One day, I saw her schedule and expressed my sincere envy. My husband is dismissive of my envy: How old are you? Why do you dream unrealistic dreams?
Once upon a time, I was also a literary youth. At that time, I lived a glittering life: I wrote popular blogs, participated in the activities of Douban Group (which sounds a bit silly), went to Shanghai Daguangming Cinema to watch old movies, listened to the songs of ethnic singers, planted all kinds of succulents, wore long Mori dresses and took beautiful photos in the old teaching building of Shanghai Jiaotong University.
Looking back now, I feel particularly far away. Only ten years later, I entered another stage of my life: being a wife and a mother. Three elders in the world, one elder in the world. As a modern woman, you need to worry about not only food, clothing, housing and transportation, but also the future planning of the whole family and make every effort to make achievements in the workplace.
The Analects of Confucius said: "Be determined to learn five out of ten, stand at thirty, be puzzled at forty, know the destiny at fifty, listen at sixty, and act at seventy without overstepping the bounds." It is prescient that the old ancestors did something at what age.
1. Middle-aged people far from literature and art
Thirty years old was once called thirty years old, which is the threshold of middle age. At this age, most people either get married or start a career. What is the living condition of middle-aged people over thirty? Most middle-aged office workers in first-tier cities start their day like this: wake up from sleep at 6 o'clock, get up and prepare breakfast for their children, wake up their children and prepare things for their school. Maybe they don't have time to eat, they have to send their children to school, and then they run to squeeze the bus or subway. In most cases, they can only stand all the way. Therefore, it is a luxury to catch up on the subway and free up your hands to play games.
Such a flustered middle-aged man really seems to have nothing to do with literature and art, as my husband said: we middle-aged people living in poverty are not qualified to engage in literature and art.
My husband Xiaoming used to be a literary youth. When the world was the hottest, he also read tens of thousands of articles. I also like photography in my spare time. I am keen on studying various lens parameters and have many good works. I like NBA and CBA, and I must watch every game.
But now, when he is promoted to husband and father, he has to work harder for his life and think about how to do his job better. He is looking forward to a promotion and salary increase in order to better support his family. Mortgage, car loan, early education fee, aunt fee, parents' insurance fee ...
He said that he has many ideas, many materials to write and many hot spots to pursue, but he has to work hard during the day and have time at night. If he writes at night, his brain will be extremely excited and basically useless at night. I have no energy to support my work during the day.
Even if men in the workplace are still like this, women in the workplace will only work harder. Most women in the workplace have to worry about the family's food, clothing, housing and transportation, children's studies, and the health of their elders ... literary activities other than baking will be considered idle.
2. The efforts of middle-aged people
Thirty years old, in today's first-tier cities, more and more talents have just arrived and started a new life. They have either just graduated from graduate school or worked in a small place for several years. They either follow the original intention, convince stubborn parents, or honor their promises to their lovers.
I just interviewed a boy today, and I heard his story by the way: he was originally from a better family, so he naturally planned to go abroad for further study after graduation, and he also went to Beijing to study German for half a year. He didn't want any misfortune. His father's company lost millions. There is no way to stay at school. After missing the school recruitment, he went to the research institute of a central enterprise through agent recruitment, and finally he could only work as a contract worker. As a result, after working for one year, he found that he didn't want to live at all, and then he jumped ship to other companies in Changsha. However, due to various circumstances, he found our recruitment information online and asked for leave to come to Shenzhen for an interview.
Boys have good comprehensive conditions and work hard. Because of his work, he often travels. The children are very young, and the wife takes care of them full-time. For the sake of his children and his future development, he made detailed and specific career plans and decided to work in first-tier cities. He also enrolled in on-the-job postgraduate courses. Looking at his triumphant appearance, I remembered myself who decided to leave a small place and enter the world.
A hard-working middle-aged man, every step, is not just for himself.
There is a mother in the community. The second is one year old, about the same age as my son, and the eldest is only three years old. I often see her mother with Bauer, so I ask her why she hasn't seen her walk the baby for so long, and she rarely sees her on weekends. She said that because she is taking the CPA exam recently, she spends a lot of time reviewing every day. Usually, after putting the baby to bed at night, she will have some time of her own, and basically she will be in the library for two days. As a financial worker, she will have better job opportunities and more free working hours only if she gets the certificate of certified public accountant.
