Teaching children to learn emotional management is an important part of parents' early childhood education. To this end, we share the following articles. A * * collected 10 skills for parents to become baby emotional management coaches smoothly.

1

Help children identify emotions.

The first step in managing emotions is to be able to identify your own emotions. We can always point out children's emotions: excitement, disappointment, pride, loneliness, expectation, etc. Constantly enrich children's emotional vocabulary.

Now many parents can deliberately love their children. In fact, one function of love is to help children realize their specific feelings at that time. Need to be reminded that sometimes when children are angry, they will be disgusted with this emotional identity and will not listen at all. We can calm him down first, and then come back to talk to him about his feelings after the child calms down.

The more children can identify emotions, the more they can express them clearly and accurately, which is the beginning of dealing with emotions. If he can express himself, he can communicate and find a way. Sometimes, as long as you express it, your mood will be solved.

2

Taste good things with children.

When talking about positive emotions, we should pay more attention to the beautiful things in life and add positive elements to ourselves. What exactly should I do?

There are many ways to have good taste. For example, point out all kinds of savory details to children at any time. It's easy to overlook the little things in life. When we show them to children, we are prolonging these moments and expanding these details.

Every day after school, we often watch the color of the sunset. Sometimes it is pink, and she says it is strawberry; Sometimes it is golden yellow, so she says it is orange. It has just snowed these two days. When my daughter and I came back, the road was icy and slippery, and we had a difficult journey. She was optimistic that the bushes were covered with marshmallows. We felt the broken ice under our feet again. We imagine a kingdom of ice and snow, and imagine ourselves living in it. She found bubbles under the thin ice, so she stepped on it and the bubbles moved. I hugged her again and touched the ice hanging on the tree ... I hope she will ignore the hard road and keep these little things in mind.

Another way to taste beauty is to store memories and prolong beauty. In other words, take photos, video, keep a diary, file, often watch with children and review these wonderful moments.

In addition, to improve the quality of taste, it is necessary to cultivate the habit of children doing things wholeheartedly. Nowadays, with the fast pace of life, children can learn to combine several things with adults, which seems to improve efficiency, but in fact, they have developed the habit of distraction. Concentrate on eating, talking on the phone and walking, and we can all feel more from it.

Another important way to taste delicious food is sharing. We all know that children can't be forced to share. Encourage children to share actively and let him feel the fun. The reason why children sometimes don't want to share is because they still lack a sense of security about ownership, have limited logical thinking ability, and feel uncontrollable and unpredictable about the environment. These adults must understand.

In fact, very young children can also take the initiative to share. My daughter and kindergarten children often share food with each other. At home, she can walk around for adults before eating fruit, and she will also give them something that they are optimistic about, although sometimes she is very reserved-take it back after showing it to you for a second, or just watch it without touching it.

Sharing good things and doubling the beauty, I think this exists in human nature. Mencius taught Qi Xuanwang: "Are you happy alone or with others?" Qi Xuanwang admits that it is best to enjoy music with others, and the more people, the better.

three

Affirm positive character and character at any time.

There are 24 positive personalities and figures listed above, but in fact there are many more that are not listed, such as trust, equality, respect and so on. We usually pay less attention to the so-called shortcomings and mistakes of children, as well as various deficiencies in ability, and more attention should be paid to the performance of these excellent characters of children. Once found, we will confirm it in time. After such a long time, children will develop more in these directions.

Parents nowadays pay too much attention to their abilities. We can think of it this way. It's hard to say what kind of abilities children will have when they grow up, but good character and character are useful everywhere. Ability may be buried and abandoned, but character and character will never be.

four

Recognition and emphasis on growth consciousness

I invented this word: sense of growth. We adults will feel very happy when we find that we have grown up. For children, growth is all they have, so it is more important. Whenever the child makes progress, we will point it out in time, let him see it and tell him, do you remember what you were like last year or last month? Now you can do it!

Progress, improvement and growth can best reflect the value of children themselves. Seize the opportunity at any time, find concrete progress, and tell your children that you are better today than yesterday!

five

Cultivate hobbies and provide opportunities to do things.

The cultivation of hobbies cannot be overemphasized. Psychologists have found that people who like maturity are more interested in new things and have stronger learning ability. Because their study is driven by internal motivation, they have stronger willpower and passion.

