First of all, there are different views on education for the aged.
With the family education, the phenomenon of more elders and fewer younger generations is becoming more and more serious. Due to the differences in their parents' personal experiences, years of life, growing environment, education, concepts and self-cultivation, the opinions of these elders first diverged, which can be roughly divided into three aspects: parents' inconsistency, parents' inconsistency with grandparents' inconsistency, and grandparents' inconsistency. At this time, children are the happiest. They often look at all this and are secretly happy, and often end up leaning towards their own side. Parents finally face a failed education. After a long time, the children learned to take their own side as a refuge:
Case 1, Sun Tzu wants to buy a Transformers:
Grandma: "There are so many toys at home that I still want to buy them."
Mom: "This is the most popular now. Other children have it, and my son has to have it. "
Grandma: "Is it easy to make money? What should I do if I develop the habit of being extravagant? "
Mom: "A family has only one child. Six people make money and one person spends it. It won't be as hard as you. "
After this quarrel, the child remembered that his mother was generous and it was no problem to spend money to find her. Even if his mother is away occasionally, he just says to his grandmother, "six people make money and one person spends it, so it won't be so hard for you." Grandma must have nothing to say.
Case 2: Children don't like practicing the piano;
Dad: "What's the big deal if you don't practice this day?" . Neither you nor I have studied it, and it's different. "
Mom: "Don't always mention when you were a child. You can't let your child lose at the starting line. "
In this argument, the child doesn't know who is right or wrong, and feels that his father loves him more.
Inconsistency between elders in family education not only fails to play its due role, but also often backfires, so it is very important to unify educational views. You can try the following methods:
1. Elders should learn some family education knowledge, listen to some tutor lectures, and let experts point out the correct education methods.
2. Hold some family meetings regularly to resolve differences of opinion in a democratic and peaceful way.
3, don't blame each other in front of the children, and seek common ground while reserving differences for the time being.
Second, ignore the characteristics of children and measure children with the requirements of adults.
For a long time, parents have believed in the saying: "Knowing a child is like a father, knowing a woman is like a mother". They think that they get along with their children day and night, know their children's situation like the back of their hands, and have a unique advantage in implementing education. But do parents give their children everything they need? Why are children always unhappy and unhappy? This is that problem in family education:
Many times, parents are used to treating their children as their own accessories and as some kind of spiritual sustenance, expecting their children to develop according to the trajectory they designed for them. Learning English at the age of three, practicing musical instruments at the age of five, and learning Olympic Mathematics at the age of six ... The children ran around in various special classes all day without going to school. Over time, children get tired of this kind of study, even have rebellious mentality, and even take negative measures-unknown so goes to class slowly. Many parents will be extremely disappointed because their good intentions have been disappointed by their children. As everyone knows, in fact, the child was tortured by this pain for a long time before he made a resistance.
Montessori education advocates respect for children, treats children as an independent "person" and encourages children's autonomy and independence. At the same time, the kindergarten guidelines clearly point out that children should be treated as an independent individual. This means respecting children's independent personality, their own ideas, their own ideas, their own creativity and their own imagination. Their nature is fun, active and curious, and they will do what they are interested in. Therefore, parents should first consider their children's needs, so parents can try three measures:
1, to understand children's personality characteristics and preferences.
Confucius said, "Knowing is not as good as being kind, and being kind is not as good as being happy." This sentence reveals a secret of how to get good grades, and that is the love of learning. Different people have different learning effects in the same learning environment. Of course, one's own quality is on the one hand, and what is more important is the learner's attitude or feeling towards the learning content. As the saying goes, "interest is the best teacher". When you are interested in a subject, you will naturally learn better than others.
2. Leave 30% space for your child. Parents can't dominate their children's everything, at least let them know that parents respect them and they have the right to decide what to do-what they like.
3, combined with the kindergarten education plan. All kinds of teaching activities in kindergartens are formulated by educational experts, and their scientificity and rationality are beyond doubt. Therefore, when parents don't know how to make clothes, they might as well be a person who can choose clothes to promote the development of children and realize family education.
Third, neglect the labor education for children.
Our children sang the song "Glory of Labor", but they never had a chance to experience the happiness of labor. In the consciousness of adults, labor is hard, and children are too young to suffer. The kindergarten investigated 77 children in a big class. The results show that 62 children want to cook their own eggs, 57 children know how to cook eggs, and only 1 1 children actually cook their own eggs. Not only that, we also found that only 40 or 50 of the 397 parents answered "I hope children can take the initiative to help their parents with housework". Most people still think that "parents can do housework".
To know that children are members of the family, they should do their duty. The ultimate goal of family education is to help children get rid of their parents, move towards independence and successfully build their own lives. This requires cultivating their abilities step by step and constantly enhancing their sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. Doing housework is an important way to achieve this goal. As early as the Northern Qi Dynasty, Yan Zhitui, a writer, put forward the idea of "early education for young people" in Family Instructions of Yan. Comenius also said: a person's life is based on the teachings he received in childhood, so unless everyone's heart is cultivated in childhood and can cope with all the accidents in life, any opportunity will be missed. If children can't form the habit of loving labor from childhood, they will "die in their eyes", "don't care about others" and "don't understand" when they grow up. If you don't want children to love labor all their lives, parents might as well try to guide them to do some work within their power in a planned way:
1. If children are brought up at an early age, they should put away their daily necessities. After playing with toys, they should put the toys back in their original places and tidy the toy shelves regularly. Let children learn to take care of themselves step by step.
