In fact, there is nothing wrong with children, mainly because children and you are born with different temperament.
Nowadays, most families have only one child, so it is not easy for parents to observe the natural temperament of different children. However, in our own family, it is easy to see that the same parents, the same family environment and the same educational methods have different performances for children, such as learning, interpersonal communication, emotional handling and playing with toys. , are all different. Take playing with toys as an example. Some children can sit still when they are very young, play for a long time, and pay attention. They can play with one again and again. Some children want to play with their mothers or interact with their fathers after playing for a while. In short, he must be accompanied by someone to be happier.
Baby's temperament prototype The so-called child's natural temperament is actually the child's personality prototype. Every child's personality has been stereotyped from birth and can hardly be changed. With the growth of children's age, the influence of parents, relatives, teachers, family and social environment will make children show socialization. The socialized elements added the day after tomorrow will not bring energy to children if they do not conform to their original temperament or deviate from their original temperament. On the contrary, it will violate the child's personality, which will lead to the child's inability to get a happy mood and experience when doing these reactions, and the life energy will not be replenished, and even very valuable life energy will be consumed, which may be caused after serious siltation. Therefore, it is very important to understand the child's original temperament, conform to the child's temperament prototype, and let the child live in a way that allows him to stretch himself, handle affairs, and establish interpersonal relationships with people around him that can gain energy. In early childhood, because there is no social influence, just like a blank sheet of paper, it is easier to see the original temperament type of children.
There are four natural qualities: optimism, melancholy, radicalism and calmness.
"Lotte type" they have a wide range of interests, are very interested in everything and are very curious. Emotions will be rich, and you will be a master of interpersonal communication. You can get a pleasant experience from interpersonal communication and replenish the energy of daily life in the process. I care about the relationship with the people around me, and I have the advantage of interpersonal communication. It seems that I know how to deal with people naturally, and it is easy to get others' love. Like to enjoy life, eager to be affirmed. But it is easy to be impulsive and impetuous, and give up halfway.
"Radical" has a strong sense of purpose, a firm will and is easy to achieve. Be brave and decisive, do things without fear of difficulties, stick to the end and be easy to achieve. But sometimes too stubborn, impatient, arrogant and complacent. This kind of child's personality characteristics are decisive, unique leadership, sense of direction, ability to find the way and the ability to find their own goals. At the same time, the "radical" child has a particularly good face and needs others to give him face.
"Melancholy type" they observe things and people very carefully. This kind of observation is effortless, as if they can naturally see through people's hearts and feel the emotions and superficial intentions of people around them; However, unlike "happy" babies, melancholy babies feel more bad intentions or sad emotions from people around them.
They often do things after careful consideration, are very sensitive to other people's comments, and often do not confidently capture whether there are signs of degradation in other people's words. At the same time, they are highly concentrated examples and hold a perfectionist attitude towards various goals.
Because of the pursuit of perfection, "melancholy" children easily feel that their behavior is not good enough. Once you encounter setbacks or see other children better than yourself, you will fall into depression. So it is difficult for this type of children to face failure.
"Melancholy" children have extremely high demands on themselves and hold high standards for their parents, teachers and friends. So few friends can be recognized by them. Because of their critical thinking, it is easy to see the shortcomings of things around them. Over time, friends will feel the pressure of perfectionists and stay away from them.
"Calm type" They have a wide range of interests and are very interested and curious about everything. Emotions will be rich, and you will be a master of interpersonal communication. You can get a pleasant experience from interpersonal communication and replenish the energy of daily life in the process. I care about the relationship with the people around me, and I have the advantage of interpersonal communication. It seems that I know how to deal with people naturally, and it is easy to get others' love. Like to enjoy life, eager to be affirmed. But it is easy to be impulsive and impetuous, and give up halfway.
Everyone's nature is unique, and every child has more than one temperament tendency. In fact, every child has four temperament tendencies, but the proportion is different. For example, a child is 70% warm-blooded, 15% depressed, 10% radical and 5% calm. Because the proportion of "warm blood" is the highest, we will say that this child is warm-blooded.
How to make children develop better according to their nature, parents should guide them according to their daily behavior. We must find ways to do it: be good at discovering children's natural characteristics and cultivate them for a long time.
For example, "happy children" are masters of interpersonal communication. They need to be with others to be happiest and gain energy from this happy interaction. Therefore, such children, when cultivating hobbies, must have elements of communication with others, and language training is very suitable for this natural child. Parents must find ways to dig out the specialties suitable for children's nature and cultivate them, so that children can gradually accumulate and develop in their own advantages and the places where they are most likely to excel. At the same time, children will be relaxed in this process and will be more comfortable to do. Even if you encounter various difficulties, you will face them calmly. If the child's specialty is cultivated in place, he can use this trait and advantage in his own work in the future. In the process of cultivating children's specialties, parents must continue to follow up and be good helpers for children. It is best to provide in-depth personal counseling.
