Parents often think that they love their children enough, work hard for him, often work overtime, and accompany him to various interest classes on weekends, as if giving up everything for him. But the child's feedback is that he is not sure whether his parents love him as much as they say, so what we often see is that children are either very attached to their parents or alienated and rebellious. These are largely due to the poor parent-child relationship caused by the lack of high-quality companionship of parents.
Children's growing time is gone forever. No matter how busy we are, we should express our concern and love for our children in a limited time. How can we change passivity into initiative, from companionship to enjoyment, and create a high-quality happy childhood for our children in a limited time?
In fact, the child just hopes that the time his parents spend with him can really belong to him. When communicating with him, be more relaxed and humorous, and listen and encourage more. Please ask parents to put aside their own affairs for a while and feel the child's heart with heart; Pay attention to and attach importance to his needs, and achieve a sound mind. Accompany him, now, you can enjoy a good book, a good movie, a good meal and a game. ...
Giving children high-quality companionship is actually isolating a spiritual habitat from the complicated world and giving us a chance to save energy and get back on the road.
Create a high-quality family learning environment
Yu zhenyou
Vice President of the School of Child Development and Education of China Women's University, Ph.D. in Education of Nanjing Normal University, and postdoctoral fellow of Beijing Normal University. Expert in preschool education of UNICEF, part-time researcher at ESEC Children's Language Research Center of East China Normal University, deputy director of Language Education Research Center of Curriculum and Teaching Professional Committee of China Preschool Education Research Association, and guiding expert of "Children's Innovative Reading Expert Forum" of China Care for the Next Generation Working Committee.
Many foreign research results show that creating a good learning environment for children at home is of special significance to promote their effective learning.
What is a high-quality home learning environment? That is, two or more family members work together to solve problems rationally, clarify concepts, evaluate activities, and unfold stories. Both sides should contribute to the process of thinking and show the deepening and expansion of thinking, that is, "keep thinking together." This learning environment is mainly reflected in different types of parent-child activities and parent-child interaction in activities.
High-quality parent-child activities mainly include telling stories to children frequently, taking children to the library, playing games or drawing with children, teaching children to learn songs or nursery rhymes, and discussing with children the things or phenomena they are interested in in the surrounding environment. High-quality parent-child interaction mainly shows that children have the opportunity to initiate interactive topics, and parents and children often have in-depth discussions around a topic. Such a family learning environment can easily stimulate children's interest in the surrounding life phenomena and natural phenomena, and provide them with learning opportunities for active learning and positive thinking, thus effectively promoting their development.
However, many parents often go astray. For example, only care about whether children remember the stories, nursery rhymes, songs and mathematical formulas they have just learned, but ignore the significance of guiding children to understand and experience these contents in real life and ignore their interests; Only care about the effect of children's learning skills such as dance, painting, piano, English and calligraphy, but ignore the feelings and self-confidence cultivation of children in these talent learning activities.
In order to improve the quality of parent-child interaction, parents can try to start from the following aspects.
(1) Take time out to play games, read picture books or tell stories with children every day, and discuss how to play games, picture books or characters or plots in stories. This will not only help to establish a good parent-child relationship, but also help children develop the habit of loving learning.
(2) Give positive feedback to children's questions and try to answer them positively. Even if they can't answer for a while, parents should clearly tell them to find answers with them through different channels and cultivate their children's habit of positive thinking.
(3) Encourage children to tell or sing their own stories or songs to friends, and randomly adapt and perform their familiar stories or songs with children; Encourage children to think of various ways to play with the same toy with their brains and hands, so as to cultivate their imagination, creativity, problem-solving ability and self-confidence.
(4) When discussing with children, parents not only need to guide their children to think about the phenomena they are interested in, but also need to listen carefully to his views on things, encourage him to express his thoughts and discuss along his lines. In the process of discussion, parents should not only pay attention to their children's mastery of factual issues, but more importantly, ask questions such as "how to do it", "why to do it" and "how do you want to do it", so as to arouse their children to think deeply in combination with their own experience and cultivate their high-level thinking ability.
In short, only by encouraging children to think rather than memorize knowledge, participating in activities that children are interested in, forcing children to learn knowledge that they are not interested in, listening to children's ideas, and passively accepting adults' ideas, can we create a high-quality family learning environment at home.
