Don't blame the child at will, don't blame the child for what he did wrong, but tell him why it was wrong and how to do it right. If you want to punish, the punishment strategy should be consistent. For example, if you eat badly, just stand in the corner for ten minutes. If you can't eat well today, coax him to finish eating with sugar, and beat him if you can't eat well tomorrow. Everything is based on your own mood. For children, a predictable environment is the source of security.
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Children have no sense of security, what should parents do?
Spend more time.
Go and play with him.
Take him out for a walk by playing games.
Let the children feel concerned.
Children have no sense of security, what should parents do? 1. Performance-dependent personality disorder is a common personality disorder in daily life. The American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines the characteristics of dependent personality as: 1. You can't make decisions in daily affairs without getting a lot of advice and assurances from others. 2. Feeling helpless, let others make the most important decisions for themselves, such as where to live and what career to choose. 3. sense of abandonment. Knowing that others are wrong, I also agree, because I am afraid of being abandoned by others. 4. asexual, it is difficult to plan or do things alone. 5. Excessive tolerance, willing to do some low-level or unwilling things in order to please others. 6. When you are alone, you feel uncomfortable and helpless, or try your best to escape loneliness. 7. When the intimate relationship is terminated, I feel helpless or collapsed. 8. I am often tortured by the idea of being abandoned. 9. It is easy to get hurt because you are not praised or criticized. As long as the above five characteristics are met, it can be diagnosed as dependent personality. Dependent personality has an excessive desire for closeness and belonging, which is compulsive, blind and irrational and has nothing to do with real feelings. A person with dependent personality would rather give up his personal interests and outlook on life, as long as he can find a backer, he can always get the warmth of others. This lifestyle of dependent personality makes him more and more lazy and fragile, lacking autonomy and creativity. Because of being wronged everywhere, patients with dependent personality disorder will become more and more depressed, which makes him unable to do anything for himself or have any personal hobbies. Honey, a psychologist, points out that this type of person has several characteristics when relying on it: (1) She deeply feels weak and helpless, and has a feeling of "I know the sand is pitiful". When it comes to making up your own mind, you feel helpless, just like a boat lost in the harbor, a girl who lost her godmother. (2) Take it for granted that others are better, more attractive and more capable than themselves. (3) Unconsciously, I tend to judge myself by other people's opinions. Dependent personality originated in the early stage of human development. Children can't live without their parents in childhood. Parents who protect him, nurture him and meet all his needs are omnipotent in the child's impression. He must rely on them, and he always loses this protector. At this time, if parents spoil their children too much, encourage them to rely on their parents and deprive them of the opportunity to grow up and stand on their own feet. Over time, children will gradually rely on the authority in their parents' or children's minds, and they will still be unable to make their own decisions in adulthood. Lack of self-confidence, always relying on others to make decisions, unable to bear the responsibility of choosing and adopting various tasks and jobs for life, forming a dependent personality. Such examples are common in life, and there is a well-known folk story that is very representative. There was a couple who had a happy son in their later years. They regard their son as the apple of their eye. If you hold it in your hand, you are afraid of flying, but if you hold it in your mouth, you are afraid of melting. They won't let him do anything. When their son grows up, he can't even take care of himself. One day, the couple were going out of town, and my uncle's son starved to death, so he thought of a way, branded a big cake, put it around his neck, and told him to take a bite when he wanted to eat it. When they got home, their son had starved to death. It turns out that he only knows how to eat the cake in front of his neck, but he doesn't know how to turn the cake in the back. This story is a bit ironic, but similar phenomena in real life can't be justified, especially now most families are only children, and parents, grandparents and grandparents regard them as treasures. Children rely heavily on their relatives in their daily lives, which leads to poor self-care ability when they grow up. A newspaper once reported that a student was admitted to study abroad, but the student was afraid at the thought that no one would wash his clothes and take care of his life after going abroad, and finally had to give up the opportunity to go abroad. A survey of 100 primary and middle school students by Tianjin Youth Working Committee shows that 