Will your concentration be destroyed? Is he good at studying? Does he hold back when he encounters difficulties or try to solve the problem by himself? Can he always maintain a confident and healthy attitude? Maybe no one cares about these problems. Some people may ask: Can children recite 100 poems and children's songs at the age of three? Can a three-year-old child count from 1 to 1000? Can a three-year-old child know thousands of Chinese characters? To tell you the truth, no, no.
\x09 When I was a mother-to-be, the author of "Early Education" was also blindly keen on understanding the theories and methods of child prodigy education, such as children's literacy, pi back to 1000 digits and so on. Later, with the gradual understanding of different educational theories and the gradual development of children's educational practice, I realized that genius is rare in the world and ordinary people are common. Most of the so-called prodigies only pay attention to instilling knowledge, which often violates the inherent growth law of people. Children will lose opportunities for other aspects of development. The incident of Tsinghua students throwing sulfuric acid at bears has sounded the alarm for us: the IQ of modern children is not low, and the synchronous cultivation of emotional intelligence can make children really enjoy a healthy and happy life.
So now there should be only one purpose: to cultivate a qualified citizen with sound personality, all-round development of IQ and EQ and mental health. If most families can achieve this goal, it will be a great thing for the whole society. Cultivate children into a strong-willed, independent problem-solving ability, good interpersonal relationships, good study habits, self-confidence, generosity, kindness, courage, inner happiness and love, and lay such a foundation.
The following are the problems and misunderstandings of modern parents in early education:
First, I don't know that children from 0 to 6 years old have various sensitive periods. It is against the child's nature to reprimand the child's performance during the sensitive period, causing him pain and leaving psychological hidden dangers.
Children aged 0-6 have various sensitive periods. The so-called sensitive period refers to the period when children repeatedly operate an action or learn a certain ability within a certain period of time, driven by their inner vitality, and their learning ability is particularly strong. There are attachment formation sensitive period, oral sensitive period, hands and feet sensitive period, language sensitive period, subtle sensitive period and skin tactile sensitive period.
It lasts a little more than a year after birth, which is a sensitive period of oral cavity. No matter how adults stop it, children always put their hands in their mouths and eat with relish. Adults should never stop children because they think they are unclean, otherwise they will leave psychological hidden dangers. What adults need to do is to ensure that things at the door are clean, and it is best to provide different things for children to explore with their mouths! Children at this stage explore the world with their mouths. If they get through it, they will never chew anything other than food again. Some children still can't get rid of the habit of sucking their fingers or other things after entering kindergarten and primary school, and even extend to other bad behaviors, such as eating snacks, spitting and swearing! To some extent, it is related to the poor oral sensitivity period.
Overlapping with the later period of oral sensitivity is the sensitive period of hands. During this period, people like to throw things with their hands, dig holes with their fingers, and even hit people (in fact, from the child's point of view, they are just practicing arm muscle movements). Overlapping with the late sensitive period of hand is the sensitive period of leg, and sometimes two or three sensitive periods often cross at the same time.
\x09 Children over two years old often say "this is mine" and "that is mine" when they enter the sensitive period of property rights awareness, and refuse to share anything with others, even their mothers can't get their own things. Parents must not think that their children are selfish, but must find ways to get rid of this problem. In fact, this is a kind of exercise of real right ownership. Through the confirmation of commodity ownership, we can understand his relationship with commodities. In foreign countries,
\x09 The way to get through the sensitive period of property right consciousness smoothly is not to be serious with the child when his performance is particularly obvious. This time will take about three or four months (depending on the child's situation). Later, when you find a suitable opportunity, that is, when other children share toys with your own children, remind him: "Are you happy that children share toys with you?" When he nods, tell him, "You give toys to others to play with, and they are also very happy." You can stop here, don't push the child at once. After repeated several times, let him try to give the toys to other children. Through practice, he knows that toys belong to him, and he will give them back after playing with others, so that everyone will be happy to share them with others, so that he will gradually be willing to share them. Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three.
\x09 Concern 1: For children who are in a period of strong awareness of property rights, adults should never tease them, snatch things from their hands, make them cry, and then humiliate them "You are so stingy!" This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!
\x09 Note 2: When children can share something, we must accept it. Don't say "I'm kidding, I won't eat, you eat". This is to refuse children to share, which will bring disappointment to children. Children will associate sharing with disappointment, enjoy the joy of sharing, and gradually become unwilling to share.
\x09 Children aged three or four enter a sensitive period of order, perfection and stubbornness. When adults break off a piece of cake for them, children will cry and refuse to accept it. Adults should not think that children are selfish. It is the perfect sensitive period that we destroy the children's sense of circle.
