
According to a survey, 16% parents completely agree, most parents tend to agree with this view on the whole, and only 27% parents totally disagree with this statement. Usually dealing with parents of students, I often hear parents say that as long as children study hard at home, they will not participate, and they should try their best to provide logistical support and supply. Learning is one of the experiences in the process of children's growth, which is very important, but not all. In the process of children's growth, they should learn to do things, learn to cooperate and learn to keep fit.
The second misunderstanding; The extreme expectation psychology leads to the educational behavior of quick success and instant benefit.
Faced with the pressure of further education and employment from society, many parents are eager to succeed. Ignoring early education, children will be beaten or scolded if they have problems; Blame children for their mistakes and never know how to reflect on themselves; Parents become teachers' "teaching assistants" and give their children a lot of homework and exercises after class; Pay attention to school education and ignore the influence of society on children. Once parents' expectations for children's growth are extreme, they will inevitably induce cognitive irrational thinking, ignore the reality of children's development, and produce educational behavior of quick success and instant benefit. In order to meet psychological expectations (even vanity), we confuse the essential difference between children's psychological "learnability" (potential) and pedagogy "learnability" (ability), and blindly "choose" some "quick learning plans" and "child prodigy training plans" under the banner of science, and the result is counterproductive. Every child is unique and every parent is different, so many study plans and training plans are not in line with the reality of children and parents and are invalid.
The third misunderstanding: blind comparison psychology leads to "dehumanization" of education.
Parents use the excellent performance of familiar classmates or children of the same age to stimulate their children's self-motivation. As an educational strategy, if used properly, it will achieve good educational results. However, a considerable number of parents ignore their children's personality differences because of the psychological expansion of comparison, choose evaluation criteria at will, blindly compare with others and make misplaced comparisons. The result is that the child's personality disappears and grows into an obedient "good rabbit", or the child's personality is distorted and grows into a rebellious "bad wolf". There was once a parent who used the cousin of a child with excellent academic performance as an example to educate his child to compare with his own. As a result, the child's words made the parents angry to death: "They are excellent, but they don't call you dad." Since then, for a long time, neither father nor son have spoken or met.
Other parents don't respect their children's privacy and rights, accuse their children in front of others and interfere with their privacy at will. In this way, children who are not respected will not know how to respect others when they grow up Therefore, parents should knock on the door before entering the child's room, get the child's permission before moving or using the child's things, and discuss with the child before making any decision involving the child.
The fourth misunderstanding: treat children as tools to realize their dreams.
Many parents said that children should realize their dreams, especially in rural areas. Some children have three or more generations of college dreams at home, which makes them overwhelmed and will produce rebellious psychology. Some children feel that they are studying for their parents, not their own wishes. There is a child who likes radio single chip microcomputer since childhood, but the parents of the students
Because I have no higher education, I hope my children can go to high school and then go to college. They didn't consider the interests of their children, but insisted on letting them repeat their studies in junior high school. But in the end, none of their children were admitted to the ideal high school, so they had to choose their favorite vocational high school. After arriving at vocational high school, children become active and cheerful, learn like a duck to water, and perform well in all aspects. Children all say that they will be "senior blue-collar workers" in the future.
The fifth misunderstanding: I don't know how to help children learn.
Many parents' understanding of their children's learning is confirmed by how many points their children scored and how many they ranked. Parents with high test scores and good rankings are happy and even give excessive material rewards. If it is not baked well, it will be accused and ridiculed, but I know nothing about some details and study habits of children. As long as parents pay more attention to their children's usual performance, they will basically know their children's learning situation. Parents should pay attention to whether their children's learning goals are clear, communicate with teachers in various subjects in time, and usually pay attention to understanding their attitudes towards homework and wrong questions. For example, parents should guide their children at home and help them control their learning progress.
The sixth misunderstanding: specify the development direction for children.
