Wise people know the secret-how to see the unconsolidated part of their subconscious in others, so that parents, children, brothers, colleagues and even enemies can become helpers in life.
Your spouse is your subconscious.
There is an article entitled "Your spouse is your subconscious", which points out that people are originally a whole, but in order to adapt to the environment, they have developed some psychological activities and suppressed others, and as a result, they have become "half-human".
Your spouse is your subconscious. When looking for a spouse, people will be attracted to people who have psychological activities that they lack (in fact, they are not lacking, but depressed). The combination of these two people seems to have become a whole again. So some couples are relatively harmonious at first, but after a long time together, they will also split-everyone's internal psychological activities will continue to develop. People are not in conflict with their spouses, but with their own subconscious.
Everyone's mind is complete at the most basic level. No matter what qualities you think you have, you must have the opposite qualities. It is only because of various internal and external belief constraints that what is considered "correct" is shown.
I am a strict self-disciplined person, but also an informal person;
I am an indecisive person and a decisive person;
I am a person with lofty aspirations and a person who is content with the status quo.
Every aspect of the subconscious is not unacceptable, and it must have its positive significance. Both sides of each pair of characteristics need to be fully seen, understood, accepted and integrated, and finally transformed into wisdom-gradually transcend sublimation from the perspective of duality and have a deeper understanding of themselves and the world.
If you can't see clearly, then your partner will be the best mirror to help you see your inner integrity and accept the repressed other side.
Your child is also your subconscious.
China's parents want their children to succeed, and their daughters to succeed. In fact, they regard their children as "their own body double". Projecting one's insufficient performance (that is, depression or semi-depression) to children, so that children can complete their unfinished mission. Many parents go through this process unconsciously. At this time, what is projected on the child is the subconscious of the parents.
For example, one parent is excellent. She wants her children to be excellent, too. She started prenatal education before the child was born, and took her children to learn early education after confinement. Children are excellent in small classes in kindergarten, but they have "behavior problems" in middle classes. They don't obey discipline, often rob other people's things, quarrel with children, cry, and sometimes pee their pants. Parents take their children to see a psychiatrist. Psychologists say it has something to do with family education, but parents think family education is fine.
Parents themselves are excellent, which shows that she has the mask of "excellent molecules". People are not born excellent or not, but have both good and bad sides. Parents "play" the mask of outstanding elements, that is, the mask of suppressing "backward elements".
She must be very resistant to the mask of backwardness. She hates backward elements and is afraid of becoming backward elements, so she tries to be an excellent element. The better she is, the deeper the mask of backward elements is suppressed. Finally, even she herself is deceived, thinking that she has no mask of backward elements. But judging from her pursuit of Excellence and fear of backwardness, the mask of backward elements exists on her. Now, the mask of repressed backward elements is projected on children.
Maybe this child is not as backward as other children. However, mother has a strong mask of backward elements, and she is very sensitive to backward elements. She immediately recognized the characteristics of the child and put on the mask of backward elements. If she accepts the mask of backwardness, she will allow her children to fall behind and grow up with them.
The problem is that she doesn't accept the backward molecular mask. She wants to "destroy" the child's backward molecular mask, so she becomes hostile to the child's backward molecular mask (and the child). In the hostile state, the child is very hurt, and he will definitely resist, and the result is getting worse and worse.
Parents, brothers and sisters, colleagues, enemies ......
It's all your subconscious.
After analyzing your spouse and children, you should follow the same principle-your parents are also your subconscious. Many people hate their parents. They think their parents can't do this or that. They don't like it. They tried to reform their parents, and as a result, their relationship with their parents was very tense and there were frequent conflicts. When a person feels that his parents are not right about anything, it shows that he has projected the mask of "wrong elements" on his parents.
Only when you think you are right and your parents are wrong, will you try to reform your parents, indicating that you have used the mask of "Rightists". In fact, everyone makes mistakes. People who think they are always right suppress the mask of wrong elements and then project it on others, so they are very nervous about other people's mistakes.
Your brothers and sisters are also your subconscious. They all inherit their parents' genes, but the personality differences between brothers and sisters can be very large, because everyone just "inherits" one part and suppresses the other. If brothers and sisters are put together, they will be closer to "family character".
Since everyone only inherits a part, the depressed part is reflected in others, so brothers and sisters are subconscious to each other. If brothers and sisters have a harmonious relationship, it means that everyone accepts what they don't have (in fact, depression) but the other party does, and accepts differences. If brothers and sisters are incompatible, it means that everyone subconsciously doesn't accept it.
Your colleague is also your subconscious, unless you have no feelings for him, neither like nor hate him. If there is, he is probably your subconscious. If he makes you love and hate, then he must be your subconscious.
