This reminds me of a pair of concepts I learned in psychology class: well-meaning you and hostile it.
In the IKEA store, the whole space is completely open to you, showing a great atmosphere, not tempting consumers, not deliberately pursuing the achievement of sales goals, just letting you experience it first, and it doesn't matter whether you like it or not.
When customers can relax and enjoy the free and open space, they will feel that they are respected and trusted, so they will also show great goodwill to give back: they will not steal, destroy or litter, and customers are willing to "bow their heads" to show obedience-cooperate with the bill.
On the contrary, in some places, it is forbidden to take out food, make too much noise and litter. Lock everything up, put it in a cupboard and put it on a high place, so that you can't touch or move, or you may find yourself being followed at any time. As soon as you put your things down, someone rushed to set them up. These details are contradictory and depressing.
There are also some businesses with many routines. For example, early education institutions will first set up a toy or other product sample for children, and then the children will show a little interest. I'll ask the children right away. Do you like it, baby? Let mom and dad buy it for you if you like. This kind of induced consumption has obvious routines waiting in front, which makes people feel unspeakable disgust and feel that their IQ has been insulted and their boundaries have been violated.
This practice, without exception, will push customers further and further.
The truth of all things in the world and the underlying logic are interlinked, and so is business. Whether you describe yourself as "kind you" or "hostile you" determines how big your business can be. This is what China people say.
This reminds me of the fact that every customer is also a child. What children need is to perceive from their parents (businessmen) that their parents are basically kind, that the world is kind, and that their instincts and needs can be accepted, allowed and trusted. In this way, this kind of affection for the outside world will be internalized into one's own heart, showing great humanity and being willing to cooperate with the nurturers.
My son has been fascinated by Lego bricks recently, and he has bought a lot at home, but his favorite off-road police car that can spray the catch net can't be put back because the parts are scattered. To this end, he kept talking about buying the same police car for several days.
Lego toys are not cheap. The set my son wants is 299 yuan, which he just bought as a gift on June 1 this year.
Last night, my son clamored to buy it again. Dad's attitude is "there are many at home, so we will buy them later", so the son simply started to attack his father, punching and kicking, saying "I will beat you if you don't buy me", which made his father very angry and said that he wouldn't buy anything.
Later, when we were discussing this matter, my father suggested that we could dress, eat and clean up, and prepare some coins for our son to collect, and then buy them after saving enough, so as to let him know that he wants to create value through labor, and that his parents' money is hard-won, so that he can relax and be satisfied, and don't let him do whatever he wants. I think his suggestion is reasonable, but there seems to be something wrong.
I said, let's take this matter apart. Look at our side first. If money is not considered at all, then if our son says he wants to buy a 299 toy, will we satisfy him?
Dad said: Yes.
I said, it seems to be just a question of money. We have the money. Whether to buy or not is actually our will. Sometimes I buy it when I am in a good mood or feel that my child is particularly good. In fact, there is no specific principle.
Dad said: He said: "If you don't buy it, you will hit someone." How can you have this attitude when you grow up?
I said that the child's request is actually very simple. He wants an off-road police car now, because the original one is gone. Imagine that you just want to eat a pig's hoof now, and that's all you can think about. You really want to eat, but your parents are very strange. They bought it for you before, but this time you have to do something to make money, so you have to attach a lot of conditions or tell you that there are other foods at home. Don't eat trotters. Will it cause a lot of resentment?
Dad thought about it and said, yes.
I said, as a 5-year-old boy who doesn't have much expressive ability, would you say something like "I'm going to throw you away" or "I'm going to hit you"?
Dad understood, he smiled, and then ran to his son and said, come on, dad will buy it for you.
Using pig's trotters can make dad feel the same way about his children.
What children need is that adults can understand his thoughts and feelings and put themselves in his shoes. At this time, he felt that his parents were "kind", and the children were willing to obey their parents who knew them so well and do many good things spontaneously;
However, if you use your parents to suppress him, or project the idea of "why are you so greedy" and "why are you so ignorant" on him, he will think that your parents are on the opposite side and hostile.
When people face the enemy, the means of defense is to resist, confront, or just seal themselves off. Therefore, children's attitude towards us is just a mirror to see whether they are kind or hostile. To be a "kind you" is sometimes to let go of control, doubt, trust and accept each other.