Many parents pin their unfulfilled wishes on their children and constantly force them to go their own way. Even if the child is not suitable, he doesn't like it. For example, learning the piano, for example, going abroad. Some parents are just like following the trend, no matter whether their children like it or not, they learn from other children, regardless of their feelings. Under these pressures, families become unhappy and the harmonious relationship between parents and children is sacrificed.
The seventh misunderstanding: Appreciation education lacks scientific basis.
Appreciation education is not a scientific educational concept, but a literary language rather than an academic language. The so-called "appreciation education" means "coaxing children". This kind of education is only suitable for those vulnerable groups and those who lack self-evaluation ability. Professor Zhao, who is also the chairman of the Family Education Committee of China Education Association and the director of the Institute of Community and Family Education of the National Basic Education Experimental Center, believes that the evaluation of children's behavior should be realistic. Good is good, and bad is bad. Because the key to cultivating children's self-confidence lies in improving their own strength. "Appreciation education" is conditional. It is an idealized practice to exaggerate the role of "appreciation" regardless of age and actual situation, which is easy to give children an illusion, but it is not conducive to their growth.
The eighth misunderstanding: Show culture erodes family education.
The ever-rising "educational innovation"-"foot washing" is a typical practice of educational simplification and model, and it is also an educational show. You can choose a variety of ways to honor your parents, but just like assigning homework, it is not advisable for every student to "honor their parents" in a unified "foot washing" mode, and only wash once, that is, filial piety. Professor Zhao, director of the Institute of Community and Family Education of the National Basic Education Experimental Center, said: "I also washed my feet for my 80-year-old mother. The old man's health is not very good. It is entirely appropriate for the younger generation to help do these things. However, when I saw a photo of' washing feet' in the newspaper, I felt awkward and dazzling. My mother's appearance is still young and beautiful. It was her middle school son who washed her feet-a burly young man. The whole picture is very uncoordinated and unnatural. "
The foothold of family education should be the future happiness of children. First of all, we should pay attention to the cultivation of children's spirit, so that children have good habits, firm will and perseverance. Children with these spiritual qualities will never lose.
Eight misunderstandings in educating children 2 Learn to say "No"
How do you deal with children's unreasonable demands? Promise him or reject him? Parents' troubles
My son is 9 years old and in the third grade of primary school. Children need to get what they want at once. If they are not satisfied, they will lose their temper and make constant noise, so that you can't do other things, such as going to the bookstore to buy books, but I didn't buy them for him, so I overturned my motorcycle. At my work, he wants to play games, so I asked him to wait a little longer. Mom has one more thing to deal with, but he just won't listen. He should sit in front of the computer at once. You must keep what you promised him at ordinary times, which will make you uneasy in the future, even when I am sick.
Understand the family education background
It is understood that children are brought by their parents before they are two and a half years old, grandparents between two and a half years old and five years old, and their mothers are not around. When I was 5 years old, I had to go to the first grade to take back my life. The old man dotes on his grandson and gets whatever he can. For example, if you want to buy a toy in the store, he won't leave until you buy it for him. Finally the old man compromised and bought it for him. No matter whether the child's request is reasonable or not, the old man will be satisfied in the end.
Analysis of Family Education Model
Because the elderly are separated by generations, the way to raise them is often pampered and over-satisfied. Especially when children are two or three years old, they don't know what they should have and what they shouldn't have, and they don't know that not everything in the world can be obtained. The relaxed satisfaction and compromise of the old people make children feel that many things can be "achieved".
However, with the growth of children's age, it is found that adults are not omnipotent and cannot satisfy everything he imagined. At this time, there is a sense of frustration. Because of frustration, I am naturally in a bad mood, and I will lose my temper, get angry and cry. But the adults gave in at this critical moment. In this "war", the child finally won. In this process, the original principle (for example, you can't buy this toy at home) is not observed: the original boundary (for example, you can cry, but you can't hit people) is not observed: the original authority (for example, you are a little afraid of adults) no longer exists. The consequence is to let children form such a behavior pattern: as long as I want it, I must get it; As long as I fight, I can win. So I got into the bad habit of getting what I want. If I can't get it, I will lose my temper and have to get it. Lead to children's fearless, willful and overbearing character.