I think, the function of hobby is not only to dispel doubts, cultivate sentiment, relax and so on, but also to be like a spiritual friend, to share with it when people are happy and to talk to it when they are sad. In addition, it may also provide people with a new identity and make you have a richer life experience. For example, you are a teacher, but when you walk out of the classroom, you may tell others that you are a baker.

But this is not the most important thing. Hobbies can provide us with an opportunity to devote ourselves to doing things, and this feeling of devotion is very valuable. Some psychologists call it "euphoria", which is said to be an important source of happiness. When you do what you like, you are so absorbed that you forget the time and your existence. Zhuangzi described this situation several times. According to him, at this time, you and Tao are interlinked, so there will be a strange display.

The secret of this euphoria lies in the delicate balance between your skills and challenges. In other words, what you do is as difficult as your level. Of course, this had better be something you like to do. But then again, many times, even neutral things, such as homework, will enjoy the process if their ability and difficulty are equal.

So let's go back and think about what we should choose to let our children do. We always want to give our children more enjoyment out of love. But if he is allowed to enjoy passively, such as watching TV and eating, he also has fun, but these pleasures are superficial and short-lived. He is more committed to something slightly challenging. If it is too difficult, he will lose interest again.

In fact, children can often experience this hearty feeling when playing games. When my daughter is playing, if I ask her to eat apples or something, she usually doesn't listen at all. Therefore, the investment and freedom of children's play are very valuable. We should encourage them more and disturb them less.

When children are older, they tend to be mixed with a lot of utilitarianism. When they are under pressure, it is difficult to devote themselves wholeheartedly. Nowadays, many interest classes have turned their interest into boredom. Our parents should think more about their role in it.

six

Give children "psychological toys"

Psychological toy, which is also a word I invented casually. When psychologists do intervention experiments to improve happiness, there are some seemingly ordinary and naive practices, such as recording the good things that happened that day and explaining why you feel good; Write down things that show your good side and review them every day. According to the survey, writing down three things that make you feel good every day is effective and lasts for a long time.

We can do it ourselves or guide the children to do it. We can use these beautiful things as psychological toys and take them out to play when we are a little depressed. We can also organize these beautiful things in our minds before going to bed or in other free time every day. You can try. In fact, this is training our ability to change our thinking.

We can find time to think about good things with our children. We can prepare a beautiful notebook for our child to record his good deeds. Or prepare a small white board and a display wall for him to record at any time. Or prepare a good thing box for your child, put all the things or photos that can cause good memories in it, and pour them out when you have time. ...

This psychological toy can not only be a good thing, but also let yourself see the overall situation, see the macro side and see the overall situation. For example, when you are angry about a little thing about your child, you can jump out and think: On the whole, he is a good child, I am a good mother, my work is not bad, and I am basically satisfied with all aspects of my life ... Then look at what just happened and you can look at it calmly.

Cultivate the habit of thinking of gratitude, empathy, tolerance and optimism.

Our parents' own attitudes have a great influence on their children. Sometimes I think my daughter will complain a little. Before she could say it, I began to feel the good side and express my satisfaction. Her thoughts were also brought over. In fact, I think more often, children are more optimistic and less negative than adults. Sometimes adults will use their own ideas to speculate that children have nothing to be dissatisfied with, and they will be negative immediately after hearing what adults say. Therefore, parents should be cautious in their words and deeds, don't rush to make evaluation conclusions, wait more and observe more.

Our own comments are more gratitude, empathy, tolerance and optimism, which is a good education.

I often review the day with my children before going to bed. In addition to summarizing her progress, I also think about what is good and what we should be satisfied and grateful for, and then dream and joke.

For older children who go to school, we can ask them to write a gratitude diary and a kindness diary occasionally (something that makes them happy and proud). Don't write every day, otherwise he will be disgusted and difficult to persist. You can write one or two articles a week. Or let him review this day before going to bed every day to make himself proud. I think it is far more important to do so than to criticize his shortcomings.

seven

No emotional kidnapping

I saw some experts tell parents and children, "Mom is angry when you do that" and "Mom doesn't like that". I think parents should try to talk less about this. We adults' normal emotional reactions can let our children know, so we don't have to hide them. We can be angry. However, it is not a good idea to always use parents' emotions to discipline children. Always say this, children will feel responsible for adults' emotions. He will forget the original meaning of obeying the rules, and it is easy to produce a lot of unnecessary self-blame and guilt.

The correct way is to let the child see what bad results his bad behavior will have, and let him be responsible for his own behavior, not for his parents' emotions.

