After writing this topic, I suddenly found that it was a controversial topic. Different people must have different answers. Some people think that children's personality is very important, and personality will determine the future. Some people think that economic strength is very important, and good economic strength can provide a good education for children, so economic strength determines the future of children; Some people think that the strength of parents is very important, and children born in powerful families win at the starting line at birth. There must be many answers. I don't deny that the above reasons will affect the children's future more or less. But I don't think this is the most important thing. The most important factor that determines a child's future is actually the parents' cultural cognitive ability. What is cultural cognitive ability? It should be a person's realm, vision, tolerance, mind and taste. There is a saying that children can walk as far as their parents can when they stand on their parents' shoulders. How tall the parents are, how tall the children are (of course, the "height" here does not mean height). Whether a child is successful or not, the education of the day after tomorrow is very important, the most important of which comes from the education of parents. Therefore, parents' cultural awareness level is very important for children. The level of cultural cognition is not determined by academic qualifications and power. Admittedly, the success rate of children from economically and academically superior families is higher than that of families with poor parents and low educational level, but this is not an absolute factor. Look at those successful people. Their parents may have low academic qualifications, low cultural knowledge and little power, but they must have high vision, realm and taste. Most importantly, they must provide a relaxed and free environment for their children to grow up, and they know how to educate them. Some parents only know how to force their children to go to a better university, thinking that it will be more promising. In fact, you will find that most parents only know how to get their children into good universities, but have no further plans for their children's future. They don't know what their children should do and what they are suitable for after graduation. They just think, "Can graduates from good universities still find jobs?" Such parents are short-sighted. I chatted with a net friend the other day. The netizen said, "I have a child in the future. I don't want him to be smart, as long as he is healthy and happy." At that time, I felt that this netizen had a high level of cultural cognition, and it was really difficult for my parents to reach her realm. Many parents keep saying that it is good for their children to be healthy and happy. In fact, they put a lot of pressure on their children and deprived them of a lot of freedom. Especially in children's early education, scientific education methods are not paid attention to, and there are many misunderstandings in education, thus misleading children. These educational misunderstandings listed below are all learned from listening to other people's chats. Some of them happened between friends, or took Yiheng out to play, and some misled Yiheng. These misunderstandings in early education will mislead and influence children, and parents should avoid them. Case 1: Once, I took Yiheng to a friend's house in the suburbs to play. My friend invited several people, and everyone brought their children. Several four-or five-year-old children used their friends' yard as a playground. Tired of playing, Yiheng obediently went to the living room and sat on the sofa to have a rest. I was picking vegetables for my friends in the yard, thinking that Yiheng would come out to continue playing after a short rest, so I didn't care. But after a while, Yiheng didn't come out, so I went to the living room to find him and found him playing with a water gun alone in the living room. So I asked, "Yiheng, why don't you go out and play with your brothers and sisters?" My colleague's mother rushed over and told me, "I didn't let him go out." I told him,' You are playing in the house. If you go out, they will take away your toys. You are an obedient child, so you really play in the house honestly ... "Analysis: After listening to my colleague's mother's words, I was speechless for a moment and didn't know what to say. At that moment, I hated my dereliction of duty. Why didn't I follow YiHeng? And let others mislead him? The child's heart is a blank sheet of paper, but it has been stained by others because of my dereliction of duty. Her words must have had an impact on YiHeng, otherwise, he wouldn't honestly stay in the living room and play by himself. He must have listened to his colleague's mother and was afraid that others would rob him of his toys. In fact, my colleague's mother indirectly taught Yi Heng selfishness, putting other children on the opposite