After several months of joint efforts of "family support" consultants, Xiaoyu's situation has greatly improved.
With the consent of Xiaoyu's mother, we share Xiaoyu's changes over the past year, as well as her feelings and thoughts.
(The following content is taken from Xiao Yu's mother's notes, and "Xiao Yu" in the text is a pseudonym. )
The first time I was stimulated, I once participated in an open day activity in kindergarten. All the children can do imitation exercises with the teacher on the playground, only Xiaoyu stands motionless at the back of the team.
Then the teacher always reflected that the children didn't listen to instructions in kindergarten, asked parents to take their children back to practice, and suggested that we go to the hospital for testing. The results show that social withdrawal and developmental quotient lag.
Then the situation became more and more worrying to me.
The teacher tells stories to children in the activity room, and Xiaoyu will run to the sleeping room alone; In outdoor sports, I always squat alone and don't participate. The teacher described that although the child was in the classroom, he felt in two worlds with other children.
Every morning on the way to kindergarten, the children in the same class greet him, and he will pretend not to hear. When he came back from kindergarten, he never mentioned the names of the children in his class.
On June 1 day, the kindergarten arranged an opportunity for every child to perform on stage, but Xiaoyu never followed suit and even refused to wear costumes during rehearsal. At that time, he lost his temper and broke the card-issuing prop. From a video forwarded by other parents, I saw that other children were following the teacher to the stage, but Xiaoyu had been squatting next to him.
On the day of the performance, the teacher assigned me the task of calming the children's emotions. The activity went smoothly, but after the activity, the children returned to the classroom and needed their parents to leave. At this time, Xiaoyu suddenly ran back to the playground to find her mother. After the teacher took him back to the classroom, he began to cry and lose his temper. He kept opening and closing the drawers of the cupboard and dragging the cloth on the piano to the floor.
Since then, Xiaoyu's tantrums have occurred frequently. The most serious is the first semester of the middle class. He often has emotional events in kindergarten.
Once, I had a good time on the playground and didn't want to go back to class with the children. Later, I ran around in the corridor. After being caught by the teacher, I started yelling and losing my temper.
Sometimes it is because other children accidentally meet him, especially if the other party doesn't apologize in time, he will yell at the children. When you lose your temper, you will push the teacher who came to help out of the classroom, and sometimes you will yell and jump around in bed.
Once when talking at dinner, the teacher reminded him. As a result, he lost his temper on the ground and was bitten by the teacher when he went to hug him. Another time, I lost my temper and kept opening and closing the door. I hurt my child's hand at that time.
Every emotional event not only makes me anxious, but all my family members are anxious. Kindergarten teachers are also very anxious, but at the same time, they are very helpless. They are worried that his emotional attacks will cause security risks, so they often suggest that we transfer Xiaoyu to another school.
In fact, it is not only kindergarten, but Xiaoyu's performance at home is also very troublesome.
The child has never said "no" since he was 2 years old.
Be picky about food when eating, and definitely don't eat if you don't feed; You can't take a shower with water, or you will cry hysterically; When you shit, you can't go to the toilet; The 2-year-old early education class either does not enter the classroom, or jumps all over the floor to find teeth after entering; When I was 5 years old, I signed up for an English class and ran out of the classroom several times in tears. Children around us have many interest classes, while we have sensory training and sand table therapy.
In order to cultivate the ability to communicate with children, I invite the children of relatives and friends to go out to play almost every weekend, but almost every time, everyone's time is delayed because of Xiaoyu's mood, which affects everyone's mood.
I've been trying to solve Xiaoyu's situation. Going to the hospital, physical examination, treatment, training ... the effect is not good.
But a year later, Xiaoyu became different.
Willing to associate with children of the same age.
This is part of my diary:
The ability to control emotions has made great progress.
I also clearly feel that Xiaoyu has become more confident and brave than before.
Although Xiaoyu used to lose his temper, he was often too cautious when facing challenges. Much better now. I saw him run a few steps with my own eyes and then jump into the swimming pool. In the water park, he doesn't need his parents to accompany him, and he dares to skate with my sister at any height. Pirate ships, rapids, three-story expansion projects and opaque haunted houses in amusement parks can all be challenged; Go to the newly registered English class and say goodbye to your mother. You can walk into the classroom without looking back.
When he pricked his finger in the hospital, he calmly reached out to the doctor, his arm was straight, and then turned his head back and stuffed it into his father's arms. At the moment when the needle went in, his body just trembled slightly without saying a word.
What makes Xiaoyu change so much?
Looking back on this process, my deepest feeling is that all these changes are the result of the improvement of children's emotional state, and the improvement of emotional state is fundamentally due to the change of my interaction with children.
I used to be very strict with my children. My idea is that good habits should be cultivated from an early age, and children should be taken care of if they are not doing well or doing wrong. "No, no" is often my mantra. If you encounter problems, you will reason with your child, but when it doesn't make sense, you will lose your temper with your child and finally win with "strength".
When the child did something wrong in kindergarten, I went home to criticize the education and then canceled all the rewards. I never stood with my child when he needed me most.
Now, when the children call their mother, I usually put down the housework and run to the children first, because I know that it is not a problem to do housework two minutes late, but my intimate relationship with the children has been strengthened in these two minutes; When I go out, my father leads the children in front, and I will run a few steps as soon as possible to hold my son's hand and say, "I also want to lead Xiaoyu"; I often put down my mobile phone and play a hearty slapstick game with my children.
In the new way of interaction, children's bad emotions gradually decrease, and happy emotions accumulate in caring and companionship and various game interactions, and the atmosphere of the whole family is different from before.
Xiaoyu becomes cheerful, brave and willing to interact with children. Grandma accidentally trampled on his toy and was about to lose her temper. He actually said, "Forget it, build another one"; When children who play together refuse to join their new friends, Xiaoyu will say, "This is everyone's toy. Let's play together. " . This sweet change makes me firmly believe that the weight of love helps to maintain the stability of emotional balance, and the laughter brought by games can relax nervous nerves.
The important methods I learned from Family Support are: the method of comforting children's emotions with actions (not words), and the method of actively bringing children happiness with games.
I learned to comfort my emotions with actions (not words).
I used to know to understand and accept children's emotions, but because I didn't master the correct way to comfort children's emotions, I still couldn't make them emotional. Because there is no way to deal with it, I am afraid that the child will have emotions. I'm anxious when my children are emotional. The more anxious I am, the more difficult it is to deal with.
The most important thing to learn from family support is that what is needed to comfort children is "emotional action", not the rational language commonly used by adults. Mastering the effective methods and seeing the children calm down again and again in my comfort, I really got rid of my anxiety and finally stopped being afraid of the children's emotions. At the same time, it is also in the comfort of success again and again that I feel that I really understand what understanding and acceptance are.
I also learned to use games to bring happiness to children.
In the past, my children's frequent bad emotions made me exhausted, and I completely forgot the existence of good emotions. The support of my family not only made me realize the importance of a good mood again, but also taught me how to make my children happy through games. The game not only changed Xiaoyu's emotional state, but also changed the living atmosphere of our family. When I participated in the initial family support research, I heard a metaphor. My current experience has convinced me of this metaphor: laughter brought by games is an irreplaceable neurotrophic agent.
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For details of family support, you can make an appointment for the "first meeting" by private letter.
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Provide gamification psychological support for children.