Yesterday on the bus, I saw a tired mother get on the bus with her six or seven-year-old son. It seems that she became interested in class right after school. The mother sat down with her big bag and her son's musical instrument on her back, signaling her son to sit down, too. The energetic son didn't listen, clamoring for his mother's body and ran from the front of the car to the back of the car. The driver teacher gently reminded the children not to run around in the carriage, to no avail. Later, the driver got angry and shouted at his mother: Do you care about your children? Scared the little boy to sit down at once.

I once heard a mother vomit: if you have a daughter, you will find her at home, next to the doll and next to the book; If you have a son, you may find him here: under the bed, on the cupboard, on the tree, in the river, on the balcony railing, in the mud …

Many adults find that compared with girls with stable personality, the growth process of boys is not smooth. The changes that have taken place in the process of boys' growth, as well as the performance state in different periods, sometimes make us unprepared. Because of my work, I came into contact with a lot of little boys. To tell the truth, well-behaved and obedient little boys are simply "rare", and most of them have strong energy to vent and never play.

Many parents are puzzled: in the face of "disobedient" naughty boys, they don't know what they need or how to help them. Steve Biddulph, a famous Australian educator, pointed out in his book Raising Boys that there is no fixed solution to help boys grow up healthily. We should understand that boys' growth goes through three stages, and the corresponding solutions are different at each stage.

Knowing the three stages of boys' growth, we can naturally understand the problems of boys in different periods and their real inner needs, so as to find a better way for their boys to grow up.

The boy's six years from birth to primary school can be said to be the cutest time in his life.

At this stage, parents need to take the child as the center and provide him with enough love and security. The mother will be the most important person to her son.

The gender difference between boys and girls began to appear very early. When he is a toddler, the boy will keep running around and explore the "new world" excitedly. Girls like to pile up building blocks into smooth castles, while boys like to pile up building blocks as high as possible, and they cheer when they fall.

Gender differences are not important, but parents need to be careful not to treat their children differently. For example, some parents prefer to hug and comfort their crying daughters, but they are very strict with their crying sons. This is all inappropriate.

If possible, it is best for boys to stay at home and be taken care of by their parents or other close relatives (grandparents) before they are 3 years old. Boys will be separated from their closest relatives prematurely and enter a completely strange and insecure place, which will lead to separation anxiety.

Especially for boys who leave their mothers prematurely (for example, their parents live with their fathers after divorce, and their mothers suddenly disappear), they are likely to close their gentle and lovely side in the process of growing up, and often show impatience in personality, and they can't express their concern and gentleness for their wives and children after marriage.

At this stage, the role of mother is the most important for boys.

If the mother begins to be strict with the boy at this stage and formulate various principles, but never attacks or insults the child, then the boy will definitely grow up in great strides.

If the mother is willing to often show the boy picture books and tell stories, and teach the boy knowledge in the process of communication, it will greatly promote the boy's brain development and make him better adapt to society.

I have a boy whose mother insists on reading picture books to her children before going to bed every night. After reading, children and their mothers will exchange their feelings. After three months of persistence, I can obviously feel the positive changes of that boy after class.

For boys at this stage, the most important thing is not to accept all kinds of early education, but to keep close relationship with those who take care of them and feel warm and kind. In particular, we should be able to feel enough sense of security and tolerance from the mother, so that the children can make carefree strides in the future.

Boys will suddenly become "manly" around the primary school stage, and even quiet boys will like to dance with knives and guns, fantasize about becoming superman, and are eager to fight "monsters". Different from the first stage, the father will be the most important person for his son at this stage.

At this stage, the father had better pay more attention to his son and satisfy his son's desire to imitate his father and become a man. If the father ignores this point at this stage, then you will find that the son will always cause you some trouble from time to time, thus attracting your attention.

