My friend told me a few things depressed. Her child lost his temper this morning.

In the morning, the child slept too hard, didn't hear the alarm clock and overslept. When he came, the child screamed, "Why didn't anyone wake me up! Time is too late! "

Finally, I repeatedly urged the children to get up and clean up. The child is going to school. The mother forgot to fill the child's kettle with water, and the child was very angry. "Why don't you fetch water for me?" Time is too late! "

Mother put the kettle on the table and didn't put the cup in the side of the child's bag. The child shouted, "Hurry up! I am going to be late! " In the eyes of children, there is only one reason for being late, that is, everything is not arranged by mother.

A friend said that there is only one child at home. Usually there is delicious food at home. All people choose the best food for their children, and the children eat it themselves. Mom won't give it to her if she wants it.

Every hard-working old mother revolves around her children every day and pays a lot for them. She still can't fall well, and the child loses his temper easily, and his temper is getting better every year.

So friends always complain about the "baiwenhang" at home and shake their heads again and again.

What is a baiwenhang? Some are ungrateful to their parents and rude. Some are old-fashioned, effeminate, selfish and incompetent. "I must give what I want, and my failure is all your fault." At this rate, the future prospects of our children will be excellent.

There is a saying on the Internet that pokes the hearts of countless parents:

The biggest sorrow of China's parents is that they have given everything, but they can't raise a grateful child.

Why did we all turn our children into baiwenhang in the end?

How to avoid cultivating children into "baiwenhang"? Be a scaffolding parent.

Why are children selfish and like to lose their temper?

That's because on the one hand, we spoil our children, resulting in their lack of exercise opportunities and ability to cope with difficulties. On the other hand, we punish them, causing them to shirk their responsibilities and not want to actively explore the possibility of the world.

We love children very much, but sometimes our love hurts them.

On the one hand, children want to get rid of our control, on the other hand, they develop the habitual thinking of "I can do whatever I want", which is self-centered.

So everyone will think that this child is selfish and doesn't care about other people's feelings. In fact, our parents didn't teach their children how to be grateful.

What is a scaffolding parent? Parents are like scaffolding for children. Scaffolding only has a framework and does not guide specific details, so we can support and assist children in time, but we don't let go or help them finish it by themselves.

For example, "helicopter parents" solve problems for their children anytime and anywhere, and even think that children are too slow to do it directly, so as to save trouble.

Teaching children things is too slow. It's too slow to teach you to sweep the floor, but it's still not clean Why don't I do it quickly and well?

"Scaffolding parents" are not for saving trouble, but for the growth of children. Even if educating children to spend more time and patience at this stage, they insist on only encouraging and guiding. It's a bit like an athlete's coach, who only instructs in a far place and doesn't leave the stage in person to grow up instead of the children.

How to make children good-tempered and unselfish? The positive subject magic book can bring you positive and feasible concrete methods.

Amy McCready, an early education expert in this book, is one of the advocates of active management theory. She has rich practical experience in active discipline for more than 20 years, so in this book, she summarizes 32 skills for cultivating children's good behavior. After reading this book, we can master the positive methods of discipline, be neither arrogant nor impetuous, and let the children bear the consequences themselves, so that the children will not become "baiwenhang".

Three practical principles of scaffolding parents and positive discipline.

First, you should never do what a child can do for him. The more you do for your child, the more selfish he will become.

Cultivating children is the process of cultivating children to grow independently. If you continue to interfere with his independent growth with love, you will certainly taste the consequences of children's "selfishness" to you. The child will feel more and more that you owe him for not helping him, because he is used to you doing it for him.

As I said before, the water in a friend's water cup is pumped by the mother in the morning, and the child will lose his temper when he is late. Mom would be angry and say, this child! But the next day, the mother couldn't help but fetch water for the child. Over time, fetching water became the mother's job. If it is not done in time, the child will still be adamant.

The child is fully capable of fetching water by himself. It is her responsibility to be late. Why can't she bear the responsibility of being late?

Actually, let's take a look, set the alarm clock, get up, fill the water, put the cup in and do our homework. Should this be about parents or children?

Why do we always change ancestors? As a result, children are constantly shirking their responsibilities, and children are becoming less and less able to do things and their temper is getting bigger and bigger.

Think clearly about this truth. Next time, please gently and politely remind the children that we won't help you fetch water unless the water is prepared in advance. We must stick to it.

In the children's growth program "Little Rider! In Chong Ah, 5-year-old Wang Yujie can not only do laundry and cook, but also take care of others. In fact, the more independent a child is, the less selfish and considerate he is.

I read online that Wang Ba Nakajima, the youngest philosopher in Asia, is only 10 years old, but his goal is to be himself!

When our child was still dependent on his parents, he had published the first book in his life, and the sentences he wrote made adults feel ashamed and moved. For example, this sentence: In fact, children must understand important things.

In an interview, how did your mother affect your life when faced with such a question?

He said that my mother gave me freedom and let me know what freedom is.

The freedom here is to let children take responsibility for their own growth without restriction. Rudolph Derek, an American child psychologist, said that if we don't give children a chance to take responsibility, they will become irresponsible people.