Parents should not cultivate according to their own wishes and let go of their desire for control.
Some parents are "calm" and want their children to be gentle, especially some parents want their daughters to be as safe and gentle as ladies or princesses. Children, on the other hand, are naturally "happy-go-lucky", lively and active, like fighting with friends, full of enthusiasm, like playing outdoors and enjoying life. If parents keep such a child indoors and let her do quiet things, she will be very uncomfortable, unable to stretch and unable to gain energy from such activities. This is not what a "hot-blooded" child wants, and it will not be enjoyable. Therefore, in the process of raising children, parents must carefully observe their children's nature, don't cultivate according to their own wishes, and don't take it for granted that children must be and should be.
Tips for raising children with different personalities
This type of children pay special attention to the interaction with the people around them, establish a good parent-child relationship with their children, and actively guide them after gaining the trust of their children under the accumulation of feelings. Such a child should be taught to make a timetable at an early age, so that he has the opportunity to make choices and learn to make his own decisions. Teach him how to collect information, how to make judgments and how to be responsible for himself. Melancholy tips help children build strong emotional management ability and establish a benign model of emotional counseling. This type of children usually prefer quiet to sports. Parents need to cultivate their children's love for sports and nature from an early age. Exercise can make children energetic and in good mental state, promote the secretion of dopamine, and make children feel more about exercise. Unlike "happy" and "radical" children's natural love for sports and nature, parents can guide "melancholy" children to observe the details of nature or sports, so that they can realize the parts of sports and nature that are in line with their own personality, thus falling in love with sports and nature, getting relaxed and peaceful, and then getting the energy needed for life. In this way, when children are depressed when they grow up, they will have a good emotional adjustment model.
Accept imperfections, learn to let go and let go. Guide children to see the advantages of others and understand that everything is imperfect, and the advantages and disadvantages of any individual are closely related. Accept the imperfection of people or things frankly, let go of yourself and others.
Radical tricks help children to establish a correct moral concept and right and wrong concept, and parents should let go of their desire for control. Giving them enough face will be the secret to guide such children. When parents want their children to do things or make choices according to their own suggestions, they will explain their intentions with respect and tenderness, and consult their children to make a decision. At this time, "radical" children often readily agree because their self-esteem is satisfied.
Parents should accept their children's slow pace from the heart, wait patiently for their children to grow up at their own pace, and give more affirmation to their performance. When "cool" children are exposed to new things, they need to be given enough time to get to know them, and don't rush them. For example, if you go to an early education class, a calm child will not join the group immediately and start interacting with the teacher. They will often observe teachers and other children until they are familiar with the environment and understand the rules of the game. Parents can arrange for "cool-headed" children to arrive at the classroom half an hour in advance, so that they have enough time to observe and get familiar with it, so as to better integrate.
We must encourage them to express their feelings more, so that people around children can know more about their ideas and reduce misunderstandings and contradictions.
Parents and children with two different temperament prototypes are more likely to cause parenting conflicts. 1. "Calm" parents and "radical" children
"Radical" children can't tolerate their parents controlling themselves, while "calm" parents are used to doing things step by step after careful consideration, and are often used to controlling their children to do things according to their own plans and steps. The conflict caused by this temperament prototype is very likely in this kind of family. As "cool-headed" parents, they need to fully understand their children's thoughts, consciously exercise themselves to let go and let their children make more decisions.
For example, when learning to swim, "radical" children often go swimming in the swimming pool without any protection, while "calm" parents prefer to take their children to observe the environment of the swimming pool first, understand the swimming course, and ask the coach to train their children to learn a stroke before agreeing to let them swim by themselves.
2. "radical" parents and "melancholy" children
"Radical" parents generally have a successful career, are very independent, tenacious, have high self-management efficiency, have natural leadership skills, and are used to being leaders; For children's education, we should take our own social experience as the educational criterion. Because we are used to being recognized, we can't feel the emotions of "melancholy" children when they encounter setbacks, and we can't understand their habitual introspection. "Melancholy" children need the patience of their parents to comfort and guide them, so as to accumulate the courage to try again. "Radical" parents need to see the difference between their children and themselves, accept their children's emotional change process, firmly and patiently support their children to get out of setbacks and help them release their emotions in a positive way.