1. How do we overestimate ourselves and underestimate our children?
-Stereotyped that we need education to guide children, but ignore their independent personality!
The child is an independent individual. This sentence is not just an oral statement. All parents have experience. Suddenly one day, your children will be great! It's not just progress, but an independent and unique point of view, which contains truth and shocks you! Children have their own independent thinking ability, but many of us adults set too many rules and regulations, artificially cutting off the process of exploration and extension.
Once upon a time, a young mother living in America put forward such a similar scene.
Two children fight.
In China, the teacher's method is: criticize first, it is wrong to hit people, and then call both of them to finish criticizing. As a result, what did the children gain? Encounter unfair things-endure, or simply go to the teacher to complain!
In the United States, the same result: American kindergarten teachers actually ignore it, and finally Chinese mothers directly ask-why don't you care about your children? American mother told him that competition and struggle between children are inevitable, and it is much better for them to learn to get along and communicate in the competition. It is nothing to fight twice, which is better than suppressing and preventing them from conflict from the beginning! When they know it hurts, they will know that there will be better communication methods in the future, not just conflicts!
Children learn in life and conflict, which is the most efficient growth!
Strong children will survive with a strong style, and weaker children will be forced to seek other means of survival to maintain a low position in the environment. Look! In fact, children learn to communicate with others and solve contradictions through fighting!
Fight-this is instinct! If you haven't moved, you won't think of a better way to deal with conflicts! Only when it hurts will you know! We often stop this process at the beginning of a conflict.
When I was young, children were full of curiosity about everything! So I want to touch water and fire with my little hands;
Go and play with the dirty water on the ground. You may stop him because it is too dirty!
Playing with fire will stop it more. It is too dangerous!
However, how many parents will continue to provide a suitable environment for their children to get close to clean water after dealing with dirty water; Even let him take the initiative to touch the weak flame until he understands that it will be very hot or painful; I'll remember that-don't touch it next time!
Second, why are some children obedient and some disobedient?
-Parents have different education, and children don't grow up!
Gentle and practical parents are easy to cultivate obedient children! -He experienced everything he experienced, including the tenderness of water and the damage of fire! Without blocked energy and repressed consciousness, you can calmly deal with various problems in life.
Those parents who are strong and arbitrary can easily cultivate rebellious children! He hasn't experienced anything yet. In his later life, he will fight for every opportunity to resist, just for more experience! Of course, he may grow up and even forget. He just feels that his little interests have not been met, which gives birth to so many serious people, tangled and struggling!
Extended thinking of psychology;
Why are there so many interpersonal conflicts and contradictions in society now? I didn't play enough when I was a child. What I learned from fighting is not direct competition, but using language to slander and complain behind my back, so corporate politics becomes complicated ~
Although it is a small struggle, it is already a child learning basic survival and communication skills! When a learning process is interrupted, not only is there no gain, but also some bad by-products, that is, repressed emotions and fighting spirit will be vented in other ways in a stronger or even distorted form! Of course, if there are super excellent parents and teachers, it may also lead them to positive energy! But now that fighting is banned, how many parents will know?
Third, what should I do to respect children's independent personality?
Children have great potential and develop independently in life. Through specific exercises, such as life basic ability exercise, facial features exercise, intellectual exercise (language, mathematics, science) and other forms, the foundation of a sound personality is formed. In a suitable environment, children learn to respect others, accept others, share their knowledge and skills, and even learn from leaders to deal with conflicts.
Charlotte mason was a famous British educator in the early 20th century, and also the founder of the "Home of Education". Her core point of view is that a child is a "person" with all the possibilities and abilities of development, and the purpose of education is to make children live in contact with natural life and thoughts as much as possible. Children should be educated as independent individuals, rather than nerds who just reach for clothes and live within their means.
The respected Montessori also said: To educate children, we should "take children as the center, oppose the adult teaching concept, and regard children as independent individuals different from adults. Taking children as the center is different from taking teachers as the center in traditional preschool education. Teachers and parents are no longer authoritative roles in issuing numbers, but in the objective position of "helping children grow up in life", designing and guiding children to learn independently. Through inspiration and induction, children will be willing to think freely and automatically, and their intelligence and physical fitness will continue to grow.
Do it!
A "children's world" centered on children and able to "be yourself" independently.
