I'm glad to hear from you again. You said that the parenting concept I shared with you last time benefited you a lot, which made me happier.

In your letter, you said that you hit two children, Yuan Yuan and Xiao Dian, the other day, because you repeatedly told them not to play with the socket casually, but they still played with the socket as a toy when you weren't paying attention. You got angry when you saw it. You hit them with a ruler and stood for more than ten minutes. You said you were sad and even regretted watching them stand in the corner with tears. If you don't hit them, you are afraid that they will make mistakes again.

? Should children be punished after all? And what kind of punishment can make children understand and correct their mistakes? Yes, most parents are ambivalent about punishment, especially corporal punishment.

When it comes to the word "punishment", I feel very strict. However, in reality, we live in a world of punishment. There are penalties for speeding and paying water and electricity bills ... We should let children know that punishment exists. Punishment is not a crime, not a threat, but a means. If they make mistakes, they will be punished.

In fact, it is not that children cannot accept punishment, but that they must explain why. Corporal punishment is not an end, but a means of punishment. Letting children bear their own mistakes is an effective means, and it is also an effective way for parents to cultivate children's good behavior habits through punishment. If you can defeat the enemy without fighting, then you can choose not to punish him. However, on the other hand, beating is just a means to make children understand mistakes and avoid making the same mistakes again. Therefore, after the fight, you must sit down calmly, analyze the cause and effect of the matter face to face with your child, explain the truth, and tell the circle: Why did mom hit you, what should I do next time? Let them understand their mistakes and their consequences through their own thinking and expression.

Since ancient times, the best punishment principle is Zhuge Liang. He said: "the reward is far away, the punishment is not in sight, a knight can't get something for nothing, and the punishment can't be exempted." Let children naturally worship and love you, and they will naturally obey you.

When it comes to beating and scolding corporal punishment, we have to think of school violence and child bullying, which originated from social learning. Starting from the family, if parents take care of their children with a hostile, irresponsible and indifferent attitude, such as abandonment or domestic violence, the child's social interaction will be in a negative state, and the possibility that the child will become a violent person in the future will be greatly improved. Secondly, after children enter primary school, they are deeply influenced by teachers at school, because children are in the imitation stage at this time. If the teacher chooses the wrong way of discipline, the possibility of bullying will also increase. If bullying happens between classmates, if the teacher doesn't stop it, it may also cause other students to have wrong values.

The development of children's personality is closely related to family life. Family members, especially parents, are usually the first important people in children. These important people have a decisive influence on children's physical and mental development. Parents who care little or nothing about their children are likely to become bullies. And those parents who are enlightened, caring, tolerant and warm in discipline are more positive in psychology and less prone to behavioral deviation.

Kōnosuke Matsushita's wife Matsushita Ye Mei said in the book "The Wife of God": "The so-called suffering refers to the inner suffering. Nothing, money is not painful. This is a difficulty. As long as there is hope, it is not difficult. Peace of mind is the root of happiness. " This peace is a sense of security. And children's positive psychology needs a safe environment to express their emotions. A sense of security is a necessary condition for children's growth and the foundation of happiness. Manage a safe and trusting living atmosphere, let children feel emotionally, and let our children be protected and happy during their growth.

You also mentioned in your letter that you met a little girl named Guoguo in the circle and dot kindergarten. The child is smart and lively, but she seems to be precocious and can read people's words, which makes you very uncomfortable. Later, when you learned about her family, you understood the crux of the immature fruit. It turns out that Guoguo's parents divorced long ago, and the children were brought up in grandpa's family. Parents play the role of loving couple for their children on weekends. However, how to protect children from this seemingly inseparable relationship? Therefore, it is not surprising that people look at people and talk. You said that sometimes when you see the behavior and words of the fruit, it is inevitable that you will not pity the child.

I couldn't help sighing when I saw the fruit. Divorce may hurt children for a short time, but it is right to be as friendly, safe and warm as possible as long as it is remedied. "What children fear most is that no one loves them." We were all children. Have we forgotten how we felt when we were children? And some adults think that children can't accept the facts and cheat them, which is even more cruel and harmful. In the face of unreal families, children will be more disappointed and at a loss.

Being cheated is a terrible experience, not to mention a child who has no control over life. If you are often cheated, you will definitely accumulate into suspicious people or become a liar to escape suffering. The problem of honesty between parents and children is more important, besides material things, trust based on experience.

I've been nagging you so much before I know it. In a word, what I want to say is that life must be consistent with education, otherwise it will not play the role of education. We should pay more attention to the educational process of natural internalization through daily life. Right?

Your close friend: Kong Kong