\x09 Other sensitive periods have their own manifestations, such as the sensitive period of worshipping and being worshipped at the age of five or six, and the sensitive period of getting married. Only by letting children pass smoothly and naturally can we maintain a healthy attitude. Parents can refer to teacher Sun Ruixue's Sensitive Period of Capturing Children, which is discussed in detail. This book is a must-read for families.
\x09。 Second, we mistake knowledge instillation for early education, and always use the method of "teaching" to arouse children's resistance.
People often say that the most important period is before the age of three. This period is not to let children learn much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth. Psychological growth is an important part of early education, and healthy psychology is the source of happiness in life. In this period, children are spoiled, children are the center, let them eat alone, everything is arranged for him, and he is not respected, so it is easy to meet his material needs in advance and ignore his inner feelings. This material satisfaction is more important than spiritual nourishment.
\x09 Don't teach children, just demonstrate. Many people may think that I am talking nonsense about not teaching children. I didn't understand this statement at the beginning of my contact. It took me two years, through a lot of observation and practice, to understand that children are really not "taught". For example, when a guest greets a baby, the child doesn't respond. Adults usually urge them to say "woof" out of courtesy and face. You should call your aunt, you are such a child "and so on. Doing so is teaching, and teaching will put pressure on children. If you criticize while teaching, it will torture your children even more. We just need to imitate the tone of the child and respond: "Hello, Aunt!" Or "Auntie, goodbye!" "Thank you, grandma, I have eaten. "and so on. This is a demonstration, not a teaching.
\x09 Children with flexible fingers can start wearing shoes in about 0/8 months. If children wear shoes backwards, most parents will say, "Wrong, wrong left and right." Right or left? As far as the baby's ability is concerned, there is no right or wrong. Telling him that he is wrong will put pressure on him, and the way we talk will make her nervous: What's the matter, why is mom so angry? Just tell the child calmly "change the two shoes". This is the right way to tell him, and that's enough. Don't teach him "this is the left and that is the right" (the child's brain is very simple, just accept the correct instructions, it is too complicated for him. ) "According to my experience, after a month or two, children will wear shoes, and there will be no mistakes left or right.
\x09 When operating toys, just demonstrate "Baby, watch mom do it", and mom will slow down to show it. After that, give the child time and opportunity to adjust the operation repeatedly, don't disturb him, and don't nag when he makes a little mistake. In this way, children lose the opportunity to internalize external information. If you taught everything, once, all we had to do was wait patiently for him to adjust himself and never criticize him. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.
\x09 Third, never use a walker! Be sure to let the children crawl!
\x09 A walker is harmful to the baby's health. Learning to walk needs to overcome huge psychological obstacles and master the skills of keeping balance. The walker doesn't need to be so "troublesome", it can easily slip away with a touch, which makes it difficult for children to overcome psychological obstacles and adapt to the hard process of learning to walk. Therefore, this is why children who use walkers learn to walk more slowly.
\x09 In another case, the foot muscles of children who use walkers are shaped into toes, and it often takes parents a long time to let their babies learn to land on all soles of their feet. With a walker, the chances of children crawling are greatly reduced. Many old people often proudly say, "My grandson doesn't have to climb, but walks directly. It's really interesting!" They don't know that human beings must crawl to develop healthily. Children who can't climb have poor physical coordination, which affects their life and sports. The vestibular nerve is underdeveloped, which affects future reading and writing and hinders language development.
\x09 Fourth, correctly handling children's crying emotions is the beginning of building a good character.
\x09 Happiness, anger, sadness, joy and fear are all normal emotional expressions given to human beings by God. We adults always like happy things and are often troubled by crying.
\x09 Children's crying needs our patience to feel, not just telling them? "Don't cry, don't cry" is a very big mistake. Crying is the release of his inner contradictions and conflicts, and it is not a bad thing. Adults just need to gently hug him, touch his back and say the first sentence, "Oh, baby, mom knows. (What just happened) You are very sad, and mom understands you. " "Oh, honey, mom knows you fell down, and you are a little scared.
The second sentence must say "Mom knows you are unhappy (which is very important)", so that he will be happy soon. The third sentence is "mom loves you and mom understands you". Finally, it is best to let the child take three deep breaths to breathe out the unpleasant feelings. If you learn these things, your children may run to find their friends with tears on their faces. I have tried this method again and again and it is very effective.
\x09？ When raising a little boy, we often say, "Son, why are you crying!" " ""what a pity, the child is still crying! "When a boy releases his childhood sadness, he is often stopped by adults. When he grows up slowly, he doesn't know how to release his sadness and express his love, so it's hard for him to say that he loves you. I believe many wives feel the same way. In other words, such a boy will definitely not be able to communicate well with his wife when he enters marriage as an adult, which will affect the quality of marriage. Please think about it. If your son may be unhappy in the future, you will stop this little boy. Please accept his sadness unconditionally! There's no shame in boys crying!