This behavior pattern has been delayed until now, and it is also to get what you want immediately, otherwise you will toss and turn until you promise me.
Understand parents' coping styles.
So, how does the mother deal with this situation when the child comes to her mother?
Mother said: "When I don't agree with what he wants, sometimes I will be reasonable, sometimes I will lie to him and coax him, and sometimes I will hit him hard, but he is not convinced and will remain the same in the future." For example, he wants to buy a toy, because he just bought one last week, so I didn't buy it. He was very unhappy and threw things around when he got home. I was angry, scolded him and hit him. He is also very vindictive. Once, he grabbed the quilt cover while sleeping with his grandmother. I'll tell him well, and if he doesn't listen, I'll hit him. He pointed at me and said bitterly,' Hum, wait and see how I deal with you!' I feel like a failure!
The consequences of bad educational methods
The pattern of children doing things around their mothers is a continuation of childhood life around the elderly. Children's psychology is still as immature and naive as two or three-year-olds If this behavior pattern is brought to school and society, it will be frustrated.
When he wants something but can't get it, he will hate, attack each other, retaliate against others, destroy interpersonal relationships, or complain about others and abuse himself, which will easily lead to personality disorder. Therefore, if we continue to ignore or indulge children's behavior, it will do harm to children's growth.
In early childhood, children generally obey authority, but unfortunately, the adults (grandparents) in this case did not use or give up authority: in middle school, that is, after puberty, we saw that many children did not listen to their parents at all and went their own way. If I don't want to, I can run away from home and even beat my parents, which shows that my parents have completely lost their authority. In primary school, it is often a time to challenge the authority of parents. If parents fail to maintain their authority and stick to their principles, then after entering adolescence, children will fall into the predicament of being managed, helpless and helpless.
We can understand authority in this way. Aiming at the unreasonable needs of children is often a principle that needs to be adhered to and a rule that needs to be observed. If we don't keep our authority, stick to our principles and let our children do whatever they want, or we are defeated at this time, then we will lose not only our authority, but also our children's future.
Educational guidance suggestion
Let's assume that the child asks his mother for money to buy drinks, and her mother thinks the drinks are unsanitary and doesn't agree to buy them. Mother began to make sense, saying that roadside drinks have no nutrition and belong to three no products; But the child wouldn't listen and was still making trouble. His mother was annoyed by him and began to blame him. The child still didn't listen, and the mother finally hit the child. The child was not convinced and began to throw things and even beat his mother. In other words, the mother's coping style did not play a good role, but ignited the child's anger and made the child more arrogant.
In fact, here, the mother did not really pay attention to the child's heart, nor did she deal with it in an appropriate way. We can do this:
Affirming children's needs is a need.
If a child thinks from his own perspective, all his needs should be justified. Because he doesn't understand why he can't buy it, he just needs to satisfy his appetite. Or he just wants to satisfy his own desires, although he understands and ignores these truths. Satisfaction becomes temporary happiness here.
A mother can calmly and unemotionally say to her child, "Dear, mom knows that you really want to drink this drink, but this drink is unsanitary. Then ask the child if he can eat something else instead. If the child agrees, satisfy him; If the child insists on drinking that drink, move on to the next step-
Stick to the principle and bottom line and never give in.
The reason was told to the child. If you still don't listen, cry and make noise, and throw things, the mother must clearly tell the child: "Mom doesn't think this drink can be bought. Whatever you do is useless. Go ahead and go and do your own thing. Speak calmly and resolutely, so that children can feel their inner strength. This is a cold response.
Many children insist on making trouble because they know it will work-if you don't satisfy me, I will throw things, I will run wild, and I will make trouble for L's parents. Don't fall into his trap, because he won as soon as you gave in, and he will push his luck next time. Once this interactive mode is formed, children will eventually do the same thing next time. If we persist this time, then education will be effective. Next time, the child will understand: mother will not give in to such a thing, and it is useless for me to make trouble.