Finally, your enemy is also your subconscious. When people project masks they don't accept onto others, they will naturally reject that person as if they don't accept their own masks, and then reject him, hate him and attack him. If the other person also projects a mask that he doesn't accept on you, then the two people are right.
To sum up, the people around you are your subconscious. They are your body double, your projection and your mirror. They externalize your mask and let you see yourself clearly. Only when we understand this can we find that everyone's existence brings us a unique gift-seeing the whole self, but giving gifts in different ways. If you can receive every gift smoothly, your life will be extremely rich, and everyone is a veritable "noble" to you.
Five rules
Be yourself completely and truly.
Rule number one:
Look at the inside from the outside and look at yourself from others. Only through others can you know who you really are.
In the process of getting to know each other, you know yourself unconsciously. To understand his feelings and thoughts, you will know yourself better, and you will become each other's mirrors.
In fact, those who disgust you are helping you. They help you understand yourself and show you your dark side. This is why the closer we get to a person, the easier it is to be disgusted, because he shows you his true colors. What annoys you most about others is usually what you can't stand.
Rule number two:
What kind of person you are, you will think that others are also. The part where you can't tolerate others is the part where you can't tolerate yourself.
A person with bad moral character will doubt the moral character of others; A person who is disloyal to others will also doubt others' loyalty to him; A dishonest and unprincipled person will "think wrong" about any behavior of others-because he is such a person.
If you love to lose your temper, you will think that others often make you angry, and everything may be the reason for your anger.
It's not that everything is wrong, but that you can project, and you can project what is hidden in yourself to others. Similarly, what others say to you reflects who they are and their inner world. They criticize you probably because they are dissatisfied with themselves, and even they are the kind of people they criticize. Therefore, when you gradually understand all this in your heart and move towards goodness, you will stop criticizing others and rebound from criticizing others.
Rule number three:
What kind of people will be attracted to you inside. What you excluded from the outside, what you excluded from the inside.
Generally speaking, those people we get along with happily reflect our inner self-orientation that we like and accept; And those we don't like reflect our inner unhappiness and unwillingness.
When someone asks me how to improve my relationship, I always tell them, "First of all, you should go deep into your heart. Unless your internal problems are solved first, you will not improve, but will create more problems. " It is better to teach both sides to live in harmony than to teach them to make their hearts harmonious, so that both sides will naturally be harmonious; Instead of teaching them how to improve their self-growth, it is better to teach them how to improve their feelings, so that the relationship will naturally grow.
Everyone's external words and deeds are the presentation of inner thoughts. If you can't trust yourself, it's hard to trust others; If you can't respect yourself, it's hard to respect others; If you are not sure of yourself, it is difficult to be sure of others; If you can't illuminate yourself, you can't illuminate others.
When partners hurt each other without love, I will not tell them how to love each other hard, but ask them to learn to love themselves first, because hurting each other is actually hurting themselves.
Your relationship with everyone reflects your relationship with yourself. Here are some questions you can check for yourself:
When I observe your reaction to me, I feel ... (anger, fear, loss of control, confusion and other emotions. )
You reflect on who I am?
The problem that "external" puzzles us is the part that "internal" can't be integrated. If you want to improve everything on the outside, you must start by changing the inside.
Rule 4:
If you restrain others, you will be restrained yourself. The more you hate, the more bound you are, and the more you love, the more free you are.
When you control others, you are also controlled; You tie others up, others will tie you up. Think about it: when you control others and forbid them to do this and that, what if they don't do what you say? What will happen to you? You'll be unhappy. Your mood is decided by others. Do you think they are under your control? No, actually, you're in control.
Controlling others is "an eye for an eye", and everyone is blind as a result.
If you keep thinking about the old pain in your memory, you are giving the people and things that caused the pain in the first place the power to hurt you again and again. That's why I say that when you hate others, it means that you hate yourself to some extent.
How to completely destroy the enemy? Turn an enemy into a friend! You will find that the person who is most difficult to forgive is the one you need to forgive most; The hardest person to let go is the one you need to let go most.
Rule five:
If you are very exclusive, that is the subject you must study. If you appreciate it, it can become love.
Our main interpersonal relationships constantly reflect what the subject of learning is. Whether it's your boss, colleagues, deployment, friends, lovers, spouses or children, these people's personalities, ideas and behaviors that you don't like are often the parts you need to learn. They will show your shadow, repeat your annoying words and deeds over and over again, and let you learn.
When someone points out your mistake, you are angry with that person, but is it his fault? No, he's just helping you get your moldy shadow out in the sun.
When others accuse you in the future, don't attack or fight back immediately as before. You should start asking yourself, because what they say is probably true. If it is not true, why are you so "serious"?