side of Yi Heng, and making Yi Heng, who has not yet the ability to distinguish, regard other children as potential enemies and will rob him of his toys. However, I have no right to blame others. So I held Yiheng in my arms, carried him to the yard and said to him, "Yiheng, look, my brothers and sisters are playing with water guns. Will you compete with them? " See who can shoot the water in the water gun farthest. "A constant is very interested in this game, so once again into the clique. Similar cases: There are many cases similar to the above, and the following is also a typical indirect teaching of selfishness to children-Lele, 1, three years old, just went to kindergarten, and after a few days, she didn't want to go. Ma Le said to Lele, "If you don't go to kindergarten, others will rob you of your stool. If you go to kindergarten again, there will be no stool to sit on. "2. Five-year-old Jun Jun wants to hold her favorite Barbie doll before going to kindergarten in the morning. When her mother saw it, she immediately said, "You can't take it. After taking it, other children will take it from you. "At this time, the correct way for parents is to teach their children to share credits instead of indirectly teaching him to be selfish. Case 2: I once took Yiheng out to play and met a colleague. At that time, Yiheng was eating some snacks in his hand, and his colleague said, "Can you give me some?" Yiheng immediately handed his snacks to his colleagues generously. Colleagues didn't take snacks, but praised Yiheng: "Thank you, auntie." Then he turned to me and said, "The little guy is quite generous, not stingy at all. "Analysis: I was very angry at the time. I really hate this "teasing" behavior. Maybe some mothers think it's no big deal, it's a normal little thing. However, this kind of behavior does bring many negative effects to children. First, the child was praised for doing nothing. Moreover, praised behavior is what children should do. People should not praise what they should do as "virtue", which will distort children's values. Second, the purpose of colleagues is to "keep playing", just to test the generosity of children. However, this method is ignorant. When the child finished distributing snacks, he refused to eat them. After a long time, children will think that others will ask me for something and they will not really eat it. If one day, someone really eats his food, he will feel uncomfortable and even cry. Since snacks are given to children, they should be eaten symbolically, otherwise it will disturb their way of thinking. Children will think it's normal for you to give me snacks and not eat them. So, when my colleague refused, I took the snack from Yiheng and said to Yiheng, "Auntie is embarrassed to eat it. Come, I'll give it to my aunt. " Then I handed the snack to my colleague and told her, "This is delicious. Just try it. I can buy some for my children another day. "I can't let others mislead my children. I will try my best to reduce the negative influence of others on my children. Perhaps, I have many shortcomings and unscientific places, but I am willing to learn the most scientific parenting methods. For consistency, I am willing to work hard to be a mother with high cultural cognitive ability. Case 3: During the summer vacation, Xiaoya's mother sent three-year-old Xiaoya to her grandmother's house in the countryside. After Xiaoya came back from the countryside, Xiaoya's mother found that Xiaoya always urinated standing up. Xiaoya's mother stopped it several times, but it didn't work. Later, when Xiaoya stood up to pee again, Xiaoya's mother would hit her. Analysis: This is understandable, and it is a normal performance. There are many children in the countryside. Xiaoya must have seen the little boy pee standing up, so she imitated it. Children around the age of three have strong imitation ability, and it is not surprising to imitate boys standing to pee. Xiaoya's mother graduated from a famous university and has a profound cultural background, but this does not mean that she has a strong cultural cognitive ability. If she is willing to study and study early education, she can certainly learn from various early education periodicals and parenting books that it is a normal behavior for children to imitate the posture of urinating of the opposite sex, and parents can't blame or interfere rudely. You can take the opportunity to give your child a brief talk about the difference between men and women and the knowledge of human body structure. Xiaoya's mother beat her child rudely, and the child didn't know why she was beaten, which left indelible harm to her psychology. Case 4: This is a scene I saw on the shuttle bus to work: a mother took her son home by shuttle bus, and his son took out the bananas that his mother just bought to eat. The mother grabbed the banana in her son's hand, peeled it for her son and handed it to him. I didn't expect my son to cry and refuse to pick up the bananas peeled by his mother. He took another banana