Eight misunderstandings in educating children 3 At present, a considerable number of the first generation of only children have entered the age of marriage and childbearing, and have given birth to the second generation of only children. How to get along with two generations of only children has become a concern of many "only-child" parents.
In recent years, with the emergence of "4+2+ 1" families, problems such as intergenerational parenting, excessive doting and early education have aroused concern and anxiety from all walks of life. Education experts call on the parents of the only child to change the way and method of education for the second generation to avoid going astray.
Parenting: a more common lifestyle of the second generation.
At 7 o'clock every morning, 54-year-old Wang Kexin takes her little grandson to kindergarten by bus. At 4 o'clock in the afternoon, Wang Kexin appeared at the kindergarten gate on time, waiting to take her little grandson home. "I can't help it. The young couple are busy with their work. It's better to give this belt to me as a grandmother than a nanny. " Wang Kexin told reporters.
Since the implementation of the family planning policy in China for more than 30 years, a large number of only children (referred to as the only generation) have entered the age of marriage and childbearing, and their only children are called the "only second generation". Most of the only-child parents are in a period of rising career and busy work. "Who will take care of the children" has become a problem that puzzles them. As a result, it is common for grandparents to raise the third generation.
According to a survey by China Women magazine, more than 70% of young parents "only have children but don't raise them", and the responsibility of raising children is entirely borne by the elderly at home. Among them, 42% are taken care of by grandparents, 30% are taken care of by grandparents, and less than 20% are raised by parents themselves.
Liu, a kindergarten teacher at Nanning Kindergarten in Shenyang, told the reporter that before the parent-child activity day was held in the kindergarten, less than 30% of the 130 children were accompanied by their parents, and the rest were grandparents. "Many interactions and games were not suitable for the elderly that day, and the activities did not achieve the expected results."
Never spoil the second generation in the name of protection.
Zhou, director of Shenyang Youth Psychological Counseling Center, believes that in today's family model, grandparents pay more attention to the cultivation of traditional virtues, such as frugality, humility and filial piety, while taking care of their children's normal daily life. Compared with young parents, they are more tolerant and patient with their children, which makes the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren closer.
"But the love of the elderly for their children is the biggest problem in the growth of the second generation." Zhou said to him. For many old people, raising grandchildren is their only spiritual sustenance, so they can easily meet their children's demands and sometimes cover up their shortcomings when their children do something wrong. "This is not conducive to the growth of children. Children will become willful, greedy, self-righteous, and even learn to shirk their responsibilities at a young age. " Zhou said to him.
Yu Haijing, who lives in Heping District, Shenyang, complained to reporters that the children's grandparents always love to sing against themselves. "I wouldn't let her eat puffed food such as shrimp chips, so she went to her grandparents to cry. The old man was soft-hearted, and she agreed to everything. Now the child is particularly willful and has developed a bad habit of crying. "
Zhou believes that the poor independence and anti-frustration ability of the rich second generation are also caused by pampering. Parents' excessive care exceeds children's needs, which makes children depend on their parents for everything, which is particularly unfavorable to their development. A parent was forbidden to run since he was a child for fear of wrestling. As a result, He Zixiong, a junior high school student in Shenyang, couldn't even walk fast. The damage to children's self-confidence is obvious: children feel that they can't do anything, that their abilities are low, and they are very depressed.
"From the perspective of child psychology, children are willing to try it themselves, and they will get happiness in trying. At the same time, the process from failure to success is conducive to children's sense of accomplishment and enhances their ability to resist setbacks. Return the world that belongs to children to children, and don't deprive children of their right to happiness in the name of protection. " Zhou called on parents to learn to let go and give their children a chance to grow up.
Premature education that values wisdom over morality will be counterproductive.
"Give the child the best conditions, let him receive the best education and send it to the best kindergarten." Li Bin, a citizen of Shenyang, and his wife are both working-class people. There is a kindergarten in the community, and children can go to the nursery nearby. But Li Bin sent her children to a private international bilingual kindergarten. The monthly child care fee is 6000 yuan, plus the weekend cram school, and the monthly expenditure is not small. "We adults have nothing to suffer from, and we can't let our children be worse than others since childhood."
