For example, the younger son is still young and needs more care in life such as eating and dressing, while the older son is older. What is more needed in this respect is to let go and get what you need. This is a kind of fairness!
A little older, the two children occasionally have conflicts, and we can't be preconceived. We have the idea that a brother must let his younger brother or younger brother be young and ignorant, and he has no intention of waiting. Prejudice and judgment have actually lost their fairness!
We try our best to support our children's growth, and we can't ask or coax our brother to support his brother unconditionally for the sake of our maternal love, otherwise it is the biggest injustice!
As long as it is running water, there will always be waves, but some are sparkling and some are very big! As long as the water does not rush out of the dam, it is a bowl of water with a flat end [praise]
Uneven, nothing more than observing the child's psychological state, especially don't neglect one of them, at least don't let him feel that you have neglected him.
Communicate more and inject brotherhood into them, such as showing them related animations, books or stories. Let their consciousness change over time. Otherwise, even if you are fair, it is useless for them to be unfair.
Let their mentality be correct, and so should their parents' mentality. It is normal to fight occasionally. Parents should reconcile in the middle, not reprimand.
As for the trick of playing the good COP and the bad COP, parents should be able to. You can even unite them against one of their parents and make them feel that they are on the same side. . . Cover each other up, and feelings heat up.
Let them do more things that need Qi Xin to work together to deepen brotherhood.
If you go deeper, you need parents to study more, and you can read some books about children's psychology to grasp children's thoughts and mentality.
I have always believed that education is not only for children to learn, but also for parents, because children can't control their behavior well, and parents are the best teachers and role models for children. Parents' behavior is imitated by children, and how parents deal with their own problems will become a template for children to deal with their own problems in the future.
How can a bowl of water be even! Born as a man, everyone is an independent individual. There are no two identical leaves in the world. Everyone has different perceptions, feelings and preferences about people or things. One of the two children will make you like it better. What you should consider is not how to level this bowl of water, but how not to spill it.
Raise children first and then raise yourself, and be a better self and a better mother with you.
Before planning to have a second child, many parents will categorically say: "Treat Dabao and Bauer equally, and a bowl of water is flat. With Bauer, you must not ignore Dabao. " However, after Bauer was born, many people were completely beaten in the face. Although many parents really want to "make a bowl of water flat", it seems difficult to balance it when they really do it. After the second child, can you really achieve "a bowl of water is flat"? Many treasure moms shared their real thoughts:
A mother: the eldest son is 4 years old, and the youngest daughter 1 year and a half.
"Before giving birth to a second child, I told my husband that there must be no two treasures, so I will reduce my love for Dabao by half. As a result, after Bauer's daughter was born, my husband and I were both beaten in the face.
Unconsciously favoring their daughter.
For example, our son is naughty and our daughter is cute, so we can't help but say in front of our son how cute your sister is. Why are you so naughty and unhappy when you have too many sons? For example, if you buy clothes for your daughter, you will find them beautiful and lovely in buy buy. When buying clothes for my son, it is good to have a high cost performance ... "
B Mom: The eldest son is 2 years old and the youngest son is 3 months old.
A bowl of water is flat, easier said than done.
After Bauer was born, we were afraid that Dabao would affect Bauer's sleep, so Dad Bao and I slept alone with the baby. Bauer is young, so I have to focus more on taking care of Bauer. Sometimes I'm really ashamed of Dabao. After all, Dabao is only a two-year-old baby ... "
C mother: the eldest daughter is 5 years old and the youngest son is 1 year old.
"I always thought my daughter was old and sensible, so I always hoped that she could make way for her younger brother and help take care of him ... until one day, she asked me if I had a younger brother, and I stopped loving her. I realized that I couldn't even make a bowl of water ..."
Although the back of the hand is full of meat, the meat in the palm seems to be thicker, more delicate and more precious than the back of the hand. Even Ma Bao quipped:
"The palm of your hand is meat and the back of your hand is skin."
Parents who have two treasures at home can't do "a bowl of water is flat". What's the effect on their children?
1, one tends to be arrogant and the other suppresses inferiority.
Children who are doted on by their parents tend to be fond of and arrogant, and it is easy to form a self-centered character under the love of their parents. Another child, who is often neglected by his parents, may feel unloved, easily insecure, and even prone to depression, depression and inferiority, thus easily forming a taciturn and introverted character.
It is difficult for children to unite, and brothers and sisters are also indifferent.
Parents' eccentric behavior can easily lead to difficulties in unity and harmony between children and neglect of brotherhood. Just like the TV series "Everything is Fine" which was very popular before, Su Mu sacrificed his daughter to fulfill his son again and again, and the wronged daughter was resentful and dissatisfied, which eventually directly led to the brothers and sisters becoming strangers, and the feelings between brothers and sisters were like a mess.