2. Let children participate in family work in a planned way: the whole family will carry out cleaning activities together on weekends, so that children can do some easy but orderly work, such as book sorting.
Let the children take care of the animals and plants at home, such as watering flowers and feeding small fish. The main purpose of these labors is to cultivate children's labor consciousness and habits. Cherish the labor of others.
Fourth, only words and deeds are emphasized, and examples and environmental impacts are ignored.
Parents often feel that children will understand only if they explain thoroughly and make sense. Therefore, parents are used to "talking" as the only way of education, and think it is the most convenient and effective way of education. There is too little praise and too much criticism for this kind of preaching. Some parents even said, "Look at so-and-so children, they are much better than you." Gradually, children are getting more and more tired of their parents' nagging. Parents turn a deaf ear to their children's nagging, even covering their ears, but parents are helpless when they are angry. At this time, parents may wish to adopt the method of combining the three religions:
1, word of mouth. In the process of education, we should consider children's feelings and give priority to praise and encouragement. Even criticism should be positive, such as: "The teacher said that you are very attentive in class, so it would be better if you could raise your hand on your own initiative." At the same time, parents should give their children a chance to speak, and the education process should be rational, well-founded, powerful and restrained.
2. Set an example. As the old saying goes, "It is better to teach by example than by example", which shows the importance of this form of education. Parents' positive, diligent, thoughtful, civilized, friendly, democratic and optimistic behaviors are often remembered by children and truly reproduced. It is often said that children are a mirror of their parents, which is the reason.
3. Environment. In ancient times, there was a story that Meng Mu moved three times to choose his neighbors, which showed the importance of the environment to a person's growth. This environment includes spiritual environment and material environment. The spiritual environment includes family culture and psychological atmosphere, so that children can live in a relaxed and peaceful atmosphere. The material environment should be simple and generous, not too luxurious. So as to develop children's simple good habits.
Fifth, neglect children's mental health education.
Liu Haiyang, a student from Tsinghua University, injured a black bear with sulfuric acid, which caused a storm in Beijing Zoo. Wei, a 18-year-old man in Xining, couldn't bear the pressure of his parents. He was admitted to an undergraduate college in the college entrance examination and even smashed his own mother ... It shocked all China people and said that today's society needs talents. An important prerequisite for this talent is to have a sound personality first, so mental health is equally important in family education:
1. Parents should constantly learn the knowledge of psychological education and know their children with keen insight. You know, children are not shrinking adults, and children have their own psychological world. Their sensory perception, attention, memory, thinking, imagination and other psychological processes have their own characteristics and their own development laws. When it rains, adults always go indoors, while children like to be full and have fun in the rain; Hearing other children say that they have been to Beijing, children who have never been to Beijing will also say that they have been to Tiananmen Square ... Parents often blame their children for being "disobedient" and think that children love to lie. In fact, it is often difficult for parents to understand such things, because they don't understand their children's psychology and blindly ask their children's lifestyle and psychological state after adulthood. Therefore, parents must understand and study the characteristics and laws of children's psychological development in order to guide and educate their children to grow up healthily and make their families harmonious and happy.
2. Pay attention to the child's reaction and communicate with him in time. Once a strong parent said to the teacher, "My son always said these days that it would be nice if the core retired. Who is the core? Do they have contradictions? " As soon as the teacher made an investigation, she knew that only one child was needed for the story contest in kindergarten. As a result, she lost her qualification because she didn't have a strong core when choosing in the class. In view of this situation, parents and children had a heart-to-heart talk and told their children that when others are better than themselves, they should study harder from others. People are different, and you can also give play to many of your advantages. This effectively solved the jealousy when the child was born. The foundation of people's good ideological morality and behavior habits is laid in childhood, among which family education is the most influential, and the success or failure of family education directly affects the growth and development direction of children. As Locke, a famous British educator in modern times, advocated: "Children's moral education must start from the cradle." "The early formation of children's spirit will affect their future life." "A small victory lies in wisdom, and a great victory lies in virtue" is the truth.
Sixth, overprotection limits the development of children's communicative competence.
This is a new family education problem with the post-80s generation stepping into the ranks of parents. Now many young parents are only children. One-child generation, six parents around a child. Parents are afraid that their babies will suffer, so they often instill "self-knowledge" and are used to holding their children's hands to let them grow up. Over time, children feel that there are many dangers outside, and the idea of needing parental protection is gradually escalating. In addition, some parents are reluctant to let their children associate with others in order to cover up some shortcomings of their children (stuttering, short stature, slow movement, etc.). ). Gradually form a withdrawn character.