Amy McCready, an early education expert, said in The Magic Book of Positive Discipline that "doing some housework" is one of the best means to prevent children from forming selfish psychology and cultivate their self-care ability. Because if we always do the housework instead of the child, we will also deprive him of the opportunity to learn from his mistakes, and deprive him of the opportunity to work hard to achieve results, overcome challenges, cooperate with each other, gain a sense of accomplishment from his work, and face future challenges with confidence.

To learn to be scaffolding parents, we can start by encouraging children to do housework, and then encourage them to explore the world constantly. Only through constant practice can children learn the skills of independent growth and understand that it is not easy for parents to do housework.

In this world, nothing enjoys success for no reason. You must work hard if you want to achieve any goal.

Second, he has the final say in the matter of children. The more you control the child, the bigger his temper will be.

Parents control their children, on the one hand, so that children will not be responsible for themselves, on the other hand, they will think that they are not responsible for themselves and the responsibility lies with others.

"I will do whatever I want", and he will lose his temper if he is not satisfied immediately.

I also chatted with my friend's children that day. This is how she describes getting up every morning at home.

When I got up in the morning, my mother began to wake me up and rush me. I'm gonna be late! The fire is burning.

Mom just started to rush, it's okay, mom's voice is not too high, which means it's still early.

The second time, my mother spoke a little louder, but it was not the deadline.

The third time, my mother got angry and pushed open the door to urge, hurry up, we will be late.

She just sat up slowly, feeling that time was almost up.

If you don't call her in the morning, it's mom's responsibility, so she has a chance to complain that mom didn't wake her up in the morning.

Therefore, children will never learn to listen to the alarm clock in the morning, get up by themselves, and have a bad temper. He is always mad and angry. This is called "getting up".

This is an excuse for her to avoid responsibility, but parents are too considerate of their children and afraid that they will be late, so they fall into the routine of children.

In the movie Looking Up, the father Ma Haowen only said one sentence to his son Marvin, "You can never ask me about you."

Since the child doesn't have to ask his parents, he can solve the problem independently and take responsibility for himself.

But in our daily life, where can parents tell which is their own business and which is their children's business?

They all control their children blindly, making them lose their motivation and initiative, and they will deliberately oppose our parents.

There is a psychological law, the fish tank law. When we restrict children's behavior with our own wishes, children can't have more room for development. They will become more and more dependent on their parents and have a bigger temper. They will become increasingly dissatisfied with their parents and even oppose them. So when a child loses his temper, it may mean that you care too much.

Amy McCready, an early education expert, said in The Magic Book of Positive Discipline that we can't control our children, but we can control our attitude towards them and the environment at home. The value of life lies in choice, but parents often forget this. They don't let their children make choices, and they have to make choices for their children.

Learn to be scaffolding parents, and we can give our children a choice. What's your plan? What can you do? Guide children to complete tasks independently.

Third, the child's choice makes him bear the consequences. The less you hold your children responsible for their actions, the more they will blame you.

When a child makes a mistake, scaffolding parents won't say "I told you so" because he knows it's useless to blame. Only let children learn to be responsible for their own actions and find ways to overcome difficulties, instead of shifting the responsibility to others.

Last time I went to Xiaoli's house to play, Xiaoli's mother opened the children's room and found it in a mess. There are a pile of books on the table, a pile of books on the bed, and several boxes of markers and brushes are thrown on the ground.

I saw with my own eyes that she blamed the child for not cleaning the room, but she said it wouldn't happen again and cleaned the room quickly.

Children don't have to bear the consequences of not cleaning up the room. Of course, they will never learn to clean the room. The next time the room is messy, they will blame you for not cleaning it. You complain that the child can't fly, but in fact, you cut off the child's wings yourself.

So when children can't learn the details of life, check whether our parents have done too much.

Scaffolding parents can hold back and make the room so messy, which is the natural consequence of children's passive acceptance.

If the room is too messy for you, you can say that you can't play mobile games unless you tidy up the room. This is a logical consequence, which is the result of parents taking the initiative to impose on your children. These two consequences are ways to help children cultivate independence, provided that you keep your word. Once or twice, the child may cry, which is unacceptable, but as long as you insist, the child will gradually accept it and assume the responsibility of cleaning the room.

Gao has a daughter named Zoe, who grew up with her and shared many feelings about being a father.

He said, "The most practical education is to let children know how to balance their lives and adjust their mentality when they grow up, and have the ability to face setbacks, challenges and unhappy lives."

Amy McCready, an early education expert, said in The Magic Book of Positive Discipline that children learn much more from mistakes than from parents' preaching. Children learn to grow through experience, and what they really realize is their own, which parents can't force on their children from the outside.

Learn to be a scaffolding parent, respect children, start by allowing children to make mistakes, be willing to let children make mistakes, and resist not taking the place of children to bear the consequences.

Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said: Is it better to educate children severely or gently? In fact, these two extremes are not good. Only by understanding children, constantly encouraging children to face and solve problems, and further cultivating children's social emotions, is the correct way to educate children.

Thanks to the magic book Positive Discipline, I understand that children will eventually learn to face everything. What our parents should do is to build a correct "scaffold", not arrogance or punishment. True freedom is not laissez-faire, but the right to choose, try and make mistakes, so that children can gain the necessary life experience for growth.

The best gift parents can give their children is to make them an independent individual and become themselves!