Indeed, sometimes children need to directly experience and experience the whole process of conflict from occurrence, development to resolution. Experience is the best learning, and parents' premature intervention will interrupt this process. Children may also have the psychology of relying on their parents to help them solve conflicts, which is very unfavorable in the long run!
My daughter is almost four years old. From the experience of taking care of children in recent years, I have observed that many parents, especially grandmothers and some mothers, get involved in conflicts between children prematurely. Once, we took our daughter to a parent-child park to play. My daughter is playing shopping games in the supermarket. A girl her age picked up a toy pineapple from her daughter's shopping basket, and her daughter immediately grabbed the pineapple. I was just about to observe her daughter's reaction when the little girl's grandmother said, "This is my sister's, you can't take it."
What a pity! The opportunity for the two children to practice conflict resolution disappeared. I understand what the old man did. She may not want to involve her children in this conflict. It may also be to take care of our feelings; Or show your quality. In short, the only thing she didn't consider was: let the children face it by themselves, solve it by themselves, and learn from personal experience.
The above is the part where I agree with the mainstream parenting view. At the same time, I also hold some different views: when the conflict is beyond children's ability and children can't handle it properly, at this time, we adults need to provide timely help, otherwise, children will not only be unable to learn positive experience from it, but also may have negative understanding, thus hindering the development of children's social skills.
When my daughter was just three years old, she had attended an early education class. During the break, she built a small house with magnetic film. A little boy ran over and pulled out a magnetic piece from the house, and the house fell apart. At that time, my daughter was very angry, her mouth was flat as if she were going to cry, and her right hand was raised as if to hit the little boy. As soon as I saw it, I was going to have a physical conflict, so I had to intervene. I quickly shouted to my daughter, "Hey, don't hit anyone." My daughter raised her hand and stopped. She looked at me and cried.
In the above situation, as parents, it is definitely necessary to intervene in time and provide help, because children have been surrounded by strong emotions, leaving only instinctive impulses. The destruction of a well-built house is a huge event for a three-year-old child, and the emotional impact is no less than that of an adult losing his own house. If children are allowed to solve problems by themselves, physical conflicts will inevitably occur between them, which is not good for both children.
To sum up, when there is a conflict between children, parents should decide whether to intervene according to the situation. The following two situations require intervention:
0 1
When there is danger.
For example, children are pushing and shoving each other on high places, throwing hard objects at each other, and fighting has begun. Parents should be separated at the first time.
02
When children can't handle it.
Children's social experience and ability to deal with conflicts are very limited, and it takes a long time to acquire them slowly. They need guidance and demonstration from adults. In the second example above, my daughter has no experience in dealing with this kind of conflict, and she needs my help.
So how to participate? We need to grasp two principles:
First, don't judge right from wrong.
In most human social conflicts, there is no absolute right and wrong, right and wrong, and it is often "everyone is right and everyone is wrong." Socialization is the most complicated behavior of human beings. Even in the most naive children, social behavior often shows intertwined attributes. If parents focus on right and wrong, they will fall into the dilemma of "honesty and honesty, and housework is difficult to break"
Second, parents should act as "lubricants"
Broker ",instead of being a policeman and a lawyer.
police officer
Seeing conflicts between children, some parents will threaten their children and say, "If you want to make trouble again, stop playing!" " This is acting as a policeman; Some parents only look at behavior, don't ask why, and arbitrarily point out who is right and who is wrong. This is acting as a judge. Neither of these roles will let children caught in conflict learn how to solve conflicts. Parents should act as "lubricants" to help children ease the deadlock.
Under the premise of grasping the above two principles, you can use games to help children solve conflicts. For example, in a WeChat group, a mother shared her experience of using games to resolve conflicts between children:
Her children are playing on the slide, and the older children are rampaging on the slide. She was worried that she would hurt her children, so she acted as a traffic policeman and played the game of "red light stops and green light goes" with her children. The children found it interesting, obeyed the rules and lined up to play on the slide.
Parents should remember that family education is included in every bit of daily life, and even things like conflicts, we can let our children learn and grow from it! With more wisdom and humor, the more relaxed parents are, the better their children will grow up.
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