In fact, children's problems are not only their own problems, but also the problems of their families and parents. Children are the mirror of the family.
Many parents always look for solutions after their children have problems, but they often don't work. In fact, in my opinion, children's problems, whether they are school-weariness, paranoia, rebellious temper tantrums, or indifferent parent-child relationship, do not like talking and socializing, are closely related to childhood family education, family relations and parents' attitudes.
A good doctor will not take a piecemeal approach, and neither will a good teacher. When a child encounters a problem, he will definitely find the answer and solution. But it would certainly be better if we could put an end to this kind of trouble from an early age.
Speaking of youth education, I have to mention Professor Li Meijin. Her psychological analysis of teenagers is really thorough, and the methods and suggestions given are also very practical. But when it comes to children's education, I admire Montessori's idea of early education, which is gentler, warmer and longer.
There is Xiong Haizi at home.
Let's take a look at Xiong Haizi's events in recent years:
1, Xiong Haizi pushed pregnant women only to confirm whether they would miscarry.
Two bears in Shenzhen scraped 54 cars in five minutes.
3.20 17 Xiong Haizi smashed * * * and enjoyed riding.
On April 2014, Xiong Haizi suspected that the construction team was too noisy when working outside, so he cut the safety rope and dispatched fire fighters to save lives.
When it happened, parents were pleading: "He is still a child", "He is too young to understand" and "What does a child understand? Forgive me. " Faced with such parents, I can only say that it is no wonder that children have no feelings and these problems will occur.
In fact, no matter how old a child is, he should have a sense of rules. Early education is not just about teaching children to play chess, calligraphy and painting. In the early days, when children don't understand the rules, adults should give them a range. Although they don't know it, they know they can't touch it outside this range because it's not safe. The rule at this time is to teach children to protect themselves. Such as heat, electricity, water, strangers, cars and so on;
Then, teach children to know themselves. In addition to their physical fitness, they should also correctly know their emotions: happiness, anger, sadness, happiness ... All children's emotions are shared by others, which need to be recognized, and they are * * * feelings, because everyone is equal, and everyone is a treasure in front of life, no matter who he is;
When children's activities gradually expand, they should know more rules, and the process of understanding rules is actually the process of building a sense of security, because there is no need for exams. All children have desires, and their desires have increased, but their self-control ability has not improved. At this time, if the guardian does not inform the rules, the child will explore it himself. This process is unknown and guilty, and there are many uncertain factors. In this process, the child's inner sense of security is lacking.
At this time, there will be all kinds of Xiong Haizi behaviors mentioned above. If you don't want your children to have all kinds of troublesome behaviors and ways of thinking in their childhood, please let them begin to understand that rules need to be observed by everyone; Emotion belongs to everyone; The world doesn't revolve around children, you are alone.
There is no contradiction between restraint training and fully meeting children's needs.
Restraint training was put forward by Professor Li Meijin: "Three refusals, one gratification, or delayed gratification". Restraint training is a very good concept, because in this changeable social life, there are too many temptations, and you can't get everything you like and think. Therefore, we need some self-control ability and the ability to delay satisfaction from childhood.
Professor Li Meijin said, "If you don't eat delicious food for three days, and then you don't eat for three days, you will get three servings of food. If you eat it, it will be gone. " Although this training method is very good and practical, it is more suitable for children with certain cognitive ability and willpower. They must understand the unit of time, three days or three hours, instead of constantly asking you, "Mom, is it time?" Is it okay? "
Then you need some waiting ability, and waiting ability can be trained. Children need food, brushes and mobile phones. On the desktop, and listen carefully to the instructions given by the trainer. The instructions may be "1, 2,3" or some agreed fruit, and they can only take it after hearing it. This is the simplest method for young children. Older children can prolong the time and increase the difficulty. The purpose is to need children to wait and delay satisfaction.
In fact, some adults also have shortcomings in this respect. For example, people who must buy beautiful clothes and bags they like are ignored when they are young. Adults will say, "The child is impatient." In fact, the ability to wait has not kept up.
Therefore, for some children, this is a need for training, and there are ways for younger children; The strategy of taking care of the old is by no means a road.
What about "completely satisfying children" Some readers will think that what experts say is always contradictory. Actually, it is not. If taken out of context, it is definitely contradictory. "Fully satisfying children" has a psychological basis. Every child has a plot of "God" from birth. In the first three months of life, you should be completely satisfied with food and spirit. For young children, there is no need to restrict diet and activities excessively (within a suitable range).
Children of different ages need different degrees of complete satisfaction. This kind of satisfaction is not a materialized child, but includes spiritual, time and emotional satisfaction. You should respond to the child's call; You should reply to the child's request; You should satisfy the child's wishes.
From a psychological point of view, material satisfaction means: don't artificially create scarcity, which will lead to children's extreme desire for a certain material and produce compensatory psychology. Including spiritual dedication. For example, children are never given sugar, and one day when they learn about sugar from other sources, they will have a strong desire. Actually, parents don't have to be enemies. If they like it, leave him there and make rules for him. You can eat it, but there is a limit that you can't exceed. You can control yourself, the sugar is here; I can't help myself. I took it.
Materially, meet children unconditionally within certain rules; Spiritual satisfaction is also unconditional. Please don't misinterpret the unconditional satisfaction mentioned here as having money to raise children, but the unconditional satisfaction within certain rules of aging. The demand of young children is not high, which is nothing more than eating, drinking and having fun; There is no need to pay attention to the brand, which is a problem for parents. The real core is eating and drinking, he needs it, he is free within a suitable range, and the needs of play and love must be absolutely met.
Everyone has an illusion that what is easy to get will not be cherished. On the contrary, it is you who block the approach, contact and touch, which makes children feel mysterious and more eager. Many times, what is needed is drainage, not blockage.
Using sugar as a metaphor not only applies to sugar, but also includes other things that children crave, such as cartoons and mobile phones ... The focus is not on this thing, but on his understanding of things and his ability to control himself. Many times, let children know the reason: "Why not", the rules are clear and the reasons are clear, so they can understand. And they also need to know that some things can be obtained as long as they are enough; Some things are absolutely untouchable; The love of parents and family members is unconditional.
Xiong Haizi's behavior problems.
There are often one or a bunch of parents behind Xiong Haizi. They give children the illusion that "I am the only one" and "I am the biggest in the world". When children are young, they are actually a blank sheet of paper. What color you paint him, he will show you.
Children get the sweetness through crying, and later he will think that "this is it", and parents should clearly tell their children "no". Through the gentle and firm training of parents, children after the age of 3 can actually understand that willfulness cannot achieve subjective and arbitrary goals. If parents can't bear to refuse their children, they won't say "no" They only need 1-2 positive reinforcement, and their wayward character is developed. This society does not favor wayward people, and the big losses in the future are almost unbearable for parents.
Xiong Haizi interferes with others and hurts himself, which is wrong. Parents should have a clear refusal attitude. This time is not suitable for "unconditionally satisfying children", but requires "constraint training" and rule practice. Children need to understand that "we can't deal with problems subjectively and willfully" and that all behaviors are moderately standardized and need to be recognized by the mainstream society.
Children can make demands, refute and have their own ideas (whether it is reasonable by adult standards). The key lies in whether the child's expression is reasonable, civilized and moderate. Although they are children, they are not fools. The Guardian made it clear that they can understand and do well. Never underestimate children, the potential behind them is endless!
Children are all smooth mirrors. Everything they see can be reflected!