Sometimes when my daughter is in a good mood after crying, I occasionally tell her, you know, when you cry, I am really annoyed. But the point is, your crying delayed your time. Come over for dinner early, you'll be happy when you're full, and you can play for a while, right? ...

Teach children to be responsible for their actions and emotions. And our parents are also responsible for their emotions. If we have negative emotions because of things that have nothing to do with the children, then tell the children that mom will be in a bad mood because of other things, so mom will stay alone for a while and play with you when she is in a good mood. In this way, the child can also learn that when he is in a bad mood, he will calm down for a while and practice dealing with it by himself. He will also know that there is nothing wrong with being in a bad mood.

eight

Accept children's negative emotions.

Most of what I said earlier is the construction of positive psychology. Let's talk about how to deal with the negative emotions that are the biggest headache for us.

For children's negative emotions, we should not deny, suppress, belittle, doubt, say "what's terrible about this", "you shouldn't be disappointed" and "you have no reason to be angry", but help children accept and identify with these emotions and then teach them how to deal with them.

The premise of teaching children to manage negative emotions is that we should be able to handle them calmly. We will find it really difficult to do this. Why is it so difficult? Because, when a child loses his temper or has other negative emotions, our instinctive reaction is-trouble again! Don't you dare fight me! How can my education be such a failure! How old do you have to be to be ...! I've given so much, how can you treat me like this ... so we all sweat and our blood gushes out. ...

We are in such a state, of course, we can't expect the children to calm down.

To change this reaction, we must first realize that negative emotions are beneficial to children and a good opportunity for children to know themselves, improve their emotional intelligence and learn to grow. It is neutral, not a bad thing. Think of it as a gust of wind, control it, and even use it to generate electricity and fly kites.

Secondly, try to separate children's behaviors and emotions from their own. Your own fatigue, your own grievances, your own grievances, and solve them yourself. Don't make unreasonable hooks.

When my daughter makes me angry, I enlighten myself like this: on the one hand, because she is a child, that's all; On the other hand, reflect on your own shortcomings in the discipline and what can be improved. She is the result of my education. Who should I complain to? Just improve yourself. I think if parents think less about the victims and think more about how to improve them, it will also help us control our emotions and be less angry.

Then tell yourself, of course, I can be imperfect, I can't, I just try to improve.

Only by accepting children's negative emotions ourselves can we not deny, suppress, belittle and doubt his emotions and teach children to accept his emotions.

nine

Give your child a chance to deal with negative emotions by himself.

The child lost his temper and we instinctively wanted to put out the fire. If we realize the significance of negative emotions, we know that we don't have to rush to let them disappear, but we should try our best to give children a chance to feel and identify with them, and exercise to calm down. Every time he calmed himself down, his emotional control ability was exercised. Of course, for children under two years old, parents should use transfer method to coax them first, and then make sense.

Therefore, the way I cry to my child now is: when I find that she is a little emotional and may have an attack, if she doesn't need my help, I often make excuses to avoid it. I found that she usually gets well as soon as I walk away. Come back when she really has a seizure. Sometimes I say nothing, just touch my head and wipe her tears. If I am angry myself, or if she refuses me to approach, then take a book and stay beside it. If it is something she is particularly unreasonable, I will just say a few words. This kind of generous speech is also useful, which can help her see clearly the consequences of her actions and the reactions caused. When she consciously felt that something was wrong, her reason began to recover and she overcame her emotions.

In this process, if parents can maintain a neutral attitude, it will help children to better calm their emotions. Many times, children are aggravated by their parents' bad emotions.

10

Teach him how to deal with negative emotions.

Venting methods: for example, hitting the sofa, hitting the pillow (of course, be careful with boys who love to hit people) and tearing paper (in fact, the reason behind these venting methods is to vent their emotions in a way that is least destructive and does not affect others); Talk: find someone to chat with, keep a diary and draw pictures at will; Sedation method: count and take a deep breath; Transfer method: see the scenery, listen to songs, exercise and do your own hobbies. There are also ways to stimulate positive emotions, such as thinking good things, tasting good things and so on.

Then, when you calm down, teach your child to analyze and think, think about what happened to the emotion just now, what caused it, what to do in the future to avoid that situation, and what to do next time there is a similar situation.

There is an interesting phenomenon, that is, we should analyze and think more about negative emotions and find ways to help resolve them. But for positive emotions, we should try to analyze less, feel more and feel the whole. Good things, sometimes too much analysis, but no good feeling.