It is understood that the only-child parents are highly educated and pay more attention to instilling knowledge and material satisfaction in their children, hoping that their children will get ahead. With the psychology of "can't let children lose at the starting line", parents take their children between various early education classes. Many children have to learn not only English and calligraphy, but also piano and painting. The "high-priced early education", which costs nearly 10,000 yuan, is sought after by many young parents, and even babies wrapped in diapers appear in early education classes.
Compared with the current situation of excessive intellectual development, parents pay insufficient attention to their children's moral education. Shanghai Women's Federation conducted a survey on 1054 parents of minors. When asked "Which of the following aspects do you attach most importance to in family education", 80% of parents preferred "intellectual development and knowledge education", which was higher than 64% of "physical quality training" and 54% of "moral quality and life education".
Zhou expressed concern about the current situation of early education. "0-6 years old is a critical period for children's behavior habits and personality formation. At this stage, parents force their children to participate in various training courses, and their wishes are not respected, and they are often in a state of being accused, which is very harmful to their hearts. " In recent years, the proportion of teenagers who are tired of learning has increased year by year, and it is obviously showing a trend of younger age, even causing physical or psychological problems, which must be paid attention to by parents.
Zhou believes that parents should master the general laws of children's development at every age, understand their personality characteristics, and give them enough space to make their children develop healthily and comprehensively.
In terms of educational methods, experts suggest that, first of all, parents of only children can try to change their roles, adopt an equal attitude and become their children's friends. For example, when talking to a child, it is best to kneel down and let the child learn to help with simple housework instead of blindly accommodating or blaming.
Secondly, parents can unite several families to form a small social circle for their children, and often take their children to places with many children, such as playgrounds, to increase the opportunities for children to communicate with their peers, and to avoid problems such as children's withdrawn personality and lack of communication with their peers.
Early education should lay the foundation for children's lifelong development.
With the rapid development of society and the progress of the times, people's cognition and attitude towards education are constantly updated and developed. The word "early education" is no longer strange in modern families, and the concept of "not letting children lose at the starting line" circulates in the hearts of parents. "Early education" actually refers to educational activities carried out by preschool children aged 0-3. Children at this stage are in infancy, which is a critical period for the development of life intelligence. Some people think that children aged 2-3 are the best age to learn spoken English. Grasping early education can improve the learning effect, which is also the result of the interaction between heredity and environment. Therefore, it is very important to seize the opportunity of education and learning in early education.
Parents pay special attention to their children's preschool education and hope to develop their intelligence and potential in the initial stage of education. However, many parents blindly follow the trend and simply don't understand the concept and significance of "early education".
In fact, early education refers to the preschool education that children receive. But as we all know, children aged 0-3 belong to the category of early education. It is generally recognized that the education of children aged 0-3 is called enlightenment education or children's education. Zhou Hanmin, an expert in baby-friendly early education, said that this period is the most critical period for children's nervous system development and various potential development, and it is indeed a good opportunity for education. The core of early education is to provide an educational and nutritious environment to "activate" children's brain development and personality growth, thus laying a solid foundation for their future development.
In recent years, the state has also given recognition and support to the implementation of early education, encouraging children's intellectual development and education at this stage, thus greatly promoting parents' awareness of early education. From the country to the family, we can fully realize the importance of early education to children.
Parents should also follow their children's interests in the course selection of early education. In infancy, children's interests are difficult to grasp, but after a period of time, children slowly begin to look for their favorite images or sounds, and parents can find their interests from these details. We can't expect a 23-year-old baby to study hard, but as long as the child is interested, he can concentrate on an activity for a long time. As long as parents discover their children's interests, they can create many situations and teach their children to learn literacy and reading. When interviewing the parents of children who participated in early education, Ms. Zhang said that children were "fans" when they were very young. They heard the phone ring and followed. After the observation, they signed up their children for music lessons. The children not only listened carefully, but also accepted the course content happily.