3. Middle-aged people avoid literature and art, what are we avoiding?
If busyness, anxiety and desire for success are the main melody melody of modern middle-aged people, no one will object to me. But people should learn to find pleasure in pain, shouldn't they? As a former literary youth, I will never let my middle age live like most people.
But why do many people, including my husband, think that middle-aged people should stay away from literature and art and feel divorced from the reality of life, just a rough and unrealistic ditty? I think one of my bosses used to speak very well.
Many years ago, I went to Taipei on business occasionally to finish my work. I like to visit hotels and walk in alleys full of snacks, and an irresistible smell of fireworks comes to my face. Those noodle restaurants, convenience stores, fruit stalls and tea shops all make people feel clean and refreshing. From the signboards, tables and chairs, pots and pans, and menu dishes, it can be seen that they were carefully designed and selected by the owners. Most restaurants are middle-aged couples' shops. I found that although the houses in the alley are very old and small, they will always be properly cleaned up by the owners. Potted flowers and potted plants are indispensable for door decoration, and curtains and arbor complement each other. Compared with the messy small food street in mainland cities, people have to sigh. One day, when my boss and I were having dinner in a small noodle restaurant with a good environment, I expressed my doubts: Why do the shopkeepers here still have leisure and elegance to choose the appropriate background music and maintain flowers and plants? It feels like a little fresh literature. The boss said: it's just a difference in cultural background and lifestyle. I believe that in the near future, with the development of economy and education, our mainland will certainly do the same. With economic conditions, aesthetic needs and culture, everyone will definitely pursue their own feelings. This is what you call literature and art.
To put it bluntly, it still needs cultural precipitation and economic foundation.
The truth is deep-rooted: middle-aged people talk about staying away from literature and art, but in fact you are escaping from the reality of no money and no culture.
Literature and art are the flowers for middle-aged people to decorate their miserable lives.
If the life of middle-aged people is hard, you must not forget a group of people: middle-aged mothers who help their children with their homework. My good sister Lily is the HRD of a startup company, and she is also a versatile person in the workplace. She once managed dozens of HR teams in a well-known foreign company. However, when I got home, I was defeated again and again. A naughty, smart, considerate and delicate baby needs the patience of family and school. At present, most teachers are young and promising young people with ideals and feelings, and they have a passion for education. For a problem student, at the beginning, they all put in unlimited energy, but after a long time, there will always be some fatigue, helplessness, and even give up saving. But as a mother, you can't give up your children anyway. Children have some attention deficit, and they can't control themselves in class, either thinking about things by themselves or drawing various cartoons. I read the communication WeChat between Lily and the teacher. The teacher's attitude is basically a barometer of children's performance. Sometimes the teacher is angry, and sometimes the teacher is happy. Old mother's mood is always like a roller coaster. Tutoring homework every day, the child is so slow that people doubt life, and they have to take care of their emotions patiently.
Such a middle-aged mother's only pastime at ordinary times is to invite three or two friends to find a deserted Shan Ye on weekends, or have a picnic, or go fishing, or just look at the scenery and get some fresh air in a light rain. Only at this time, the heart strings that have been strained for a week really relax, and my thoughts wander on a beautiful island, just like living on the seaside full of flowers and never leaving.
People are tired in middle age, but they still love life.
I looked up the characteristics of literary youth on the Internet, and there are several key words: love of literature and art, freedom, unrealistic dreams, romantic feelings, and love of beautiful things. These really don't seem to intersect with sad middle-aged people. However, many people are still inspired by their dull and depressing lives, making their lives lively and interesting: the middle-aged literary man who runs a restaurant, because he loves photography, occasionally takes pictures of customers who come to eat, and the response is very good. He even turned his restaurant into a part-time photography studio, and many people held small parties, children's birthday parties and even company business meetings in the boss's photo studio.
"There is only one kind of heroism in the world, and that is to love life after recognizing the truth of life." I hope that all young artists can still be elegant middle-aged artists after experiencing hard work, struggle, expectation and disappointment in life.