There are two treasures at home. How do parents achieve "a bowl of water is flat"?
1, don't compare two children.
Just like "every child has his own advantages and disadvantages", we parents really shouldn't compare two children, especially don't compare the advantages of one child with the disadvantages of the other. Don't favor good children just because one child is good and the other is naughty.
Treat things equally, not people.
Whether rewarding or punishing children, we should pay attention to the same treatment, not targeting people, at least let both children feel fair and feel that their parents love them equally.
Don't always let Dabao accommodate Bao Xiao.
Don't say "You are a brother/sister, let your brother/sister …" In this case, Dabao is just a child, and parents sometimes need to "protect the big and not the small" to help establish the prestige of the big brother and sister, so as to better guide Dabao to love Bao Xiao and help Dabao and Bauer establish a harmonious and friendly brotherhood.
In fact, every child has different needs at different stages of growth, and we may not be able to distribute our energy and feelings equally to each child. However, in order for the two children to grow up healthily and live in harmony and friendship in the future, we should move in the direction of "a bowl of water is flat", instead of clearly realizing that the balance in our hearts is biased, favoring one child and ignoring the other, but not adjusting it in time and allowing ourselves to continue to be eccentric.
Do not use a bowl of water.
Just be nice to the boss. Love the boss well, and the boss will naturally take care of his younger brothers and sisters.
There are two children at home. It is most important for parents to create an environment of mutual help and friendship and form an independent and harmonious lifestyle.
Therefore, parents should first have a correct attitude: we are a collective, and everyone has responsibilities at different stages and also has the obligation to help each other. Don't worry about fair giving, the focus is on what responsibilities and obligations children of different ages need to bear.
Some parents will face this problem. The boss will always complain that he has done too much. He will also dislike his younger brother pestering himself. He will argue that his younger brother has no worries about food and clothing. The root cause of this problem is that parents' guidance to their children is unclear and their sense of standards is wrong.
For example:
Two children from a friend's house, the younger likes beef and the older likes pig's trotters. When she buys food and cooks, she often buys beef for her children unconsciously. Then the boss makes a suggestion: Why do you only cook the dishes your brother likes? It is such a simple daily behavior that makes the boss feel that mother likes her brother better.
What's wrong with the example here?
1. Mother subconsciously wants her brother to eat more, have a good appetite and grow up;
2. Mom habitually ignores the preferences of the boss, or thinks that the younger one should care more;
Mother didn't realize that this is a problem, which will cause prejudice to children. Maybe she thinks the boss is not sensible and doesn't know how to take care of his brother.
The important thing is that the mother didn't communicate with the boss, which led the children to misunderstand her behavior.
I believe that many parents will have similar situations in their daily lives. If the mother communicates with the child in advance, it is as follows:
Dabao, my brother has a bad appetite these days and can't keep up with nutrition. Shall we make him some beef he likes, so that he won't grow taller in the future? ...
This kind of communication is to put yourself and your brother on the same level and care about the growth of your brother together. I believe ordinary children will understand and agree. After long-term training, your brother will naturally put himself in the right position, not only for his brother, but also for others. Behavior habits.
Mother can't ignore her brother's preferences, and then tell him: We haven't eaten pig's trotters for a long time, so let dad stew them for you next weekend.
In this way, the boss can feel the independent care of his parents and give him some expectations.
Therefore, it is not that parents want a bowl of water to be flat, but that they should consciously communicate and guide so that children can understand and make choices and decisions.
Back to the core of the problem, there are more than two children at home. Parents should first correct their attitudes and create a growing environment of mutual help and love for their children. It is necessary to clarify their respective responsibilities and obligations, and to communicate and guide them well.
The prejudice of many children's growth is caused by their parents' self-belief that this is not a problem, and there is no explanation and response.
Learn early education and enlightenment, be an excellent parent, and accompany children to grow up well. Cai Ya enlightens and focuses on family growth education, hoping to help more parents get rid of anxiety.
The two boys in our family are three years apart and usually play well together. I never said that their brother had to let their younger brothers fight often, and it would be good after the fight. My two sons say they are all the same. They usually buy and eat the same things, and their clothes and shoes are similar. In fact, children are very sensitive, just make everything exactly the same at ordinary times.
Can't do it. The palm is always more fleshy than the back of the hand. Even if it feels good to be yourself again, children will always feel that adults are biased. Everyone loves different people in different ways, and the other person feels different, more or less. Try to be fair and discuss things with your children. Try not to think that I can, but let everyone think that I can. It's really annoying [yi tooth]
Two children are two individuals, with different personalities and ages, and their needs are naturally different. It cannot be simply concluded that two individuals are 1+ 1=2. Remember, they are always greater than 2, so parents need more care and attention. There is no absolute fairness, as long as the children are healthy and happy.
Don't shake hands or put the bowl on the table.