If you don't believe me, go and see! In the office and community yard, parents automatically divide the circle according to their children's age:
/kloc-Parents of children under 0/0 spit, what happened to the children, and recruited themselves like this ... (as shown in the figure below)
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/kloc-parents of children over 0/0 complain that their children have something to say, which makes them suddenly ...
(Image from the Internet)
Children will talk back when they are older!
You care about me. He thinks you care too much.
Remind you again, he said you were really wordy.
You told him to learn more from excellent classmates, and he asked you, "Why don't you learn from Ma Yun?"
It is obvious that he is absent-minded when doing his homework. Tell him to hurry. Ta said: "I was thinking about an important thing just now, and I was a little inspired. You interrupted me. "
You teach him to be sensible and immediately show you an article written by an expert, "What will happen to a child who is too sensible when he grows up?"
Xiong Haizi improvises, doesn't play cards according to common sense, responds quickly, is rational and powerful, and leaves you speechless in short.
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Talking back may be a good thing.
My baby is still young. No matter how I yell, she will give me a lovely smile afterwards and continue to be bored with me (really cherish 3 seconds). However, I have reminded myself countless times: if one day, children are no longer obedient, they will talk back to me, yes, good and bad!
Will talk back, indicating that children begin to have their own thinking. Don't absorb what others say, try to express it in your own way. Since childhood, you have enrolled him in early childhood classes, attended key schools, found famous teachers on the Internet, and bought him a cabinet of books to read. Don't you think that he is a man with brains and knowledge? Do you want him to be like a big basket, and everything can be put in it?
Think about it, the fuse that children talk back to their parents is not necessarily a big deal. Most of them are the "long-term sticking point" between parents and children, the fast knot of "how many times have you said it" in parents' eyes, and old terrier who "nags me all day" in children's eyes.
"Let you sit up straight and lean on the sofa when watching TV!"
"I told you to say hello to your neighbor's uncle and aunt, but you bowed your head and ignored it! "
Parents are not really angry that their children will make mistakes. What is most angry is that their children refuse to change after repeated education. As for children, the number of approvals is increasing day by day. If they don't improve when they are approved, they will talk back when they are approved
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Learn to make out with children.
Not only children, but also adults are "disobedient" and they are "hopeless". I will do whatever he says. If people change their minds as soon as they listen, then no one in this world will smoke for a long time.
In fact, most adults can't go to bed early and get up early, stick to exercise, eat less salt and oil, quit smoking and limit alcohol, and have a balanced nutrition. We are also self-willed, and we will find various excuses for ourselves when we avoid sports. Speak first when you see something delicious. Don't we know the consequences? In fact, many people began to try a healthy life, not because they heard someone say "you should do this", but because health turned red. When they were shocked in the hospital and realized that health was more important than anything else, they patted their thighs and made up their minds to start to lose the habits they had lost for many years and make changes.
It can be seen that people are "disobedient", and it is normal to keep teaching and not changing. It is a small probability event to say that it is changed. In the real life of people on earth, what really changes people is the harsh reality, life itself, personal experience and reflection. Who has changed in one sentence? This kind of thing, outspoken and honest, appears more in the titles of WeChat articles.
In view of this, all parents might as well improve their "professional level" of communication with their children as much as possible, change their strategies and roles, shift their position from the opposite of their children to the same trench with their children, and guide their children to pay attention to the matter itself, their own situation, and the evaluation and possible consequences of people around them. Tell your child that your distress, your grievances, your mood, mom and dad are empathetic, very understanding, and particularly distressed; For your setbacks, your problems, and the challenges you face, mom and dad are in the same boat with you. Let's find a way together. Let children understand that parents are their own, not their own.
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There are three rules to prevent damage.
Rule 1: When causing losses, it is better to touch reflection than to criticize and accuse.
For example, a child who has always been forgetful has lost something again. He bought a brand-new sports kettle at home and went out to play for a while, then he didn't know where to go. In this case, every parent is inevitably angry, and the impatient father blurted out: "As long as you are usually so-so, I know you will lose it sooner or later."
Normal children will feel ashamed, regret and blame themselves whenever they lose a new kettle. Dad's words, the child's weight (huǒ) points (li) were all given to himself, and the child's energy was used to bicker with his father and make excuses for himself, without any emotional reflection.
So, you might as well hold back your anger, think twice and then "criticize" and say as gently as possible: "It's so hot, you don't need a kettle, and it's easy to get sick if you don't drink water for a long time! How's this? After playing 15 minutes, why don't you go home and have some water? " Then, Jin Ming quit without saying anything. Don't be busy blaming and criticizing, try to guide children to understand the matter itself, and the inconvenience caused by throwing things will touch children to reflect on themselves.
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Rule 2: In the face of difficulties, it is better to seek improvement than to vent your anger.
For example, a child failed in the exam. He didn't say a few red crosses on the test paper, but he didn't see that two questions were alive. Mom saw anger like a raging river, and criticism like the Yellow River flooding: "Where are your eyes?" How could I not see these two questions? Hey, let me ask, what did you think during the exam? How can I see all the snacks at home? How dare you watch cartoons when you can't do such a problem correctly? Starting today, don't go out to play after school! ……"
Yes! All of a sudden, children's favorite two things are banned: watching cartoons and playing, and seeing snacks may also be supervised, and children still don't fight back? Still care about correcting mistakes, filling loopholes and finding gaps? But the latter is the real purpose of the exam!
Maybe, you can try to say, "My mother is also uncomfortable to see such achievements. However, teachers and parents will not care too much about the score of an exam. What we value is what you haven't mastered well, and whether you will now. Everyone has a wrong question. Being wrong is not terrible. The terrible thing is that you will make a mistake next time. Do you need help from mom and dad everywhere? " Deep down, children will not refuse the friendly help of others. The reason why parents sometimes have conflicts is that in many cases, parents' so-called "criticism" and "education" do not really help their children's progress, but only vent their anger.
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Rule 3: Learn to let go and let him go!
As the saying goes, "caring is chaotic", and mothers are particularly prone to fall into this pit. Some things, harmless, have no serious consequences, just personal preferences and habits. But parents either don't like them or worry too much, so they always have to take care of them. As a result, children don't listen and talk back if they don't agree. After a long time, I still generalize, forming a mindset that "my mother loves to dictate" and "what she said is not reliable". Before mom could speak, the little thing was ready to speak.
For this kind of thing, I found that "let him go" is really the "motto" of all mothers in the world and the "antidote" to ease the parent-child relationship. Believe that our baby is not stupid. If he is uncomfortable, he will adjust. If it is inconvenient, he will find a way. Now that he is living a good life and he is living a quiet life, why do you care so much? Let him go!
(Image from the Internet)
Editor: Yao Di
(Author: Lemon Quark, author of popular science for children, parent-child parenting expert, original works)