Zhou Hanmin, president of Baby-Friendly Early Education, suggested that parents should first choose brands when choosing early education institutions. The brand behind it represents the quality of education and years of experience, and education must rely on the accumulation of time and good ideas to continuously improve; At the same time, it also depends on the educational philosophy of this institution and course. Nowadays, parents' ideas are diversified, the curriculum system at home and abroad is in institutions, and the classification is also detailed; In addition, ask parents who are already in class to see their comments and word of mouth.
Eight misunderstandings in educating children 4 1. How to educate children correctly
Sometimes, we shouldn't treat children like adults. Yesterday, my ten-year-old son and I watched a TV model contest together. Looking at the graceful beautiful women, in the sometimes elegant and sometimes cheerful tunes, they walked on the catwalk in various provocative gestures. Looking back at my son, I was so interested that I almost forgot to blink.
On TV, the lights on the screen suddenly dimmed, and then the models appeared on the screen at three o'clock. At this point, I have been a little restless, and I regret not letting my son watch such a program. How can you forget that there is a "three-point" performance in the model contest?
In retrospect, my children are very eager to see it. While watching, he said to me, "Mom, look at these beautiful women. They are really eye-catching. " Almost subconsciously, I asked, "How can I look good?" I regret it after asking. Isn't this leading my son down the mountain?
The son said, "mom, look at these devil figures." Can they be unattractive? "
Children also know the devil's figure! ? I just kept asking, "What is a devil's figure?"
The son said, "Look at them. If they lose weight, there will be only bones left. This is not the devil! " "
God, it turns out that this devil's figure has made me nervous for a long time. I quickly went on to say, "Don't be like them. Being too thin will affect your health. Don't be picky about food in the future. Too fat is not good, too thin is also a problem. "
Later, I often think of this false alarm. As parents, one of the mistakes we often make is to look at children with adult eyes and thinking. Originally, I was wrong, but I was worried that my child would "learn badly." Many parents encounter such problems, or cover their children's eyes to prevent "visual pollution", but they didn't expect their children to see those forbidden pictures through the cracks of their fingers; Either shout loudly, as soon as you hear the child say that the devil's body is more dangerous than this, interrupt immediately, and then educate the child not to do this or that.
Generally, children's thinking is very simple, and more is imitation. A famous professor of child psychology once said that children in kindergartens will marry kisses and hugs in imitation of movies, so parents need not be offended, let alone furious. Because these actions of children are just simple imitations out of curiosity. Some teachers will tell their children that it is unsanitary when they see such a situation, and this matter will be over. Therefore, adults don't need to be too serious about children, and don't look at children with adult eyes.
Second, the misunderstanding of educating children
Myth 1, don't set an example.
"What kind of parents are there, what kind of children are there." This is the * * * knowledge in education. However, it is difficult for many parents to realize this. Experts say that children are the spiritual products of parents, and all the problems of children 13 years old can be found in parents. Therefore, parents should change themselves, not their children. Set a good example for children and pass on positive energy.
Myth 2: I always want to control my children.
Respecting the elderly is the traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, which also leads many parents to put on a dignified posture when educating their children, in an attempt to control their children and let them act according to their own wishes. But the result of control often leads to confrontation. Experts say that if parents just ask their children blindly without considering their requirements, once the children fail to meet the requirements, parents will be very angry and angry. Such a behavior demonstration will also make the child learn and become an obstacle to his character.
Myth 3: Don't look at children's bad habits.
"Children's bad habits or behaviors often contain good factors." Experts believe that children's behavior problems are not good or bad for parents, only acceptable and unacceptable. Worrying too much about children's bad habits or behaviors, such as letting children go with the flow and ignoring children, may strengthen children's bad habits.
So, how should parents face their children's bad habits? Experts say that parents should be good at discovering the good factors behind their children's bad behaviors, make good use of these good factors, and let their children have more possibilities to experience various successes and self-confidence, so that some so-called bad habits or bad behaviors will be invisible.