It's hard to go through a dark and walking life. People say that women are weak and mothers are strong. Looking at the children's happy clear eyes, I reminded myself again and again that I should cheer up when my low gas field suddenly dimmed. Be strong. Give children the light of life.
Because the child was too young, I couldn't explain the concept of death to him, so I kept it from him and acted as if nothing had happened in front of him. Dongdong didn't notice it at first because she didn't spend much time with her children before her husband died. After two or three weeks, Dongdong suddenly asked me, "Mom, where's Dad?" I said, "Dad has gone far away on business." Dongdong corrected me and said, "isn't dad in the hospital?" Dad is sick! " I said, "Dad is well, he has gone to work again." Once, Dongdong asked his father where he had gone in front of his grandmother. Although we discussed the countermeasures in advance for such a scene, Grandma Dongdong couldn't help crying. Dongdong seems to have made a big mistake, and the whole person has shrunk by a circle.
I spent months in chaos. In addition to being sad, I am also suffering because my child has to face the fact that he has no father. I am worried that this child will not be happy in a broken family, that the environment will have a bad impact on my child, and that losing his father at an early age will have an irreparable adverse impact on his life ... Dongdong just entered kindergarten in March this year. In order to protect the child, I didn't tell Dongdong's teacher about this situation.
Once, I took Dongdong to an early education class. After class, the early education teacher motioned for me to talk to her alone. It turned out that the content of the course that day was to lead the children to draw coconut trees. The teacher told the children that how many people are there in your family? You can draw several trees, and each tree represents a family member. Dongdong drew four trees and pointed them out to the teacher one by one, saying, "This is mom, this is me, this is grandma, and this is grandpa." The teacher asked, "Why don't you draw your father?" Dongdong said slowly, "I don't have a father." The teacher then asked me for information. My nose is sour and my tears are wet-I thought that if I didn't tell the truth, my child would be happy in my white lies, but as sensitive as a baby and as pure as a baby, he not only felt strange, but also cooperated with my disguise to protect my vulnerability in a way that he pretended not to know. The early education teacher comforted me a few words and reminded me: "You should also adjust your emotions and be optimistic and strong. Only when you see your mother's sunshine and happiness will your child be happy. " I am a teacher myself, and I understand all these reasons. I always thought I was doing this. But obviously, the information Dongdong received was my concealment and sadness.
Coincidentally. A few days later, it was Father's Day, and the kindergarten teacher sent me a video saying it was a surprise for my fathers. I opened it, and it was a kindergarten teacher's "interview" with children. The teacher kept guiding the children: "Do you like your father?" "What would you do to your father?" "What is Dad like in your heart?" Dongdong's language ability is developing well. He is good at chatting with people. He likes to express himself seriously. But that day, in front of the teacher's camera, Dongdong fidgeted, looked around, cringed and hesitated. It took a long time to say a word, and it took a while for the "interview" to end. What shocked me even more was that my self-righteous "protection" conveyed to my children an evasive attitude, and the message the children received was: I don't have a father; It's not good without dad.
I had a serious talk with Dongdong after school. I told him that I watched the video recorded by the teacher and Dongdong performed very well. Mom knows that you love dad very much, and dad loves you very much. Although he has gone far away now and can't come back to see you, his love for you will never change. Dad didn't come back to see you just because he was too far away, not because he didn't love you, nor because you were naughty. Dad loves you the most. He knows Dongdong is the best, so even if he is not at home, he won't worry. Your love for dad, dad knows. Dongdong was a little uneasy and asked, "Why didn't Dad call?" I said, "There's no signal from dad." Dongdong said, "Mom, please call Dad!" " I dialed my husband's phone number before his death with my mobile phone, specially showed it to Dongdong to see the address book, and showed him "Dongdong-Dad-Dad" word by word, and put my mobile phone on speaker. It was not until I heard that "the number you dialed could not be connected" that Dongdong seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. I also breathed a sigh of relief-"Mom didn't lie to you, but there was really no signal."
I still haven't told the truth, but I haven't lied any more. I just want to convey two messages to Dongdong: you have a father (although he is gone); Dad loves you (not because he is gone). As for the truth, with the passage of time, children have been growing up and will eventually understand. By the time he really understood, he had grown up in complete love.
I also took the initiative to talk to the kindergarten teachers in each building and tell the truth. The young teacher was very surprised. She apologized to me first, saying that Dongdong shouldn't be filmed like that. I said, it's not your fault, but I didn't tell you in advance. I'm worried that teachers will treat buildings differently when they know the situation, which will make children feel inferior and afraid. I should have told you earlier, so that we could cooperate with each other and give our children better guidance. The teacher nodded repeatedly and said, "Dongdong is very sensible and loves to talk and laugh." If you don't tell me, I really don't know these things. " I reached an understanding with my teacher: Dongdong, like other children, has complete love, so don't give him sympathy and hurt his self-esteem, and don't shield him from indulgence because of special treatment; Without father's company, children lack male role models, so my teachers and I are trying to create opportunities for children to play with boys and get in touch with male elders.
From then on, Dongdong's teachers often contacted me and gave me timely feedback on Dongdong's progress and problems. This not only plays a better role in the growth of the landlord, but also supports and encourages himself-although sometimes it is difficult and life is not easy, there are still many kind, warm, enthusiastic and delicate people around him. While trying to protect the child from secondary injury, I want him to know the light and kindness.
Sometimes, we will encounter some sadness that can't be overcome at the moment, so let time deal with it! Up to now, more than half a year has passed, although I still find it difficult to be really happy, but compared with the previous tears, I have eased too much. During this time, I have been thinking about the education of children from single-parent families, from confusion and firmness to doubt and vacillation. Up to now, I have completely accepted the test of fate, and my thinking is becoming clearer and firmer: the fait accompli cannot be changed. It is the right way to adjust your mentality, face life positively, solve the problems you encounter and lead your children out of the predicament together.
When I finally looked up from the pain, I was most concerned about how to make up for the losses that single-parent families may bring to children to the greatest extent. To my relief, many data and facts tell me that there is not much difference between children raised by single-parent families and children raised by complete families. From a realistic point of view, it seems to be true-more than half a year has passed in March, so I can't say that the departure of my lover has no effect on Dongdong, but at least, after I explained it to Dongdong positively, Dongdong no longer struggled with the question of "where did Dad go?" And with the gradual thawing of his emotions, Dongdong has become more and more sunny, more and more fond of playing, laughing and talking.
One day at noon, I was sitting in front of the office window reading a book, and the sun shone warmly on me. It suddenly dawned on me: didn't I experience the most ordinary time? In this world, several happy families are sad, joys and sorrows, completely disabled, aren't they all normal people? In that case, why should I indulge in the mentality of "broken family"?
There is no broken family, only a broken heart.
At present, my family consists of my son, my grandparents and grandparents who live with us now. As the most direct guardian of children, as long as I can give them complete love and care, their world will be complete and their childhood will be happy.
In the process of consulting relevant books and materials, I found that although there are many books on children's family education, there are not many related studies on children's upbringing in single-parent families. I decided to be more careful in my future life and record the meaningful things in the process of building growth; Give full play to my professional advantages and record my learning and thinking achievements on child rearing. This is a diary for Dongdong's growth. I hope Dongdong can give it to him as a gift when he grows up. I also hope that one day, the life I have experienced and the lessons I have learned can also be shared with those in need for some reference.
I believe that through efforts, especially those of parents, children from single-parent families can also have a happy childhood and a happy life.