Once a few months old baby cries, we often rush over with "coming" in our mouth. This is not good, children will develop the psychology of controlling adults. We should say in a relaxed and gentle tone, "Are you hungry?" Mom is coming "; Once the child struggles to cry and refuses something, he should use the voice of compromise "oh, oh, oh, no, no". In fact, he should say in a gentle tone, "well, not now, we'll do it later." "Don't let the child think that he can use crying to control adults and do whatever he wants.
Many times, the implementation of educational methods should be good at observing and summarizing, rather than generalizing.
\x09 5。 Why do two-to three-year-old children love to hit people more and more when they stop? Because aggression is a necessary process for most children to grow up.
\x09 Most children aged two to three often hit people. Adults should never say "Don't hit people". "Why did you hit someone again?" This has no effect. It makes children think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and more and more people will hit people repeatedly.
\x09 Many times, because the child is in the sensitive period of mouth, hands and feet, he is keen to explore the world and know things with his mouth, hands and feet, and the scope of exploration will certainly include other people's bodies, so "biting" and? Attacks such as "hitting people" and "kicking people"
Another reason is that he has not mastered the method of interpersonal communication. When his language can't express his ideas correctly, he often uses impactful body movements instead when he is in a hurry. He may just say "get out of my way" and "don't touch my things", but he pushed or grabbed it before he could say it.
\x09 Some children are seriously insecure. They vent their bad feelings by attacking others, or they want to attract their parents' attention. What adults should do is not to label him as "you are a bad boy who can hit people". As long as you don't strengthen it, you should apologize to the other parents and children when he hits people, hug your children in time to stop him from continuing to attack and leave quietly. At the same time, adjust the time with the child in time to give him full comfort.
Parents of children who are hit at the same time must be calm. Don't think your children are bullied. Many children communicate through physical collision. Understand that the other child didn't mean it, or there is something wrong with morality. If they think that their children are being bullied, they will form a doormat character and will be bullied all their lives. When they get home, don't tell your family what hit your child. All these make the child feel that I am easy to be beaten, and he will feel that there is something in himself that others don't like, which will form a timid character. The correct way is to accept the apology of the other parent and say to the child, "You are a good boy, I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the word according to the situation), so you two shake hands."
\x09 After the age of three, when the child is becoming more and more sensible, if he still hits others, it is necessary to deeply explore the reasons for his beating (whether there is domestic violence, etc.). ), eliminate the root cause, and tell him "no" every time he attacks others. Note that I used "no", not "don't call". Don't add negative information. As long as children have negative behaviors, the first principle is to dilute and dilute. Don't strengthen!
\x09 Children naturally like to try and repeat behaviors that can produce interesting and exciting results and attract adults' attention. The correct way is to make the consequences of behavior meaningless, and he will naturally give up.
Why do we treat children as circus performers? Don't do things to children that adults don't want to do.
\x09 Many families greet their children when they have guests: Come, sing a song and dance. This is extremely disrespectful to children. Don't let children perform programs in front of guests, which will make children focus on pleasing others when they grow up. Once others don't recognize him as an adult, it will be a great blow to him and he can't play his innate ability.
\x09 "What is your name?" If children are given the opportunity to choose the most annoying questions, they will definitely rank first. Please think about it. If an "alien" who is two or three times your height and several times your weight always looks down at you and asks you in a rude tone, are you willing to answer? You have given that rude "alien" a dirty look, haven't you? So when a child doesn't like to answer this question, how can we blame him for being rude?
\x09 We should: Squat down, keep our eyes parallel to the child's eyes, introduce ourselves, and ask the child's name: "I'm Miss Lin (aunt). Nice to meet you. May I know your name? " And remember not to touch the children at will when you meet for the first time. This is what an adult should have! If someone does this to your child, don't even help others ridicule your child: "Yes, he just doesn't like to talk!" " ""Why are you so rude? Answer uncle quickly. " "He is so timid" and so on. If a child is often put in such an unhappy position by his parents, it is difficult to make him outgoing and lively. So parents often respond that my child is a bully at home and a rabbit outside. Only by giving the child enough respect can his performance be consistent inside and outside.
\x09 Mom and Dad, do you want others to laugh at you? Don't want to, right? So don't burst into laughter when our children say funny children's words. For example, a child said, "My father takes a shower without clothes!" " "After laughing, the family deliberately asked the child," Did you take a shower with your clothes on? "Isn't this obviously confusing the child's mind? Many families often play such jokes on their children. Don't tease children casually. When others tease my children, I often refuse rudely: I'm sorry, my children don't like this kind of joke. Between children and face, we should choose children.
\x09 VII。 We often unconsciously send a lot of negative and negative information to our children!
