What's the use of going to college?
When I was a child, people in the village called me a college student, because they thought that children who loved reading would be admitted to the university. In their eyes, there are only two universities in China, one is Tsinghua and the other is Peking University. This is a good thing and a bad thing. On the bright side, for a long time, the picture of me herding cattle on the hillside with a book under my arm was talked about and widely praised by the villagers, and I also used it as a blueprint to educate my children. I enjoyed the honor of being admitted before I was admitted. Unfortunately, a few years later, although I was admitted to the university, it was not Tsinghua, nor Peking University, or even the point. This incident failed to live up to the expectations of our whole village, because in their eyes, there are only two universities in China, one is Tsinghua, the other is Peking University, and the others are the same as not being admitted.
When I failed in the college entrance examination for the first time, I tore up my books and wanted to go out to work. At that time, all the families in our village with girls going out to work became rich and built buildings one after another. I am the only girl studying in the village, and only a few people in my family are still crowded in a small and shabby house, and all the clothes are picked up by others. I am unwilling and reluctant. My mother didn't try to persuade me, but simply said, look at them coming back from work, glamorous, and you can't see how much people outside have suffered. They have no education, and they all do assembly line work. They are still young, and they are going blind. Girls are only a few years younger, and when they get old, they come back and find someone to marry, and that's it for life.
If you want to do this all your life, you can go and I won't stop you.
I know what it means to be like this all my life. My best friend as a child, a particularly good-looking girl. We went to school together and agreed to enter the same university. She got good grades and was willing to study, but she couldn't beat her parents and eventually dropped out of school. A few years later, I went back to my hometown. She was married, nursing at the mahjong table and teasing the men around her with a rough voice. She is no longer the gentle and meticulous girl I remember, but an ordinary peasant woman in this village. Our eyes met that day and there was embarrassment in each other's eyes. She smiled at me, tugged at her clothes and then went back to touch the cards.
I went to repeat because I was unwilling. I don't want to stay in a village all my life and be forgotten by time. There are towns outside villages and rivers outside mountains in this world. I want to see the rivers and towns, the land and people outside, and I want to decide my own pace and speed. Everything in life should be your own choice, not forced to make a living.
Then I went to the north. In September 2009, I dragged my luggage to Anshan and dreamed for four years.
In June+10, 5438, I found the first job advertisement posted in front of the library. I read it and called. The other party said, I'm sorry I found someone. After hanging up the phone, I sent her a short message unwillingly. Sister, I won't interfere with your decision, but please consider me in case something happens. Later, I really got the job and worked as an English teacher for a little girl for four years.
Looking back on those four years, I joined the student union, participated in clubs, participated in various activities and competitions, found more * * *, and my life was filled with it. I am like a newly transplanted plant, trying to plunge every root into the soil deeply, and with desperate paranoia and courage, I want to stand up quickly by my own strength.
Slowly, you can stand up, gain a firm foothold, get good grades in your favorite field, make many like-minded friends, have a lot of time, do what you want, and meet Mr. Zhang after a failed relationship.
My four years in college are really, really wonderful.
I have always felt this way, even if those are nothing in the eyes of others, but I know that I have tried my best to live. Everything is deeply engraved in life and has become an honor that can warm your life.
At this point in the story, do you think the next step is the bloody inspiration to fight back? Sorry to disappoint you.
June 20 13, I dragged my suitcase to Dalian, lived in a cubicle of 5 square meters, and worked as an intern in an early education company, doing marketing, planning, activities, translation and copywriting only on the whim of a female boss. Work overtime for free until 9: 30 in the evening every day. Two months later, I left and worked as a receptionist at Ted.
I still don't understand why I was chosen, because I clearly know that my appearance is hard to convince. Fortunately, the front desk of Ted is not to cultivate vases, but to do a lot of administrative affairs, and there are many job-hopping opportunities. I told myself, then calm down, start from small things, and start from adding tea and pouring water to distribute express delivery.
I find it ironic to think of it. When I didn't want to repeat it in 2008, my mother discussed with me and wanted to put me in the post office. At that time, I told her proudly that I didn't want to send newspapers and letters every day for a month to earn that little money. Unexpectedly, this sentence became a surprise after six years. For half a year, most of my daily work was to distribute newspapers and letters, and the money I earned in a month was hardly enough to eat.
