I'll take Tim to Chaoyang Park at the weekend. When I meet my neighbor Xiao Ke, I set up a tent to bask in the sun. Chatting, Xiaoke met her colleague Anna and her baby Luke, accompanied by two old people.
Anna enthusiastically introduced: "these are my parents, who came from America to help me with my children a year ago!" " Xiaoke exchanged pleasantries with his family for a while, and then came back and muttered to me, "God, I thought old Americans didn't help with their children! " "
Whether chatting with friends around you or online, you can often see the view that the elderly in the United States live a chic life, and 18-year-old children are very independent. When they go out, they don't have to pay college tuition or look after their children. And some people think that the reason why American mothers work full-time is that there is no tradition of the elderly taking care of their children, but is this really the case? Today, we are going to reveal the truth about American elderly people taking care of their babies.
Is it true that the elderly in America don't have babies?
Official data speak for themselves. What is the concept of 2.7 million? I looked it up. In 20 19, there were 53.2 million elderly people over 65 in the United States, half of whom were great-grandparents. In other words, about one thousand "American grandparents" are taking care of their babies.
In fact, this is also in line with the reality we saw when living in the United States. In the maternity hospital where Tim was born, my neighbor's mother, my mother-in-law, came to help early. Moreover, in the park, you can also see many elderly men and women pushing baby strollers.
So why do we have the impression that "foreign grandparents don't take babies"? That's because American families that people pay attention to are often a few middle-class and elite families. They can use one person's income to meet the expenses of the whole family, so that one of the husband and wife can take care of the children.
Ps: Apart from economic reasons, the racial composition in the United States is complex, and different races have their own parenting traditions. For example, in Italian and Asian families, the proportion of grandparents raising children is relatively high.
American grandparents did three right things to their children.
A friend asked me curiously: "When grandparents in the United States take care of their babies, will they cause parenting conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law like us?" With her questions, I made an overseas phone call and chatted with my friend Claire. Finally, it is found that there are fewer contradictions compared with the intergenerational education in China, so how do they do it? What can we learn from it?
First: put yourself in a correct position: I'm just an assistant.
Claire and her husband are both doctors and work five days a week. All three children gave their mothers five days to spend the weekend together. I asked her if she would conflict with her mother's concept of parenting, or if she would interfere with her mother's management of her children as a grandmother. She said, "Not at all. My mother and I both have our own methods. No matter who the child is, we will abide by the rules. " I also met a foreign grandmother who took her grandson to early education in Tim's early education class. She said, "Although I am willing to help, I also have my principles."
Compared with domestic intergenerational parenting, grandparents take care of too much, and young parents also hope that the elderly can follow their own rules. American parenting is more about "border sense" and "respect". If our grandparents can also put themselves in the position of "helping" and not interfere with their children's education, perhaps there will be fewer contradictions.
Second: enjoy family happiness, but not all.
Grandma Tim's old best friend came home one day and saw me taking care of the baby while working at home. She said enviously to Grandma Tim, "It's very kind of you to do so. If you want to enjoy family happiness, you can come to your daughter's house as a guest. It's not like we help with the children, and we can't even travel. As soon as the baby comes out, we can't walk! "
Grandma Tim's lifestyle is actually very common in America. Amy is a classmate of Tim's early education class, which is usually brought by her grandmother. For a while, she suddenly became a strange old lady. I didn't know that she was Amy's aunt until I asked. It is said that her grandmother has travel plans and has already flown to Hawaii.
Grandparents have worked hard all their lives and should enjoy life after retirement. Family happiness is part of enjoying life, but not the whole thing. Instead of taking care of the baby while complaining, it is better to try your best to help on the basis of ensuring your life plan.
Third: educate like your own children, don't spoil them.
In the Chinese "intergenerational education", the biggest headache for parents is the doting of their elders on their children. Every time a girlfriend takes her baby back to her in-laws' house, she always makes trouble, because her mother-in-law always pampers her son unprincipled.
Claire told me that during the summer vacation, three children went to grandpa's farm for a holiday. I didn't expect grandpa to arrange a lot of farm work for them. In the video, the daughter shouted at her tired, and her husband said that he helped his father like this when he was a child.
Not only Claire's father-in-law, but also the grandparents I met in the early education class have to take care of the children. They should be reasonable. 2, 3-year-old children come to class with schoolbags on their backs and have never seen their elders help them.
Parenting from generation to generation is a kind of "double complete method"
Before, a friend just became a mother and wanted to know whether to quit her job and take care of the baby full-time. In fact, her parents and in-laws are retired and are old teachers. If she can help, she may not have to sacrifice her career, but she thinks there are too many parenting problems. In fact, intergenerational education has always been the mainstream.
Cangyang Jiacuo said in a poem: "The two laws are safe in the world, but you can't bear the responsibility of the Tathagata." For busy modern parents, the dilemma is that they can't take care of both children and the elderly, but isn't "intergenerational parenting" exactly this dual method?
Sometimes when I go out to do business, I leave Tim at my grandmother's house. Sometimes when I come in, I see my grandparents and grandchildren working on a complicated puzzle. It's really enviable to get serious. For parents with complicated affairs, it is rare to have such patience to play with their children. In games that don't require much effort, grandparents are actually a better choice.
The beneficiaries of "intergenerational education" are not only us or children, but also grandparents themselves. Many foreign pension institutions have begun to try to put nurseries and nursing homes together. Children's vitality can make the elderly feel better, and playing with babies can also predict Alzheimer's disease.
Braised mother has something to say:
Grandparents in China and the United States have the same love for their children. As long as both sides can be more understanding and tolerant, it is indeed a good thing to kill two birds with one stone to raise children of different generations. Do you think so?
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