510.9% students' daily necessities and learning tools are arranged by their parents. There are 74.4% students who are helpless without their parents in life and study; Only 13.4% students occasionally do simple housework, which is really worrying. From the above, we can see that if we don't pay attention to the one-child education at present, some children are likely to form dependent personality, which will affect their personal future and the development of a generation and even the fate of the whole country. Second, the treatment method The following methods can be used to treat dependent personality disorder: 1. Habit correction. Dependent behavior of dependent personality has become a habit, and the treatment must first get rid of this bad habit. Check which behaviors you are habitually dependent on others and which are futile. You can keep records every day for a week, and then summarize these events every Monday according to the three levels of strong, medium and poor self-awareness. For events with strong self-awareness, you should insist on doing it yourself in the future when you encounter similar situations. For example, if you wear bright clothes to work one day as you wish, then you should insist on wearing bright clothes to work in the future, and don't give up because of other people's gossip until you no longer like wearing such clothes. Although these things are small, they are the breakthrough point for you to correct your bad habits. For events with moderate self-awareness, you should propose improvement methods and gradually implement them in future actions. For example, when you make a work plan, you listen to your friends' opinions, but you don't appreciate them, so you should tell your friends the reasons why you don't appreciate them. In this way, your own opinions are mixed into the work plan. With the increase of your own opinions, you can gradually change from listening to others' opinions to making your own decisions. For events with poor self-awareness, we can gradually strengthen and improve self-awareness by adopting precise control technology. Precise control method refers to adding self-created colors under the behavior required by others. For example, you know from your lover's hint that she likes roses, and you send her flowers, which seems to be suspected of completing the task. But after such things increase gradually, you will feel that doing so will also bring you happiness. If you offer to take your lover to the botanical garden at the weekend, or take your lover to see a flower arrangement performance, it proves that your sense of autonomy has been greatly strengthened. Dependence is not easy to eliminate. Once you get used to it, you will find it difficult to decide everything, and you may unconsciously go back to the old road. In order to prevent this from happening, the simple way is to find the supervisor, preferably the person you rely on most. 2. Rebuilding self-confidence method. If we simply break the habit of dependence without looking for the root cause, then dependence may recur. The way to rebuild self-confidence is to fundamentally correct it. Treat dependent personality disorder. The first step is to eliminate the bad marks of childhood. Dependent people lack self-confidence and low self-awareness, which is related to the traces of inferiority left in their hearts by poor education as children. You can recall what your parents, elders and friends said to you when you were a child, such as "You are too stupid to know anything." "Look at you, you are all thumbs. Let me help you. " Wait, you carefully sort out these words, then reconstruct them one by one and tell them to your friends and relatives, so that when you try to do something, they should not use these words to accuse you, but enthusiastically encourage and help you. The second step is to rebuild courage. You can choose to do something adventurous, do one thing a week, for example: take a short trip to a nearby scenic spot alone; A person goes to an entertainment or sets an "Independence Day" every week. No matter what happens, this day will not depend on others. By doing these things, you can increase your courage and change your weakness of relying on others for everything.
What if the child feels insecure? Parents should give their children good guidance.
Cultivate children's tough character.
Go into the children's inner world and make friends with them sincerely.
Parents are often the best role models and teachers for children, and a harmonious family is conducive to the healthy growth of children.
The child has been ill these days, so he went for an injection. The doctor said that your son's eyes are always timid and insecure. When I meet a stranger, I dare not look up into his eyes when I say hello. He just said: aunt is good, or uncle is good, and his eyes will look elsewhere. We asked him to look at each other, but he just looked away quickly. When he saw the child, he played with himself. He won't get his toy back unless someone else takes it. In other cases, he likes to play alone. At home, I will cry if I don't see my grandmother for a few minutes. When you visit a friend's house, you will cry for grandma as soon as you enter the door and see a strange environment. I cry when I sleep, and I wake up to see no one around me crying.