Life is sometimes strange. You think that if you put on a fearless look, the world will give way to you, but fate only needs a contemptuous smile and a slap in the face to roll you around and reshape the world view.
June 20 14, a whole year before graduation. I worked at Ted for nine months and met all kinds of people. The university never taught me how to get along with leading colleagues, nor did it teach me what to consider in a job besides the task itself. Sometimes I think too much, sometimes I don't think enough, and I can't always grasp the degree accurately. I seem to be a child who will never speak again. Every sentence I blurt out is wrong and I can only choose silence.
After graduating from college, I didn't choose English-related majors. After four years of accumulation, I gradually fell into a trance, not sure whether to pick it up again or just forget it. There are too many cares, too many fetters, too many trivialities. Many times, I watched the time pass in meaningless trifles, but there was nothing I could do. I suddenly questioned the value of all work, as if everything was a waste. I thought I could refine time into a pure clock, but I clearly saw that there were too many impurities in it. Maybe it's true, nothing is perfect, let alone life. Books seem to have taught me everything, but I seem to have learned nothing.
I moved to the maritime university near my company and paid half my salary every month to pay the rent. There are also bits and pieces of manuscript fees, but not much. Dreams become far away. How to earn extra money and save the rent for the next quarter in advance is the real problem to be solved. I thought that the salary of 2000 yuan a month was already very low, but when I went out, I found that the original monthly salary 1500 was everywhere.
The world suddenly filled with college students, and dreams began to be as cheap as college students. I didn't find a tall job that matched my major, but I became an ordinary white-collar worker in this world. Sometimes I think of my own unwillingness, and sometimes I suddenly think of everyone in all corners of the country. I want to ask, is your life like this? But just after graduation, I feel tired. How can I live longer in the future?
So, here, do you think this is a nagging and meaningless essay about the university? Sorry, you will be disappointed again.
More often, I tell myself, don't worry, take your time and think about the way out. No matter how low my salary is, I insist on buying books, writing and thinking every month, reminding myself from time to time to be sober, not to go with the flow, not to be numb by the seemingly comfortable life, and not to be the person I used to hate the most. Maybe I can't live the life I want, but at least I have the ability to escape the life I don't want to live.
Today, I am grateful for four years of life in the ivory tower. The utilitarian view is that four years of college has enabled me to complete my attempts in all dimensions of life at the least cost. For four years, I earned most of my living expenses. I can even spare no effort to buy some slightly more expensive clothes, go to some slightly better places to eat, maintain a normal social life, and do not wronged others or myself. After three years of activities, I have made many like-minded friends. Their simple insistence on their dreams makes me feel interesting to live. More importantly, the university let me know Mr. Zhang, which made me have good luck in life.
Maybe if I didn't go to college and chose to go out to work with girls in the same village, maybe my life would be different now. Maybe I married a primary school classmate in a neighboring village and had a Xiong Haizi who could cook soy sauce. Maybe I can earn more than I do now. I bought three spacious and bright big tile houses for my family with the money I got from my youth and sweat, and raised a pig in the yard. Maybe I can be closer to home, so that I can go back to take care of my mother as soon as possible when she is ill, instead of just telling her to take medicine and have an injection on the phone; Perhaps there are too many possibilities, and every deviation leads to countless possibilities. Too many assumptions and possibilities are not enough to clearly outline another version of life.
There are too many choices in life, and every time I finish one, I feel that I have lost too much, but how can I figure out the pros and cons before making a choice?
Human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, but how can there be a foolproof life in this world? College is just one of your many choices. It cannot decide anyone's life. Not that you have been to college, nor that you have been to college. After four years, what qualitative changes will you have? But it opened a door to the unknown world for you in your most reckless and brave youth. Here, you don't have to bear the burden of supporting your family, and you don't have to learn the calculations of adults too early. It makes you stand on the edge of the world and indulge in the beauty brought by youth, knowledge, courage, hard work and friends.
Let you really step into the endless loneliness and desolation of life, and you can light a lamp for yourself with your initial memory.
Because you know that you will never meet those beautiful things again, you can wipe your tears, settle down, adjust your armor and sharpen your weapons.
Prepare to start fighting in the adult world.