\x09 Don't tell others about your child's "misdeeds" in front of him. For example, many mothers often say "he is so timid!" in front of guests. "He just doesn't like it!" In this way, you are implying to your child that you expect him to be like this. He will achieve the result in the direction you expect: he must be more and more timid and dislike eating less and less. The suggestibility of language is enormous. If you pretend to tell others secretly, but let the children hear: "Do you know that our baby is particularly brave when playing on the swing today!" " "You know, my baby ate a full bowl of rice by himself today." This will send a message in the child's heart: "Ah? Mom said I was brave? Is it? Well, I will be braver tomorrow! " "Ah, mom is so happy, ok, I'll eat another big bowl tomorrow." This is a positive suggestion, which can directly reach the child's subconscious and has a great influence.
\x09 Don't threaten your child "If you make any more noise, your mother will not want you." This is the greatest threat and the deepest fear. Because a young child cannot live without a family. The mother's cruel violence against the child is the beginning of the child's bad character. The correct statement is: "Please be quiet, mom loves you!" " Don't say anything that makes the child feel that cutting external things will hurt him.
\x09 Special emphasis: resolutely put an end to the following words: "Be quiet, or the police will come again." "If you make any more noise, the doctor will come for an injection." "Go to sleep, the wolf is coming." If you don't threaten your child like this, he will go out elegant, lively, cheerful, healthy and confident.
\x09 Note: Never play malicious jokes on children, "Your mother doesn't want you, she won't come to pick you up". You must keep your children away from people who say such things. This kind of joke is very bad, which is extremely unfavorable to the construction of children's sense of security.
\x09 Eight, children talk too much must be the result of improper language education of parents.
\x09 Don't say milk, such as "feet and feet", "shoes and shoes" and "eat rice". You can even make up something that others don't understand. From birth, everything you say to your child should be in your mother tongue, with correct grammar and standard pronunciation. The main caregiver should use exaggerated mouth shape, clear voice and slow speech speed when talking to the baby, such as "baby". Waste of time, energy and neural information storage area.
\x09 Many children can't tell you from me when they are over two years old, which is also the result of adults' inattention. In order to let children master the first, second and third personal pronouns as soon as possible, mothers should adopt personal pronouns when communicating with their babies after one year old, so that children can imitate them. They should say more "I'll give you water to drink" and less "Mom gives your baby water to drink." Children should say, "baby's" adults should follow.
\x09。 Don't say "obedient" to the child, let him obey the rules happily, internalize the rules into his heart and become his lifelong belief.
\x09 In China's family education and social order, various codes of conduct can be seen everywhere, but few people abide by them. Why? Are China people born unruly? Is it because we don't behave in the process of education? Of course not. With going abroad and going to the world in recent years, when we open our eyes, we are so far away from world civilization. As long as there is no supervision, we will foul and be lucky. "No one should see it?" Why on earth is this?
\x09 Most people in western developed countries believe in God. I can't do anything that hurts my conscience. God will see it. This is deeply rooted in their hearts. Therefore, there is no ticket inspector at the entrance of the German subway station, and many foreign supermarkets weigh their own prices. Unconditional return is an international practice. But we grew up under the supervision of others. When we were young, we listened to our parents at home and were always reminded not to do this and that, but to listen to our teachers at school. Abide by this and that, children never have the opportunity to judge for themselves, and they should obey the rules spontaneously in the process of self-growth. Influencing rules is the bottom line for children to test us, and it is actually the beginning of obeying rules. We should be tolerant and remind him "What have you forgotten?" Instead of criticizing him and putting pressure on him, you can't say "how did you forget", because the word "how" will put pressure on the child and mean blame.
At the same time, we should fully respect children's spontaneous exploration behavior. When the child's spontaneous exploration behavior is respected by us, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him, that is, he will learn to obey others intelligently. At this time, the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized. The internalized rules will accompany the child all his life, and he will abide by the internalized rules happily and easily.
How to deal with the problem of children grabbing toys during communication?
\x09 The baby should establish a principle from the beginning that whoever has toys has the right to decide. Adults can't give their children's toys to other babies by force, nor can they persuade them to give them to others. If it is a public toy or game equipment, whoever gets it first or starts playing first has the right to decide whether to continue playing, and other babies must wait. Usually you can't get the toys you want, children will cry, and adults can use peace. You can also divert your child's attention and use other toys to attract him to leave temporarily. When a child doesn't want to share, adults should never say that he is "stingy" or "stingy". If you keep labeling your child like this, he will never learn to share. Only when children know that they have autonomy over their own things can they talk about sharing. If an adult forcibly gives his children's toys to other children out of face, that's what you tell your children. He can also rob other people's toys, so in any case, the rules must be unified. Under normal circumstances, after the age of three, children can still get it back, so they are willing to share it. Don't rush to cultivate the selfless quality of children before they are three years old.