Xiaoman is three years old and more than seven months old, and she is growing in many aspects such as language expression and independent thinking, which makes Muman feel that this little guy is doing very well, but recently she has found that her courage is getting smaller and smaller-she is seriously insecure. Some time ago, Mamam felt that he could finally breathe a sigh of relief. It's easy for the little guy to get it when he's old. Many things can be done independently under the guidance of parents. For example, you don't have to feed your hands when eating, get up in the middle of the night to milk, go out without carrying your back, and sometimes you can ask her to do something for you. I feel really liberated. But in the past half a month, something is not normal. When you sleep at night, you must hold your mother's hand. "Mom, we must sleep hand in hand!" ""why? Mom is by your side, so you can sleep peacefully without holding hands. "But she insists on doing so, otherwise she can't sleep. Sometimes in my sleep, I will nervously grope around for where my mother is, make sure that my mother is around, put my little hand on her face or hands, and then fall asleep with confidence. If you can't find your mother's exact location, you will be very flustered. In severe cases, you will sit up and cry until your mother picks her up, and everything will be calm. For a long time, she had to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and would get up by herself. Mom just looked at her secretly. But these days, she has to get up to accompany her to the toilet, even sit on the urinal, and have to "hand in hand" and ask absently, "Mom, is our door locked? "Is there a double lock?" A man's insecurity makes his mother very uneasy. My poor child is easily injured. There is a reason for the diffusivity. It was after nine o'clock in the morning half a month ago. The sleeping mother and mommy were awakened by the sound in the living room. Xiaoman's first reaction was that there were guests at home. Curiously, she ran out of the bedroom barefoot, but after a few seconds, she ran back and said nervously, "Mom, there are some people coming, and they won't leave." At this time, grandma's voice came from the living room: "Let's miss our hearts. Not much, just ten dollars. " On hearing this, the kind mother already knew what had happened, and she was still wearing pajamas ... so let Man close the room door quickly in case someone rushed in. After a while, Grandma Man knocked at the door and said, "They said they had too little money to leave. I do not have the change. Do you have twenty dollars? " ..... and then those people left. The thing is this: we believe in Buddhism in Chaoshan area, and some people use the guise of Buddhism to collect "donations" to repair temples or "add oil". A few years ago, when the public security was chaotic, some robbers used the same excuse to enter some houses guarded by the elderly and ransacked them ... Now our vigilance has increased, and we will not easily open the door for these people, so they have no choice. But that day, when the doorbell rang, my aunt, who had just returned home from the countryside, thought that there were some guests in our house. Without saying anything, she warmly welcomed these "gentle beggars" into the door, so she staged a farce of "refusing is still difficult" Fortunately, the other three people don't eat much, (maybe they haven't found out the situation at home yet and dare not do anything. ) tens of dollars were sent away. Afterwards, we told menstruation the seriousness of this matter and told her not to open the door to strangers casually. This is no different from the simple countryside, where unexpected things may happen ... When we state these things, we ignore that Xiaoman has been listening carefully ... Muman never dreamed that it would cast a shadow over Xiaoman's psychology! Before going to bed that night, she asked Manma, "Is our burglar-proof door locked?" Mamam thinks that the events in the morning played an educational role and made her more alert. I didn't realize she was afraid at all! When she goes out with Mamam, she will ask Mamam to check whether the door is locked. When she goes to the market to buy food, she will also hold her mother's hand, and sometimes she will add: "Slaves (children) love their mothers when they go out, and don't let people take them away." (Chaoshan dialect: When going out, children must stay with their mothers to prevent being tied away. ) ..... Maman is really a serious dereliction of duty! Many details of life show that Xiaoman needs his mother's timely guidance. She has been afraid, she lacks security! However, Mamam just ignored it, which caused her to worry a lot and lack confidence before doing many things! These days, before going to bed every night, Mamam would clap her little hand, kiss her little face and tell her, "We are safe. Mom is by your side. There is nothing to be afraid of. " She nodded. But "holding hands" to sleep has become a habit, and she still insists on doing so. Mother told her that when she grows up, she will sleep alone. It's not good to sleep hand in hand with her mother. "Why can't I sleep with you when I grow up?" Xiaoman is puzzled. "You see dad grew up, he won't sleep with grandma. Mom doesn't sleep with her grandparents anymore. I stopped sleeping with my mother when I grew up. You have to sleep by yourself. " "Then why did dad sleep in a bed with you? Why doesn't he sleep by himself? " Men think it is unfair. Dizzy! "Mom and dad are husband and wife, sleeping together. When you grow up and get married, the same is true! " After thinking for a while, I said "Oh" and then added: "I want to sleep hand in hand with my mother!" How can we get the little guy out of the shadows as soon as possible and be a fearless and brave girl? alas
What if the child feels insecure? You should love your children! Don't always beat and scold children.