out of his bag, and his mother grabbed it and peeled it. The child still refused to eat the bananas peeled by his mother and began to cry and make a scene. The mother accused the child in front of a bus: "You are a stubborn donkey. I've peeled it for you. Why are you crying? "I really can't stand it. I said to my mother, "if you let the child peel the banana by himself, he will definitely stop making trouble." "The mother handed the child an unpeeled banana with a grain of salt, and the child peeled it cheerfully and stopped crying. Seeing that the child was about to send the banana to his mouth after peeling it, his mother added disappointedly, "Don't throw the banana peel in the car, or the uncle who drives will kick you out of the car. "Analysis: Seeing this scene on the bus, I feel sorry for my child. I feel sorry for my child having such a mother. In a short scene, there are at least three inappropriate places in the mother's practice. The child wants to peel bananas. His purpose is not only to eat, but also to experience the fun of peeling a banana. His mother deprived him, which is one of them. Secondly, blaming children in front of everyone hurts their self-esteem and makes them lose face. Third, push the "driver" across from the child. In fact, when the child peels a banana, she can take this opportunity to tell the child about the knowledge of civilized manners. For example, she can't throw rubbish everywhere. And that mother, however, used such an inappropriate way. Case 5: When Xin Wei's mother was going to work in the morning, Xin Wei said to her mother, "Mom, I don't want you to go to work. Will you play with me? " "No, mom goes to work to earn money to buy toys for you, and then we can buy a new house. If mom doesn't work to earn money, we have to go back to our hometown and live in a garbage room. Would you like to go back to your hometown and live in a garbage room without toys? "Xin Wei's mother replied." Mom, I don't want to live in a garbage room. Go to work to earn money. When you make money, buy me toys and a house. "The child answered his mother. Analysis: Xin Wei's mother's answer seems correct, but she didn't instill correct values and outlook on life in her children. She regards the purpose of going to work as making money to buy toys and houses for her children, which is a short-sighted and narrow-minded performance. Why not teach children a sense of responsibility? Why not tell the children that if the unit pays the mother, the mother has to go to work on time and work for the unit. Besides, the work also needs a mother, and the mother must complete her own work tasks. Misleading children for a while will mislead them for a lifetime. I wonder if mother is aware of this? Case 6: Recently, Rui Rui's mother found that Rui Rui suddenly became stubborn and refused to allow anyone to touch his finished toys. Even if he fills the living room with toys and there is no place to put pins at home, he won't let his mother clean it up. After Mary forcibly tidied up, she would cry and make noise, and once again put toys everywhere. Every time, Mary would accuse the child, regardless of the child's crying, forcibly packing the child's toys elsewhere. Analysis: In fact, Rui Rui's performance is normal, and all children who pursue perfection will have such performance. However, Rui Rui's mother understood her child's bossiness and irritability and blamed her child. Children who are not satisfied in the sensitive period will be greatly depressed psychologically. In life, he will have many destructive actions to relieve his repressed emotions. For example, he will tear up the book he is reading when he is in a bad mood, or he will drop something. Giving children a relaxed and free environment and helping them get through this period smoothly will improve this situation. Mary thinks what she has done is not wrong, but it is actually because of ignorance that she forcibly deprived her children of their freedom and set obstacles for their growth. Children who grow up in such a family environment, no matter how good the economic conditions are, are difficult to become talents and mentally healthy children. In the growth of children, the influence of parents can not be ignored, especially the influence of mothers on children. The quality of a mother largely determines the quality of a child. Any child is like an uncut raw material with strong plasticity, but what kind of child can be carved is very important to parents' cultural cognitive ability. If you have Michelangelo's cognitive ability, you can carve the stone into the world-famous David; If you have Pheidias's cognitive ability, you can carve marble into Athena statue, which is regarded as one of the seven wonders of the world. If you have the cognitive ability of Politos, you can carve bronze into a lancer. If you don't have that cognitive ability, even if I give you a ton of gold, you will carve it into waste. Your child, the future is in your own hands! You decide your child's future!