Let the game build a bridge
Jing Chenghong
Ph.D. in developmental and educational psychology, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, a psychology teacher in Chaoyang Branch of Beijing Institute of Education, and a part-time teacher in the postgraduate class of marriage and family, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences.
Games are children's work and the most important part of children's secret language. Through games, we can build a bridge between parents and children. Therefore, it is very important for parents to play games together while accompanying their children.
It has been said that there are three states for parents and children to play together: one is to watch children play, mainly to ensure that children do not have safety problems. The second is to play with children, because children lack collaborators, give him a hand. The main purpose is to make children play games, such as being a patient when playing the game of being a doctor. The third is to play with children, ignoring their age and identity in the process of playing, and enjoying the fun brought by the game.
Each of the three game states has its own necessity, which is similar to the professional way for adults to participate in children's games. Adults need to adjust according to the state of accompanying their children, choose appropriate games, and strive to turn the family into a game place.
For example, for newly bought building blocks, parents can lead their children to play games in the following five ways.
The first is the spectator game. Children watch their parents' games in most cases and occasionally put forward their own questions and suggestions. Parents can listen to their children's suggestions appropriately. At this time, the children have actually participated in the game, which paved the way for the follow-up game. Parents can negotiate with their children and operate the newly bought building blocks first, so that children can learn from them and accumulate their own ideas. Of course, if children need to play first, parents can also watch first. Parents watching games can help children learn to delay satisfaction.
The second is to play alone. Children and parents play different games independently within the scope of conversation. Both sides focus on their own games and ignore each other. At this time, parents can consciously pay attention to their children's progress, but don't evaluate their children's games, such as children playing with building blocks and parents playing with puzzles.
The third is parallel games. Children and parents play with similar or identical toys independently and do not communicate with each other. The departure of parents will not affect the children's continued play. At this time, parents can consciously leave and see if their children continue to play.
The fourth is the cooperative game. Children play with their parents and play similar games. For example, to build a house with building blocks, parents can take the initiative to borrow some building blocks from their children to build different houses, and provide the support of corresponding materials at the request of their children. If one parent has something to leave, the other parent can continue to attend.
The fifth is the cooperative game. For example, children and parents plan to build a boat with building blocks, and then discuss the shape, structure and materials of the boat through division of labor and cooperation. During the game, parents and children should ensure the time and energy to participate, and no one can quit early.
If you are experiencing the dilemma of parenting and you believe in the role of games, please pay attention to these steps: understand the meaning of games, understand the foundation of your current family games, find out the problems you want to solve through games, and finally determine the types of games and use them creatively. For example, parents can play "robot games" with a child who lacks the spirit of cooperation. Children and parents are hand in hand, children are the "brain" of the robot in the middle, and parents are the "hands" on both sides, so as to accomplish one thing together.
I hope you can feel the power of the game, and I hope the game can help you establish an equal and respectful parent-child relationship with your children.
Enjoy parent-child reading
Zheng Li
Ph.D., Associate Professor, School of Education Science, Nanjing Normal University, presided over 9 scientific research projects including National Social Science Fund Project and Jiangsu Philosophy and Social Science Project, and participated in many national social science fund projects and UNESCO projects. He has published monographs such as Research on Rhetoric Characteristic Language of Preschool Children and Children's Literature, edited textbooks such as Interactive Reading Guidance for Preschool Children, and published more than 40 papers in periodicals such as Research on Preschool Education.
Nowadays, parents are very busy and spend less time with their children at home, but no matter how tight the time is, the time to accompany their children to study must be free, because the charm of parent-child reading is very great, which can enhance the emotional communication between parents and children and keep abreast of their psychological activities, thus providing useful guidance.
What are the characteristics of parent-child reading in the family? How should we proceed?
Compared with reading activities of other ages, the most fundamental difference between children's reading lies in their lack of ability to interpret written language and their dependence in reading written texts. Parents must participate in the reading process, build a bridge between children and reading materials, and help children enter the colorful reading world. This determines that reading in the family is a process of one-on-one interpersonal interaction and emotional exchange with the text as the medium. It is also an emotional enjoyment for children to listen to their parents reading stories. The emotions in the book are in harmony with those in reality. We believe that reading at home is essentially a kind of parent-child interaction, and the level of interaction and emotional communication determines the quality of reading activities, so parents should pay special attention to creating a warm emotional atmosphere. When choosing books, we might as well start with picture books with the theme of maternal love and fatherly love, such as The Runaway Rabbit, Little Bear, Best Dad, and the popular Guess how much I love you, so that children can fully enjoy their parents' love and the pleasure of reading.