What if the child feels insecure? The main reason for children's insecurity is related to the living environment, especially the incorrect guidance of family members.
In the study of early education, "Daddy hugs!" "Mom, don't go." "Do you want me?" I believe many parents can hear this sentence from their children. This is a direct manifestation of children's insecurity. So why on earth do our children feel insecure? Improper parents' speech is one of the main reasons for children's insecurity.
Performance 1: "Mom (Dad) doesn't want you!" Such words often appear when children are disobedient. Many parents like to use such words to intimidate unruly children. Although this is just an angry remark, it is easy to have a bad influence on many children with weak understanding. For many children whose thinking has just begun to develop, their understanding ability is very limited, so they can't tell the truth of their parents' words, so some children will believe it after hearing this sentence, and their reaction is to cry and make a scene, even if they don't cry, they will have a threatening expression. If the child has such a reaction, parents had better calm down at once, because this sentence has affected the child's sense of security.
Performance 2: "You were not born by us, but picked up." Many early education teachers believe that it is common for children to ask "Where am I from", but some parents often answer such jokes. Maybe parents don't think it is necessary to answer their children's questions seriously, but it is actually a kind of harm to children. Careful parents only need to observe carefully, and children often have unhappy expressions after listening to this answer.
Performance 3: I don't cry in kindergarten, but I always cry at home or when I go out with my parents. Some children go to kindergarten, where they cooperate with their teachers and don't cry much. It seems that they are still in love with kindergarten. But what puzzles parents is that children who behave well in kindergarten will become very anxious when they are with their parents, for fear that their parents will leave them, and sometimes they will cry and make a scene. In fact, this is a manifestation of children's insecurity. When children depend on someone, they feel insecure about that person. When children have adapted to the kindergarten lifestyle, they know that it is necessary to go to kindergarten and be separated from their mothers. This is an unchangeable fact. Therefore, most children will temporarily put down their unhappiness and devote themselves to activities, but it doesn't mean that they don't have negative emotions in their hearts, just that their parents can't see them. When children are with their parents, their negative emotions will be released, especially when parents are too sensitive and take care of their children too much.
Performance 4: "If you don't behave yourself again, I'll give you two slaps." Parents are always annoyed when their children are disobedient, so they often use this sentence to scare their children. Children are their own treasures. If you really want to fight, you will not be afraid of this sentence after a long time. Some children even begin to giggle at angry parents, which makes you laugh and cry.
Experts believe that educating children must be trustworthy. Don't break your word, or it will affect your parents' prestige after a long time. When your children treat your education as a joke, it means that your education for your children has failed. In addition, some children are afraid to say a word when they hear this sentence. Don't think that your education is successful. This actually means that children have a panic mentality, fearing that disobedience will cause their parents to resent themselves and make them feel insecure. How to find a child's sense of security? Maybe you will say, now my baby has the above performance.
So how do you find your baby's sense of security? To make the baby feel safe, the most important thing is to make the family atmosphere full of harmony and warmth. In such a family atmosphere, the baby will naturally not have panic. If parents often beat and scold their children or husband and wife often quarrel, it is very harmful to their physical and mental development. In addition, we are confident that we should give our children enough care and express our love for them. After a long time, the child's insecurity will gradually disappear. Also, more contact with the outside world, such as going outdoors and participating in some early education and parent-child activities, are all good ways to make your baby feel safe. In particular, children's sense of security cannot be cultivated overnight, so parents should not be too hasty.
What should a 3-year-old child do if he feels insecure? "Insecurity" can't be solved with more company. You must design more games or activities, and some things must be played or done by two people together, which will make him feel that you can cooperate; The rest can be played by themselves. You can leave and come back at the appointed time to make him think you are "reliable". Constantly enhancing mutual trust is an element to enhance the sense of security.