Steve vidal's statement may be a bit harsh, but it is undoubtedly a kind of hope, hoping to attract the attention of fathers who are busy with their careers and help them realize their importance at this stage of their sons. Hug him as much as possible, touch him, play with him, go out for exercise, or read to him, tell stories, and tell childhood stories like my mother. You will find that your son seldom pays attention to the class. Let your son participate in housework and teach him life skills, but don't be too demanding. The main thing is to enhance his interest and always affirm him: you have done a great job!

Parents must respect and understand the boy's desire to be a man hidden behind his vigorous energy at this stage, sincerely recognize their ideas, listen to them patiently, pay attention to their feelings and help them realize this desire. I believe that boys will cause you much less trouble in primary school.

Boys are about 14 years old. From junior high school, they will be argumentative, anxious and moody. Not only will their appearance change dramatically, but they are also extremely eager to break the rules of the outside world and get "rebirth". Boys at this stage will alienate their parents, start to be disappointed with adults, and are eager to go to society and get social recognition.

Boys at this stage are full of passion, eager to rush to the outside world to seek excitement, and don't like to stay at home quietly with their families. They yearn for a wider world, but they don't know how to judge this society. At this time, people with insufficient social experience are likely to get into bad habits such as drug abuse, alcoholism and gambling.

At this stage, rebellious boys are prone to conflict with their parents, especially their fathers. Besides their parents, they need a social guidance. It can be a school teacher, a sports team coach or other elders, but this person must be recognized by boys, and have a correct outlook on life and care about boys.

This guide needs to teach boys important social survival skills, inspire them and teach them some basic social knowledge, such as how to read and how to deal with all kinds of people. At this stage, boys will also be very concerned about the opinions of tour guides and listen to the suggestions of leaders.

Steve vidal mentioned in his book that a boy aged 15 dropped out of school and fell in love with riding a motorcycle while working outside. He thinks it's really cool. Parents are worried and want to buy a car for the boy, but the boy doesn't listen at all. As a result, one day, the boy volunteered that he didn't want to ride a motorcycle. It turned out that his boss who was working said that riding a motorcycle on the road was a "fool's business." In this sentence, the boy immediately gave up the idea of riding a motorcycle.

At this stage, we need to consciously cultivate the basic qualities that a boy should have as an adult man-responsibility, comprehensive consideration, consideration for others and so on. Among them, the key is to let boys learn perseverance. Throughout the ages, successful people must never lack perseverance.

Steve Vidal suggested that parents should let their children join the service for others, which can help the elderly and the disabled, as well as help their younger brothers and sisters with their studies. Let boys get satisfaction in the process of helping others, at the same time gain respect and gratitude from others and build self-esteem.

Sometimes I have bad luck, but I can't find the right guide. What should I do? A strong social support network has the same effect. This requires parents to consciously run their own social circles, at least one or two good friends, good neighbors and good elders.

When boys have conflicts with their parents, most of them will regret when they calm down, but they don't want to make up with their parents so soon. At this time, they may go to their parents' friends or their elders and relatives to complain about their parents. At this time, elders usually persuade boys to act as a "bridge" between parents and boys and help them open their hearts.

These social support networks will undoubtedly point the lost boy in the right direction, lest he get "incorrect" help from the bad guys in society. However, this requires parents to consciously run their own social circles and provide such support for their children.

We need many such guides. Only in this way can we find the direction of life that really suits our children. However, finding a suitable guide requires great efforts from parents.

From birth to 6 years old, boys need enough care to form a sense of security by being loved. In this period, the role of mother is very important for boys. From the age of 6 to 13, boys begin to learn to be human. They are eager to learn from their father the qualities that adult men should have, which is of great significance to the growth of boys. 14 years old, boys will become restless and begin to change to the "man" in their minds. During this period, they urgently need a social guide to help them slowly move towards a wider world.

Boys and girls are born with different personalities. Parents who are troubled by the boy's "constant troubles" may wish to watch "Raising a Boy" when they have time to understand the three stages that the boy must go through, so as to better understand the real needs of these little devil incarnations.