From small tables and chairs to small toys, everything is within the controllable range and height of children. It can be more active and can accomplish this goal without the help of adults! Reminiscent of the era of apes and gorillas today, their children did not live in various environments built by adults. At this point, young gorillas may grow up more easily! On the contrary, in the modern civilized social environment, there are too many "artificial" environments in our environment, which makes children have to rely on such talents. The buildings are getting higher and higher, which makes our children more and more daunting.
2. Sufficient teaching aids have been provided.
Children learn by their senses. The more good things are provided to them, the more they can stimulate their inner potential. Design an environment suitable for children's growth, provide rich teaching materials (including natural and humanistic), and induce children's interest in autonomous learning. From toys to paper and pens, they are all reduced according to children's models, which makes children easier to use, which invisibly encourages active exploration and learning.
3. Education without "teaching"
Contrary to the traditional teacher-centered cramming education, it advocates that children should actively contact, learn and form wisdom through a good learning environment and bright and rich teaching AIDS. Children's learning is not something that adults think should be learned, but the direction of "discovering children's talents" in advance! Everyone's genetic and biological basis is different, and the family environment in which they were born is also different. The edification and education he received determined that each child's characteristics and advantages were different. If you rely on childhood regrets and hope to achieve it through children, it is simply cruel! -the child is not yours, not mine, or even social at first. He is an independent spiritual embryo. We should respect this existence first, and then give full play to his skills!
4. Grasp the sensitive period of learning.
Children aged 0-6 will have various "sensitive periods" for different things at different growth stages. Montessori's scientific pre-school education law emphasizes mastering children's "sensitive period" and giving them proper learning. Montessori education has a set of learning tools with unlimited educational value. This learning tool makes use of the sensitivity of children's feelings, and through the teaching AIDS that children can operate, children can explore easily and happily in the operation, and absorb many abstract concepts in the exploration. Respect the characteristics of children's repeated practice. All children with learning tools can operate repeatedly to meet their physical and psychological needs.
Parents who have studied early education will know that children's abilities have different breaking points at different ages. Grasping these flashpoints can guide the development of children's ability well!
Teachers are in the position of assisting enlightenment, and parents are the real key.
Teachers must give up the traditional self-righteous way of education, and give timely help and guidance to children, so that children can become the main body of education and use their brains and wisdom. Children's education is not limited to a certain corner of the school, and the influence of the whole social environment is everywhere. In the parent-child class of Beloved Paradise, parents can not only learn advanced teaching concepts and methods, but also take their babies to class together to enhance parent-child feelings in the course.
If you are the first teacher of paternalistic children, then to learn to love children, you must first learn to let go of your sense of respect, respect children and let them develop in their own way. Taking children as the center requires us to be less critical of values, less critical of morality and more warm of love! Children are not the objects of our education, but independent individuals who share their lives with us!
Fourth, these behaviors of parents damage the independent personality of children.
Don't do this!
First of all, command everything from top to bottom.
Parents are high above, with a dignified face, commanding everything of their children. You must study hard and give me the college entrance examination. Your future, obey my design. Psychological prediction: after several years, children will not make decisions when they leave their parents, and will become * * * or often rebellious.
Second, love deeply and care too much.
Treat children as the apple of your eye and give them special protection. Eat with your mouth open, your clothes reach out, eat with class and wear famous brands. You just need to study, and you don't have to do any work. Even if the children should do and have the ability, they will be replaced by their parents. Psychological prediction: in a few years, when I grow up to deal with life problems, like a big child, I will only enjoy it, not be grateful, and kick the ball when I encounter difficulties!
Third, the motto is first, impose your own values and morality on your children.
Some parents mistake "cultivation" for education and ask their children to follow the code of conduct of adults, because one day their children will become adults, but they ignore their personality and characteristics. Many things require children to do according to the requirements of memory without asking the reason. Criticism is not negotiable! Psychological prediction: after a few years, adults often live with inferiority complex, even if no one criticizes them, they will uglify themselves! When you encounter problems, you will attribute all the reasons to the outside, lacking a definite view.
To love children, we should use "love to teach" instead of "tutor". As long as you really have love in your heart, you will respect your children instead of focusing on your own thoughts. Observe children, understand children, and then master their characteristics and guide them.
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