Scholars have found that children's reading and other activities are chaotic and indiscriminate, and are closely related to the whole life. For young children, reading is a part of life, and there is no obvious dividing line with other activities; Different from adults, children's reading is mostly for entertainment and games for specific purposes. Parents should choose excellent books full of playfulness and childlike interest, reproduce stories in the form of games, let children experience, discover and expand their reading interest through games, and cultivate their reading awareness and skills.
There are many ways to play games, such as role-playing games. For example, when reading Guess how much I love you and The Runaway Rabbit, parents and children can imitate the conversation between Big Rabbit and Little Rabbit. Some are hands-on games, such as reading "Collecting East and Collecting West" with children. Simple and abstract ways can hardly arouse children's interest. Parents can play a collection and classification game with their children to classify the items used by children as children and other interesting items at home, so that children can feel the joy of growing up and improve their classification ability; Some are art games. For example, when reading "I Love My Skirt", the skirt in the text changes color with the development of the plot. Parents can play paper-cutting, painting and other forms of fashion design games with their children.
So morning reading in the family is a parent-child game. Reading in the form of games can make children enjoy the love of parents and children, enjoy the joy of games, and thus have a good impression on reading and fall in love with reading deeply.
Of course, parent-child reading will sacrifice some parents' time, but it is also a meaningful enjoyment. In this process, you will find the growth of your child bit by bit. Enjoy the process with your children.
Accompany, avoid being in Cao Cao and being in Han.
Yi Lin
Famous early education expert, parent-child bestseller author. At present, he is a invited expert in CCTV's "Baby Family" and "Baby Book" programs, and writes articles for many parenting magazines. He has published bestsellers such as Don't Think You Will Love Children, Don't Worry about Going to Kindergarten, Lin Yi says early education, Lin Yi teaches you to play games, and a test card for the growth and development of babies aged 0-3.
When I was consulted by my parents, I found a common phenomenon: in the eyes of most parents, companionship is just being together. This kind of "together" is essentially a state in Cao Ying, in the Han Dynasty.
For example, many parents are absent-minded when they are with their children, or make phone calls, surf the internet and chat with others when they are with their children ... but they rarely interact with their children; Either the interaction is very impatient, or there is almost no interaction, and there are obvious perfunctory traces. When we accompany our children in this state, the children feel only perfunctory and coping, not love and attention. Because of the lack of love and attention, children's psychological needs can not be met, and they will constantly test their parents in various ways, trying to get attention and verify whether their love for them is true and can stand the test, thus causing a series of problems. Therefore, this kind of companionship is ineffective and of low quality, which can not bring satisfaction and pleasure to children.
Fortunately, some parents have realized the importance of companionship, spend more time with their children, and often play with their children patiently, but they often suppress their emotions and accept them insincerely. The quality of such companionship is not high. Parents will soon find that although they spend a lot of time with their children, they often have little effect. Instead, children "get worse" and become more clingy, trying to get more attention. The reason is that the problem is still not the child. The quality of companionship depends on the emotional state of the companion. Wrong acceptance can also lead to children's behavior of trying and taking.
So, what kind of companionship is high quality? High-quality companionship refers to a pleasant interaction with a child within a certain period of time-you only have eyes for him, and he only has eyes for you, and both of them enjoy the process of "being physically and mentally together". Seeing this, some parents may sigh: this requirement is too high! We are all very busy, and our time and energy are limited. How can you accompany your child like this?
In fact, it is not difficult to do so as long as you pay attention to the following two points.
First of all, be sincere with your children, especially not physically, but thinking about work or other things. In fact, whether a child is satisfied or not depends not entirely on how much time his parents spend with him, but more on whether he gets satisfaction and enjoyment from it. Instead of spending a lot of time perfunctory children, they don't enjoy each other much. It is better to shorten the time and improve the quality of companionship.
Secondly, make the interaction more creative in a way that children can accept, which can not only meet the needs of children, but also avoid parents being too reluctant. For example, when parents need to do housework and can't accompany their children, why not expand it into a game indirectly connected with their children-the mother is the waiter and the child is the customer, who is responsible for putting forward various requirements and guiding the waiters to complete the housework one by one. In this way, although we do our own things with our children, we are also integrated and naturally have our own positions.